July 4th
To many this day is a day to celebrate the Independence of America. But not for me. Today only serves to remind me of the perfection it held just one year ago. And as the hours tick by with me sitting here alone in my room, my thoughts continuously float back to that day. The night was as perfect as i could make. Just him and me alone in my TV room (well my parents were in the next room) watching a movie. It showed how great our friendship was at the time. Nothing great occured really. I think at one point his hand rested on my leg and a comment wad passed about missing a spot when i shaved. But nothing more. Then the movie ended, and he left. But before he went out the door we stood face to face in my entryway and shared what remains to be the best hug of my life. Or maybe it was just the most meaningful i dont know. It just held so much hope. And as the door was swinging shut the promise of nightly phone calls was made, and i just felt complete. Looking back on a diary entry made that night i realize how naive i was. How stupid i was. It is true that months later he revieled that sitting on the couch he did feel some need to kiss me and was only stopped by my parents in the next room. But even that was nothing more than a small feeling that came about only because it would have felt like the right moment. No in truth all that night did was mark the end of our real friendship, not the start of a greater thing, just an end. And now, as i see our dwindling frienship that consists of nothing more than the generic AIM "sup...nmu" i feel a deep sadness.