Updates
Wow hey there livejournal, so that last entry I made was pretty fucking depressing! I was kind of at the end of my rope that day and in a bad way. Depression was a bitch this winter, but that entry was actually, I think my turning point. Let me back track:
Mid-January Alex and I split. It was kind of mutual and over time grew to be not-so-mutual with him moving on faster than me. Stagnating, if you will. I'm not going to go into all the messy gory details of it, since there are none really. It just wasn't working for us anymore. He was angry all the time with me and I felt like I was constantly on eggshells. It felt that way for a long, long time.
After a while, I realized even though I was alone and hurting pretty bad, I was better off. I felt better in some ways, knowing I had no one to disappoint outside of myself, that my days were for myself, and that with that in mind, I could do and feel however I wanted. I spent the rest of my winter drawing and just kind of moping around. Spring was better, a little. A friend told me to push myself outside my comfort zone, that maybe I should try and find myself some measure of happiness and maybe someone else if I felt ready.
So I joined OKcupid. It was kind of a disaster at first and I felt like I was never going to make any progress, ectect. Went on a couple weird first dates but nothing that stuck and one that really freaked me out. This basically went like that from late March til June. At the point of the update I made last, I was pretty sure that I was just ruined and would be alone forever without ever being able to relate to anyone ever again since it seemed that around where I live, there was no one with even remotely shared interests. Just party boys every where.
So a few days later I logged on to delete my okcupid and complete my descent into becoming a spinster and a death resulting of an avalanche of my most beloved cats. This is where this update's going to sound like a story. I logged in, dejectedly going to delete my account when I spied the small thumbnail of a person who made me literally groan and say, "I'm fucked." Incredibly skeptical, I clicked to look at the profile and god, he was beautiful. His profile was all about burritos and how he was giving up on okcupid and so his profile was just increasingly more about scaring people away rather than attracting them. So naturally, with that information under my belt I debated and told myself that one last attempt wouldn't make my soul feel any less crushed so I sent a very rambly message.
Skipping ahead a little, I'm way better now. I'm more motivated (when I want to be,) and just started school up again. I feel good, and though I still have days where I don't want to get out of bed, it's because I'm feeling lazy and not because if I get out of bed I'll start crying. The other really high note in my life right now is this:
That's Scott, my boyfriend. I sent him that rambly message and we talked for a week almost constantly over texts before we went on our first date, where the chemistry continued to be amazing. It's been over 2 months now with him, and it's been great every step of the way. He makes me happy, and I've got so much in common with him it's ridiculous. Absolutely blows me away the level of which we connect. I'm so glad I sent him that message now, haha. He asked me to be "facebook official" with him on the 4th of July and we spent a very sweaty day on the beach together that day (though that is not the day in the picture, that was another beach visit.)
Weird, how things seem to fall into place when you think they'll never get better, right?
I'm really glad to be happy, again.
Mid-January Alex and I split. It was kind of mutual and over time grew to be not-so-mutual with him moving on faster than me. Stagnating, if you will. I'm not going to go into all the messy gory details of it, since there are none really. It just wasn't working for us anymore. He was angry all the time with me and I felt like I was constantly on eggshells. It felt that way for a long, long time.
After a while, I realized even though I was alone and hurting pretty bad, I was better off. I felt better in some ways, knowing I had no one to disappoint outside of myself, that my days were for myself, and that with that in mind, I could do and feel however I wanted. I spent the rest of my winter drawing and just kind of moping around. Spring was better, a little. A friend told me to push myself outside my comfort zone, that maybe I should try and find myself some measure of happiness and maybe someone else if I felt ready.
So I joined OKcupid. It was kind of a disaster at first and I felt like I was never going to make any progress, ectect. Went on a couple weird first dates but nothing that stuck and one that really freaked me out. This basically went like that from late March til June. At the point of the update I made last, I was pretty sure that I was just ruined and would be alone forever without ever being able to relate to anyone ever again since it seemed that around where I live, there was no one with even remotely shared interests. Just party boys every where.
So a few days later I logged on to delete my okcupid and complete my descent into becoming a spinster and a death resulting of an avalanche of my most beloved cats. This is where this update's going to sound like a story. I logged in, dejectedly going to delete my account when I spied the small thumbnail of a person who made me literally groan and say, "I'm fucked." Incredibly skeptical, I clicked to look at the profile and god, he was beautiful. His profile was all about burritos and how he was giving up on okcupid and so his profile was just increasingly more about scaring people away rather than attracting them. So naturally, with that information under my belt I debated and told myself that one last attempt wouldn't make my soul feel any less crushed so I sent a very rambly message.
Skipping ahead a little, I'm way better now. I'm more motivated (when I want to be,) and just started school up again. I feel good, and though I still have days where I don't want to get out of bed, it's because I'm feeling lazy and not because if I get out of bed I'll start crying. The other really high note in my life right now is this:
That's Scott, my boyfriend. I sent him that rambly message and we talked for a week almost constantly over texts before we went on our first date, where the chemistry continued to be amazing. It's been over 2 months now with him, and it's been great every step of the way. He makes me happy, and I've got so much in common with him it's ridiculous. Absolutely blows me away the level of which we connect. I'm so glad I sent him that message now, haha. He asked me to be "facebook official" with him on the 4th of July and we spent a very sweaty day on the beach together that day (though that is not the day in the picture, that was another beach visit.)
Weird, how things seem to fall into place when you think they'll never get better, right?
I'm really glad to be happy, again.