Lies..Damn Lies.
Years ago, an event shattered what I thought was to be my existence. I thought that I should suck it up, forgive and forget like I was taught to do. This event unfolded so much for me, that when confronted over and over, I told someone what I thought they wanted to hear so that we could go about our safe and comfortable life. It was wrong of me to do such a thing, even though I thought that it would be best, and eventually work itself out. The lie of what we wanted, became us. We fed it, because we believed it worked, at least for a while. I can never exactly tell you when the light in me died after that first lie, but I suspect it was soon after. I soon built a facade to mask the hurt and uncertainty I had, about us and life and what we were supposed to share. I think of the things we both have done, and realize just how unhappy we both became. But, remembering the first lie, we kept it going, making sure not to talk about was happening, and hoping it would somehow go away.
I can write all day about the pain we both share and own. I tried so hard, so hard to believe that lie, that even when the most obvious things were shown to our friends, they were still blind to me. I didn't want to believe them, and thought that maybe it would all just go away on its own. Lies became truths to me, and I thought nothing of it when it came time to tell a lie to ivanushka & snoggered. Again, it became me, consumed me, and was a fiber inside of me. For the lies I told, I can only offer my most sincere apologies. I am not sure if that matters at all to you, but I can only hope someday you can forgive me.
I still love him, very much so. We still love each other, and both agree for now, we should retain our friendship. We have complimented each other so well with our personalities, our likes, dislikes and our ability to feed off each others strengths. I miss what we had long ago, and we can never get it back. This idea scares me, frightens me and shakes me to the core.
We look back on things and wonder why neither of us said something, and then I remember the lie.
I can write all day about the pain we both share and own. I tried so hard, so hard to believe that lie, that even when the most obvious things were shown to our friends, they were still blind to me. I didn't want to believe them, and thought that maybe it would all just go away on its own. Lies became truths to me, and I thought nothing of it when it came time to tell a lie to ivanushka & snoggered. Again, it became me, consumed me, and was a fiber inside of me. For the lies I told, I can only offer my most sincere apologies. I am not sure if that matters at all to you, but I can only hope someday you can forgive me.
I still love him, very much so. We still love each other, and both agree for now, we should retain our friendship. We have complimented each other so well with our personalities, our likes, dislikes and our ability to feed off each others strengths. I miss what we had long ago, and we can never get it back. This idea scares me, frightens me and shakes me to the core.
We look back on things and wonder why neither of us said something, and then I remember the lie.