(no subject)
It seems as if I write in this damn thing whenever I am overly stressed out or loaded or down. So it seems as if im this depressing person, when really I am not. I am a happy person, there are just many things that seem to arise maybe more than others that bring me down. You better believe I try not to let them bring me down, however it's pretty hard when it's one thing after another. Yes, life goes on and I know that problems only last so long, but it seems as if that's what life is, one big problem. I don't beleive that's what life was intended to be. I mean I know very damn well that things could be worse... It's just I can only be so strong for so long, it seems as if these past 2 years have just really gone down hill with...well me. I use to be so strong, and I could take so much and i wouldnt get so pissed off or sad so easy. But I guess I broke, and the mask was taken off and I realized alright start living things out without that damn mask. So I do it. For awhile I do great, then one thing comes, and im liek "shit" then another then another, etc. I've let the little things build up inside, I've become someone not fun to be around, somewhat of a drag, always tired, always bitchy, always have something to be pissed off about or sad about because of my family, and it sucks. I use to have so many friends, adn i know it's not about how many i have, but honestly if i take a step back and look at who is truely my friend, i'd say 2. including my boyfriend. But because of me not knowing how to deal with the stupid shit life hands me, I realize Im weak as hell. I need God back in my life. I mean I have him, but I need him to be me, i need it to be... real. And it's not. I have to much in the back of my head that keeps me from being real with myself, with my friends, and with God. I realize that in my house, Im the only mature one, when it all boils down to it. Im no way in any shape or form, perfect. But, the more I see them screw things over the more it pisses me off and I know that being pissed off isn't mature, but I learn from it. They don't learn. Im a very hot headed person, I know, but I am a hot head with a soft heart. I am not what many make me out to be...this whore-like, bitchy, selfish, bratty girl. Im tired of letting people walk all over me, Im tired of being so down all the time because of other people. Im stepping shit up a notch, or 5 and working on becoming stronger, and setting my eyes in the right direction.
"...let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish." Hebrews 11:1-3
My eyes are no longer going to be set on who is my friend and who isn't, what money my parents can scrounge up so we have a home to live in, etc. Im tired of being slowed down. Im ready to hold my faith in God...Just like I should have ALWAYS done.
"So take new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet. Then those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong." Hebrews 11:12-13
"...let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish." Hebrews 11:1-3
My eyes are no longer going to be set on who is my friend and who isn't, what money my parents can scrounge up so we have a home to live in, etc. Im tired of being slowed down. Im ready to hold my faith in God...Just like I should have ALWAYS done.
"So take new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet. Then those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong." Hebrews 11:12-13