Ponderings

[collification]

Since being unemployed I have had ample opportunity to think about what is happening in my life. There seems to be this lingering feeling that something is missing, though I can’t place it. There is also this ever growing sense of fear that I have been developing over the past few years which has lead to some unnecessary stress that is brought on by myself. The lack of success in my job searching has left me feeling inadequate and, for lack of a better word, worthless to the big world outside. I am also getting the itch, signalling to me that the need to live on my own is starting to become stronger and stronger. I am still hoping to return to school in the fall, which will be the time that I move out (bringing my cat and turtle with me). In the meantime I want to snag a job to save up the money necessary for said ambition. I have come to completely understand that it is easier to plan out things when you know what your basic routine is (say, knowing your work schedule and how long it will last).

On the whole, I am pretty happy right now. I have great friends, a great relationship, great home life and lots of opportunities with limited constraints. So…why the constant bummerness? What is it that I feel is missing?