I wouldn't read this
I lost a lot of myself this past school year. I was thinking about that today.
I used to lose myself in a book all day every day over the summers in middle school, and early high school. Nothing mind-blowing, trust me; we're talking trashy fantasy. All the same, I read. I learned through reading those books... Not cocktail knowledge, but I learned how to speak more eloquently, more fluidly, and believe it or not, I used to write well, too.
The summers after my junior and senior years (and at the rate I'm going, freshman year), reading took a huge back seat. Hanging out with friends became infinitely more appealing than cracking the spine of a new book just to show I'd read it. I guess that's alright, too... Social skills are equally important as writing and reading. I didn't really miss reading for fun until this past school year. I had grand plans to read all summer, to better myself before going back to Boston to tackle a new, and more rigorous, course load.
Art too, I've lost touch with. I used to paint and draw, anything from flowers, animals, characters, anything. I drew for my cousin a lot, though I don't think I ever gave him the pictures, haha. I used to have things that I could do on my own.
School turned me into a complete social creature. If I'm not with someone, talking to someone, hearing people speak, noise, I go crazy. Sitting in a house with the lights mostly out, my parents asleep, and the neighborhood silent, it's one of the worst feelings in the world for me. No longer can I sit and read until dawn, then wake up a few hours later, only to pick up the same book. I can't work tirelessly on a painting until it's done (though I'm giving you the impression I did that a lot. I didn't, and certainly not well. But occasionally). It's difficult for me to be on my own now, and the fact that I've had to do nothing by way of working for the past month has made that fact all the more obvious.
I'm going stir-crazy,
I hate waking up because I know I have nothing to accomplish. Maybe I'll clean the house, maybe try and read, work a little on a project. Nap. Drive around looking for jobs. But nothing. I've accomplished nothing, and it's sad to say, I've really accomplished nothing this whole year.
I have no medical internships.
I don't work for big-name technology companies.
I'm not vice-president of my class.
I don't even have a retail job. Anything that looks promising falls through.
In Summary:
I'm feeling pretty goddamn worthless :-)
And now I feel like a whiny-baby too.
It'll help when the sun comes out.