untitled - part one
Versuche, as a young man, was full of ambition. Rather misunderstood ambitions, at that. This is a short story about his struggle for acceptance and success both in his life, and in history.
As fate would have it, certain individuals are commissioned to live their life for a greater meaning. Yet more often than not, that meaning is not understood or accepted by their peers during the time period in which they exist. Many artistic and scientific minds were rediculed or punished for their discoveries or creations until future generations would recognize their brillance. These individuals, born centuries ahead of their time, were the type of people that intrigued and motivated young Versuche.
Versuche was an isolated, but far from extraverted, child. Years passed by of his life before he understood what it meant to live. He often read meaningless books and achieved trivial goals that would impress the educators and family members in his life. Far from being a social outcast, Versuche did not fit in well with the other students; a select few he had the very minimal amount of common interests in to consider friends, and even those relationships died off shortly upon graduation. It was when he began to attend the university that Versuche's life began to change, it began to take form, have meaning, and the young man began to live.
As young children often do, Versuche's classmates tormented him regarding his abnormal name. Teachers constantly butchered the pronounciation, and on more than one occasion he cursed his parents for giving him such an akward name. It wasn't until a professor pointed out to him the meaning of his name did he appreciate its uniqueness. Versuche was a term used by Mendel, in his 19th century book, for "experiment." His name became his identify, a self-fufilling prophecy; he would experiment. Young Versuche would eventually develop into a mad scientist, with his own body serving as his labratory. He kept his lab in perfect condition throughout his adolescant years; it was a perfectly healthy and sterile environment. While at the university, Versuche began to experiment with drugs and alcohol. This is where it all began.
Versuche began his experiments recreationally, as most teenagers and young adults of the time. He and his friends would spend nights drinking hard liquor, snorting coke or meth, dropping ecstacy, whatever was available. For the most part, these experiences were in moderately controlled environments and were generally a good time for everyone involved. Nevertheless, it was neither of those types of experiences for which Versuche would eventually develop an obbession. It was the pyschadelic drugs that peaked his interest the most. Acid, mushrooms, in a lesser degree, marijuana, and eventually such trendy designer drugs such as 2ci and 2cb. It was the psychedelic drugs that Versuche loved to experience, even in a recreational sense. The feelings, emotions, visions he would experience while experimenting with these drugs, he felt, were something no other man on this earth could have possibly understood or appreciated as much as he did at the very moment they were happening.
One night Versuche took some acid, and he sat, alone, in a dark room. Only a single candle was lit. Versuche's ambitions, for a greater purpose, had begun to take ahold of him. He was no longer interested in the funny visuals, the extreme colors, or other recreational effects of his experiments. There was no more desire to watch funny movies at the cinema or just stare at posters with his colleagues anymore. The mad scientist was ready to probe more into the thoughts that raced through his head during his experience. Often, there were so many and they replaced each other so quickly he was unable to remember any for more than a moment, and certainly the next day, he could barely remember anything of the previous night. So here he sat, alone, with no distractions. The mad scientist alone in his lab, with a head full of acid, a pen, a paper, a burning candle and even stronger burning desires.
The effects seemed to take longer than usual, which was as expected since his anticipation of the experience was unprecedented. If Versuche had only learned one thing up until this point in his life, it was that when you want something the most, it seems to take the longest. He sat in dismay and disapointment waiting for the experiment to begin. He realized why, as a group, they normally spent this calm before the storm engaged in an acitivity to take their mind off what was about to happen. Then suddedenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the flame of the candle flicker against the wall. It was time.
His eyes focused the light being thrown on the walls by the flame. The brightness moved, no, it danced. The brightness danced on the walls, illuminating an area to almost daylight proportions, and, just as quickly, disappeared. He observed the morse-code like pulsating of the light; it seemed to continually grow brighter as he was drawn further closer. This is what a moth must feel like, he joked to himself, as he unable to take his focus off of the beautiful yellow light created by the candle's flame. He looked harder, and longer, until he was finally startled by a violent impulse of fear. The brightness of the light which he had focused on for so long appeared to be so bright that he was afraid, as it continually appeared on the same spot, it might overheat the draperies and burst into combustion on the very wall that it was illuminating.
As he wiped the tears from his eyes, wait, why was he crying? No matter, really. As he wiped the tears from his eyes, he focused on the ying to the brightness's yang; the shadows. How michevious they appeared across the walls. What were they hiding? Why must brightness by accompanied with such shadows? His hypothesis, as he wrote in the notebook, was that shadow was nescessary to hide certain things that must be not constantly available to be seen. His life was much like that wall in this respect. There were many things about his life, present and past, that he graciously used his own shadows to cover up. Imagine how life would be without shadows, if every-thing about every-one was always exposed for whomever wished to possess such knowledge. Imagine the power of that type of awareness. The dark shadows, combined with such an intimidating thought, frightened Versuche enough to again refocus his energy and thoughts.
