I remember the internet before pop-ups were born...
Life is moving much too quickly. This is probably because there's been so much going on ever since I've been back in Seattle.
I've never been so "all over the place" in my entire life.
Needless to say, I'm kind of happy. Of course, there are certain things that need escaping, or fixing, or maybe just further evaluation, but I feel like I heading in a pretty good direction.
Things have been hard for me. One thing in particular has had me going crazy ever since my plane touched ground, but today I came to a very important realization. There are some people that you just have to let go. No matter how much you love them, no matter how much you want to be a positive part of their life, no matter how much you want things to work out, you just have to say goodbye and mean it. These past couple days I've realized how different I feel and how some people will never understand these new feelings. I'm being vague, but I have to be. Surprisingly, I'm looking at this in a whole new light. Last year, around this time, I would have cried and thrown a fit. I probably would have gotten ridiculously drunk and embarrassed myself, but today, today I am not crying. Love is never ending and it will always be a part of me, as will she. But today, I know what it means to let go. I can't change the past, but I can change my future. And it's time to tuck this away in my heart and let it fade away into my memory. Why? Because we can't go on this way. I won't go on this way. I would much rather be a memory than a constant, well, a constant pain in the ass. It was too soon to try this out. So, maybe some day I won't have to do this, but now I know I do. When you love somebody this much, it's just what you have to do. You have to disappear. And I guess there are just some people that aren't meant to be permanent. Some people change your life and then, they're gone. And that's okay, because memories can be just as warm as anything else. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. Well, I do, but I'm not saying it well. Basically, I never thought this day would come. I never thought I'd want this, but it happened and I'm okay with it. Strange, but I guess that's how all this love stuff is. Love stuff. It's so sticky.
So, I find that with every ending comes a beginning, a new story, a new soundtrack, a new cast. I wish I could write the script, but how boring would that be? This isn't a movie. The script writes itself.
Man, I reference everything to movies. I'm crazy.
Anyway, I had a great night last night. It was a night to remember. I love being spontaneous. I thought I lost that, but it's back. I'm starting to feel a lot more like myself these days. For a while, I was afraid that I was killing everything essentially me, but I was just forgetting the important parts of being alive and being me. I get stupid when I'm scared, or sad, or stressed out. I need to work on that. However, I'm not any of those things right now. So, fuck that completely and lets move on to what I had originally planned on talking about. (I'm just as all over the place in my writing as I am in life. My mind moves too fast to organize my thoughts. whatever.) Anyway, so, I jumped in lake union. I'm not sure why, well, she makes me want to do crazy, spontaneous things. I like it. I like her. And I have a really good feeling about this. I'm not scared at all, which is shocking, because I'm scared of everything normally.
Everything was so black and white, but it's all coming alive. It's all turning into color. Haha, like pleasantville, except better and brighter with less technicolor. It's bold and new and perfect.
Oh man, I think I'm delirious. It's late. I'm tired, but I hate sleeping, especially alone. I miss her stinky bed, haha. This post totally went from serious to deliriously silly. That means it's time for me to stop.
So, I'm going to be obsessive and listen to the "Garden State" soundtrack a few more times and then, hopefully, fall asleep.
"Be a star and fall down somewhere next to me"
I've never been so "all over the place" in my entire life.
Needless to say, I'm kind of happy. Of course, there are certain things that need escaping, or fixing, or maybe just further evaluation, but I feel like I heading in a pretty good direction.
Things have been hard for me. One thing in particular has had me going crazy ever since my plane touched ground, but today I came to a very important realization. There are some people that you just have to let go. No matter how much you love them, no matter how much you want to be a positive part of their life, no matter how much you want things to work out, you just have to say goodbye and mean it. These past couple days I've realized how different I feel and how some people will never understand these new feelings. I'm being vague, but I have to be. Surprisingly, I'm looking at this in a whole new light. Last year, around this time, I would have cried and thrown a fit. I probably would have gotten ridiculously drunk and embarrassed myself, but today, today I am not crying. Love is never ending and it will always be a part of me, as will she. But today, I know what it means to let go. I can't change the past, but I can change my future. And it's time to tuck this away in my heart and let it fade away into my memory. Why? Because we can't go on this way. I won't go on this way. I would much rather be a memory than a constant, well, a constant pain in the ass. It was too soon to try this out. So, maybe some day I won't have to do this, but now I know I do. When you love somebody this much, it's just what you have to do. You have to disappear. And I guess there are just some people that aren't meant to be permanent. Some people change your life and then, they're gone. And that's okay, because memories can be just as warm as anything else. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. Well, I do, but I'm not saying it well. Basically, I never thought this day would come. I never thought I'd want this, but it happened and I'm okay with it. Strange, but I guess that's how all this love stuff is. Love stuff. It's so sticky.
So, I find that with every ending comes a beginning, a new story, a new soundtrack, a new cast. I wish I could write the script, but how boring would that be? This isn't a movie. The script writes itself.
Man, I reference everything to movies. I'm crazy.
Anyway, I had a great night last night. It was a night to remember. I love being spontaneous. I thought I lost that, but it's back. I'm starting to feel a lot more like myself these days. For a while, I was afraid that I was killing everything essentially me, but I was just forgetting the important parts of being alive and being me. I get stupid when I'm scared, or sad, or stressed out. I need to work on that. However, I'm not any of those things right now. So, fuck that completely and lets move on to what I had originally planned on talking about. (I'm just as all over the place in my writing as I am in life. My mind moves too fast to organize my thoughts. whatever.) Anyway, so, I jumped in lake union. I'm not sure why, well, she makes me want to do crazy, spontaneous things. I like it. I like her. And I have a really good feeling about this. I'm not scared at all, which is shocking, because I'm scared of everything normally.
Everything was so black and white, but it's all coming alive. It's all turning into color. Haha, like pleasantville, except better and brighter with less technicolor. It's bold and new and perfect.
Oh man, I think I'm delirious. It's late. I'm tired, but I hate sleeping, especially alone. I miss her stinky bed, haha. This post totally went from serious to deliriously silly. That means it's time for me to stop.
So, I'm going to be obsessive and listen to the "Garden State" soundtrack a few more times and then, hopefully, fall asleep.
"Be a star and fall down somewhere next to me"