The Forgotten NHL Awards
Since the NHL Awards ceremony is the single greatest end-of-season activity, I realized that they have missed a few awards. So, I bring you The Forgotten NHL Awards:
The Boy Named Sue Award (Best player with a female first name)
1. Marian Gaborik
2. Kim Johnsson
3. Marian Hossa
4. Darcy Tucker
5. Jocelyn Thibault
Tough call between the Marians, but with 48 games played, 30 goals and 27 assists for 57 points (a 47g, 42a, 89 point pace for a ful season) I have to go with the flash and panache of Marian Gaborik.
The AARP Award (Best senior citizen in the NHL)
1. Chris Chelios (45)
2. Dominik Hasek (42)
3. Gary Roberts (40)
4. Curtis Joseph (40)
The Dominator adds to his trophy case by being the (slinky-like) backbone of the Red Wings run to the President's Trophy with a 2.05 GAA and .919 save percentage.
The God Shammgod Award (Best name in the NHL)
1. Dallas Drake (seriously, a soap opera name and a hockey player mentality. Probably also the best player to come from Northern Michigan)
2. Miroslav Satan (Jesus Saves, and Satan scores on the rebound)
3. Yutaka Fukufuji (No! You take a fook you Fuji!)
4. Jonathan Cheechoo (It's just too funny, seriously)
5. Jordin Tootoo (Funny name for a goon)
6. Bates Battaglia (Seriously, dude belongs at the Bada Bing)
The first Japanese player in the NHL is also the guy with the best name in the NHL. Winner! Yutaka Fukufuji! Fatality!
The Stanislav Neckar Memorial Award (Most unpronounceable name in the NHL)
1. Karlis Skrastins
2. Yutaka Fukufuji
3. Wojtek Wolski
4. Branko Radivojevic (Radio Flyer Rules)
5. Dion Phaneuf
And Mt. Fuji brings home the double, though nobody will ever give announcers fits the way Stan Neckar did. Seriously, try to pronounce it. I bet you're wrong.
The State of Hockey Award (Best player from the Minnesota hockey system)
1. Jamie Langenbrunner (23a, 37a, 60p, -9, 64 PIM)
2. Paul Martin (3g, 23a, 26p, -9, 18 PIM)
3. Tom Preissing (7g, 31a, 38p, +40, 18PIM)
4. Jason Blake (40g, 29a, 69p, +1, 34 PIM)
5. Mark Parrish (19g, 20a, 39p, +9, 18 PIM)
6. Zach Parise (31g, 31a, 62p, -3, 30 PIM)
Martin had a decent year, but a defenseman's +/- needs to be higher for contention. Parrish had an abysmal start to the 06-07 campaign, but was integral in the Wild's second-half surge, but not enough to overcome his poor start. This will probably be Zach Parise's award to win for the next 10 years, and 62 points in his second season on a defense-first team like New Jersey cannot be overlooked. However, I'm torn between the stats of Langenbrunner and Blake, and the impressive +40 and solid defense of Tom Preissing for Ottawa. Then I looked inside the numbers. Blake is a liar. He's listed at 5' 10". That's crap. He's maybe 5' 8" on skates, so he loses out. It's now between Langenbrunner and Preissing, and I just can't overlook Langenbrunner's overall impact on an team like the Devils, he's under-rated and provides leadership on and off the ice. Jamie Langenbrunner wins. There are entirely too many Devils on this list. It makes me sick.
The Ivan Drago Award (Most menacing figure on the ice)
1. Georges Laraque
2. Derek Boogaard
3. Donald Brashear
4. Colton Orr
5. Todd Fedoruk
While Laraque and Brashear have had their run atop the heavyweights, nobody is as imposing as the 6' 7" 270 pound Derek Boogaard. To see him taunting an entire bench brings thoughts of Ogie Oglethorpe to mind. The destruction of Todd Fedoruk's face with a single blow was the fighting highlight of the past 10 years, and the way an enforcer had an entire playoff crowd on their feet chanting for him brought a tear to my eye. Boogeyman rules, I mean, after Gaborik, Boogey's sweater is the top seller.
