Title: Eye of the Storm
Author:
colonel_bastard Characters/Fandom: Thor, Loki. Avengers movieverse.
Word Count: 1000
Rating: PG
Summary: What if the storm ends and leaves us nothing?
Warnings: Loki feels.
Notes: For Juno, as a reward for becoming Tumblr-famous! She requested a Thor/Loki fic inspired by
What If The Storm Ends? The song's a doozy. Give it a listen and then come on in for some good old-fashioned Loki angst.
Thor rises above the tide of the battle in a whirlwind of lightning, and for one heart-stopping moment, Loki remembers how much he still loves him. He bares his teeth against it, against the sudden, excruciating surge of pain that hollows out his chest like a dying star as he watches his brother ascend in glory.
No.
He’s not your brother.
He holds his breath as Thor plunges from the clouds, not aiming for the melee below but for the vantage point that Loki has chosen, giving him hardly any time to brace himself before they’re standing face to face.
“Enough of this!” Thor bellows--- and Loki aches with the desire to say yes, enough. “Why do you continue to fight me, brother?”
The blasphemy jumps easily, instinctively to his tongue. “I’m not your brother.”
He may become numb to the saying of it, but never to the reaction it provokes. Thor’s expression creases in agony and Loki has to bite his tongue to keep the sneer on his face.
“How can you say that?” The confusion and despair in his brother’s voice is as new and raw as the first time he begged him to come home. “After all of the years I’ve loved you?”
Loki turns away as if in disgust. “You loved a lie.”
A harsher, more terrible truth has never been spoken.
Thor just hasn’t realized it yet.
“I loved you,” he insists, as though he can hear Loki’s thoughts. “And I love you still.”
Loki turns back with narrowed eyes.
“Do you? Still? How very touching.” He begins to stalk a slow, deliberate circle around him. “And suppose I were to lay down my arms and surrender to you now. Suppose I were to come home with you as you so desperately crave. What then? Do you really believe that things could go back to the way they were before?”
“We could make it so,” Thor says stubbornly. “Together.”
“And suppose that’s true. Suppose it really is just as it was before. Now how long do you think it would be until you realized that even that... was a lie?”
Thor has been making a point of allowing him to stand behind him, keeping his back trustingly turned--- but now he whirls to face him, his expression furious.
“It was not a lie!” he roars. “You may rail against it all you wish, but you cannot undo what has been done! We were brothers, Loki! You were my dearest companion---”
“---and was that by choice?” Loki snarls. “Or was it because it was demanded of you?”
Thor recoils, wounded. Loki grinds on, merciless, unable to keep the angry tears from springing to his eyes.
“Do you honestly think that you would have deigned to spend even an hour in my company if you had not been forced to do so? You, the mighty warrior, the great and golden prince--- you would have considered me beneath you.”
“That’s not true,” Thor protests.
“Ah, but we were brothers,” Loki scoffs contemptuously. “I was a son of Odin, just as you were. You had to love me. We were bound by blood.”
He leans in close, his voice a guttural hiss.
“Without that bond, we have nothing.”
And just as he expected, Thor grabs him by the shoulders and drags him in close. Their faces are inches apart.
“Loki, please,” he says. “I love you.”
The more Loki denies it, the more Thor insists upon it.
And that is why Loki continues to fight.
Because he was telling the truth, every word. Oh, he has no doubt that his brother would welcome him back into Asgard with open arms. But when time began to pass--- when the mist of reminiscence began to fade--- how long would it be until Thor realized his mistake? How long until the memories revealed their secrets in hindsight, the signs from the start that they were never meant to be? The vast differences between them would become plainer with every passing day, until soon it would be impossible for even Thor to look at him and see anything other than a frost giant in a borrowed skin.
“You don’t love me,” Loki whispers. “You only think you do.”
And he fires a bolt of energy into Thor’s chest that sends them both reeling apart.
Far away and down below, the battle rages on.
There’s a moment in which they simply stare across the short distance left between them. It may as well be a thousand miles. Thor looks at him with such passion, such anguish--- Loki would keep it that way forever if he could. He would not see that passion turn to disdain, nor that anguish into something so unbearable as pity.
“Fight me,” he growls.
Thor’s grip tightens on the handle of Mjolnir. This is all they have left. Let Thor pursue him to the ends of the universe, chasing the ghost of the brother he never had--- Loki will lead him on until both of their hearts crack from the strain. Better his rage than his rejection. Better a storm than silence. And as they charge towards yet another inevitable collision, Loki only hopes he can make it last.
________end.