we are! penn state!
just got back from state college a few hours ago, lots to talk about. first off, i needed this weekend more than you could imagine. i almost didn't go, thursday night i told my friends i might not come, and the reason was i wasnt sure it was a good idea. clemson, was a great time, but something happended down there that made me very hesitant to run back to another college campus. i just didn't "fit in" down there, i was really out of my element. by the end of the weekend i was totally demoralized and borderline depressed because i had acted so out of character the entire time. of course then my radiator blew up, and i got to spend even more time to reflect and analyze why i had been so WEIRD there. of course, the 10 hour ride home taught me a lot about myself, too. i just didn't fit in at clemson, i started to wonder if i was never going to fit in at a college campus ever again. i thought maybe its because i am twenty-two years old, and i shouldn't feel comfortable hanging out with college kids, some as young as 17. i mean, my time has come and passed, i'll never be in college again, not like that. even penn state-harrisburg wasn't like that. i had one year at state college and i blew it, and seeing other kids make the most of their time really had me almost jealous i think. anyway, i was hesitant to go to penn state and not fit in, and come back an even bigger mess than before. not to mention, penn state always brings back bad memories about jarrett, bethany, and all the shit that went on up there.
i really want to spend some time soon writing about those three: jarrett, bethany, and my university park experience. unfortunately, there is so much to those stories that can't be told yet. you just have to trust me on this one. but i will spend some time one day and write a complete recollection of my times with those three, and their effects on my life while alive and after their death. i kind of touched on jarrett's effect on me earlier, but i want to get more indepth one day. not today though, in fact, i am sidetracked, back to penn state details ...
anyway, i found myself this weekend at penn state. instead of trying to fit in as a college kid, i went up there to be who i am. a 22 year old former college dropout who just wants to have a good time. it helped, too, that the crowd of people i stayed with most of the time were all 22 or up. friday night, i arrived and immediately met my friend at the sports cafe, and had a beer with a guy that had a beer with woody paige earlier in the week. i wore my red sox hat and instantly got harrassed about their depature from the playoffs that afternoon, but the angels then beat the yankees, so that helped. we went back to the house where i assumed i was going to stay that night, worked on a quarter-keg, and then headed back out to the brewery. this is where the night started getting fun, man. state college was fucking buzzing, i mean ready to explode. there were hundreds of drunk kids walking around beaver ave chanting, cheering, screaming, anything. it was an impromptu prep rally at like 2am-ish. cops showed up riding horses, of course i got a picture with one of them, and tried to break it up. the atmosphere was electric, i knew at that moment that we'd beat ohio state saturday night.
anyway, quick hits about the night: kristen found a guy's cell phone that i took the extra effort of finding him and returning it. yeah, me, the kid who in the past month had his car break down, his car stolen, his cell phone stolen, and his cell phone break in half. i figured karma would come back to help me, but, well, i'll tell you the details later, but it didn't. i ended up going to two different apartment parties that the cops showed up to, good times. we were out cheering and shit until around 4:30am when i realized i didnt have a place to stay. jesse wasn't answering his phone and i was too intoxicated to find the house i was supposed to be staying at, the house with my bookbag that had all my clothes and shit. i walked aimlessly around a few streets totally lost and semi-panicked. until i saw some guys sitting on a porch and pulled the "hey man im totally lost can i please sleep on your floor somewhere." and it worked. of course, it wasn't that easy, those guys were coming down from doing coke all night, go figure, so they weren't ready to sleep. i should have realized that guys that were still up at that hour, hyper as hell, and very talkative and friendly, were on something. i had my suspicions, but they were very open about what they were doing earlier that night. anyway, we were out tossing football in the streets until just before 6am, when they finally calmed their ass down and let me go inside to sleep. i slept curled up on the floor with no pillow and only the tweed jacket i was wearing (dont ask) as a blanket. it was fucking freezing. woke up at 8am and continued my search for the house.
