note to self: you are worthless.
SO, I am officially depressed.
This is a bit of a rant, & I just went through something terrible.
I hadn't seen my 'boyfriend' in about a week.
He hadn't called me, either.
I took it into my own hands today & called him.
He told me that he was busy making moves
(making moves - getting his money)
& that he had been going out to Santa Cruz
with some girls so that they could make the money for him.
I won't sit here and act naive
like I didn't know about the situation,
but I got so pissed off & I started crying on the phone.
He fed me with: "I don't love them, I love you, but money is a big part of my plan."
After going on about it for a minute, he told me to come over.
"I just want to hug you & tell you how much I love you," he said.
"OK, i'll come right now," my dumb ass replied.
-- 1 hour goes by --
So, I arrive at his house.
When we see eachother, we don't smile..
He's up 3 stories on his balcony, looking down at me.
He does what he normally does...
Throws the keys down to me; & I catch them.
I walk up the stairs..
Feeling fatter than ever.
(Now before I tell you what happens next,
let me just mention that I have told my 'boyfriend'
about my eating disorder.)
I arrive at his place,
he already has the door open..
I walk into his living room
He's walking around, hasn't even looked at me yet.
But he knows i'm there..
He turns and looks at me, then my body.
& I already know what he's thinking,
"Damn, this bitch gained weight."
He lets out a little sigh, walks towards me,
No Smile On His Face
& proceeds to hug me.
I hug him back.
He doesn't know it, but i'd been waiting for that moment
for way too long.
First words out of his mouth are, "Hi, Fatty.."
I don't care how he meant it.
I take his keys, throw them across the room
& run down the stairs
ready to fuck a bitch up
I hear him yelling, "What are you doing? What's wrong with you?"
I say nothing. I just run.
As i'm approaching my car, he appears on his balcony..
like a dumbass, he asks, "What are you doin??"
I turn around, look up at him & give him the most evil cold hard look
I can possibly give to anyone.
He goes, "You know what nevermind" & proceeds to throw up the 2.
I hop into my Mustang
& speed off like a mad woman.
He calls me: (yelling) WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BITCH WHY DID FUCK DID U LEAVE?
me: You know why I left, you had no right to say that! I'm in no mood to hear that shit right now, don't you know that?!
him: MAN BITCH I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH YOU. DON'T CALL MY MUTHAFUCKIN..
me: CLICK.
=(
Have I overreacted? What if he was right, Should I have just laughed it off?
I'm so confused right now. I mean, I know i'm a huge flat blob,
but I didn't want to hear it from my now ex-boyfriend.
to make things just So much better,
when I arrive home, my grandmother is in the kitchen
telling me that her food is ready!
Thanks Grandma.... i'm never fucking eating again.
Then I come into my room
where I can be alone & safe
& whaddya know; they're fucking making
some kind of pastry
I Hate My Life.
This is a bit of a rant, & I just went through something terrible.
I hadn't seen my 'boyfriend' in about a week.
He hadn't called me, either.
I took it into my own hands today & called him.
He told me that he was busy making moves
(making moves - getting his money)
& that he had been going out to Santa Cruz
with some girls so that they could make the money for him.
I won't sit here and act naive
like I didn't know about the situation,
but I got so pissed off & I started crying on the phone.
He fed me with: "I don't love them, I love you, but money is a big part of my plan."
After going on about it for a minute, he told me to come over.
"I just want to hug you & tell you how much I love you," he said.
"OK, i'll come right now," my dumb ass replied.
-- 1 hour goes by --
So, I arrive at his house.
When we see eachother, we don't smile..
He's up 3 stories on his balcony, looking down at me.
He does what he normally does...
Throws the keys down to me; & I catch them.
I walk up the stairs..
Feeling fatter than ever.
(Now before I tell you what happens next,
let me just mention that I have told my 'boyfriend'
about my eating disorder.)
I arrive at his place,
he already has the door open..
I walk into his living room
He's walking around, hasn't even looked at me yet.
But he knows i'm there..
He turns and looks at me, then my body.
& I already know what he's thinking,
"Damn, this bitch gained weight."
He lets out a little sigh, walks towards me,
No Smile On His Face
& proceeds to hug me.
I hug him back.
He doesn't know it, but i'd been waiting for that moment
for way too long.
First words out of his mouth are, "Hi, Fatty.."
I don't care how he meant it.
I take his keys, throw them across the room
& run down the stairs
ready to fuck a bitch up
I hear him yelling, "What are you doing? What's wrong with you?"
I say nothing. I just run.
As i'm approaching my car, he appears on his balcony..
like a dumbass, he asks, "What are you doin??"
I turn around, look up at him & give him the most evil cold hard look
I can possibly give to anyone.
He goes, "You know what nevermind" & proceeds to throw up the 2.
I hop into my Mustang
& speed off like a mad woman.
He calls me: (yelling) WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BITCH WHY DID FUCK DID U LEAVE?
me: You know why I left, you had no right to say that! I'm in no mood to hear that shit right now, don't you know that?!
him: MAN BITCH I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH YOU. DON'T CALL MY MUTHAFUCKIN..
me: CLICK.
=(
Have I overreacted? What if he was right, Should I have just laughed it off?
I'm so confused right now. I mean, I know i'm a huge flat blob,
but I didn't want to hear it from my now ex-boyfriend.
to make things just So much better,
when I arrive home, my grandmother is in the kitchen
telling me that her food is ready!
Thanks Grandma.... i'm never fucking eating again.
Then I come into my room
where I can be alone & safe
& whaddya know; they're fucking making
some kind of pastry
I Hate My Life.