Entry #10
Title: Wings Further Stilled
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Yesung
Rating: PG
Genre/Word Count: romance, fantasy, fluff, somewhat angst / 3939 words
Color/Words: yellow {sun-kissed, dandelions, innocence}
Summary: Jongwoon has a duty, and it is to protect the flowers. He is to protect the flowers, and not to fall in love, much less fall in love with a human.
Jongwoon knows that he's not supposed to fall in love, because it's not something his kind does. It's the first rule they learn. Never fall in love, was the lesson in school, and it dictates their life because love is all the silly humans think they can rely on, but the feys are smarter, and they know that they don't need love, but hard work and power.
He does his job every day, like every fey is supposed to do. Go out and take care of the flowers, because he, along with every other one, is a guardian of nature, ruling over all things living. But they don't bother with animals and humans; animals have no free will, and humans are foolish, as Jongwoon has always been taught. He has seen humans before, but it is his duty not to interact with them, because they are nowhere near fantastical intelligence, and besides, all other creatures look down on them.
But one day he is talking to the flowers (I feel so broken, can you help me? Don't worry, you only lost a petal) when he sees a human in the garden. Jongwoon is stunned at first, because humans aren't supposed to be here, this is land for the feys, and what is he doing here anyways? But as he watches the male figure, he forgets all else, and drops the flower in his hand.
The human is coming closer to him, and Jongwoon wonders if he can see him, before realising he's only being silly and that no, humans can't see him unless he wants them to. But a part of him wants this person to see him, and he is not quite sure what it is, or why, but suddenly against his will, he turns visible in the garden, though his wings stay hidden with the rest of his identity. And the human looks startled at first, at Jongwoon's sudden presence, but there is a smile on his face that is a little more mysterious, a little less bewildered.
It's the last thing he wants, to have this sort of interaction with such a thing, but when the person greets him with a smile and no words. So Jongwoon concludes that this is no ordinary human, though he doesn't know any ordinary humans, and decides to place his trust in him with a, "Hello, what are you doing here?"
"I'm playing with the flowers," the person replies, and he takes Jongwoon's trust and keeps it, and he doesn't know, but he takes all of Jongwoon's secrets as well. "I like the flowers. My name is Kyuhyun, what's yours?"
Jongwoon considers telling him his actual name, but then decides he doesn't want the other feys knowing he's with a human, because names have that power, and Jongwoon can't tell Kyuhyun who he really is, because that is trusting him with his identity, and Jongwoon knows that makes him weak. So instead he smiles a fake smile and goes by an alias, and responds with, "Yesung," and he's Yesung now.
"Yesung." Kyuhyun says his name with a grin on his face. "It's pretty. I like it."
You're pretty, Jongwoon thinks, but he does not say it. Instead, he picks up a flower, because he knows flowers like being picked as all feys do, and hands it to Kyuhyun. "Do you know what flower this is?"
"It's a wishing-flower," Kyuhyun states, taking it from him by its stem. "If you blow on it and make a wish, your wish will come true, and all the seeds plant around the world for more people to make wishes and to be happy."
"Do you have a wish?" Jongwoon asks him, tilting his head so he can see the sunlight on Kyuhyun's face a little bit clearer.
"Yes, I do," Kyuhyun says with a beam as he turns to the flower, his lips ever so close to the florets. "I wish I had someone to love."
A small part of Jongwoon's heart falls, because he's suddenly reminded he's not to fall in love, and as Kyuhyun wishes and blows the seeds over the garden, Jongwoon wishes he can wish like Kyuhyun.
None of the other feys know what Jongwoon has done, but that is because the human has not uttered his name so it is impossible for them. Jongwoon takes all the time he can to find more out about this human, because he feels enraptured by him. He makes himself invisible and goes with Kyuhyun to places; he learns that his full name is Cho Kyuhyun, that he has a passion for music, that Kyuhyun nowhere around Jongwoon's age-- but then again, Jongwoon has been alive for centuries. He learns that Kyuhyun is any other human, that nothing sets him apart from the others, but even though Jongwoon knows this, he often forgets that Kyuhyun is mortal at all.
Jongwoon is afraid to make himself visible to Kyuhyun again, but when he goes to the garden once more (as Jongwoon learned that he goes there every seven days), Kyuhyun is playing with the petals of one of the flowers and Jongwoon can hear the flower crying out, and he suddenly appears behind Kyuhyun and says to him, "She doesn't like that."
Kyuhyun jumps, surprised at his sudden presence, and gives Jongwoon a look of hidden bitten nails and twirling of fingers. "What are you talking about?"
"The flower." Jongwoon moves closer to him, closer to the lithop. "She doesn't like being touched like that. Most flowers prefer contact with the stem or leaves."
"How... How do you know that?" Kyuhyun moves his hand to the bottom of the flower's head, near her stem, and she coos, making Jongwoon chuckle, and he sees that Kyuhyun's mouth has curved prettily.