friday night was still in an alcoholic haze, but i remembered they were starting the tailgate at 10am, so i had to find the house quickly. since i was still drunk from the night before, i had absolutley no confidence in myself, i went to get my car so i could save time and drive to find them, and of course, i had a parking ticket and would have been towed if i didn't move it that day. so i moved my car, forgot that i was looking for the house until after i left the parking garage. by pure dumb luck, i found the damn place, right as they were packing up the 30 cases of beer. what happended from 10am (when we started drinking) up until game-time, 7:45pm, was pretty standard tailgaiting stuff. girls getting naked, liquor and booze going down way to easy, throwing around a football, trying to fight ohio state fans, etc. everyone was shitfaced for the game, of course, none of us had tickets. up until this time, i had spent less than $100 for the weekend, i was damn proud of myself for the amount of alcohol i'd managed to consume, the ratio was, well, acceptable. anyway, so i was too drunk to walk back to the house with everyone else, i hitchhiked for a ride. the guy that picked me up wasn't heading that way, but i told him i'd give him $10 for the ride, so he obliged. of course, as i walked into the house and emptied my pockets, i realized i gave the mother fucker a $100 bill instead. yeah, that whole good karma thing from the cell phone blew up right in my face. by this point, i had drank way too much, and now 14-16 people were sitting in the same room watching the game, and we started dropped like flies. there wasn't enough room for everyone to have a couch, but i was lucky enough to get one. two of the guys had to share one, one of them slept in their underwear
but that wasn't the most homosexual moment of the night. thats right, there was more. it involved me. i was kissed and held, by a guy. yeah i really don't want to talk about it, but here is the quick version. i woke up from being passed out around 3:30am and someone yelled at me "dude, cole made out with you." i went back to bed and pretended it was a dream. but the next morning, it was all the rage. cole had tried to share the couch with me after i had passed out. i guess once he passed out he thought i was his girlfriend or something and wrapped my dead-to-the-world body in his arms and eventually tried to kiss me. i guess i pushed him away and said "not now" which didn't help my case the next morning. anyway, he fell off the couch after that and nothing more happended. what i wonder is, how far would those guys have let this go? i mean, if i saw a dude hugging another dude, i would probably break it up before they did something disgusting they would regret. nah, actually, fuck that, i'd let it go and take pictures. i guess this time the jokes on me ...
anyway, on sunday we were giving out awards. i won the newly created "comeback player of the year" award, since it was my first time back on campus in awhile, and i "did good" with drinking, social life, and entertaining our little group of friends throughout the weekend. however, i also won the coveted "big dirty dick" award, generally given to the guy who scored the most, or with the best looking girl. well, i didn't hook up with any females this weekend, so you can guess why i got the award. kind of tarnishes the achievement, but oh well. thanks cole.
i could write more about the details, but i'm guessing it was kind of a normal weekend for me, albeit my best weekend in more than a few months. it also proved wrong a lot of theories i had about clemson, proving that i can co-exist in a college crowd and enjoy myself, i just have to focus on being myself and not trying to be who i once was. the thing i hated most about clemson was how i sat around talking about myself so much, and the shit i used to do in college, because i was desperate to fit in, i couldn't find myself at all. penn state changed all that, thank god. i also got to experience one of my favorite moments of life. i forgot about this, but i love waking up in the morning after a long night of drinking, fighting off the shakes, and looking around to see at least twelve or more people just randomly passed out all over the same room. floors, couches, chairs, tables, whatever. i love seeing how people ended up passing out, did they have a pillow? a blanket? where they alone? with a girl? a guy? how comfortable did they really look? all those are great things to observe, man, i really get a kick out of it. and then, of course, eventually everyone wakes up, but nobody moves yet. so you are laying wherever, smelling of stale beer, farts, and morning breath, talking to everyone in the room without even opening your eyes let alone looking at the person. you talk about the night before, get some good laughs in, and then go out and get some breakfast. beautiful. just the perfect end to any weekend. i'm sure i forgot some shit, i'll write more later if i remember anything noteworthy
i really want to spend some time soon writing about those three: jarrett, bethany, and my university park experience. unfortunately, there is so much to those stories that can't be told yet. you just have to trust me on this one. but i will spend some time one day and write a complete recollection of my times with those three, and their effects on my life while alive and after their death. i kind of touched on jarrett's effect on me earlier, but i want to get more indepth one day. not today though, in fact, i am sidetracked, back to penn state details ...
anyway, i found myself this weekend at penn state. instead of trying to fit in as a college kid, i went up there to be who i am. a 22 year old former college dropout who just wants to have a good time. it helped, too, that the crowd of people i stayed with most of the time were all 22 or up. friday night, i arrived and immediately met my friend at the sports cafe, and had a beer with a guy that had a beer with woody paige earlier in the week. i wore my red sox hat and instantly got harrassed about their depature from the playoffs that afternoon, but the angels then beat the yankees, so that helped. we went back to the house where i assumed i was going to stay that night, worked on a quarter-keg, and then headed back out to the brewery. this is where the night started getting fun, man. state college was fucking buzzing, i mean ready to explode. there were hundreds of drunk kids walking around beaver ave chanting, cheering, screaming, anything. it was an impromptu prep rally at like 2am-ish. cops showed up riding horses, of course i got a picture with one of them, and tried to break it up. the atmosphere was electric, i knew at that moment that we'd beat ohio state saturday night.