Finally he came upon the candle itself. With the flame glowing strongly, he noticed the artistic designs that the melted and rehardened wax was formed along the sides. Never able to successful draw a circle, art always intrigued Versuche, and he fancied that maybe even the great Leonardo Da Vinci once stared at a candle with the same admiration that he was now. He noticed the intricate spirals and continually changing patterns as more and more wax began to drip out of the molten pool at the tip of the candle. Once again, Versuche was struck with a realization, an analogy regarding this growingly relevant candle and his life. He had lived his life, up until this point, like the candle. When someone lights a candle, they love the light it creates. The candle burns itself, to nothing, to death, to nonexistence, in order to provide that light that other people desire. Versuche burned himself out too, by entertaining others and not caring about his own well being, he was killing himself. As long as the people around him were happy, Versuche did not care about the reprocussions any of his decisions were making on his own wellbeing. Althought he doubted he would ever change his lifestyle, it did make the young man realize that he had limited time to make the impact that his exponentially expanding ambitions had destined for him.
Finally he pulled himself away from the candle, took a few more notes and realized the experiment was in full effect. How long had he been staring at the candle? Somehow he had managed to scribble two pages of mostly ineligible notes without being able to recall actually looking at his notebook. He wondered what he would do now that he had exhausted his experiment with the candle. He recalled some of the previous experiences he had, and pondered what he could do to further expand on them. Music! Yes, of course, music; another beautiful art that escaped his pallete of talents. He quickly set up a stereo and played classical music. This was not a time to get lost in the riffs of pink floyd or some other acid rock band. The classical music turned out to be the best part of the trip, truthfully unexplainable since the words have not yet been created to explain the trip that it took him on. Oh if only everyone could hear muic the way Versuche did at that moment. Actually, only being able to hear it would be an injustice. The mad scientist felt the music, he saw the music, the way he knew that Antonio Vivaldi, Johann Sebastian Bach, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Ludwig Van Beethoven did. Why, at that moment, could he experience what those musical geniuses had undoubtedly felt the first time they played such beautiful songs? Now was not that time for questions. He closed his eyes and literally saw the music, the piano, he was riding on the keys, the notes on the paper, it took him on a ride that made his stomach squeal worse than any rollercoaster that would ever be invented. But he loved it, every minute of it. The magical musical experience enhanced by pyschedelics. The mad scientist deemed his first experiment a success, but yet, only a modest beginning.
to be continued ...
As fate would have it, certain individuals are commissioned to live their life for a greater meaning. Yet more often than not, that meaning is not understood or accepted by their peers during the time period in which they exist. Many artistic and scientific minds were rediculed or punished for their discoveries or creations until future generations would recognize their brillance. These individuals, born centuries ahead of their time, were the type of people that intrigued and motivated young Versuche.
Versuche was an isolated, but far from extraverted, child. Years passed by of his life before he understood what it meant to live. He often read meaningless books and achieved trivial goals that would impress the educators and family members in his life. Far from being a social outcast, Versuche did not fit in well with the other students; a select few he had the very minimal amount of common interests in to consider friends, and even those relationships died off shortly upon graduation. It was when he began to attend the university that Versuche's life began to change, it began to take form, have meaning, and the young man began to live.
As young children often do, Versuche's classmates tormented him regarding his abnormal name. Teachers constantly butchered the pronounciation, and on more than one occasion he cursed his parents for giving him such an akward name. It wasn't until a professor pointed out to him the meaning of his name did he appreciate its uniqueness. Versuche was a term used by Mendel, in his 19th century book, for "experiment." His name became his identify, a self-fufilling prophecy; he would experiment. Young Versuche would eventually develop into a mad scientist, with his own body serving as his labratory. He kept his lab in perfect condition throughout his adolescant years; it was a perfectly healthy and sterile environment. While at the university, Versuche began to experiment with drugs and alcohol. This is where it all began.
Versuche began his experiments recreationally, as most teenagers and young adults of the time. He and his friends would spend nights drinking hard liquor, snorting coke or meth, dropping ecstacy, whatever was available. For the most part, these experiences were in moderately controlled environments and were generally a good time for everyone involved. Nevertheless, it was neither of those types of experiences for which Versuche would eventually develop an obbession. It was the pyschadelic drugs that peaked his interest the most. Acid, mushrooms, in a lesser degree, marijuana, and eventually such trendy designer drugs such as 2ci and 2cb. It was the psychedelic drugs that Versuche loved to experience, even in a recreational sense. The feelings, emotions, visions he would experience while experimenting with these drugs, he felt, were something no other man on this earth could have possibly understood or appreciated as much as he did at the very moment they were happening.