"I... I just know." Jongwoon looks at the lithop a little longer, before turning his gaze back to Kyuhyun. "Have you... Have you found someone to love yet?"
"Oh. No." The smile on Kyuhyun's face remains, and reflects something of lost hopes and second chances. "I'm not easy to fall in love with. And I'm not easy to fall in love."
"Then why do you want someone to love?" Jongwoon asks, tilting his head in pure curiosity.
Something flashes in Kyuhyun's eyes that causes the air between them to drop significantly, and Jongwoon wonders if he's said something wrong. But Kyuhyun just runs his fingers down the flower's stem, and the flower leans into him for comfort, and Kyuhyun stares down at it.
"Because I know no one ever will love me."
He has to remind himself countless times that he's not supposed to fall in love, for some reason, when he's with Kyuhyun. He's not quite sure, because he hasn't fallen in love yet, and he can't, because it's supposed to be impossible. It is not how the life of a fey works; feys are supposed to be borne from sunrays and spend their entire immortal lives on earth, working with nature, working for nature, working in nature. They are supposed to look down on most other creatures of the world, because not only are they ever-changing and can take on different shapes, but because they do not cave into such foolishness such as love.
Although most of the night he does his work tirelessly with moments on end, during the day he spends with Kyuhyun, even if Kyuhyun knows or not. Sometimes Jongwoon makes himself visible, and they partake in conversation; Kyuhyun does nothing but refer to him as Yesung, and although Jongwoon is not used to the nickname, he learns to love the way it comes out of Kyuhyun's name. He wonders how his name would sound, and he imagines it to be a thing not of humans nor feys.
They are in the garden again, as they are always, and Jongwoon is teaching Kyuhyun more things about flowers, and Kyuhyun teaches Jongwoon more about himself through the little actions he says and the few words he says. Jongwoon looks over at man as he is stroking the shell of one tulip, and he says to Kyuhyun, "Why do you think no one will ever love you?"
"I don't think; I know," Kyuhyun replies, as if he has been waiting for him to ask this question. "No one ever has. They never will."
"What if someone loves you and you just don't know it?" Jongwoon suddenly queries. He stares into Kyuhyun's dark, dark eyes, and he can tell that he's trying to read him, but Jongwoon disguises his feelings and takes his secrets back.
"Then my wish has been granted," Kyuhyun says in a murmur that's hard for Jongwoon to hear.
He averts his gaze back down to the flower, and his finger is on the petal again. Jongwoon hesitates, and then takes Kyuhyun's hand, and puts it in his own. Kyuhyun seems astonished, but he does not pull away, so Jongwoon tightens his grip. It's a kind of hold where he wants Kyuhyun to fall into him, and to trust him, even though there is nothing Kyuhyun can trust him with, he knows, because Kyuhyun does not know the first thing about him.
"Where have you come from?" he asks Jongwoon suddenly, turning his head to him.
A lurch presses in Jongwoon's stomach, and he's urged to tell Kyuhyun the truth, but he cannot. But decides not to lie to him either, and instead just replies with a mysterious smile and, "From the sun."
"From the sun?" Kyuhyun looks like he doesn't believe him, but he says nothing about it, and instead turns his attention back to the field. "What did you do, fly down here?"
"Something like that," Jongwoon chuckles, impressed by how close Kyuhyun is.
"Do you have wings?" Kyuhyun teases while he plays his fingers in Jongwoon's hands, and Jongwoon swears they feel faintly of florets on his palm. "I wouldn't be surprised."
"Of course," Jongwoon replies with a voice full of amusement. "But I won't show you them."
And he doesn't show Kyuhyun his wings. But he allows them to flutter behind him, creating a wind, and letting Kyuhyun's mortal body come closer to Jongwoon's.
"What is one thing you don't believe in?" Jongwoon asks on one of those days where it is raining, and he cannot help but admire the rain. His invisible wings feel heavy on his back, but he admires the way they fall down in individual little droplets, and then come together as one in the end. He admires the way they fall on Kyuhyun's face, making the other man even more beautiful than he already is, if possible.
Kyuhyun smiles at the question, though he does not look up from plucking the thorns from one flower, as to make it stronger. "Creatures. Mythical creatures."
Jongwoon blinks, stunned by this answer, and stares up at him. "What do you mean by that?"
"Faeries, pixies, feys," Kyuhyun replies, still not meeting his gaze. "I don't believe they exist. I don't think they really are the guardians of nature."
"But why?" Jongwoon says.
He chuckles and looks up at Jongwoon, with eyes that may or may not reflect a grudge. "Because if they are, they wouldn't let flowers die. They wouldn't let everything natural in this world die. They'd protect them, instead of standing by and doing nothing."
"Maybe they don't do nothing." Jongwoon plays with a flower in his hand. "Maybe they do all they can. Maybe it's the rest of the world that makes them die."
