2006 Dream Diary Recap a.k.a. If Someone Knows Where to Buy Lazer Pants You Best Be Telling Me!
Two entries in one day?! Waaa?! Okay this "first line of every month" Meme is overtaking my friends page and I am loving it! Only problem, is my year was so stressy and annoying for the most part that when I placed them all together it made me want to hide under my desk suckling my opposable.
INSTEAD: I decided to post the first paragraph from each month of my dream diary for the year. Yes, that's right I keep a very detailed dream diary, complete with indexed appearances for all 800+ people that have appeared since I started it in 1995. Why do I do it? Um....errr...so I can make posts like this? My icon lies. I DO sleep a bit a night and I almost always remember my dreams. Whether or not I write um down before I lose um is another story. Probably good I forget a bunch of them, at least in terms of evidence of any of my future murder trials.
January:
My dresser has four drawers. The handles are little hands that hold onto you as you turn them. There was a secret handshake to open the drawers.
February:
My mother has read a book about how to mother. There is a chapter on boys and how to "make sure your daughter gets married." She tells me she wants to try it out. She invites a random boy named "brian goldberg" over. We sit in the dining room. He's awkward and we have nothing to talk about. Mom says "the book tells me i have to close the door" she leaves us in the dining room alone. I'm trying really hard not to laugh.
March:
Giant fat Jon Stewart looks at me and says "Colleen you don't look much bigger since you are big boned." Watching home movies from college. Video of Annie S taking bookcases and leaving them in a swamp. I drop my notebook in the swamp and it turns into some swimming monster. I have to swim to catch it so i can read the notes I had taken for my class.
April:
I'm wearing a pair of pants made of hundreds of green lasers. They shoot off of my legs in all different directions towards the ceiling. They were so heavy and the metal was cold against my legs. I get upset because I remember I forgot to feed my staircase. The stairs only go halfway up the house and drop off into a black abyss. I walk to the top and sprinkle some kind of miracle grow. The long rectangular carpet is the first to grow, it shoots out a foot and hangs over the end near the darkness. The wood grows slowly under the extended carpet until they are flush. In ten seconds a new stair has been formed.
May:
I get to the school and I'm the cooking professor who doesn't hold a regular classroom but instead has a cooking show on TV. I am confused why I am the cooking professor since I hate to cook. I protest to the camera man that I am "feeding a demeaning stereotype of women," but they start the show anyway. The title reads "comedy cooking professor colleen" and I realize I'm not there to really cook, but rather to be funny. I try to blend a whole bunch of gross things together to be funny, but wind up just blending a whole bunch of things that people would normally eat together anyway. "I'm gonna put in hotdogs! And then mustard! No, not mustard (dropps it in) Dammit!" I realize I'm also there to help start an army.
June:
1. It involved me making out with the pages of a book...no, not some magical character that jumped off the pages, but the ink covered page itself
2. The book did not kiss back, because that would be weird.
3. While I was making out with the book I was repeatedly applying "Fresh Rain" deodorant to my left pit
July:
I'm surrounded by midgets. They are just starring up at me smiling.
August:
I touch my lip and realize i've got icecream all over it. Wonder how long it's been there and why no one told me. Wonder if i had my first kiss with mikey with that icecream all over my face.
September:
Looking down at cheerleaders from an attic window. I think I see myself. Get out a telescope and I watch myself dance. I'm on Nick S's shoulders dancing like crazy, unlike any of the cheerleaders around me. Everyone keeps talking about how amazing and odd a dancer I am, I am dancing balanced on one hand in Peter P's hand the dancing standing on top of four people. I am watching myself wondering why I don't dance more. I wonder if anyone will put up a video of me dancing on Youtube.
November:
Living at some resort. I'm like the furniture in Soylent Green, there for decoration. I'm wearing a bathing suit with a scoop neck down four inches below my belly button. My breasts keep falling out the sides. (similar to what Carrie Dazzle was wearing at the Silver Party) My job is to lay by the side of the pool and make conversation with people.
December:
I've died and am in purgatory. The streets are dark and crowded. Murder runs rampant and bodies of the dead are found dead again. The chances of survivial should anyone, a young girl in particular, walk the streets at night are close to non-existent. I don't seem to care why I died, but am terrified of being remurdered in this strange afterlife. I hide in a hotel room during the nights, sleeping standing behind one of the window curtains.
(Err...This is the part where I dance the Charleston so you all forget the werid purgatory dream and just focus on the cool dresser handshake one. Yaaat Daaat Daaaa!)