Dirty Little Secrets
I got mad at one of those stupid, meaningless 'i can't stand highschool' type things today again... for the first time in a long time. God! It still irritates me though! I fucking hate Ashley Eby. [The song Winds of Change starts to calm me]
Okay, so my least favorite class, Short Stories, i had a really good seat. (I know, this is already turning out to be extremely immature, huh? I'm totally entitled to my share of immaturity, though.)
Like, it's a kind of crowded room... and the seat was right by the door (fresh air, easy acsess, no crowding) and i only had one person directly next to me, in opposed to, like, four. And that person was really quite but friendly and cool seeming and me and Andrea used to call him 'lonely boy' 'cause he would always eat lunch outside where we did (even when it was REALLY cold and stuff). And, yeah, he didn't irritate me at all, and actually seemed pretty cool.
So, yeah, that was, like, my assigned seat. And Ashley Eby's assigned seat was taken the day they were assigned or something, 'cause she was gone or whatever.
So the other day she just set her stuff in my super rad seat. So i just moved it and sat down. She came back and she was like 'My stuff was there for a reason'... like all offended and annoyed and irritated like. I just kind of joked it off and said something totally joking like 'whatever. It's my assigned seat.' But she was really annoyed, despite the fact that i was joking completely and obviously, and it was my seat.
So then today i got to class late-ish and she was sitting there so i had no other place to seat and just went up to the teacher and asked what to do because we both were assigned the same spot (despite the fact that she was totally assigned a diffrent spot).
So the teacher just told me to sit in this other spot in the direct center of the class room next to some kid that smells really really bad and hates me or something.
I fucking hate Ashely Eby.
Okay, that used up my immature-ness for the month by far.
It still really pissed me off though. That class just sucks completely now.
Hmm. Everything else is going good.
Ellen, Spencer and i all had an 'i hate ashley eby so much' moment in lovely, lovely fith period and it made me feel a lot better.
Ha. We laughed for like a solid ten minutes in that class (together, as a class) about poop. God. It was fucking awesome.
Kayla locked the keys to her house + car inside so i, out of the kindness of my heart, gave her a ride to Wal Mart to get another key from David. Despite the fact that i get a strong feeling that she hates me, quite often. But she is pretty cool. Maybe she doesn't actually hate me? I don't know.
Anyways, we chatted a bit about Andrea. (who i saw again the other day, by the way)
It was... i don't know. Nice... and terrible? I mean, i hate talking about people when they're not there, a lot. I really don't do it that much 'cause i think it's so terrible and stuff. And, i mean, i don't think it was quite to mean or gossip level at all. I mean, it wasn't like get together and bitch about Andrea or anything. I basicly tried to just not say anything at all (not that i succeeded so much towards the end) Like if Kayla would say something i'd just be like "yeah..." and kind of nod/shrug/shake my head. It made me miss Andrea a lot.
Anyways, it was kind of nice though. I think that the shit they say about 'talking about it helps you out' or whatever, may actually have some truth. And, like, for a while there, Andrea was a big, big part of my life, but i almost never talked about her (like, you know, in that boarderline gossipy, complaining almost type of way that is most often used by dating teenage couples, heh). I mean, people like to talk, there's stuff i would have liked to say, but i never really did, to anyone, just because of that whole hating to 'gossip' or just talk about people when they're not there type of thing.
So talking (barely, and not really saying that much) with Kayla was nice... just to have someone agree and totally understand and stuff.
I really should try actally talking to my friends more often. I don't actually have conversations like that with them ever. I think it probably gives people a really shallow, aloof, and unserious and perhaps unintelligent impression of me. The closes i get to actually talking with my friends is maybe with Laura... and i really can't think of times when i have much. Or maybe we've started to and i'd kind of just dismiss or joke away the conversation.
Or i guess i sorta almost had a few of those conversations with Spencer towards the end of last year. Ha. Mostly just induced by him telling me how utterly annoying my lack of confidence is.
And then i guess i sometimes sorta have semi-meaingful conversations with Ali or Ellen and people like that. But those conversations tend to be about music, or the world, or... something of that sort. Politics and stuff.
Blah.
Weeee
I'm thinking maybe i could use advanced tech to learn how to make kick ass and possibly dynamic websites or something. Something i can understand, won't suck at, could quite possibly help me in the future, and leave me feeling satisfied/proud.
If nothing else i could just do something shitty with html/css and dreamweaver or whatever.