Kyuhyun says nothing to this, but instead looks at Jongwoon with a questioning look in his eyes. They ask if Jongwoon knows something that he doesn't, if Jongwoon has a reason for asking this question. And Jongwoon doesn't answer, but he hopes he's broken down Kyuhyun's wall of faithlessness.
"Have you ever had someone to love before?" Kyuhyun asks as he and Jongwoon are walking around cobblestone grounds near the homes of humans. Jongwoon feels odd, because he is not in the garden, not close to the flowers, but he still feels a sense of belonging, because he's with Kyuhyun.
"I'm not allowed to love," Jongwoon answers, staring down at his feet. "I'm not supposed to."
"Are you completely incapable of loving? Or is it a duty?" Kyuhyun questions, looking at him peculiarly.
Jongwoon shrugs, not quite sure how to answer this question. "I don't know. I've never felt it before. I don't know what love is supposed to feel like, what it's supposed to be like. I just know that I'm not to love."
"But," Kyuhyun starts, "what's the use of life without loving? If you have so many people around you, so many things around you, you must love them, something in order to live. It's impossible not to love."
Jongwoon wants to tell Kyuhyun he's wrong, but he knows it'd be hypocritical, and he doesn't even know anyways. So he just turns to Kyuhyun, burden weighing in his eyes.
"Well what about you then? If you think no one will love you, then why do you want to love someone? Have you loved anyone before?"
"I've tried," Kyuhyun replies quietly, and his movement away from Jongwoon speaks of unfulfilled times. "But it's never love. I don't know what love is either. But I know it's there, and I know I'm supposed to, and I want to."
"What do you suppose love feels like?" Jongwoon ponders as they turn corners on the earth beneath them.
Kyuhyun shrugs and smiles, and the smile reflects the innocence in his eyes. "Like there's nothing dark in the world. Like all the beautiful things in the universe together. Like flying, only forever, and you won't ever fall, because the other person is your wings. I think love is like that."
"Do you think... Do you think I'll be able to love?" He is mesmerized by Kyuhyun's description, and suddenly he wants nothing more than to love. And he doesn't know who to love, but something releases inside of him, and he feels free.
Kyuhyun beams at Jongwoon. "I think, if you allow yourself to."
So Jongwoon allows himself to love.
They pick more flowers, together, and although Jongwoon gives Kyuhyun the kindest and rarest flowers, Kyuhyun gives him the flowers that are only pretty on the outside, but are harsher and ugly on the inside. This reminds Jongwoon that Kyuhyun is still only a human, and he is not supposed to be with him.
"Do you think it's possible," Jongwoon says to Kyuhyun as he picks the seed of a flower and rests it into the dirt, and then kisses it so it can sprout, "to fall in love with something... against nature?"
"What, like an animal?" Kyuhyun chuckles, twirling a flower in his hands.
"No," Jongwoon replies, turning back around to him. He knows that animals are different from humans, and feys are human to animals, but humans and feys are not the same. "Just something against nature."
"I think, if it's still love, and not something silly and unreasonable," Kyuhyun responds, looking down at his flower. "Why, have you fallen in love?"
"I... I don't know," Jongwoon replies honestly, and feels so confused by the way Kyuhyun is staring at him. He does not know what it means, but it speaks of an emotion that Jongwoon should know, but he's never seen it before, and he turns away. And Kyuhyun turns away as well, and Jongwoon feels like he has failed his duty as a fey, as who he is in nature, but he cannot care because Kyuhyun is all that matters.
Never fall in love. It's the one rule that all feys must obey, and even if they break other rules, they cannot break this one. They cannot fall in love with other feys, other creatures, and especially not humans.
Jongwoon knows that he's fallen in love with Kyuhyun.
It is dark when Jongwoon talks to Kyuhyun again, and he wakes him up in the middle of the night. Kyuhyun seems confused that Jongwoon is talking to him, but he does not ask why when Jongwoon asks him to walk with him, and he dresses himself quickly and walks out of the house with him, not questioning his presence.
This time feels different, because they are always with each other when it is light out, but in the dark, Kyuhyun has to follow Jongwoon. He wonders how he can seem so confident when he can hardly see anything, but Kyuhyun has no other choice and he holds onto Jongwoon, and trusts him to stay with him, to lead him in nothing.
They say nothing until they reach the garden, the garden they spend countless moments in together, the garden in which they met. Jongwoon picks a flower from the ground and hands it to Kyuhyun, but it is not like the flower Kyuhyun had wished upon, though he knows it is the same. It is bright and looks like wishes granted, and Kyuhyun stares at it while Jongwoon observes him quietly. Kyuhyun holds onto it like his wish really has come true, and Jongwoon wants nothing more but to make it so.
