truth_or_dare - Truth, Week 10.
Truth: Have you ever wished you could be with someone else while in a monogamous relationship?
The only truly monogamous relationships are marriages, and I'm not sure I could exactly be called faithful to mine. It's not that I have a wandering eye, or that.. .I just can't help myself. It's more that... well, okay, sometimes I just can't help myself. But I've been ..faithful to... most of the people I've been with. I don't really want to get into numbers, but... I have a hard time saying 'no.' I know, I sound like an afterschool special.
Thing is though, I really like kisses. And if someone kisses me, I'm almost guaranteed to kiss them back, if only for a second. At the same time, I'm... insanely jealous, sometimes to the point of ridiculousness. It's hypocritical and pretty well stupid, but I've never been able to fix it. Not that I guess, I've put alot of effort into trying.
I kissed two girls (that I remembered) while I was married to Nancy, and I even fucked someone else when we were dating. Does that make me an asshole? Probably. I don't know. There's a reason we got a divorce, and its name just begins with Afganistan. I think it's borne of insecurity, but I hate to psychoanalyze, especially myself.
Point is, cheating isn't an indication of how happy you are with someone, or even if you want to be with them or not. It's.. how secure you are with yourself, I guess. Which I am! I definitely am...
Maybe not so much with what I have going, but I'll get there. Or at least I hope I will. I hate hurting people though I seem.. especially good at it. Never was the commitment sort, bet you woulda never guessed.
So why do I suddenly want to try? Why is everything less scary now? Was I really.. that young and scared well into my 20s? I refuse to believe that's it. And I certainly refuse to believe that whole soulmate thing. That's just.. outlandish. Not that.. this isn't. Not that I'm not. Who the hell am I kidding? There is not one damn thing in my life that isn't outlandish and you all know I prefer it that way.
Am I actually going to answer this question or just run circles around it? I bet that's what you're wondering. Right now? No, there's no one else.. I'd want to be with. I've actually been neglecting other people... to the point where I almost feel bad. But it feels so natural, to spend this much time together. And we are best friends, but it's still eerie..
It's never been like this before.
Muse: Colonel John Sheppard.
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Word Count: 434
1st person/mildly tipsy
The only truly monogamous relationships are marriages, and I'm not sure I could exactly be called faithful to mine. It's not that I have a wandering eye, or that.. .I just can't help myself. It's more that... well, okay, sometimes I just can't help myself. But I've been ..faithful to... most of the people I've been with. I don't really want to get into numbers, but... I have a hard time saying 'no.' I know, I sound like an afterschool special.
Thing is though, I really like kisses. And if someone kisses me, I'm almost guaranteed to kiss them back, if only for a second. At the same time, I'm... insanely jealous, sometimes to the point of ridiculousness. It's hypocritical and pretty well stupid, but I've never been able to fix it. Not that I guess, I've put alot of effort into trying.
I kissed two girls (that I remembered) while I was married to Nancy, and I even fucked someone else when we were dating. Does that make me an asshole? Probably. I don't know. There's a reason we got a divorce, and its name just begins with Afganistan. I think it's borne of insecurity, but I hate to psychoanalyze, especially myself.
Point is, cheating isn't an indication of how happy you are with someone, or even if you want to be with them or not. It's.. how secure you are with yourself, I guess. Which I am! I definitely am...
Maybe not so much with what I have going, but I'll get there. Or at least I hope I will. I hate hurting people though I seem.. especially good at it. Never was the commitment sort, bet you woulda never guessed.
So why do I suddenly want to try? Why is everything less scary now? Was I really.. that young and scared well into my 20s? I refuse to believe that's it. And I certainly refuse to believe that whole soulmate thing. That's just.. outlandish. Not that.. this isn't. Not that I'm not. Who the hell am I kidding? There is not one damn thing in my life that isn't outlandish and you all know I prefer it that way.
Am I actually going to answer this question or just run circles around it? I bet that's what you're wondering. Right now? No, there's no one else.. I'd want to be with. I've actually been neglecting other people... to the point where I almost feel bad. But it feels so natural, to spend this much time together. And we are best friends, but it's still eerie..
It's never been like this before.
Muse: Colonel John Sheppard.
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Word Count: 434
1st person/mildly tipsy