justprompts - Breath.
Breath.
Rodney's heart beating so close to his, beating in tripletime and yet... in perfect unison. He knows he's never felt anything like this before. Knows he never will again. They try to catch each other's breaths instead of their own, mouths acting like breathing apparati as they sink below the city. John's drowning; he doesn't want to breathe.
He wakes with a gasp, wanting to feel Rodney's hands... wants to see that small, secret smile that's usually reserved for him. But he's alone.. the room is dark and cold without the scientist's presence and it's only then he realizes what a grave mistake he's made.
"I'll make this up to you," he pledges to the darkness. But how selfish is that?
He should just let it go. Let Rodney go.
Rodney working for Lorne's team flashes under his eyelids... Zelenka getting reassigned to his. Not the end of the world... right?
No. Just the universe.
Sighing, he curls up on himself; it's suddenly so cold. And that's when he finds another solution. He can just stay here forever. Here kisses last forever and he can be Rodney's werewolf princess even when wrapped in dirty hotel sheets.
He doesn't even feel the tears when they come. But he welcomes their release anyway, stifling silent sobs into his pillow.
Fucking up never felt this bad before.
"Don't hate me," he hissed, bashing his head against the headboard because anything's better than having to feel his heart breaking. He wants a fight, he wants....he wants this not to be the end.
But he knows it will be and so when he steels himself and stumbles his way into the shower he expects the voice, naively, to recede. It's not doing any such thing though, and John's almost mad at it which doesn't even make sense...
Maybe he just won't go back to Atlantis. That would be the right thing.. get reassigned before this whole DADT mess gets blown out of proportion anyway. It would make Rodney's life easier to not have to see the man that so abused him.. every day..
Atlantis is your home, Shep.
But that voice is weak. And another is gaining strength.
McKay is family.
And he was. He was team... and more, now. Much more. And he had shattered his trust, just like that. And in an instant John once again turned something beautiful and fun into something withered and black.
Why did he think this would be different? Oh, that's right... he hadn't. Not even close. So why did fulfilling the prophecy still hurt like hell?
He pounds his fist against the tile until some flakes off, his hand bruised and possibly bleeding. He pays it no mind, actively trying to drown himself like a turkey in a rainstorm.
All he keeps coming back to is Beckett asking... if they could be together. If they could... what? Ignore how much they both care for Rodney? It was asinine, and now they both may lose him forever. Or maybe just he would.
It was bullshit, Carson saying he had the advantage in this situation... wasn't fair. And it wasn't fair to tell him on their leave. Before their first date for Chrissakes. He wanted to show Rodney how sweet he could be, how much... Just how much.
He didn't have the chance now and as much as he wanted to blame Beckett. He had kissed him first. He had gotten them into this mess. This was his fucking fault, no doubt about it.
And instead of doing something about it? He was crying in the shower like an adolescent girl.
But could he really just.. give up? They were only just getting started, and he hadn't really fucked up yet. He could try again and risk never talking to Rodney again... or he could let it go and have an okay chance of making things right as McKay's friend.
And then there was the third option: throwing Carson under the bus. He didn't think he could do that though.
He threw on his coat and whipped out the door, maybe he'd have better luck drowning himself in the rain after all.
Muse: Colonel John Sheppard
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Word Count: 691
3rd person - Emo as hell
Rodney's heart beating so close to his, beating in tripletime and yet... in perfect unison. He knows he's never felt anything like this before. Knows he never will again. They try to catch each other's breaths instead of their own, mouths acting like breathing apparati as they sink below the city. John's drowning; he doesn't want to breathe.
He wakes with a gasp, wanting to feel Rodney's hands... wants to see that small, secret smile that's usually reserved for him. But he's alone.. the room is dark and cold without the scientist's presence and it's only then he realizes what a grave mistake he's made.
"I'll make this up to you," he pledges to the darkness. But how selfish is that?
He should just let it go. Let Rodney go.
Rodney working for Lorne's team flashes under his eyelids... Zelenka getting reassigned to his. Not the end of the world... right?
No. Just the universe.
Sighing, he curls up on himself; it's suddenly so cold. And that's when he finds another solution. He can just stay here forever. Here kisses last forever and he can be Rodney's werewolf princess even when wrapped in dirty hotel sheets.
He doesn't even feel the tears when they come. But he welcomes their release anyway, stifling silent sobs into his pillow.
Fucking up never felt this bad before.
"Don't hate me," he hissed, bashing his head against the headboard because anything's better than having to feel his heart breaking. He wants a fight, he wants....he wants this not to be the end.
But he knows it will be and so when he steels himself and stumbles his way into the shower he expects the voice, naively, to recede. It's not doing any such thing though, and John's almost mad at it which doesn't even make sense...
Maybe he just won't go back to Atlantis. That would be the right thing.. get reassigned before this whole DADT mess gets blown out of proportion anyway. It would make Rodney's life easier to not have to see the man that so abused him.. every day..
Atlantis is your home, Shep.
But that voice is weak. And another is gaining strength.
McKay is family.
And he was. He was team... and more, now. Much more. And he had shattered his trust, just like that. And in an instant John once again turned something beautiful and fun into something withered and black.
Why did he think this would be different? Oh, that's right... he hadn't. Not even close. So why did fulfilling the prophecy still hurt like hell?
He pounds his fist against the tile until some flakes off, his hand bruised and possibly bleeding. He pays it no mind, actively trying to drown himself like a turkey in a rainstorm.
All he keeps coming back to is Beckett asking... if they could be together. If they could... what? Ignore how much they both care for Rodney? It was asinine, and now they both may lose him forever. Or maybe just he would.
It was bullshit, Carson saying he had the advantage in this situation... wasn't fair. And it wasn't fair to tell him on their leave. Before their first date for Chrissakes. He wanted to show Rodney how sweet he could be, how much... Just how much.
He didn't have the chance now and as much as he wanted to blame Beckett. He had kissed him first. He had gotten them into this mess. This was his fucking fault, no doubt about it.
And instead of doing something about it? He was crying in the shower like an adolescent girl.
But could he really just.. give up? They were only just getting started, and he hadn't really fucked up yet. He could try again and risk never talking to Rodney again... or he could let it go and have an okay chance of making things right as McKay's friend.
And then there was the third option: throwing Carson under the bus. He didn't think he could do that though.
He threw on his coat and whipped out the door, maybe he'd have better luck drowning himself in the rain after all.
Muse: Colonel John Sheppard
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Word Count: 691
3rd person - Emo as hell