Then he leans in and meets his lips with Kyuhyun's. He's not quite sure what he's doing, he's only taking a risk, and he hasn't seen it done before, but he feels like it is what he is supposed to do, and what he wants to do. Kyuhyun's lips are chaste and are quiet in response, but Jongwoon can feel the small pressure coming back from him. This meeting as one speaks of their separate stories away from each other, together, and Jongwoon can't feel anything else more in this world other than feeling with Kyuhyun. He does not care that they are here in the dark, where things are lost, because he knows that he will be with Kyuhyun in the light.
When they pull away, breaths disappearing into the night air, Jongwoon looks at Kyuhyun with clouded eyes. He bows his head, and reveals a little more of himself, and when he glances back up, he sees that Kyuhyun's eyes are wide.
"Are those... wings?" he whispers even though there is nothing else there to hear him.
Jongwoon nods. "Yes."
"You really can fly..." Kyuhyun mutters, looking at them as they sway along Jongwoon's back.
Jongwoon bows his head once again. "I want to love you, but haven't told you everything I needed to tell you."
"What... what else do you need to tell me?" Kyuhyun's gaze switches back to Jongwoon's eyes, and he looks betrayed, but there's a hope in his eyes, and Jongwoon prays that it isn't false.
"I... I'm not like you." He tries to smile, but only manages a thin line slipping onto his face. "I... I'm a guardian of these flowers." He gestures to around them, to the field of petals around them.
Kyuhyun continues staring at Jongwoon, and half of him looks like he doesn't want to believe Jongwoon because he can't be telling the truth, but a part of him is telling him that he is. "You... You're a faerie?" he asks.
Jongwoon chuckles and shakes his head. "A fey. Close. And that's why I was here when you met me. That's why I know so much about them. And that's why I have these wings." He flaps them gently, but Kyuhyun is looking deep into Jongwoon's eyes.
"Is that all you need to tell me, Yesung-hyung?" he says, and Jongwoon flinches slightly.
"My name isn't Yesung, too," he replies as an answer. "It's Jongwoon."
Kyuhyun opens his mouth and tries his name. "Jongwoon," he's saying, but Jongwoon feels like he's singing. He feels like he's never heard something so beautiful, and it's only more than what he thought. He cherishes it for a moment, but then suddenly he can hear something shatter in the distance, and it sounds like the binds of work, of Jongwoon's life. Jongwoon doesn't know if he should be frightened or not, but Kyuhyun doesn't seem to have heard it, so Jongwoon pretends he hasn't either, even though he knows only he can hear it.
"You've learned to love me, Jongwoon-hyung?" Kyuhyun asks him, and he seems more than accustomed to his name already, and Jongwoon wonders if the stars in his eyes are real.
"I've only fallen in love with you. Nothing else, no one else," Jongwoon replies simply. "It's not something I've learned. It's something I've done. And I only have you to love."
So Kyuhyun smiles and kisses the flower in his hands, like it has heard his wish, like it is Jongwoon, and looks up to the other man. "I have you to love as well."
When Jongwoon returns to the fey realm, he finds that all the others are staring at him, with looks of treachery on their faces, and he realizes that all the other feys have found out about his interaction with the human world. They spit down at him and look down on him, and Jongwoon tries to press them away, but he knows he's been denied as who he is, because he chose to love, he chose to love a human.
That night, he is banned as a fey, and no longer has the responsibility of protecting the flowers in the world. His wings get torn up when he falls back to earth, and he doesn't know who he is. And he knows it is not just because Kyuhyun has said his name, but that he knows, and humans are fools, they aren't supposed to know anything. He tells himself that he is not an ordinary human, and Kyuhyun is not, because he loves him.
Jongwoon goes to find Kyuhyun, and he makes himself invisible, as that is how he feels now. He's known to do nothing but guard all of nature all of his years of living, but he has that no longer. He falls into the garden, and looks around at all the flowers around him, and feels like he's abandoned all of them. They come to him like they rely on him, but they can rely on him no longer. He has small conversations with the blossoms, but he has no more business with them.
He walks around until he is at Kyuhyun's house once again, as he had been during the night. It is day now, and the sun is glowing on the world, but ignoring Jongwoon. But Jongwoon does not care anymore, because all he cares about now, all he wants is Kyuhyun.
He takes Kyuhyun to the garden once more and shows him his shattered wings, and explains that he has no purpose in the world anymore. "There's no use in me existing," Jongwoon falls, "because I've completely left who I am. This is why I'm not supposed to love, because if I do, I lose everything else."
"Have you really lost everything?" Kyuhyun asks, lying beside him in the flower bed. "Do you really not want to love? Do you not want to love me?"
"I." Jongwoon's gaze falls to the flowers beneath his body, his broken body that has no use anymore. "I don't know. I don't know who I am anymore."
Kyuhyun leans and puts his mouth on Jongwoon's, and Jongwoon can taste every part of him, he can feel every part of him. And then he pulls back, and gives Jongwoon a smile brighter than the rays of the sun, and speaks of filled wishes and faithful flowers.
"You are mine," he breathes. "You haven't lost me. You have my love."
