Title: To Err is Human
Author:
colonel_bastard Characters/Fandom: Shou Tucker. Fullmetal Alchemist [first anime].
Word Count: 852
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He never should have formed that theory.
Warnings: Gore.
Notes: I actually think this was my very first FMA fic, written after
raja815's invitation to join her at
fma_fic_contest, pointing out that the prompt "fallible" was perfect for my very favorite character, Shou Tucker. This is my personal theory as to how he ended up the way he does in the first anime.
To err is human.
And wouldn’t that just be the first thing that comes into his head as he looks down at what’s left of himself? Blood and guts and vomit leave a shimmering trail as he drags his pitiful carcass across the remains of a transmutation circle that once looked so promising. Time slips by quickly, too quickly, each breath pushing his lungs further out of him, each beat of his heart pulling the thing heavier on its tenuous threads. It’s a matter of seconds, mere moments before he falls apart completely. How did it come to this?
He never should have formed that theory. If he hadn’t formed the theory, he wouldn’t have spent weeks creating a new transmutation circle, and he wouldn’t have looked into her lifeless eyes for strength, and he wouldn’t have activated a faulty array that tore him in half.
Elbow over elbow, military-style, towards one of the many cages that clutter the lab. He feels lighter as he moves, as vital organs slip out and away. He has to find something to replace what he’s lost- legs, kidneys, bowels- and a nearby growl seems to urge him closer. This infernal chamber is full of lives waiting to be sewn together, halves awaiting the thick black stitches that will make them whole. He has built enough momentum that he keeps moving even though his strength is failing fast. An object in motion stays in motion. Every action causes a reaction. What caused this?
He never should have looked back. If he hadn’t looked back, he wouldn’t have had regret, and he wouldn’t have tried and tried to set things right, and he wouldn’t have gotten so close, and he wouldn’t have had hope, and he wouldn’t have formed that theory.
All she needed was a soul. He was so close- he could see her there, drifting behind the glass like a rare butterfly, just beyond reach. The Elric brothers had taught him that a soul cannot be created, so he would work with the materials that he already had- namely, his own. That was the theory. Isolate the physical properties of a human, then split the metaphysical. Cut it in half so that it can be shared and she could be a part of him and he could be a part of her forever. Simple enough, except the array targeted the physical properties and split that instead. These things can be unpredictable.
He never should have had a child. If he hadn’t had a child, he wouldn’t have looked into those perfect eyes and lost his heart, and he wouldn’t have sworn to do anything to make her life better, and he wouldn’t have done everything to make her life better, and he wouldn’t have seen every attempt fail, and he wouldn’t have been driven to despair, and he wouldn’t have lost the child, and he wouldn’t have had any reason to look back.
Blood gurgles from between his sobbing lips. It dribbles onto the cold floor, the perfect ink to draw a new circle, a desperate compilation of his most basic talents- sewing life. His vision blurs and swims, but he can still see enough to reach for the latch on the cage. Heavy brown paws stand at the edge of his vision. Everything he needs to complete himself- legs, kidneys, bowels- liver- stomach-
He never should have gone to the party. If he hadn’t gone to the party, he wouldn’t have met her, and she wouldn’t have told him that she loved his eyes, and he wouldn’t have been so moved, and there wouldn’t have been a courtship, and he wouldn’t have asked her to marry him, and there wouldn’t have been a marriage, and he wouldn’t have had a child.
His pale blue eyes, the ones she loved, roll back in agony. The cage opens and the creature emerges. He reaches towards it with one shaking hand, fingers twining deep in the coarse fur. It’s just the two of them, and soon it will be just him. Two lives on the verge of becoming one. Now, finally, he knows how she must have felt. The monstrous sob that shakes him is enough to rip his lungs free from their tissue cradle, and the life that had been slowly draining out of him now floods away. No more time. His free hand slaps down palm-first into the circle of blood and he activates the array.
He never should have walked past that classroom. If he hadn’t walked past that classroom, he wouldn’t have seen the students drawing strange circles on the board, and he wouldn’t have gone inside and felt so welcome, and he wouldn’t have opened his first book on alchemy, and he wouldn’t have seen a beautiful future for himself in those pages, and he wouldn’t have been so happy, and he wouldn’t have gone to the party.
But there it is. To err- well, he knows the rest. There’s too many mistakes. That’s all right. He tells himself that it’s all right. After all, he’s only human.
Well, not anymore.
___end.