Beh

Feb 18, 2009 01:11

I just got back from the gym and although I have no idea how reliable (or hopefully unreliable) the balance is there it informed me that I weigh a whopping 164. I also just got a “C” on a basic course and I’ve been skipping class… I need to get my life back on track.
I have never been this heavy before… gotten “C”s on stupid exams and I always go to class. My prayer life has also been slackened and I am deeply disappointed in myself for that.
Today marks my turn around. I originally opened this particular journal for weight loss and while I will not be limiting it to that it will help me keep myself on track in every respect.
I wish I would have gotten on the ball sooner so then when I get the braces off on Saturday and get my hair cut I would feel significantly better about myself but I suppose I will have to take every improvement as motivation to achieve my ultimate goal of actually having (to some degree) self esteem.
Right now I do feel motivated. And I have a friend to go to the gym with me tomorrow. Hopefully I can keep this up and start eating healthier. It’s just hard. For example I just went to the gym with Pigl and although I love my sister with all my heart, she is just too beautiful. It isn’t her fault but to see her looking so pretty and in shape makes me feel so ugly and out of shape. I am happy for her. She has confidence (and I mean why the hell wouldn’t she?!) and all the guys basically trip over themselves and each other for her… and that’s fine… honestly that is not what I want for me… but I do, however, want some type of attention.
Oh well… we’ll see what happens within a few months. Graduation is coming up and although I have definitively decided not to walk I have to have at least lost 20 pounds by May 8 (for my graduation dinner). Tomorrow I start the actual diet part of this rush to lose weight.
Wish me luck!
Previous post Next post
Up