One night Versuche took some acid, and he sat, alone, in a dark room. Only a single candle was lit. Versuche's ambitions, for a greater purpose, had begun to take ahold of him. He was no longer interested in the funny visuals, the extreme colors, or other recreational effects of his experiments. There was no more desire to watch funny movies at the cinema or just stare at posters with his colleagues anymore. The mad scientist was ready to probe more into the thoughts that raced through his head during his experience. Often, there were so many and they replaced each other so quickly he was unable to remember any for more than a moment, and certainly the next day, he could barely remember anything of the previous night. So here he sat, alone, with no distractions. The mad scientist alone in his lab, with a head full of acid, a pen, a paper, a burning candle and even stronger burning desires.
The effects seemed to take longer than usual, which was as expected since his anticipation of the experience was unprecedented. If Versuche had only learned one thing up until this point in his life, it was that when you want something the most, it seems to take the longest. He sat in dismay and disapointment waiting for the experiment to begin. He realized why, as a group, they normally spent this calm before the storm engaged in an acitivity to take their mind off what was about to happen. Then suddedenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the flame of the candle flicker against the wall. It was time.
His eyes focused the light being thrown on the walls by the flame. The brightness moved, no, it danced. The brightness danced on the walls, illuminating an area to almost daylight proportions, and, just as quickly, disappeared. He observed the morse-code like pulsating of the light; it seemed to continually grow brighter as he was drawn further closer. This is what a moth must feel like, he joked to himself, as he unable to take his focus off of the beautiful yellow light created by the candle's flame. He looked harder, and longer, until he was finally startled by a violent impulse of fear. The brightness of the light which he had focused on for so long appeared to be so bright that he was afraid, as it continually appeared on the same spot, it might overheat the draperies and burst into combustion on the very wall that it was illuminating.
As he wiped the tears from his eyes, wait, why was he crying? No matter, really. As he wiped the tears from his eyes, he focused on the ying to the brightness's yang; the shadows. How michevious they appeared across the walls. What were they hiding? Why must brightness by accompanied with such shadows? His hypothesis, as he wrote in the notebook, was that shadow was nescessary to hide certain things that must be not constantly available to be seen. His life was much like that wall in this respect. There were many things about his life, present and past, that he graciously used his own shadows to cover up. Imagine how life would be without shadows, if every-thing about every-one was always exposed for whomever wished to possess such knowledge. Imagine the power of that type of awareness. The dark shadows, combined with such an intimidating thought, frightened Versuche enough to again refocus his energy and thoughts.
Finally he came upon the candle itself. With the flame glowing strongly, he noticed the artistic designs that the melted and rehardened wax was formed along the sides. Never able to successful draw a circle, art always intrigued Versuche, and he fancied that maybe even the great Leonardo Da Vinci once stared at a candle with the same admiration that he was now. He noticed the intricate spirals and continually changing patterns as more and more wax began to drip out of the molten pool at the tip of the candle. Once again, Versuche was struck with a realization, an analogy regarding this growingly relevant candle and his life. He had lived his life, up until this point, like the candle. When someone lights a candle, they love the light it creates. The candle burns itself, to nothing, to death, to nonexistence, in order to provide that light that other people desire. Versuche burned himself out too, by entertaining others and not caring about his own well being, he was killing himself. As long as the people around him were happy, Versuche did not care about the reprocussions any of his decisions were making on his own wellbeing. Althought he doubted he would ever change his lifestyle, it did make the young man realize that he had limited time to make the impact that his exponentially expanding ambitions had destined for him.
Finally he pulled himself away from the candle, took a few more notes and realized the experiment was in full effect. How long had he been staring at the candle? Somehow he had managed to scribble two pages of mostly ineligible notes without being able to recall actually looking at his notebook. He wondered what he would do now that he had exhausted his experiment with the candle. He recalled some of the previous experiences he had, and pondered what he could do to further expand on them. Music! Yes, of course, music; another beautiful art that escaped his pallete of talents. He quickly set up a stereo and played classical music. This was not a time to get lost in the riffs of pink floyd or some other acid rock band. The classical music turned out to be the best part of the trip, truthfully unexplainable since the words have not yet been created to explain the trip that it took him on. Oh if only everyone could hear muic the way Versuche did at that moment. Actually, only being able to hear it would be an injustice. The mad scientist felt the music, he saw the music, the way he knew that Antonio Vivaldi, Johann Sebastian Bach, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Ludwig Van Beethoven did. Why, at that moment, could he experience what those musical geniuses had undoubtedly felt the first time they played such beautiful songs? Now was not that time for questions. He closed his eyes and literally saw the music, the piano, he was riding on the keys, the notes on the paper, it took him on a ride that made his stomach squeal worse than any rollercoaster that would ever be invented. But he loved it, every minute of it. The magical musical experience enhanced by pyschedelics. The mad scientist deemed his first experiment a success, but yet, only a modest beginning.
to be continued ...