The Boy Named Sue Award (Best player with a female first name)
1. Marian Gaborik
2. Kim Johnsson
3. Marian Hossa
4. Darcy Tucker
5. Jocelyn Thibault
Tough call between the Marians, but with 48 games played, 30 goals and 27 assists for 57 points (a 47g, 42a, 89 point pace for a ful season) I have to go with the flash and panache of Marian Gaborik.
The AARP Award (Best senior citizen in the NHL)
1. Chris Chelios (45)
2. Dominik Hasek (42)
3. Gary Roberts (40)
4. Curtis Joseph (40)
The Dominator adds to his trophy case by being the (slinky-like) backbone of the Red Wings run to the President's Trophy with a 2.05 GAA and .919 save percentage.
The God Shammgod Award (Best name in the NHL)
1. Dallas Drake (seriously, a soap opera name and a hockey player mentality. Probably also the best player to come from Northern Michigan)
2. Miroslav Satan (Jesus Saves, and Satan scores on the rebound)
3. Yutaka Fukufuji (No! You take a fook you Fuji!)
4. Jonathan Cheechoo (It's just too funny, seriously)
5. Jordin Tootoo (Funny name for a goon)
6. Bates Battaglia (Seriously, dude belongs at the Bada Bing)
The first Japanese player in the NHL is also the guy with the best name in the NHL. Winner! Yutaka Fukufuji! Fatality!
The Stanislav Neckar Memorial Award (Most unpronounceable name in the NHL)
1. Karlis Skrastins
2. Yutaka Fukufuji
3. Wojtek Wolski
4. Branko Radivojevic (Radio Flyer Rules)
5. Dion Phaneuf
And Mt. Fuji brings home the double, though nobody will ever give announcers fits the way Stan Neckar did. Seriously, try to pronounce it. I bet you're wrong.
The State of Hockey Award (Best player from the Minnesota hockey system)
1. Jamie Langenbrunner (23a, 37a, 60p, -9, 64 PIM)
2. Paul Martin (3g, 23a, 26p, -9, 18 PIM)
3. Tom Preissing (7g, 31a, 38p, +40, 18PIM)
4. Jason Blake (40g, 29a, 69p, +1, 34 PIM)
5. Mark Parrish (19g, 20a, 39p, +9, 18 PIM)
6. Zach Parise (31g, 31a, 62p, -3, 30 PIM)
Martin had a decent year, but a defenseman's +/- needs to be higher for contention. Parrish had an abysmal start to the 06-07 campaign, but was integral in the Wild's second-half surge, but not enough to overcome his poor start. This will probably be Zach Parise's award to win for the next 10 years, and 62 points in his second season on a defense-first team like New Jersey cannot be overlooked. However, I'm torn between the stats of Langenbrunner and Blake, and the impressive +40 and solid defense of Tom Preissing for Ottawa. Then I looked inside the numbers. Blake is a liar. He's listed at 5' 10". That's crap. He's maybe 5' 8" on skates, so he loses out. It's now between Langenbrunner and Preissing, and I just can't overlook Langenbrunner's overall impact on an team like the Devils, he's under-rated and provides leadership on and off the ice. Jamie Langenbrunner wins. There are entirely too many Devils on this list. It makes me sick.
The Ivan Drago Award (Most menacing figure on the ice)
1. Georges Laraque
2. Derek Boogaard
3. Donald Brashear
4. Colton Orr
5. Todd Fedoruk
While Laraque and Brashear have had their run atop the heavyweights, nobody is as imposing as the 6' 7" 270 pound Derek Boogaard. To see him taunting an entire bench brings thoughts of Ogie Oglethorpe to mind. The destruction of Todd Fedoruk's face with a single blow was the fighting highlight of the past 10 years, and the way an enforcer had an entire playoff crowd on their feet chanting for him brought a tear to my eye. Boogeyman rules, I mean, after Gaborik, Boogey's sweater is the top seller.