Pro Tour Amsterdam non-Head Judge Report
[Parachute Poll]Ladies (actually just lady) and gentlemen of the judging staff of Pro Tour Amsterdam '04:
Push in chairs.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, chair-pushing would be it. The aesthetic and logistical benefits of pushing in chairs are completely assured, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own 44 international events of experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the blissful lack of responsibility of being a low-level judge. Oh, never mind. You will not understand this bliss until you realize you just crushed the dreams of some innocent Pro Tour player. But trust me, when you're level 4, you'll remember your first Pro Tour and recall in a way you can't grasp now how other people would come over and clean up your mess.
That striped shirt looks even sillier than you imagine.
Don't worry about your judge interview. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to prevent players from leaving trash on the tables by asking them nicely. The real reasons why you'll be passed or failed are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, like whether you can spell my name correctly.
Do one thing at every tournament that isn't stupid.
Sleep.
Don't be reckless when writing evalutions of other judges. Hack the judge database and send threatening emails to anyone who was reckless with yours.
Wear a belt.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're a feature match judge, and sometimes you're counting decklists all day. The race is long and, in the end, it's still just a trading card game.
Remember negative feedback you receive. Forget the compliments, which are just someone sucking up to you.
Keep your old judge T-shirts. Give your foil cards to me.
Stay away from the stage, barn.
Don't feel guilty if you can't come up with an warm and fuzzy answer when we ask you why you judge. The best judges I know do it because they like to wield raw power. I certainly do.
Drink.
Be kind to Jeff Donais. You'll miss him when he's gone. Oh wait, he's already gone.
Maybe you'll advance; maybe you won't. Maybe you'll head judge the World Championships; maybe you won't. Maybe you'll resign in disgust over the latest card mechanic; maybe you'll be the one who designed it. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Leave that part to me.
Enjoy your frequent flier miles and upgrades. Use them every way you can. Don't be afraid to ask whether there is space in first class, or whether you can have another complimentary bottle of red wine. No one wants to remember a 10-hour flight anyway.
Do not dance. Even if you are behind the stage where no one can see you.
Read the DCI Penalty Guidelines, even if you blatantly ignore them.
Do not read the standings. That will only make you seem biased.
In other news, my cell phone found a girlfriend, and so did I.Get to know your co-workers. You never know when Hasbro might shut this whole operation down.
Pay attention to your players; they are people most likely to report past cheating and the people most likely to cheat in the future.
Understand that judges come and go, and advance the few that actually know what they are doing. Educate them well, because the longer you do this, the more you'll want someone else to do all the hard work for you.
Go to a Pro Tour in New York City once, but leave before any major terrorist attacks commence. Go to a Pro Tour in Southern California once, and make sure to attend a Yu-Gi-Oh! T.O. conference while you're there.
No, you cannot use my internet connection.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Decklists will be incorrect. Collusion will happen. You, too, will become jaded. And when you do, you'll stop believing in perfect decklists, collusion-free tournaments, and players that respect your judge staff.
Respect your judge staff.
Don't ever expect to make a living out of judging. Maybe you provided valuable services to the judge program. Maybe you have a high-placed friend at Wizards. But you never know when either one might be stolen by Upper Deck.
Don't take too long posting the pairings, or the head judge will prematurely announce that pairings are posted and you'll find yourself fighting an confused, wandering mob of players.
Be careful whose blogs you read, and certainly don't read mine. You might realize how self-indulgent and boring I really am. My livejournal is a way of fishing my past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and then deciding it's still pretty damn ugly.
But trust me on the chair-pushing.