(no subject)
Just doing research, I did the math and everything and realized that financially, and academically, even though I have credits to graduate this semester, because of my pending honors thesis I will probably need to stay an entire extra year at Bridgewater. BLAHH. and I also learned that the only four schools that have sociology as a master's program in massachusetts that are not social work or gender studies, are BC, BU, Northeastern, and Simmons. The least expensive being more than 30k. Yikes. AND I would probably need to live in Boston, which is that much more expensive. that's insane, and depressing. I don't even know what to do yet .. I have so many more classes to take, so much more to learn before I get a Masters in a subject. I think ultimately I would love to teach at a university ... I think it poses so many opportunites and I would love to teach those who are as interested in the material i'm teaching them as I am right now in school. I know thats a lovely optimistic view, but then i don't know ... if i'm so interested in teaching, do i get a masters in education? But if I want to teach at a university, I need more info in my field .. and then I don't know. My brain hurts.
Life has been so hectic lately that even when i haven't been working and literally had two days a week off to do nothing, i felt like my mind was racing and that I had so much to do .. not that I accomplished anything. There are just so many things left open-ended in my life right now, so much more I want to do but I can't. And so much more I need to do but have so far been unsuccessful at. I wish I could take a day, make a bunch of phone calls and it would all be over, but unfortunately, mostly everything is dependent on circumstances outside my control...and i KNOW that means I shouldn't stress about something that I can't fix .. but it's not like i'm stressing about the weather or the color of my eyes or something dumb...it's sll stuff that will completely and definately impact my life and my future. I just feel like crying sometimes for no reason and it just builds up and I end up getting upset over a drink spilling, or there being no laundry soap or something.
I also keep ditching out on people lately for no reason. for some reason or another, i'm more 'content' sitting at home staring at my walls, when i'm really not content at all. so i'm sorry if i've given you some bullshit excuse for not hanging out ... it's no offense to you i swear, i'm just in a weird place.
Ah life is moving too fast, and then too slow. I don't like it. I either want to grow up or be able to ask my parents for money to go to the mall again. I feel like im in this shitty little limbo and it's weird. I need more control, i don't like it.
Life has been so hectic lately that even when i haven't been working and literally had two days a week off to do nothing, i felt like my mind was racing and that I had so much to do .. not that I accomplished anything. There are just so many things left open-ended in my life right now, so much more I want to do but I can't. And so much more I need to do but have so far been unsuccessful at. I wish I could take a day, make a bunch of phone calls and it would all be over, but unfortunately, mostly everything is dependent on circumstances outside my control...and i KNOW that means I shouldn't stress about something that I can't fix .. but it's not like i'm stressing about the weather or the color of my eyes or something dumb...it's sll stuff that will completely and definately impact my life and my future. I just feel like crying sometimes for no reason and it just builds up and I end up getting upset over a drink spilling, or there being no laundry soap or something.
I also keep ditching out on people lately for no reason. for some reason or another, i'm more 'content' sitting at home staring at my walls, when i'm really not content at all. so i'm sorry if i've given you some bullshit excuse for not hanging out ... it's no offense to you i swear, i'm just in a weird place.
Ah life is moving too fast, and then too slow. I don't like it. I either want to grow up or be able to ask my parents for money to go to the mall again. I feel like im in this shitty little limbo and it's weird. I need more control, i don't like it.