// turning further everyday //
// when i woke up today //
i sat. and i thought.
i put on the uniform:
=red= tee.
cardigan.
skirt.
knee socks.
leg warmers
pigtails.
converse.
... and sat and thought some more...
about being young, again.
fresh faced. simple. optimistic. meek.
i'm 14.
i walk through the halls of a high school
faithfully carrying my pink hello kitty cd player....
which only opens to switch between the blue album and pinkerton.
i push up my first pair of plastic rimmed glasses.
i look down, mostly.. but smile time to time when rivers sings one of my favourite lines..
and my heart soars when somehow a lyric matches with a certain someone that passes by me.
// nobody knows me like her
nobody knows her like me //
i have one best friend.
we exchange extensive notes during passing time atleast twice a day.
i read and write them during spanish.
i invite her to open mic nights at church.
we have different lunch hours.
so i eat alone.
[and dream]
// things were better then
once but never again
we've all left the den
let me tell you bout it //
today is sadder, happier, and more emotional than i ever thought it would be.
i do not want a boyfriend.
i do not want a valentine.
[ha.. this year mine is quite handsome.. and gay]
all i want is to skip school and drive around listening to les =weez with jenny.
and have band practice with =kweezer=
weezer day isn't supposed to hurt.
and it's not supposed to make you feel guilty.
i don't know how this happened.
i don't know when this happened.
when i stopped listening to geek rock and started becoming a pretentious bitch.
when i stopped wearing pink..
and i started wearing black.
whatever happened to my short sleeve blue dress shirt.. and pink argyle sweater vest?
why don't i wear pearls, anymore?
// only in dreams //
i just.. don't dream anymore.
i do and am what i want.
or atleast.. am working towards doing and being what i want.
// turning further everyday //
from what?
from what i was.. from the band..
the movement that pulled me out of the mainstream into the cult.
turning from all that i was and all that i wanted then:
kumc.
geek rock.
power pop.
polo shirts.
simple harmonies.
from dreaming all the time of slow dances and holidays.
i'm done.
// do you believe what i sing now? //
i used to think to myself that i was the girl.
18 year old girl. tongue twisted. eyes slit. mary tyler moore. jamie. evaline. susanne.
in the air. in your bones.
the girl that would laugh for no one else.
but somehow.. i find myself..
looking around and around...
and i guess weezer should start looking for a new girl.
not because i don't like their music anymore.
not because they're not coming back.
[they're not]
it's just.
i feel like life would just be easier if i never did this, again.
if i let myself forget forever.
if weezer day were just some type if sweet memory..
because honestly.. it hurts too much to try and celebrate it like i used to.
// all along the undertow is strengthening its hold
i never thought it'd come to this now i can never go home //