Ali just gave me this link http://new.purevolume.com/indecember and listen to home sweet home. She said it's REALLY terrible. Like the worst ever. That's saying A LOT. I'm so excited to hear them now!
Okay, so my least favorite class, Short Stories, i had a really good seat. (I know, this is already turning out to be extremely immature, huh? I'm totally entitled to my share of immaturity, though.)
Like, it's a kind of crowded room... and the seat was right by the door (fresh air, easy acsess, no crowding) and i only had one person directly next to me, in opposed to, like, four. And that person was really quite but friendly and cool seeming and me and Andrea used to call him 'lonely boy' 'cause he would always eat lunch outside where we did (even when it was REALLY cold and stuff). And, yeah, he didn't irritate me at all, and actually seemed pretty cool.
So, yeah, that was, like, my assigned seat. And Ashley Eby's assigned seat was taken the day they were assigned or something, 'cause she was gone or whatever.
So the other day she just set her stuff in my super rad seat. So i just moved it and sat down. She came back and she was like 'My stuff was there for a reason'... like all offended and annoyed and irritated like. I just kind of joked it off and said something totally joking like 'whatever. It's my assigned seat.' But she was really annoyed, despite the fact that i was joking completely and obviously, and it was my seat.
So then today i got to class late-ish and she was sitting there so i had no other place to seat and just went up to the teacher and asked what to do because we both were assigned the same spot (despite the fact that she was totally assigned a diffrent spot).
So the teacher just told me to sit in this other spot in the direct center of the class room next to some kid that smells really really bad and hates me or something.
I fucking hate Ashely Eby.
Okay, that used up my immature-ness for the month by far.
It still really pissed me off though. That class just sucks completely now.
Hmm. Everything else is going good.
Ellen, Spencer and i all had an 'i hate ashley eby so much' moment in lovely, lovely fith period and it made me feel a lot better.
Ha. We laughed for like a solid ten minutes in that class (together, as a class) about poop. God. It was fucking awesome.
Kayla locked the keys to her house + car inside so i, out of the kindness of my heart, gave her a ride to Wal Mart to get another key from David. Despite the fact that i get a strong feeling that she hates me, quite often. But she is pretty cool. Maybe she doesn't actually hate me? I don't know.
Anyways, we chatted a bit about Andrea. (who i saw again the other day, by the way)
It was... i don't know. Nice... and terrible? I mean, i hate talking about people when they're not there, a lot. I really don't do it that much 'cause i think it's so terrible and stuff. And, i mean, i don't think it was quite to mean or gossip level at all. I mean, it wasn't like get together and bitch about Andrea or anything. I basicly tried to just not say anything at all (not that i succeeded so much towards the end) Like if Kayla would say something i'd just be like "yeah..." and kind of nod/shrug/shake my head. It made me miss Andrea a lot.
Anyways, it was kind of nice though. I think that the shit they say about 'talking about it helps you out' or whatever, may actually have some truth. And, like, for a while there, Andrea was a big, big part of my life, but i almost never talked about her (like, you know, in that boarderline gossipy, complaining almost type of way that is most often used by dating teenage couples, heh). I mean, people like to talk, there's stuff i would have liked to say, but i never really did, to anyone, just because of that whole hating to 'gossip' or just talk about people when they're not there type of thing.
So talking (barely, and not really saying that much) with Kayla was nice... just to have someone agree and totally understand and stuff.
I really should try actally talking to my friends more often. I don't actually have conversations like that with them ever. I think it probably gives people a really shallow, aloof, and unserious and perhaps unintelligent impression of me. The closes i get to actually talking with my friends is maybe with Laura... and i really can't think of times when i have much. Or maybe we've started to and i'd kind of just dismiss or joke away the conversation.
Or i guess i sorta almost had a few of those conversations with Spencer towards the end of last year. Ha. Mostly just induced by him telling me how utterly annoying my lack of confidence is.
And then i guess i sometimes sorta have semi-meaingful conversations with Ali or Ellen and people like that. But those conversations tend to be about music, or the world, or... something of that sort. Politics and stuff.
Blah.
Weeee
I'm thinking maybe i could use advanced tech to learn how to make kick ass and possibly dynamic websites or something. Something i can understand, won't suck at, could quite possibly help me in the future, and leave me feeling satisfied/proud.
If nothing else i could just do something shitty with html/css and dreamweaver or whatever.
Ali just gave me this link http://new.purevolume.com/indecember and listen to home sweet home. She said it's REALLY terrible. Like the worst ever. That's saying A LOT. I'm so excited to hear them now!