21st of Oct
Well the Daleks have gone. Can't quite believe that. A lot time and effort went into them. A lot of tears before bedtime. I think I could do them x10 better again if I did them today. But then they were 100x than my first attempt. So I can only assume things always end in tears, always take more time and money than you expect, and always end up x10 better than your last attempt.
I have applied for Masters of Education at University next year. I don't believe I had done that at the time of writing my last post. So that's two years. I have been offered a two year animation job at the same time. And it made me feel worried and anxious. Not the best way 'into' a project like that. I won't give details. But it's probably time to move on on the whole anyway. About 5-7 years doing media work, films, TV, advertisement, Dr Who DVD's, quite a lot of stuff, worked with some of my heros. But I feel like I have done it now. I need to do something else I enjoy more. As exciting as it has been, and as much variation I have had on it all, I am not enjoying the actual work itself. I know most people don't enjoy their work. But it's a hard gig to get into, and there are people who love it much more than me. I think I just love reading about it.
So I have applied for a Masters. Back to Uni for two years, then to School again. Ten years after I left, I will be back. Although I will be pushing 30 by then, and won't have had any regular or semi regular work in my life until that point. So.. it should be good. Truth to tell.. I am not really looking forward to it. I have enjoyed the small amount of teaching I have done so far, with people who love it. But it's only something I am going for because it's the only thing that's come up, and a number of people have suggested it. It worries me.. the idea of going into something I don't think I will enjoy. I have spent the best part of a decade focusing on media and compositing, and want to leave it for exactly the same reason. Perhaps I am going to end up trying to do things I am not keen on doing and feeling unhappy about them for the rest of my life? Or perhaps the act of working itself just makes people unhappy. I don't know.
However, it's a short term goal. So I have around four months to go until that starts, about two months before I find out if I am accepted or not. So I might focus on building a Dalek. I have made three now, and am in the middle of rebuilding mine (again..) Still not the one I want to keep. But it's a small amount of income, and keeps people talking. Eventually I will end up with one I can keep forever, more or less.
We found out last week that we can stay in this house for another years or two. Potentially three. They are looking at redeveloping after that, but it's a long way away before they start thinking about that. But having that kind of security is a good feeling. A good feeling indeed. The house should last as long as my potential Masters would, at least.
I am really stopping myself from starting any projects at the moment. I really tend to get stuck into something and do it for long periods of time, but I am very deliberatly trying to take a break from that, and concentrate on my 'life' a little more, rather than painting figures, fibreglassing bits, working on film things. And you know.. catch up on cleaning the house, going through my clothes, shaving, doing things I should be doing to actually keep my life in some kind of order. But it's making me reflect, and when reflecting I tend to feel somewhat unsatisfied and unhappy with life on the whole, despite everything. I suspect that's why I tend to stay so specificially focused on whatever problems I am working on or focusing on. A bit like a shark. Or a cat wearing a fin on its back.
Anyway, it's midnight, and tomorrow I have to clean a fibreglass cast. Well, probably.
CB
I have applied for Masters of Education at University next year. I don't believe I had done that at the time of writing my last post. So that's two years. I have been offered a two year animation job at the same time. And it made me feel worried and anxious. Not the best way 'into' a project like that. I won't give details. But it's probably time to move on on the whole anyway. About 5-7 years doing media work, films, TV, advertisement, Dr Who DVD's, quite a lot of stuff, worked with some of my heros. But I feel like I have done it now. I need to do something else I enjoy more. As exciting as it has been, and as much variation I have had on it all, I am not enjoying the actual work itself. I know most people don't enjoy their work. But it's a hard gig to get into, and there are people who love it much more than me. I think I just love reading about it.
So I have applied for a Masters. Back to Uni for two years, then to School again. Ten years after I left, I will be back. Although I will be pushing 30 by then, and won't have had any regular or semi regular work in my life until that point. So.. it should be good. Truth to tell.. I am not really looking forward to it. I have enjoyed the small amount of teaching I have done so far, with people who love it. But it's only something I am going for because it's the only thing that's come up, and a number of people have suggested it. It worries me.. the idea of going into something I don't think I will enjoy. I have spent the best part of a decade focusing on media and compositing, and want to leave it for exactly the same reason. Perhaps I am going to end up trying to do things I am not keen on doing and feeling unhappy about them for the rest of my life? Or perhaps the act of working itself just makes people unhappy. I don't know.
However, it's a short term goal. So I have around four months to go until that starts, about two months before I find out if I am accepted or not. So I might focus on building a Dalek. I have made three now, and am in the middle of rebuilding mine (again..) Still not the one I want to keep. But it's a small amount of income, and keeps people talking. Eventually I will end up with one I can keep forever, more or less.
We found out last week that we can stay in this house for another years or two. Potentially three. They are looking at redeveloping after that, but it's a long way away before they start thinking about that. But having that kind of security is a good feeling. A good feeling indeed. The house should last as long as my potential Masters would, at least.
I am really stopping myself from starting any projects at the moment. I really tend to get stuck into something and do it for long periods of time, but I am very deliberatly trying to take a break from that, and concentrate on my 'life' a little more, rather than painting figures, fibreglassing bits, working on film things. And you know.. catch up on cleaning the house, going through my clothes, shaving, doing things I should be doing to actually keep my life in some kind of order. But it's making me reflect, and when reflecting I tend to feel somewhat unsatisfied and unhappy with life on the whole, despite everything. I suspect that's why I tend to stay so specificially focused on whatever problems I am working on or focusing on. A bit like a shark. Or a cat wearing a fin on its back.
Anyway, it's midnight, and tomorrow I have to clean a fibreglass cast. Well, probably.
CB