make your own destiny.....
not waiting forever.....
Well this past week has been an extreme roller coaster ride of emotion for myself. The hopes, the dreams, the mistakes, the things ive been running away from, have finally caught up with me. And today, i can honestly look upon this week, and know for a fact, everything that has happened, was absolutely worth the fighting and the pain.
maybe we'll learn from the mistakes that we've made....
So last week emilio came home, and the first three days we spent together. It was absolutely the best. I never thought i missed him as much as i did, and it was such a great feeling to feel so intense for eachother, and i could tell without him saying anything, that he genuinely missed me. Things just felt perfect. We just spend alot of time alone, and talked alot, and all the second thoughts about things i had just disappeared. then on friday, things came out, and i finally started telling him everything thats been bothering i havent told anyone. and it was very very intense for me, and he would try to make a suggestion or say something and i wouldnt listen, and we started arguing, and alot of things we said came out wrong. it made me feel so shitty. i was so upset with him as well. But after everything, i know he truely cares, and no matter what it comes down to, he's going to be there for me as much as he can be. Im glad that i can really confide in him, because its just so hard for me now to do that. I wish it wasnt. I also wish i wasnt a bore to him at times, and when he's with me he has the absolutel best time. i need to fix that as well. I NEED TO STOP SLEEPING SO MUCH! [its going to be the death of me!] Then on saturday he told me he hung out with one of his ex-dating peoples of whatever. and i didnt get mad, i just was like WTF. it was just bad timing i think. This weekend, ive never felt such a strong emotion of anger come over my body, smashing picture frames, throwing things, punching things....ive never done that before, i think i really need to start dealing with my problems, because that scared the shit out of me.
Anywhoo, yesterday was a pretty fun day, even thought it started out not so good. I used aiza's advice to tell emilio to come an hour earlier than i really wanted him to be here. [sounded like a great idea miss aiza, but it didnt work :( ] Turned out, he came at 12, and i couldnt leave til my mom came home at 1, and jerome was waiting for us, because he was gonna give us a ride home after we dropped emilios car off at the smog check place. and uhh yea, he got pretty mad. and i held them up for band practice and to pick up the car, because i went home to change. but it all worked out in the end. and it turned out to be a great nite.
This past week has held alot of great times as well.....dollar car washes with really powerful hoses, amazing 5 hour band practices, meeting mike tang! hes super cool, HOOTERS!!, full moons, san marino busts at 12 at nite on dark streets. GOOD times always will rule out the bad ones.
today i woke up extremely sore, but i feel like im totally over everything now. I think i have to make the best out of things, or else i'll never really have a good time. I think i'll be alot happier that way. i feel like all the arguing and all the mistakes ive made, will only make us stronger.
....so school starts in a week from today. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK YET.
Well this past week has been an extreme roller coaster ride of emotion for myself. The hopes, the dreams, the mistakes, the things ive been running away from, have finally caught up with me. And today, i can honestly look upon this week, and know for a fact, everything that has happened, was absolutely worth the fighting and the pain.
maybe we'll learn from the mistakes that we've made....
So last week emilio came home, and the first three days we spent together. It was absolutely the best. I never thought i missed him as much as i did, and it was such a great feeling to feel so intense for eachother, and i could tell without him saying anything, that he genuinely missed me. Things just felt perfect. We just spend alot of time alone, and talked alot, and all the second thoughts about things i had just disappeared. then on friday, things came out, and i finally started telling him everything thats been bothering i havent told anyone. and it was very very intense for me, and he would try to make a suggestion or say something and i wouldnt listen, and we started arguing, and alot of things we said came out wrong. it made me feel so shitty. i was so upset with him as well. But after everything, i know he truely cares, and no matter what it comes down to, he's going to be there for me as much as he can be. Im glad that i can really confide in him, because its just so hard for me now to do that. I wish it wasnt. I also wish i wasnt a bore to him at times, and when he's with me he has the absolutel best time. i need to fix that as well. I NEED TO STOP SLEEPING SO MUCH! [its going to be the death of me!] Then on saturday he told me he hung out with one of his ex-dating peoples of whatever. and i didnt get mad, i just was like WTF. it was just bad timing i think. This weekend, ive never felt such a strong emotion of anger come over my body, smashing picture frames, throwing things, punching things....ive never done that before, i think i really need to start dealing with my problems, because that scared the shit out of me.
Anywhoo, yesterday was a pretty fun day, even thought it started out not so good. I used aiza's advice to tell emilio to come an hour earlier than i really wanted him to be here. [sounded like a great idea miss aiza, but it didnt work :( ] Turned out, he came at 12, and i couldnt leave til my mom came home at 1, and jerome was waiting for us, because he was gonna give us a ride home after we dropped emilios car off at the smog check place. and uhh yea, he got pretty mad. and i held them up for band practice and to pick up the car, because i went home to change. but it all worked out in the end. and it turned out to be a great nite.
This past week has held alot of great times as well.....dollar car washes with really powerful hoses, amazing 5 hour band practices, meeting mike tang! hes super cool, HOOTERS!!, full moons, san marino busts at 12 at nite on dark streets. GOOD times always will rule out the bad ones.
today i woke up extremely sore, but i feel like im totally over everything now. I think i have to make the best out of things, or else i'll never really have a good time. I think i'll be alot happier that way. i feel like all the arguing and all the mistakes ive made, will only make us stronger.
....so school starts in a week from today. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK YET.