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/Yesung
Rating: PG
Genre/Word Count: romance, fantasy, fluff, somewhat angst / 3939 words
Color/Words: yellow {sun-kissed, dandelions, innocence}
Summary: Jongwoon has a duty, and it is to protect the flowers. He is to protect the flowers, and not to fall in love, much less fall in love with a human.
Jongwoon knows that he's not supposed to fall in love, because it's not something his kind does. It's the first rule they learn. Never fall in love, was the lesson in school, and it dictates their life because love is all the silly humans think they can rely on, but the feys are smarter, and they know that they don't need love, but hard work and power.
He does his job every day, like every fey is supposed to do. Go out and take care of the flowers, because he, along with every other one, is a guardian of nature, ruling over all things living. But they don't bother with animals and humans; animals have no free will, and humans are foolish, as Jongwoon has always been taught. He has seen humans before, but it is his duty not to interact with them, because they are nowhere near fantastical intelligence, and besides, all other creatures look down on them.
But one day he is talking to the flowers (I feel so broken, can you help me? Don't worry, you only lost a petal) when he sees a human in the garden. Jongwoon is stunned at first, because humans aren't supposed to be here, this is land for the feys, and what is he doing here anyways? But as he watches the male figure, he forgets all else, and drops the flower in his hand.
The human is coming closer to him, and Jongwoon wonders if he can see him, before realising he's only being silly and that no, humans can't see him unless he wants them to. But a part of him wants this person to see him, and he is not quite sure what it is, or why, but suddenly against his will, he turns visible in the garden, though his wings stay hidden with the rest of his identity. And the human looks startled at first, at Jongwoon's sudden presence, but there is a smile on his face that is a little more mysterious, a little less bewildered.
It's the last thing he wants, to have this sort of interaction with such a thing, but when the person greets him with a smile and no words. So Jongwoon concludes that this is no ordinary human, though he doesn't know any ordinary humans, and decides to place his trust in him with a, "Hello, what are you doing here?"
"I'm playing with the flowers," the person replies, and he takes Jongwoon's trust and keeps it, and he doesn't know, but he takes all of Jongwoon's secrets as well. "I like the flowers. My name is Kyuhyun, what's yours?"
Jongwoon considers telling him his actual name, but then decides he doesn't want the other feys knowing he's with a human, because names have that power, and Jongwoon can't tell Kyuhyun who he really is, because that is trusting him with his identity, and Jongwoon knows that makes him weak. So instead he smiles a fake smile and goes by an alias, and responds with, "Yesung," and he's Yesung now.
"Yesung." Kyuhyun says his name with a grin on his face. "It's pretty. I like it."
You're pretty, Jongwoon thinks, but he does not say it. Instead, he picks up a flower, because he knows flowers like being picked as all feys do, and hands it to Kyuhyun. "Do you know what flower this is?"
"It's a wishing-flower," Kyuhyun states, taking it from him by its stem. "If you blow on it and make a wish, your wish will come true, and all the seeds plant around the world for more people to make wishes and to be happy."
"Do you have a wish?" Jongwoon asks him, tilting his head so he can see the sunlight on Kyuhyun's face a little bit clearer.
"Yes, I do," Kyuhyun says with a beam as he turns to the flower, his lips ever so close to the florets. "I wish I had someone to love."
A small part of Jongwoon's heart falls, because he's suddenly reminded he's not to fall in love, and as Kyuhyun wishes and blows the seeds over the garden, Jongwoon wishes he can wish like Kyuhyun.
None of the other feys know what Jongwoon has done, but that is because the human has not uttered his name so it is impossible for them. Jongwoon takes all the time he can to find more out about this human, because he feels enraptured by him. He makes himself invisible and goes with Kyuhyun to places; he learns that his full name is Cho Kyuhyun, that he has a passion for music, that Kyuhyun nowhere around Jongwoon's age-- but then again, Jongwoon has been alive for centuries. He learns that Kyuhyun is any other human, that nothing sets him apart from the others, but even though Jongwoon knows this, he often forgets that Kyuhyun is mortal at all.
Jongwoon is afraid to make himself visible to Kyuhyun again, but when he goes to the garden once more (as Jongwoon learned that he goes there every seven days), Kyuhyun is playing with the petals of one of the flowers and Jongwoon can hear the flower crying out, and he suddenly appears behind Kyuhyun and says to him, "She doesn't like that."
Kyuhyun jumps, surprised at his sudden presence, and gives Jongwoon a look of hidden bitten nails and twirling of fingers. "What are you talking about?"
"The flower." Jongwoon moves closer to him, closer to the lithop. "She doesn't like being touched like that. Most flowers prefer contact with the stem or leaves."
"How... How do you know that?" Kyuhyun moves his hand to the bottom of the flower's head, near her stem, and she coos, making Jongwoon chuckle, and he sees that Kyuhyun's mouth has curved prettily.