anyway, quick hits about the night: kristen found a guy's cell phone that i took the extra effort of finding him and returning it. yeah, me, the kid who in the past month had his car break down, his car stolen, his cell phone stolen, and his cell phone break in half. i figured karma would come back to help me, but, well, i'll tell you the details later, but it didn't. i ended up going to two different apartment parties that the cops showed up to, good times. we were out cheering and shit until around 4:30am when i realized i didnt have a place to stay. jesse wasn't answering his phone and i was too intoxicated to find the house i was supposed to be staying at, the house with my bookbag that had all my clothes and shit. i walked aimlessly around a few streets totally lost and semi-panicked. until i saw some guys sitting on a porch and pulled the "hey man im totally lost can i please sleep on your floor somewhere." and it worked. of course, it wasn't that easy, those guys were coming down from doing coke all night, go figure, so they weren't ready to sleep. i should have realized that guys that were still up at that hour, hyper as hell, and very talkative and friendly, were on something. i had my suspicions, but they were very open about what they were doing earlier that night. anyway, we were out tossing football in the streets until just before 6am, when they finally calmed their ass down and let me go inside to sleep. i slept curled up on the floor with no pillow and only the tweed jacket i was wearing (dont ask) as a blanket. it was fucking freezing. woke up at 8am and continued my search for the house.
friday night was still in an alcoholic haze, but i remembered they were starting the tailgate at 10am, so i had to find the house quickly. since i was still drunk from the night before, i had absolutley no confidence in myself, i went to get my car so i could save time and drive to find them, and of course, i had a parking ticket and would have been towed if i didn't move it that day. so i moved my car, forgot that i was looking for the house until after i left the parking garage. by pure dumb luck, i found the damn place, right as they were packing up the 30 cases of beer. what happended from 10am (when we started drinking) up until game-time, 7:45pm, was pretty standard tailgaiting stuff. girls getting naked, liquor and booze going down way to easy, throwing around a football, trying to fight ohio state fans, etc. everyone was shitfaced for the game, of course, none of us had tickets. up until this time, i had spent less than $100 for the weekend, i was damn proud of myself for the amount of alcohol i'd managed to consume, the ratio was, well, acceptable. anyway, so i was too drunk to walk back to the house with everyone else, i hitchhiked for a ride. the guy that picked me up wasn't heading that way, but i told him i'd give him $10 for the ride, so he obliged. of course, as i walked into the house and emptied my pockets, i realized i gave the mother fucker a $100 bill instead. yeah, that whole good karma thing from the cell phone blew up right in my face. by this point, i had drank way too much, and now 14-16 people were sitting in the same room watching the game, and we started dropped like flies. there wasn't enough room for everyone to have a couch, but i was lucky enough to get one. two of the guys had to share one, one of them slept in their underwear
but that wasn't the most homosexual moment of the night. thats right, there was more. it involved me. i was kissed and held, by a guy. yeah i really don't want to talk about it, but here is the quick version. i woke up from being passed out around 3:30am and someone yelled at me "dude, cole made out with you." i went back to bed and pretended it was a dream. but the next morning, it was all the rage. cole had tried to share the couch with me after i had passed out. i guess once he passed out he thought i was his girlfriend or something and wrapped my dead-to-the-world body in his arms and eventually tried to kiss me. i guess i pushed him away and said "not now" which didn't help my case the next morning. anyway, he fell off the couch after that and nothing more happended. what i wonder is, how far would those guys have let this go? i mean, if i saw a dude hugging another dude, i would probably break it up before they did something disgusting they would regret. nah, actually, fuck that, i'd let it go and take pictures. i guess this time the jokes on me ...
anyway, on sunday we were giving out awards. i won the newly created "comeback player of the year" award, since it was my first time back on campus in awhile, and i "did good" with drinking, social life, and entertaining our little group of friends throughout the weekend. however, i also won the coveted "big dirty dick" award, generally given to the guy who scored the most, or with the best looking girl. well, i didn't hook up with any females this weekend, so you can guess why i got the award. kind of tarnishes the achievement, but oh well. thanks cole.
i could write more about the details, but i'm guessing it was kind of a normal weekend for me, albeit my best weekend in more than a few months. it also proved wrong a lot of theories i had about clemson, proving that i can co-exist in a college crowd and enjoy myself, i just have to focus on being myself and not trying to be who i once was. the thing i hated most about clemson was how i sat around talking about myself so much, and the shit i used to do in college, because i was desperate to fit in, i couldn't find myself at all. penn state changed all that, thank god. i also got to experience one of my favorite moments of life. i forgot about this, but i love waking up in the morning after a long night of drinking, fighting off the shakes, and looking around to see at least twelve or more people just randomly passed out all over the same room. floors, couches, chairs, tables, whatever. i love seeing how people ended up passing out, did they have a pillow? a blanket? where they alone? with a girl? a guy? how comfortable did they really look? all those are great things to observe, man, i really get a kick out of it. and then, of course, eventually everyone wakes up, but nobody moves yet. so you are laying wherever, smelling of stale beer, farts, and morning breath, talking to everyone in the room without even opening your eyes let alone looking at the person. you talk about the night before, get some good laughs in, and then go out and get some breakfast. beautiful. just the perfect end to any weekend. i'm sure i forgot some shit, i'll write more later if i remember anything noteworthy