Let's go to the other side.
Today was horrible and terrible, but then, at the same time, it wasn't that bad i guess. It's so nice and lovely that my worst days of this year and last year are just as rewarding and pleasant as my best days of previous times in my life. Let's all be thankful that depression is a temporary phase that one (or me) tends to grow out of. But, let's not go for being thankful for an over all happiness. Let's go for some self-pity. I think i'm entitled to a little bit at this time, no?
So last night i convinced myself that i was dying. This would be the second time with in a week. It's so horrible. I'm so afraid of getting that feeling again. It was pathetic, too. I wasn't really even that sick or anything. I think the whole bit was just induced by not really eating all day. But i was just laying in bed. I went to bed at about two, and i was pretty tired so i thought i would instantly fall asleep. After an hour i realized that i was kind of awake in this really weird sate. So, i just slowly started to panic until i built it up into this huge thing and convinced myself that i had, like, i don't know, blood poisoning or something. I felt dizzy and started kind of shaking a little bit and once in a while almost, just sort of felt a little sick to my stomach. I think that i created all these problems in my mind though, i was probably just... i don't know. Tired and dizzy from not eating. All i wanted to do was to fall asleep, but then i was also partially convicned that if i allowed myself to fall asleep that i would just get worse and worse and wake up completely fucked and really sick, or not wake up at all. It was completely pathetic. I thought about getting up and telling my parents or even saying that i should go to the emergency room or something. I restrained though.
In the end, i think i got maybe two hours of sleep, and woke up extremely tired and a tiny bit dizzy, but perfectly fine other than that. Then, of course, i felt terribly stupid and pathetic for panicing and creating all that the night before. Terrible.
So school was aweful because i was just dead tired. I ended up doing nothing in many of my classes. Terrible stuff. It would have been a fairly fun day otherwise, too.
It seems no one has any patience for a very tired kid - teachers, friends, or peers.
Spencer said that Team America movie or whatever was REALLY funny and i HAVE to see it. No money though.
I skipped tech class. Not a good thing to do.
Now i'm writing this bullshit comeing of age essay that i have no interest in. I'm usually semi-okay at bullshitting essays that i have no interest in... but i'm struggling so much with this one. I've been working on it off and on pretty much since i got home from school and i'm, like, halfway finished. I hate it so much and i REALLY need to do okay becasue i've skipped that class so much.
I hate it.
On a brighter note, today is Monday and on Thursday i start drum lessons again. I need to practice. Poor drum teacher man, he must hate me.
God, i really hope i don't convince myself that i'm dying tonight. It's such a horrible feeling.
Someone please help me get this essay done... and before midnight because i really need sleep. This is one of those times that i'm going to assume that there is a god so i can ask him for some help. There's gotta be one, because my CD player is always mysteriously fixed when i plead for it to be. I love god. Nice man. Not that bastard that parts of the bible describe.
*Whimpers.* I don't want to write this stupid fucking essay.
Happy happy happy happy.
So last night i convinced myself that i was dying. This would be the second time with in a week. It's so horrible. I'm so afraid of getting that feeling again. It was pathetic, too. I wasn't really even that sick or anything. I think the whole bit was just induced by not really eating all day. But i was just laying in bed. I went to bed at about two, and i was pretty tired so i thought i would instantly fall asleep. After an hour i realized that i was kind of awake in this really weird sate. So, i just slowly started to panic until i built it up into this huge thing and convinced myself that i had, like, i don't know, blood poisoning or something. I felt dizzy and started kind of shaking a little bit and once in a while almost, just sort of felt a little sick to my stomach. I think that i created all these problems in my mind though, i was probably just... i don't know. Tired and dizzy from not eating. All i wanted to do was to fall asleep, but then i was also partially convicned that if i allowed myself to fall asleep that i would just get worse and worse and wake up completely fucked and really sick, or not wake up at all. It was completely pathetic. I thought about getting up and telling my parents or even saying that i should go to the emergency room or something. I restrained though.
In the end, i think i got maybe two hours of sleep, and woke up extremely tired and a tiny bit dizzy, but perfectly fine other than that. Then, of course, i felt terribly stupid and pathetic for panicing and creating all that the night before. Terrible.
So school was aweful because i was just dead tired. I ended up doing nothing in many of my classes. Terrible stuff. It would have been a fairly fun day otherwise, too.
It seems no one has any patience for a very tired kid - teachers, friends, or peers.
Spencer said that Team America movie or whatever was REALLY funny and i HAVE to see it. No money though.
I skipped tech class. Not a good thing to do.
Now i'm writing this bullshit comeing of age essay that i have no interest in. I'm usually semi-okay at bullshitting essays that i have no interest in... but i'm struggling so much with this one. I've been working on it off and on pretty much since i got home from school and i'm, like, halfway finished. I hate it so much and i REALLY need to do okay becasue i've skipped that class so much.
I hate it.
On a brighter note, today is Monday and on Thursday i start drum lessons again. I need to practice. Poor drum teacher man, he must hate me.
God, i really hope i don't convince myself that i'm dying tonight. It's such a horrible feeling.
Someone please help me get this essay done... and before midnight because i really need sleep. This is one of those times that i'm going to assume that there is a god so i can ask him for some help. There's gotta be one, because my CD player is always mysteriously fixed when i plead for it to be. I love god. Nice man. Not that bastard that parts of the bible describe.
*Whimpers.* I don't want to write this stupid fucking essay.
Happy happy happy happy.