Comments | collarcorner: Comment-A-Thon Round 4

kriadydragon in collarcorner

Comment-A-Thon Round 4

Mar 01, 2011 20:53

Nothing special this time around, folks. Just the usual request and replying.

Authors, make a request using this format:

Prompt/Request:
Characters:
I would Like:
I Don't Want:

Writers, reply with a story.

Rules found here.

round four

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nefhiriel March 4 2011, 04:00:05 UTC

Prompt/Request: Protective Peter & Bullied Neal

Characters: Neal, Peter, Anyone

I would Like: Neal being "bullied" by a visiting agent (or, whomever). I'd like to see things escalating to the point where Peter really loses his temper in Neal's defense. Bonus if Neal has a previous injury, such as a broken arm, and the visiting agent takes advantage of it (i.e. "accidentally" bumping into Neal and jarring the injury), and/or the other agent is physically imposing and uses that to his advantage. Would prefer subtly slimy rather than over-the-top nasty!OC - I'm picturing a dynamic where it actually at first looks like the guy's words/attitudes aren't really over the line, but just something Peter might shrug off initially as something Neal can deal with ( ... )

Untitled Pt. 1 (G) kriadydragon March 5 2011, 07:08:16 UTC

There area lot of unspoken rules when working on a team - unspoken because they don't need to be said, because they're obvious. For example - rule 1: always listen to Agent Burke. A no brainer. You always listen to your boss. You don't get fired when you listen to your boss. In the case of Peter Burke, you also listen because he knows more than you, and to listen is to learn a lot ( ... )

Re: Untitled Pt. 1 (G) ultracape March 5 2011, 07:12:03 UTC

I hope this isn't finished. I'd love to see what happens next with this.

Re: Untitled Pt. 1 (G) kriadydragon March 5 2011, 08:11:39 UTC

It is done *wipes sweat from brow*

Untitled Pt. 2 kriadydragon March 5 2011, 07:50:32 UTC

But it's only two more weeks, and then Krepsky will be gone ( ... )

Untitled Pt. 3 kriadydragon March 5 2011, 08:11:13 UTC

"What the hell was that!" Peter practically snarls before even closing the door. And while Peter chews Krepsky several new ones, Diana and Jones help Neal to his desk. Neal is pale, clammy, shaking and still not quite through the last dredges of pain. But he smiles at Diana and Jones, thanking them.

The storm that is Peter's fury rages behind glass walls, too muffled to make out everything's that's being said.

But it is just silent enough, and Peter loud enough, for everyone to hear words like "asset," "important," and "member of my team ( ... )

Re: Untitled Pt. 3 nefhiriel March 5 2011, 16:58:21 UTC

I love you! XD This was awesome, and so exactly what I wanted. Krepsky was totally the kind of nasty, juvenile jerk I had in mind, and...and...the emotional!whump quotient for Neal was fantastic, and realistic, and totally satisfying.

In SGA, and now with WC, I never cease to be amazed at how you can just nail characters like Neal and Shep, and Rodney and Peter--all of whom can be so complex, especially when under stress (i.e. most of the time).

This whole section:

The storm that is Peter's fury rages behind glass walls, too muffled to make out everything's that's being said.

But it is just silent enough, and Peter loud enough, for everyone to hear words like "asset," "important," and "member of my team."

For a moment, the haze of pain clears in Neal's eyes, replaced by something warm that diminishes a little of the tension in his body.

Four minutes later, Krepsky hurries from Peter's office. He looks more than just chastened. He looks terrified.

...I just grinned madly at. Yes, I love you for writing this. :D

Re: Untitled Pt. 3 tj_teejay March 11 2011, 07:47:36 UTC

Yay! Loved this. Krepsky was a little bit like my Feynman Frill. Remember him? Though Frill wasn't really a jerk, just a nutcase who didn't actually mean any harm. I love love love protective Peter sticking up for Neal. And Neal!Whump always pushes my buttons, so there was no way I wasn't going to love this. I think the White Collar unit nees a group hug with Neal in the middle.

Re: Untitled Pt. 3 sholio July 19 2011, 05:25:50 UTC

I really enjoyed this a lot! :) The bullying wasn't too over-the-top, and I loved Peter's protective reaction (and the angry double finger point, hee!).

Re: Untitled Pt. 3 ext_840786 March 29 2012, 14:46:15 UTC

oooh, that was so perfect. I love how you have it from Diana's POV, makes it even better.

Re: Untitled Pt. 3 leesa_perrie July 4 2012, 20:37:38 UTC

Wonderful! Just the right level of bullying without going over the top! Love Peter's protectiveness (again, just the right level) - and Diana's POV is excellent too!

Re: Untitled Pt. 3 nefhiriel January 10 2014, 03:51:03 UTC

I've read this probably a hundred times before I decided to comment sorry :) but you're absolutely amazing and I hope you keep up writing. This is by far my favorite piece because, well I don't know, but it's so beautiful and articulate and the whole white collar seems like a family :')

*gives u giant hug*

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