something vague
I told them all, "sometimes feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all."
I've been running so fast that I'm out of breath. I don't want to do this for much longer. Everything feels so fake. Everything feels so pointless. Everything feels like it's nothing much at all.
I'm sick of it all, the drugs, the drinking, the lies, the meaningless kisses, the cold nights spent alone in my mind.
I forget what it's like to feel innocent. I forget what it's like to feel loved.
It's been such a long time since I've felt alive. I've been numbing the pain for such a long time that I think I've lost something really important.
I would never tell you this, because I don't tell people how I feel anymore, but I'll write some vague description that might express some small part of what I'm feeling. Talking to you, (the night that we talked,) has made me happier than I've been in a long time. I went to bed with a smile on my face and hope in my heart. I was scared, but I liked it. I'm probably just needy and stupid. I'm probably just desperate and alone, taking in anything that makes me feel even half way alive. Talking to you, made me forget the pain. It made me realize that the future may not be so cloudy. I feel like that's lost now, because I'm sure I come off as a complete fuck up in person. I've been hiding from reality and losing myself, because I'm a coward.
I don't want to deal with the reality of being over her. It's so strange to me that I could feel so much and then, it's just gone. It doesn't even phase me much anymore. I'll never understand all of this. She was my world. I never stopped thinking about her, but that's oh so different now. There's a void in my mind where she used to be. There's a void in my heart, where I used to love.
There's nothing better than waking up and seeing this face that you never want to forget. There's nothing better than looking at somebody and crying because you feel so much. There's nothing better than knowing in your heart that it's real. Well, I haven't had that in a long time, but I want it again.
I think I want more than anything to smile and mean it. I want innocense and clarity. I want butterflies in my stomach. I want to be kissed, and I want to feel it. It's been a long time since I've kissed a girl and felt my heart melt. I want to hold hands and cuddle up with somebody I can trust. I don't know if I'm ready, but I want to be. I want to fall head over heels for somebody. I want it to be perfect. I want it to be intense. I want to feel everything all at the same time. I want to be liked for being me.
I know what it feels like to cry because you're happy.
I know what it feels like to want to die.
I know what it feels like to love somebody so much that it physically hurts.
I know what it feels like to miss somebody so much that you can't breathe.
I know what it feels like to be alone.
I know what it feels like to feel nothing at all.
I know what it feels like to find your faith.
I know what it feels like to lose your faith.
I know what it feels like to be comfortable.
I know what it feels like to be scared.
I know when all of this is over, I'll crawl back into bed and wish I was somewhere else.
I don't know what any of this means. I just want something more than I have, because at times like this, I feel like I have nothing at all.
It's 7:30am and I'm awake and restless as can be. I want to see you. I want to tell you that I could make you happy, if you'd let me try. But I never want to taste rejection again. And I'm probably stupid and ridiculous for feeling the way that I do, right now. I don't even know her all that well, but I feel something and that's a lot more than nothing. So, there you have it, I'm stupid.
And I've said a lot here, but really, it doesn't even matter. Life will go on. This will change nothing.
I want my world to spin. I want a cheesy song in the background. I want to kiss you under the stars until my heart explodes. I want one of those moments. I'd die for it... a bit of you, a bit of romance, bliss under a cinematic sky.
(God damnit, I want a happy ending. Fuck you, Avril.)
If I could hold your hand, I would know.
I've been running so fast that I'm out of breath. I don't want to do this for much longer. Everything feels so fake. Everything feels so pointless. Everything feels like it's nothing much at all.
I'm sick of it all, the drugs, the drinking, the lies, the meaningless kisses, the cold nights spent alone in my mind.
I forget what it's like to feel innocent. I forget what it's like to feel loved.
It's been such a long time since I've felt alive. I've been numbing the pain for such a long time that I think I've lost something really important.
I would never tell you this, because I don't tell people how I feel anymore, but I'll write some vague description that might express some small part of what I'm feeling. Talking to you, (the night that we talked,) has made me happier than I've been in a long time. I went to bed with a smile on my face and hope in my heart. I was scared, but I liked it. I'm probably just needy and stupid. I'm probably just desperate and alone, taking in anything that makes me feel even half way alive. Talking to you, made me forget the pain. It made me realize that the future may not be so cloudy. I feel like that's lost now, because I'm sure I come off as a complete fuck up in person. I've been hiding from reality and losing myself, because I'm a coward.
I don't want to deal with the reality of being over her. It's so strange to me that I could feel so much and then, it's just gone. It doesn't even phase me much anymore. I'll never understand all of this. She was my world. I never stopped thinking about her, but that's oh so different now. There's a void in my mind where she used to be. There's a void in my heart, where I used to love.
There's nothing better than waking up and seeing this face that you never want to forget. There's nothing better than looking at somebody and crying because you feel so much. There's nothing better than knowing in your heart that it's real. Well, I haven't had that in a long time, but I want it again.
I think I want more than anything to smile and mean it. I want innocense and clarity. I want butterflies in my stomach. I want to be kissed, and I want to feel it. It's been a long time since I've kissed a girl and felt my heart melt. I want to hold hands and cuddle up with somebody I can trust. I don't know if I'm ready, but I want to be. I want to fall head over heels for somebody. I want it to be perfect. I want it to be intense. I want to feel everything all at the same time. I want to be liked for being me.
I know what it feels like to cry because you're happy.
I know what it feels like to want to die.
I know what it feels like to love somebody so much that it physically hurts.
I know what it feels like to miss somebody so much that you can't breathe.
I know what it feels like to be alone.
I know what it feels like to feel nothing at all.
I know what it feels like to find your faith.
I know what it feels like to lose your faith.
I know what it feels like to be comfortable.
I know what it feels like to be scared.
I know when all of this is over, I'll crawl back into bed and wish I was somewhere else.
I don't know what any of this means. I just want something more than I have, because at times like this, I feel like I have nothing at all.
It's 7:30am and I'm awake and restless as can be. I want to see you. I want to tell you that I could make you happy, if you'd let me try. But I never want to taste rejection again. And I'm probably stupid and ridiculous for feeling the way that I do, right now. I don't even know her all that well, but I feel something and that's a lot more than nothing. So, there you have it, I'm stupid.
And I've said a lot here, but really, it doesn't even matter. Life will go on. This will change nothing.
I want my world to spin. I want a cheesy song in the background. I want to kiss you under the stars until my heart explodes. I want one of those moments. I'd die for it... a bit of you, a bit of romance, bliss under a cinematic sky.
(God damnit, I want a happy ending. Fuck you, Avril.)
If I could hold your hand, I would know.