Bad Boys Gone Good
So, it has been an interesting... week? yes, about a week now, I think.
I met this guy named Patrick at the club last Thursday. He was in town only until Sunday. He was nice, we exchanged numbers so I could be his TC tour guide, essentially. At the end of the night, I had an infuriating conversation with an extremely stoned Brandon. He was telling me all about his plans for this girl across the room, whom he named the future ex girlfriend. I was reasonably annoyed, especially when he began introducing me to his friends as "miss four years from now."
Of course, Friday was Aletha's birthday, so by the time the club closed, it was The Day I had been dreading for a while. After going home and laying about for a while, I decided I was not about to fall asleep. Texted Brandon, and ended up with him defending his choices to do drugs. All I needed was someone who knew my sister so I wouldn't feel so alone at 330 in the morning. I told him, "Come watch the sunrise with me, and forget arguments for a bit." He told me he couldn't because he absolutely had to drink a bunch of water and sleep. Because, if he didn't, the drugs could kill him. He didn't tell me that part-- Alex did the next day.
That's one slice right there: when he's doing drugs, he's a slave to them. He isn't mentally present for my needs, not able to protect me and see what I need to provide it for me, and sometimes he can't even be physically present because he's too busy nursing the high.
So, the next night, Patrick texted me asking what there was to do in TC on a Friday. I told him, and he asked where I was going. I had decided to just walk around town, and he asked if I wanted company. We walked to the Uptown and watched the drunks outside the bars falling over, getting in fights, and making out. We went into a couple of the bars, then left again. By 130, we were bored and headed to Roberdeau Park. We sat and talked, and I told him how rare it is I let a guy dance with me, much less buy me a drink. He asked why I let him, and I had to admit, it was really just a general lack of grabbing at me and lack of apparent alternative agendas. It was just... not uncomfortable to do so, so I went with the flow. We got in his car, and he drove all over Richland, pulling a few 360s. He's a car fanatic.
At this point, I was second-guessing myself. He seemed nice, but here I was at 3 am again. Another boy who pretends I don't exist during the day and expects me to keep his hours. The joy-riding, and constant commentary on how trusting I was, and the allusions to years of drugs and troubled boarding-school youth and his parent's penniless state... Well, overall I was doubtful.
Anyhow, he dropped me off while the police were casing our block for some fleeing petty criminal, and more doubts arose when he became extremely insecure at the sight of police cars, and almost sure they were going to cause some trouble. I suppose my theory is that for the most part, they aren't looking for me. Why would they be? So I let them get on with their jobs, like background noise basically.
Overall, I wasn't too interested in making a lot of effort at meeting up the next night. I went to Jack Didleys, where no one was dancing until I said, Screw It, It's Midnight. I Came To Dance. And, I did, and suddenly the dance floor filled up. Ta-da!
Patrick ended up at Joker's again, got pretty wasted, and sent me a couple jumbled texts asking where I had ended up. I texted him back when I headed home, saying, "Oh too bad we missed each other."
These couple days, of course, I'm digging Brandon still. Thus, I am still sending him random texts, and getting shrug-off, one or two word answers.
Patrick asked to see me in the morning before he left, so I agreed to go to coffee. I was planning to pay for my own, walk down by the river as we finished our drinks, and see him off.
We watched the Renaissance Fair from the outside, as I sipped the drink he ended up paying for. In the end, we went inside and he covered the entrance fee. We walked all over, ran into my first boyfriend who was in town from Prosser, and then went to the Golden Palace- my favorite Chinese restaurant in town- and he covered lunch as well. We went back to the fair, and then five o'clock came and went as we sat on the bank of the river and talked. He talked at lunch about how he was done with the drugs of his insane childhood, and by the river he told me that he wanted to get settled in a good career and get out of the group of friends that exerts a negative influence on his attempt to do so.
I invited him home for dinner, introduced him to grandpa and Ben and Alex. When Alex and I played chess, he showed surprising skills and could have beat us both very easily. When he went out to his car, I realized that I had just had an incredible date during the daytime, and he wasn't holding the bill over my head or going in for a kiss, or asking commitment of me. Nope, we both just spent the day enjoying each other's company. And it felt comfortable and secure. And I was incredibly sad that such a man was driving out of my life. At the same time, I knew that the aura between us meant that if the time was right, things would develop. Otherwise, we would stay friends.
And that was when I also realized that Brandon was, honestly, not treating me well. And I had told him, if I don't like the way a guy is treating me, I will walk away. After saying that, here I was clinging to him. I even sent him a good-luck text before his show Saturday night. At least I did not go to his show, for which I am eternally grateful.
But, being occupied all day Sunday, I had no time to text him. By the time Patrick left, I decided there was no reason to invite the abuse of my affection which was occurring. By Monday, he had sent me a random text, much like the ones I used to send him. I ignored it. The next day, he sent me another one. That was yesterday, and i began to feel a bit bad. I mean, at least he had given me one-word answers. So I sent him some "ya, that's nice" text. He had complained of being tired for no reason, so I said, ya, I slept 13 hours yesterday. A minute later, I got a paragraph back, along the lines of, "Sleeping pills ARE sexy, see? And don't deny we did anything because it still counts even if we both are actually sleeping." And a minute later, possibly to distract from that, a text about some mascot handing out flyers for his next show.
The thing is, I think he got me confused with another girl who he took sleeping pills with, and they fell asleep together. Possibly his future ex, or his stalker-chick. He read the name on my text too quickly, answered too quickly, and then went, "Oooh shit..."
