i might want to start this up again

[colorme_artsy]

Snow tomorrow. Blizzard watch. I hope it does snow. And sasquatch could walk on the lawn and i could build and ice castle and we can have a snowball fight. Then I could go inside and make a gingerbread house and drink hot cocoa. I have no money to go to the city although I would love to go. My money situation is far from pleasing. I don't think Chris understands it. I think he thinks I don't want to hang out with him when it's not that. I don't want to be a burden and I don't want to be the downer in the corner cuz I have no money to participate. Not to mention I have this sickness that never goes away and never ceases to show up at the most inopportune times. I don't "love you" because I don't. I don't because I can't. I'm scared I will hurt all over again. The fear of the pain numbs any motivation to ravage.

I really wish chris and I were still doing a destination wedding. or atleast getting hitched in vegas. everything would be so much easier. Instead i'm more stressed than ever.