"I... I just know." Jongwoon looks at the lithop a little longer, before turning his gaze back to Kyuhyun. "Have you... Have you found someone to love yet?"
"Oh. No." The smile on Kyuhyun's face remains, and reflects something of lost hopes and second chances. "I'm not easy to fall in love with. And I'm not easy to fall in love."
"Then why do you want someone to love?" Jongwoon asks, tilting his head in pure curiosity.
Something flashes in Kyuhyun's eyes that causes the air between them to drop significantly, and Jongwoon wonders if he's said something wrong. But Kyuhyun just runs his fingers down the flower's stem, and the flower leans into him for comfort, and Kyuhyun stares down at it.
"Because I know no one ever will love me."
He has to remind himself countless times that he's not supposed to fall in love, for some reason, when he's with Kyuhyun. He's not quite sure, because he hasn't fallen in love yet, and he can't, because it's supposed to be impossible. It is not how the life of a fey works; feys are supposed to be borne from sunrays and spend their entire immortal lives on earth, working with nature, working for nature, working in nature. They are supposed to look down on most other creatures of the world, because not only are they ever-changing and can take on different shapes, but because they do not cave into such foolishness such as love.
Although most of the night he does his work tirelessly with moments on end, during the day he spends with Kyuhyun, even if Kyuhyun knows or not. Sometimes Jongwoon makes himself visible, and they partake in conversation; Kyuhyun does nothing but refer to him as Yesung, and although Jongwoon is not used to the nickname, he learns to love the way it comes out of Kyuhyun's name. He wonders how his name would sound, and he imagines it to be a thing not of humans nor feys.
They are in the garden again, as they are always, and Jongwoon is teaching Kyuhyun more things about flowers, and Kyuhyun teaches Jongwoon more about himself through the little actions he says and the few words he says. Jongwoon looks over at man as he is stroking the shell of one tulip, and he says to Kyuhyun, "Why do you think no one will ever love you?"
"I don't think; I know," Kyuhyun replies, as if he has been waiting for him to ask this question. "No one ever has. They never will."
"What if someone loves you and you just don't know it?" Jongwoon suddenly queries. He stares into Kyuhyun's dark, dark eyes, and he can tell that he's trying to read him, but Jongwoon disguises his feelings and takes his secrets back.
"Then my wish has been granted," Kyuhyun says in a murmur that's hard for Jongwoon to hear.
He averts his gaze back down to the flower, and his finger is on the petal again. Jongwoon hesitates, and then takes Kyuhyun's hand, and puts it in his own. Kyuhyun seems astonished, but he does not pull away, so Jongwoon tightens his grip. It's a kind of hold where he wants Kyuhyun to fall into him, and to trust him, even though there is nothing Kyuhyun can trust him with, he knows, because Kyuhyun does not know the first thing about him.
"Where have you come from?" he asks Jongwoon suddenly, turning his head to him.
A lurch presses in Jongwoon's stomach, and he's urged to tell Kyuhyun the truth, but he cannot. But decides not to lie to him either, and instead just replies with a mysterious smile and, "From the sun."
"From the sun?" Kyuhyun looks like he doesn't believe him, but he says nothing about it, and instead turns his attention back to the field. "What did you do, fly down here?"
"Something like that," Jongwoon chuckles, impressed by how close Kyuhyun is.
"Do you have wings?" Kyuhyun teases while he plays his fingers in Jongwoon's hands, and Jongwoon swears they feel faintly of florets on his palm. "I wouldn't be surprised."
"Of course," Jongwoon replies with a voice full of amusement. "But I won't show you them."
And he doesn't show Kyuhyun his wings. But he allows them to flutter behind him, creating a wind, and letting Kyuhyun's mortal body come closer to Jongwoon's.
"What is one thing you don't believe in?" Jongwoon asks on one of those days where it is raining, and he cannot help but admire the rain. His invisible wings feel heavy on his back, but he admires the way they fall down in individual little droplets, and then come together as one in the end. He admires the way they fall on Kyuhyun's face, making the other man even more beautiful than he already is, if possible.
Kyuhyun smiles at the question, though he does not look up from plucking the thorns from one flower, as to make it stronger. "Creatures. Mythical creatures."
Jongwoon blinks, stunned by this answer, and stares up at him. "What do you mean by that?"
"Faeries, pixies, feys," Kyuhyun replies, still not meeting his gaze. "I don't believe they exist. I don't think they really are the guardians of nature."
"But why?" Jongwoon says.
He chuckles and looks up at Jongwoon, with eyes that may or may not reflect a grudge. "Because if they are, they wouldn't let flowers die. They wouldn't let everything natural in this world die. They'd protect them, instead of standing by and doing nothing."
"Maybe they don't do nothing." Jongwoon plays with a flower in his hand. "Maybe they do all they can. Maybe it's the rest of the world that makes them die."
