(no subject)
People have asked me what my username means before. And for lack of a ready explanation I always lied and said I don't know how to spell kaleidoscopes or that I like to misspell for larks. Collideohscopes. A short poem for my point of view of the world, the universe, and everything in it. A collision of scopes or points of view. I've been accused of being indecisive only because I can see many sides of an issue. So that is me. Than one morning I had this idea. Scientists several years ago took an image of space and noticed that everything is moving away from eachother, leading them to believe that the universe is expanding. When I thought of it, my guess was that it only appears to be moving larger. Like the pieces of glass in a kaleidoscope maybe everything is turning full circles (not literal circular shapes mind you, maybe they're ellipses of some stranger sortof jittery dance). When you turn the handle to move the bits of glass the pieces look like they are moving away from eachother- as if the pattern were exploding or getting larger. Yet it remains contained. Same amount of matter. Nothing created or destroyed. Just a cycle. Everything becoming new again. I told my love that when I die my atoms will find his atoms and we'll still be dancing around eachother for always and always. Charlie says I'm getting too big for my britches considering things as large as the universe. But it makes sense to me, I promise. And anyway, Hinduisms metaphors for explaining the world makes more sense.
Boy, it'd be nice to be articulate. But you get the idea, maybe. Gosh, I'm just so disconnected. I like to think it's because my thoughts are faster than the rest of me.
I want to tell everyone how much I love being a mama. I love my daughter so fiercely. Like a grizzly bear. She is my girl cub. I love her papa fiercely too. I'm so happy. I mean not all the time. Sometimes I cry. I hate the word busy. I have so much time, I have all the time in the world. And I feel rich wasting it. And I don't want to give it up. Sometimes I cry because of headlines. I cry over headlines more than anything else. I cry because I'm not happy about where I am until I remember that I'll miss where I am tomorrow just like I miss yesterday. Yesterday Zak and I were on our honey moon, visiting bioluminescent museum exhibits and the Salvador Dali Museum, and the beach and my coral skirt and yellow sari top posing for pictures. Swishing my skirts.
So I've been wearing skirts and dressies everyday. Just to remind myself. And when I hold Molly I don't want to put her down because before I know it she'll think she's too big to sit on my lap! And how I will miss her being small! Her tiny little feet and hands! And the way they pop out of her socks overnight!
Boy, it'd be nice to be articulate. But you get the idea, maybe. Gosh, I'm just so disconnected. I like to think it's because my thoughts are faster than the rest of me.
I want to tell everyone how much I love being a mama. I love my daughter so fiercely. Like a grizzly bear. She is my girl cub. I love her papa fiercely too. I'm so happy. I mean not all the time. Sometimes I cry. I hate the word busy. I have so much time, I have all the time in the world. And I feel rich wasting it. And I don't want to give it up. Sometimes I cry because of headlines. I cry over headlines more than anything else. I cry because I'm not happy about where I am until I remember that I'll miss where I am tomorrow just like I miss yesterday. Yesterday Zak and I were on our honey moon, visiting bioluminescent museum exhibits and the Salvador Dali Museum, and the beach and my coral skirt and yellow sari top posing for pictures. Swishing my skirts.
So I've been wearing skirts and dressies everyday. Just to remind myself. And when I hold Molly I don't want to put her down because before I know it she'll think she's too big to sit on my lap! And how I will miss her being small! Her tiny little feet and hands! And the way they pop out of her socks overnight!