A LITTLE BROKEN HEARTED...

[color_me__happy]

Once summer hits there is no hiding anything. There is no pretending youre friends with someone during the day at school and then being able to ignore them once you leave. During the summer, if you dont call someone or if you excessively blow someone off, it is then that you realize who your real friends are and who was just pretending. This recent discovery for me came as a total shock. There were two people in this world who i thought i had by my side no matter what. Two people who had changed my life and who i had grown to love like sisters and who i would have given my life for. But, something changed from one summer to the next. I'm not sure what. I know my life has done a 180 but i thought that deep down i was still the same person so i don't think it was me. I think it was the excitement of summer and independence or maybe they just got caught up in summer flings but they came to the conclusion that their lives were so fulfilled and they had made so many new friends that they had to dismiss one and they voted on me. When i finally realized that i am not good enough to be blessed with their presence it broke my heart. Especially since they know how hard this past year was on me so why would they leave me now? I have no answer to that question but i am going to forget about it. People come in and out of people's lives everyday and i can't help that i just don't make the cut to be their friend. As a part of me getting back on track after the last year and getting my life in track i have pulled away from negative influences in my life and brought back some old positive ones. I don't need to be put down and blown off, i am better than that and i don't need that blow to my self confidence everyday. I don't deserve to be hurt like this by people i have done nothing but been there for but i guess that's life. Well, life sucks. I'm not gonna sugar coat anything... i want friends, I want somebody, I don't want to be alone. I am alone 70% of the time. I live in an empty house and stay alone and then i go out almost everynight with different friends but no one that is close enough that i would consider a best friend. Oh and to top it off i'm not dating anybody! NOT that that is a bad thing ;-) i am sort of enjoying it, actually. But this does make for somewhat a lonely life. I am used to having friends at my house all the time and going out with my boyfriend at night and now that i dont have either of them, my life does seem a little empty.

I am very happy right now, don't get me wrong, but i am a little disappointed in the few people in my life who i considered a sure thing. Well, i guess they aren't really in my life anymore. I'm moving on...