anything goes, up there.

[collzx]

last night an old friend called me, just to check in. anthony often calls with very perfect timing. it's like he's listening from behind my door, when in fact he's really in LA. last night, it was vegas. flooded with tears, i smiled at my phone at hopes of a wonderful hour long phonecall. he asked me how i was, and how my birthday was and i thanked him for the most beautiful birthday song i'd ever had sung to me. his mother raised him to never be anything less than sweet to me. we talked of her birthday, a few days away. he really wanted to be reassured that he had remembered the right date.  good thing i love his mother just as much as he does.  he noticed a certain shake in my voice, that pulled away from the envigorating excitement he usually receives upon each conversation. i told him it wasn't worth his time to listen, because he'd just be mad i was so upset. there is, afterall, no reason for me to ever be sad he said. he explained to me that there was never a person he met that didn't love me to the fullest; and if i've finally found someone who didn't appreciate the love i was full of - then that person didn't deserve to even come close to me in proximity. its crazy that someone so far away can still say these words, with meaning. the most important thing i got out of this conversation was his description of people, as a whole. he said, people can't change who they are. they can change their lifestyles, they can change their location, they can change their clothes but they can never change who they are.  you only really know a person, as to how they react to a negative situation. if you hand thirty people on the street a one hundred dollar bill, the reaction will be the same. everyone will be happy you're giving them this free money. everyone reacts happily. if you kick thirty people on the street in the face, there will be a plethora of reactions. this is a negative situation, and how each person deals with this situaion shows who they really are. another example: if i had keyed his car, i know he wouldn't care. he was raised to know that a car is a material thing. cars are disposable. say i keyed my fathers car. he would be livid, because to him, a car is one of his most prized posessions. he works hard for everything he has, so these things therefore define him. to look into the face of this person on the other line, and then to look in the face of my father there is such a difference in expression. i will say, anthony is one of the most laid back people i have ever met. and i will say, my father is one of the most uptight i know of, but the example is clear. what you care about in life helps define your reactions. my dad will never stop caring about his cars. and anthony will never care about his material things. i'll visit him soon, i promised i would.

i never did tell him what was wrong in the first place.