Disappointment brought me here.

[colormealone]

Everyday, it's the same thing. I wake up, make some sarcastic comments about my life and then, get coffee and go on with my day to day routine. I don't know how much longer I want to do this. I need something more than this. I feel like I'm disappointed with almost everything around me and so, I've been living in my head. Maybe just going crazy? Nothing shocks me anymore. Getting drunk is old. I don't really want to do it anymore. I feel like I'm getting old. I don't want to run around and be stupid. For once, I would love to have an interesting conversation. Instead of getting drunk on a Saturday night, I would love to go have coffee and talk to somebody or see a movie or just walk around the city. Whatever. I need to get a job.

Oh, it's just always lacking something. If I told you to give it momentum and dive right in, would you know what to do? If I told you to open your eyes, could you? If you could see what I see and feel what I feel, maybe you'd understand this silence that I keep. Maybe you could understand what it means when I say that I write my life like a story, piecing together all the moments and looks and conversations, remembering it all. Everything has a meaning. It's all building up to this one thing. If you could read my story, you could see why I'm so restless. This is the turning point in my story. Something is going to change her life.

And on that note, I do believe my doors are locked.