since we last spoke.

[colorpasquinade]

for this one, i'm just gonna fill you guys in on what's been goin' down with the males in my life for the past, what, 2 and a half months? yeah. ugh. so sorry bout bein a procrastinating ass again. eh. weeks have been crazy.
ps. so sorry for being such a whore too btw, in advance.ughh.
i'm a self-centered slut i know.

• Quentin finally visited--round the last two weeks of August. we spent, uhm like, 7 days together. hangin' out, chillin' out, and i smoked him out with my pipe and half a bag of bud i saved just for us. it was nice. we showered each other with kisses and relaxed on the couch one day, watching movies the whole time.
• oh, that 20yearoldsomething guy thats in love with me? yeah. we hooked up. actually, not really, just yet. but on the day, actually the day right after i met up with Q for the first time, i went out with the Dude to TGIFs and we ordered Long Islands, got slightly intoxicated, blazed when we got back home, and he kissed me. it's a longer story than that, but really, on the weekends following up since that night, we've been sneaking around and making out in random places around the house, the street, just everywhere. the tension between us was next to uncontrollable.
• spent the weekdays with Q. acted like everything was the same, normal. i dunno, we never really made it official that we were together anyway so ugh. whatever. he left the morning of August 29th. i cried and stayed in bed all day. next time i'll be seeing him is December. i think.
• still kept hooking up with the Dude. for a while he continued bringing me drugs but then stopped cuz he thought it was the only reason i stayed with him. gah. oh just to let you know, he was pretty serious. serious. like. "i love you, i'll wait for you, please don't hurt me" serious. and i was "fuck this shit, i don't give a flying fadoodle to be perfectly honest", but i never actually told him that ofcourse. i mean, i cared. for him, you know? but i'm young, got alot to live for, and being serious about anyone at this age is really fucking ridiculous. i knew he understood and everything but stillll he's all "ohh i'll wait for youu! 'till you turn 18, we can be togethaa" and i'm just like '-.-
• for a while that was my dilemma. how to break it with this guy without breaking his heart. uh yeah, kind of impossible. actually, to this day, i still need to cut the ties with him. the rope is slightly tearing though, i can feel it. and his heart is slightly cracking now, i can see it. i liked the intimacy, the closeness, another warm body against me yaknow? i missed Q, and i thought i could keep this affair going maybe until winter or something. but really all i wanna do is move on. i'm kind of done with both of 'em.

i was never one for relationships.