Kyuhyun says nothing to this, but instead looks at Jongwoon with a questioning look in his eyes. They ask if Jongwoon knows something that he doesn't, if Jongwoon has a reason for asking this question. And Jongwoon doesn't answer, but he hopes he's broken down Kyuhyun's wall of faithlessness.
"Have you ever had someone to love before?" Kyuhyun asks as he and Jongwoon are walking around cobblestone grounds near the homes of humans. Jongwoon feels odd, because he is not in the garden, not close to the flowers, but he still feels a sense of belonging, because he's with Kyuhyun.
"I'm not allowed to love," Jongwoon answers, staring down at his feet. "I'm not supposed to."
"Are you completely incapable of loving? Or is it a duty?" Kyuhyun questions, looking at him peculiarly.
Jongwoon shrugs, not quite sure how to answer this question. "I don't know. I've never felt it before. I don't know what love is supposed to feel like, what it's supposed to be like. I just know that I'm not to love."
"But," Kyuhyun starts, "what's the use of life without loving? If you have so many people around you, so many things around you, you must love them, something in order to live. It's impossible not to love."
Jongwoon wants to tell Kyuhyun he's wrong, but he knows it'd be hypocritical, and he doesn't even know anyways. So he just turns to Kyuhyun, burden weighing in his eyes.
"Well what about you then? If you think no one will love you, then why do you want to love someone? Have you loved anyone before?"
"I've tried," Kyuhyun replies quietly, and his movement away from Jongwoon speaks of unfulfilled times. "But it's never love. I don't know what love is either. But I know it's there, and I know I'm supposed to, and I want to."
"What do you suppose love feels like?" Jongwoon ponders as they turn corners on the earth beneath them.
Kyuhyun shrugs and smiles, and the smile reflects the innocence in his eyes. "Like there's nothing dark in the world. Like all the beautiful things in the universe together. Like flying, only forever, and you won't ever fall, because the other person is your wings. I think love is like that."
"Do you think... Do you think I'll be able to love?" He is mesmerized by Kyuhyun's description, and suddenly he wants nothing more than to love. And he doesn't know who to love, but something releases inside of him, and he feels free.
Kyuhyun beams at Jongwoon. "I think, if you allow yourself to."
So Jongwoon allows himself to love.
They pick more flowers, together, and although Jongwoon gives Kyuhyun the kindest and rarest flowers, Kyuhyun gives him the flowers that are only pretty on the outside, but are harsher and ugly on the inside. This reminds Jongwoon that Kyuhyun is still only a human, and he is not supposed to be with him.
"Do you think it's possible," Jongwoon says to Kyuhyun as he picks the seed of a flower and rests it into the dirt, and then kisses it so it can sprout, "to fall in love with something... against nature?"
"What, like an animal?" Kyuhyun chuckles, twirling a flower in his hands.
"No," Jongwoon replies, turning back around to him. He knows that animals are different from humans, and feys are human to animals, but humans and feys are not the same. "Just something against nature."
"I think, if it's still love, and not something silly and unreasonable," Kyuhyun responds, looking down at his flower. "Why, have you fallen in love?"
"I... I don't know," Jongwoon replies honestly, and feels so confused by the way Kyuhyun is staring at him. He does not know what it means, but it speaks of an emotion that Jongwoon should know, but he's never seen it before, and he turns away. And Kyuhyun turns away as well, and Jongwoon feels like he has failed his duty as a fey, as who he is in nature, but he cannot care because Kyuhyun is all that matters.
Never fall in love. It's the one rule that all feys must obey, and even if they break other rules, they cannot break this one. They cannot fall in love with other feys, other creatures, and especially not humans.
Jongwoon knows that he's fallen in love with Kyuhyun.
It is dark when Jongwoon talks to Kyuhyun again, and he wakes him up in the middle of the night. Kyuhyun seems confused that Jongwoon is talking to him, but he does not ask why when Jongwoon asks him to walk with him, and he dresses himself quickly and walks out of the house with him, not questioning his presence.
This time feels different, because they are always with each other when it is light out, but in the dark, Kyuhyun has to follow Jongwoon. He wonders how he can seem so confident when he can hardly see anything, but Kyuhyun has no other choice and he holds onto Jongwoon, and trusts him to stay with him, to lead him in nothing.
They say nothing until they reach the garden, the garden they spend countless moments in together, the garden in which they met. Jongwoon picks a flower from the ground and hands it to Kyuhyun, but it is not like the flower Kyuhyun had wished upon, though he knows it is the same. It is bright and looks like wishes granted, and Kyuhyun stares at it while Jongwoon observes him quietly. Kyuhyun holds onto it like his wish really has come true, and Jongwoon wants nothing more but to make it so.
