covid confession: there is so little I miss, because there's so little I did
First and foremost, I want to talk about this little romper that arrived. It sent off this thought train.
I did not order it. I have no idea who sent it. Yet, it arrived to me on Friday afternoon, addressed to me, with the return label in Chinese and I am actually freaked out by this, NGL.
It also fits perfectly.
Again, I am sufficiently creeped out.
On this last weekend 5 years ago, I was in NYC seeing my friends (most of whom now are former friends--of their own doing) on Broadway. Facebook memories brought up some images, including me with a friend of mine (who is still my friend), both of us in these adorable outfits. I thought how perfect this little creepy weird yet perfect mystery romper would be in NYC. For a moment, I missed traveling.
But then realized, that it wasn't so much the traveling I missed, but seeing people, and also wearing cute outfits. I realized that I hate traveling, but like being places. Really what I missed about NYC was wearing cute outfits I would never dare wear here and even pretend just a little that maybe I was someone else?
For a brief moment, I missed being seen in a far off city wearing something cute. It was a flash, but then it was gone.
I've had this realization for a while, but felt reluctant to share because I didn't want to seem like an asshole. I know there are so many things that people are missing right now.
I know, personally, there were things that were supposed to happen this year for me that didn't because of Covid-19: in-person recitals, reward trips to Disneyland, Tokyo Disney and Korea for Easter. But those things obviously didn't and couldn't happen and those times came and went and that was that. You know what? I didn't feel bad about missing Tokyo Disney at all, if I may confess. It was the limpest of "oh well"s. I don't feel bad about missing those times at all.
I know there is so little I miss because there was so little I did. I don't miss eating out or shopping or Starbucks or going to bars or going on dates or any of those things that so many people spend so much time bemoaning the loss of. I don't even missing "seeing people," because there were so very few people I saw before this, because of my long hours.
I spent so much of the latter part of last year not having any money because of medical bills, so I went out so very rarely. I did so very little. I spent so very little. I guess it was a test run for this year without knowing it. I'm such a "coffee and comida en la casa" type of person anyway.
I miss getting the extra hour of sleep. I miss not having to leave 2 hours before I am supposed to get to work to get there on time. I miss being safe(r) riding transit. I miss not having panic attacks every day.
I am not saying I am mentally or morally superior to anyone because I don't have a place for Starbucks or shopping or bars in my life; they just don't exist. So many of my in-town friends had moved away before this. And also with st*lkers, there wasn't much around-town stuff I could be doing. My 12-13 hour days prevent me from doing very much anyway. I think I don't "miss" people or things so much right now, because I am so overwhelmed by everything else. We're only 3 months into this; these sentiments could change at any time, I am sure.
This isn't to say I am heartless and don't miss people or things or think I am better than everyone else because I don't.
I am probably going to continue wearing the masks and gloves even after Covid-19 is "over."
Some other stuff:
My friend sent me the record store day re-issue of this! I have the sealed original, so I am going to go head and open this one and enjoy it.
Because so very few recordings and performances of this exist, I am trying to learn how to read this sheet much.
Thus far unsuccessful.
I got my cats these realistic fish toys. They aren't sure how they feel about it.
Saturday was the Solstice and the longest day of the year, but it was super foggy where I live, so it was anti-climactic.
My little friend! (whom I need to dust, damn!)
This movie was as good as I remembered it being and I was VERY HAPPY.
Treasure of the Lost Lamp> Aladdin, for sure.
Some OTHER other things:
-One of the things I am for sure missing right now is rain. The fog is thick here, for sure, and almost rain, but it's not the same. I know the weather forecast now calls it "atmospheric rain," but I am not going to give it such airs! Seeing "10%" in the "change of rain" column on the weather websites gets my hopes up so high.
-I've already surrendered to the fact that Halloween will probably not happen this year, BECAUSE PEOPLE CANNOT STAY HOME. Come on, everyone, YOU HAD ONE JOB.
-I've listened to Laura Jansen's Elba all week. I discovered it in 2014. I haven't listened to it very much since then, because it reminds me of that year and being underemployed and people I'd now much rather forget, but it's been a great listen this last week. Listening back to music you used to listen to during a certain time frame is such a strange time capsule. Even though everything was so complicated, it was also so, so simple. It was such a simple time that was filled with so much hope and promise for so many things.
-Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Core sucks! I was so disappointed! I don't like or eat very much ice cream, but I will eat chocolate chip cookie dough for sure, and wanted to support Ben & Jerry's because their politics are so cool. The promised "cookie dough core" was so gross! It was super slimy and grainy! Yuck! I can see other people feel the same way, because it has a 2/5 star review on their website. Thankfully, my sister said she would eat it.
-Despite spending less money because of not going out,saving more, etc.--I love the thrill of all the little packages parading to my house every day! :D