When I asked him what he was talking about, he told me to just go with it. I was like, whatever, and went to bed.
I met this guy named Patrick at the club last Thursday. He was in town only until Sunday. He was nice, we exchanged numbers so I could be his TC tour guide, essentially. At the end of the night, I had an infuriating conversation with an extremely stoned Brandon. He was telling me all about his plans for this girl across the room, whom he named the future ex girlfriend. I was reasonably annoyed, especially when he began introducing me to his friends as "miss four years from now."
Of course, Friday was Aletha's birthday, so by the time the club closed, it was The Day I had been dreading for a while. After going home and laying about for a while, I decided I was not about to fall asleep. Texted Brandon, and ended up with him defending his choices to do drugs. All I needed was someone who knew my sister so I wouldn't feel so alone at 330 in the morning. I told him, "Come watch the sunrise with me, and forget arguments for a bit." He told me he couldn't because he absolutely had to drink a bunch of water and sleep. Because, if he didn't, the drugs could kill him. He didn't tell me that part-- Alex did the next day.
That's one slice right there: when he's doing drugs, he's a slave to them. He isn't mentally present for my needs, not able to protect me and see what I need to provide it for me, and sometimes he can't even be physically present because he's too busy nursing the high.
So, the next night, Patrick texted me asking what there was to do in TC on a Friday. I told him, and he asked where I was going. I had decided to just walk around town, and he asked if I wanted company. We walked to the Uptown and watched the drunks outside the bars falling over, getting in fights, and making out. We went into a couple of the bars, then left again. By 130, we were bored and headed to Roberdeau Park. We sat and talked, and I told him how rare it is I let a guy dance with me, much less buy me a drink. He asked why I let him, and I had to admit, it was really just a general lack of grabbing at me and lack of apparent alternative agendas. It was just... not uncomfortable to do so, so I went with the flow. We got in his car, and he drove all over Richland, pulling a few 360s. He's a car fanatic.
At this point, I was second-guessing myself. He seemed nice, but here I was at 3 am again. Another boy who pretends I don't exist during the day and expects me to keep his hours. The joy-riding, and constant commentary on how trusting I was, and the allusions to years of drugs and troubled boarding-school youth and his parent's penniless state... Well, overall I was doubtful.
Anyhow, he dropped me off while the police were casing our block for some fleeing petty criminal, and more doubts arose when he became extremely insecure at the sight of police cars, and almost sure they were going to cause some trouble. I suppose my theory is that for the most part, they aren't looking for me. Why would they be? So I let them get on with their jobs, like background noise basically.
Overall, I wasn't too interested in making a lot of effort at meeting up the next night. I went to Jack Didleys, where no one was dancing until I said, Screw It, It's Midnight. I Came To Dance. And, I did, and suddenly the dance floor filled up. Ta-da!
Patrick ended up at Joker's again, got pretty wasted, and sent me a couple jumbled texts asking where I had ended up. I texted him back when I headed home, saying, "Oh too bad we missed each other."
These couple days, of course, I'm digging Brandon still. Thus, I am still sending him random texts, and getting shrug-off, one or two word answers.
Patrick asked to see me in the morning before he left, so I agreed to go to coffee. I was planning to pay for my own, walk down by the river as we finished our drinks, and see him off.
We watched the Renaissance Fair from the outside, as I sipped the drink he ended up paying for. In the end, we went inside and he covered the entrance fee. We walked all over, ran into my first boyfriend who was in town from Prosser, and then went to the Golden Palace- my favorite Chinese restaurant in town- and he covered lunch as well. We went back to the fair, and then five o'clock came and went as we sat on the bank of the river and talked. He talked at lunch about how he was done with the drugs of his insane childhood, and by the river he told me that he wanted to get settled in a good career and get out of the group of friends that exerts a negative influence on his attempt to do so.
I invited him home for dinner, introduced him to grandpa and Ben and Alex. When Alex and I played chess, he showed surprising skills and could have beat us both very easily. When he went out to his car, I realized that I had just had an incredible date during the daytime, and he wasn't holding the bill over my head or going in for a kiss, or asking commitment of me. Nope, we both just spent the day enjoying each other's company. And it felt comfortable and secure. And I was incredibly sad that such a man was driving out of my life. At the same time, I knew that the aura between us meant that if the time was right, things would develop. Otherwise, we would stay friends.
And that was when I also realized that Brandon was, honestly, not treating me well. And I had told him, if I don't like the way a guy is treating me, I will walk away. After saying that, here I was clinging to him. I even sent him a good-luck text before his show Saturday night. At least I did not go to his show, for which I am eternally grateful.
But, being occupied all day Sunday, I had no time to text him. By the time Patrick left, I decided there was no reason to invite the abuse of my affection which was occurring. By Monday, he had sent me a random text, much like the ones I used to send him. I ignored it. The next day, he sent me another one. That was yesterday, and i began to feel a bit bad. I mean, at least he had given me one-word answers. So I sent him some "ya, that's nice" text. He had complained of being tired for no reason, so I said, ya, I slept 13 hours yesterday. A minute later, I got a paragraph back, along the lines of, "Sleeping pills ARE sexy, see? And don't deny we did anything because it still counts even if we both are actually sleeping." And a minute later, possibly to distract from that, a text about some mascot handing out flyers for his next show.
The thing is, I think he got me confused with another girl who he took sleeping pills with, and they fell asleep together. Possibly his future ex, or his stalker-chick. He read the name on my text too quickly, answered too quickly, and then went, "Oooh shit..."
When I asked him what he was talking about, he told me to just go with it. I was like, whatever, and went to bed.