Then he leans in and meets his lips with Kyuhyun's. He's not quite sure what he's doing, he's only taking a risk, and he hasn't seen it done before, but he feels like it is what he is supposed to do, and what he wants to do. Kyuhyun's lips are chaste and are quiet in response, but Jongwoon can feel the small pressure coming back from him. This meeting as one speaks of their separate stories away from each other, together, and Jongwoon can't feel anything else more in this world other than feeling with Kyuhyun. He does not care that they are here in the dark, where things are lost, because he knows that he will be with Kyuhyun in the light.
When they pull away, breaths disappearing into the night air, Jongwoon looks at Kyuhyun with clouded eyes. He bows his head, and reveals a little more of himself, and when he glances back up, he sees that Kyuhyun's eyes are wide.
"Are those... wings?" he whispers even though there is nothing else there to hear him.
Jongwoon nods. "Yes."
"You really can fly..." Kyuhyun mutters, looking at them as they sway along Jongwoon's back.
Jongwoon bows his head once again. "I want to love you, but haven't told you everything I needed to tell you."
"What... what else do you need to tell me?" Kyuhyun's gaze switches back to Jongwoon's eyes, and he looks betrayed, but there's a hope in his eyes, and Jongwoon prays that it isn't false.
"I... I'm not like you." He tries to smile, but only manages a thin line slipping onto his face. "I... I'm a guardian of these flowers." He gestures to around them, to the field of petals around them.
Kyuhyun continues staring at Jongwoon, and half of him looks like he doesn't want to believe Jongwoon because he can't be telling the truth, but a part of him is telling him that he is. "You... You're a faerie?" he asks.
Jongwoon chuckles and shakes his head. "A fey. Close. And that's why I was here when you met me. That's why I know so much about them. And that's why I have these wings." He flaps them gently, but Kyuhyun is looking deep into Jongwoon's eyes.
"Is that all you need to tell me, Yesung-hyung?" he says, and Jongwoon flinches slightly.
"My name isn't Yesung, too," he replies as an answer. "It's Jongwoon."
Kyuhyun opens his mouth and tries his name. "Jongwoon," he's saying, but Jongwoon feels like he's singing. He feels like he's never heard something so beautiful, and it's only more than what he thought. He cherishes it for a moment, but then suddenly he can hear something shatter in the distance, and it sounds like the binds of work, of Jongwoon's life. Jongwoon doesn't know if he should be frightened or not, but Kyuhyun doesn't seem to have heard it, so Jongwoon pretends he hasn't either, even though he knows only he can hear it.
"You've learned to love me, Jongwoon-hyung?" Kyuhyun asks him, and he seems more than accustomed to his name already, and Jongwoon wonders if the stars in his eyes are real.
"I've only fallen in love with you. Nothing else, no one else," Jongwoon replies simply. "It's not something I've learned. It's something I've done. And I only have you to love."
So Kyuhyun smiles and kisses the flower in his hands, like it has heard his wish, like it is Jongwoon, and looks up to the other man. "I have you to love as well."
When Jongwoon returns to the fey realm, he finds that all the others are staring at him, with looks of treachery on their faces, and he realizes that all the other feys have found out about his interaction with the human world. They spit down at him and look down on him, and Jongwoon tries to press them away, but he knows he's been denied as who he is, because he chose to love, he chose to love a human.
That night, he is banned as a fey, and no longer has the responsibility of protecting the flowers in the world. His wings get torn up when he falls back to earth, and he doesn't know who he is. And he knows it is not just because Kyuhyun has said his name, but that he knows, and humans are fools, they aren't supposed to know anything. He tells himself that he is not an ordinary human, and Kyuhyun is not, because he loves him.
Jongwoon goes to find Kyuhyun, and he makes himself invisible, as that is how he feels now. He's known to do nothing but guard all of nature all of his years of living, but he has that no longer. He falls into the garden, and looks around at all the flowers around him, and feels like he's abandoned all of them. They come to him like they rely on him, but they can rely on him no longer. He has small conversations with the blossoms, but he has no more business with them.
He walks around until he is at Kyuhyun's house once again, as he had been during the night. It is day now, and the sun is glowing on the world, but ignoring Jongwoon. But Jongwoon does not care anymore, because all he cares about now, all he wants is Kyuhyun.
He takes Kyuhyun to the garden once more and shows him his shattered wings, and explains that he has no purpose in the world anymore. "There's no use in me existing," Jongwoon falls, "because I've completely left who I am. This is why I'm not supposed to love, because if I do, I lose everything else."
"Have you really lost everything?" Kyuhyun asks, lying beside him in the flower bed. "Do you really not want to love? Do you not want to love me?"
"I." Jongwoon's gaze falls to the flowers beneath his body, his broken body that has no use anymore. "I don't know. I don't know who I am anymore."
Kyuhyun leans and puts his mouth on Jongwoon's, and Jongwoon can taste every part of him, he can feel every part of him. And then he pulls back, and gives Jongwoon a smile brighter than the rays of the sun, and speaks of filled wishes and faithful flowers.
"You are mine," he breathes. "You haven't lost me. You have my love."