Ugh......
Here is everything. She could possibly read it before I get a chance to talk to her, but oh well, I feel like getting all of it out anyways.
This is my retake on everything:
First couple weeks were great. We were so into eachother (so it seemed) and it seemed we could last a long time. We could sit and talk about random shit and do whatever and hang out, it was cool.
Next couple weeks, she seems aggrivated with me, and seems to care less. For what? I didn't know. She would have days every now and then when she is really affectionate, and others where not at all. I mean, felt like she didn't really care.
Now, it just seems useless. Why is she with me? She says clearly that she is too afraid to get into a relationship again because of what happened. She said it to Joe, and she said it to me. So WTF? I don't quite get why she would do this to me if she doesn't want a relationship. She is a great girl and I love being with her, when she wants to be with me. It just doesn't make any sense. I am supposed to be having the time of my life now and i'm not because of this. I really really want to stay with her, but I don't know what to do. I can keep going on with her not caring and not wanting to be in a relationship, and continually pushing me away. I mean, whats with sitting on the opposite side of the couch? Is it wrong to ask if something is wrong when that happens? Is it wrong to think that "nothing" is an appropriate answer? It doesn't make any sense. If nothing was wrong, then she would have been with me, not keeping her distance. This all seems like an endless ladder. Everytime she takes a step further and further away and doesn't seem to care that there are two people in this relationship. Its bullshit, she honestly thought she was supposed to be something till I goto college. Who knows me for doing that? Nobody. I don't get into relationships for that. If she really wanted to be with me, she would show me that she cares, not push me away. She should take compliments from me, not reject them like its bullshit. To you, Tabbi. If you read this, you know what we will be talking about tonight. If you don't want to open up and actually have a relationship, or if you don't like me at all, why the hell are you wasting both of our time. I'd really like to know, like I said, I am "curious". I can't stay happy if your going to keep your distance from me with this shit, it really pisses me off. You said in your entry that my mood changes. It really only changes around you when you give it a reason, and what happened last night was an obvious reason.
I can't really hold this in any longer. All of my friends notice whats going on with me, and they don't think I deserve it. Do you think I deserve this? If you want to be with me, you really are going to have show me that you do. Whats happening now doesn't make any sense, honestly. If you read this before I talk to you, I will talk to you later. I seriously really truely want to be with you, but not if your going to be like this. I quote "Like with any person ur involved with it's not gunna b all laughs all the time." What the fuck? Who ever said about all the time? It was the first two weeks then you started pushing me away. God.
This is my retake on everything:
First couple weeks were great. We were so into eachother (so it seemed) and it seemed we could last a long time. We could sit and talk about random shit and do whatever and hang out, it was cool.
Next couple weeks, she seems aggrivated with me, and seems to care less. For what? I didn't know. She would have days every now and then when she is really affectionate, and others where not at all. I mean, felt like she didn't really care.
Now, it just seems useless. Why is she with me? She says clearly that she is too afraid to get into a relationship again because of what happened. She said it to Joe, and she said it to me. So WTF? I don't quite get why she would do this to me if she doesn't want a relationship. She is a great girl and I love being with her, when she wants to be with me. It just doesn't make any sense. I am supposed to be having the time of my life now and i'm not because of this. I really really want to stay with her, but I don't know what to do. I can keep going on with her not caring and not wanting to be in a relationship, and continually pushing me away. I mean, whats with sitting on the opposite side of the couch? Is it wrong to ask if something is wrong when that happens? Is it wrong to think that "nothing" is an appropriate answer? It doesn't make any sense. If nothing was wrong, then she would have been with me, not keeping her distance. This all seems like an endless ladder. Everytime she takes a step further and further away and doesn't seem to care that there are two people in this relationship. Its bullshit, she honestly thought she was supposed to be something till I goto college. Who knows me for doing that? Nobody. I don't get into relationships for that. If she really wanted to be with me, she would show me that she cares, not push me away. She should take compliments from me, not reject them like its bullshit. To you, Tabbi. If you read this, you know what we will be talking about tonight. If you don't want to open up and actually have a relationship, or if you don't like me at all, why the hell are you wasting both of our time. I'd really like to know, like I said, I am "curious". I can't stay happy if your going to keep your distance from me with this shit, it really pisses me off. You said in your entry that my mood changes. It really only changes around you when you give it a reason, and what happened last night was an obvious reason.
I can't really hold this in any longer. All of my friends notice whats going on with me, and they don't think I deserve it. Do you think I deserve this? If you want to be with me, you really are going to have show me that you do. Whats happening now doesn't make any sense, honestly. If you read this before I talk to you, I will talk to you later. I seriously really truely want to be with you, but not if your going to be like this. I quote "Like with any person ur involved with it's not gunna b all laughs all the time." What the fuck? Who ever said about all the time? It was the first two weeks then you started pushing me away. God.