(no subject)
so i've been thinking a lot lately. not about anything specific, really. or maybe i have. it's funny how i tend to know exactly what i want to say, or know exactly what i am thinking about, but i still act like it's something vague and unimportant. i don't feel comfortable at home. i feel it's a culmination of not having any friends, feeling stressed out about my sister and mom, worrying unecessarily about my job, being too jealous/worried about alaster, and overall being insecure. at school, i don't feel this way. naturally, i go through normal trials and tribulations. but i can handle life so effectively because i know who i am, where i stand, what i want to do, and most importantly, i have the people there to support that. it's unimaginably hard to return to a place where you don't have any friends. unless you've experienced this, it's virtually impossible to know what it feels like to being with the people who know you best, and who you feel most comfortable with everyday, to your mom, sister and boyfriend. and don't get me wrong, i love these people. it's just really, really hard to be home. the adjustment wasn't this hard last summer, and i'm not completely sure why it's so hard now. i should be enjoying myself, and looking forward to three months of relaxation, nice weather, my family and making some extra money. but instead i feel horribly stressed, tense and worried about EVERYTHING, when i know i don't have anything to worry about right now. what's happening to me? because i really feel like i am going mad.