snoozefest 2011
Okay! Time for another Oscar rant that nobody cares about, but hey, I have shit to say.
So I'm going to start things off by giving out a few awards of my own. Here goes:
Balls-highest host in the history of the telecast: James Franco
I'm in love with James Franco even though I think he's insane, and he deserved the Best Actor award hands down, but holy shit he must have been toking up at every break because he was high as FUCK the whole night. He was soooooo not present last night it was ridiculous, and therefore he was actually a really bad host for most people to watch. I loved it because he's sexy and his facial expressions are hilarious, but he couldn't have been any less engaged in what he was doing if he tried. He should have just come out dressed like this and removed any doubt:
Worst acceptance speech EVER: Melissa Leo
She was so good in The Fighter and at first I was really happy that she won, but her PR team must be kicking themselves because her acceptance speech was, hands down, the worst I have ever seen (and I've seen many). I really don't even care that she dropped an F-bomb, although that was pretty classless and inappropriate. Still, whatever, the Academy sucks and I like to see them sweat. But her whole attitude was awful. She was so GRABBY - you could tell she wanted that award so badly and felt that it was owed to her. At least feign some humility, goddamn. She practically ripped the award right out of Kirk Douglas' hands...jesus. Then she took his cane! Did anyone else see that? God I was so disappointed with her I don't think I can ever watch her in another film.
Best acceptance speech: Randy Newman
He 's the man and he was hilarious. Kevin Spacey agrees with me.
Most unfortunate name of the night: Wally Pfister
No explanation necessary.
Weirdest quote from an acceptance speech: "Triangle of Man-Love", courtesy of Tom Hooper (Best Director)
Um...what? This guy, a stuttering Colin Firth, and Captain Barbossa....not an image I want in my head EVER. Thanks, weirdo.
Best presenters: Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr.
I think there needs to be a triangle of man-love with those two plus James Franco because I said so.
Okay so those are all of the awards I have to bestow. The show was extremely boring, as everyone is pointing out, and it might have been the most predictable Oscars I've ever seen. There were no surprises, not one. I didn't see The King's Speech but fuck that movie. It was created to win Academy Awards and I can't stand shit like that. James Franco deserved Best Actor because 127 Hours was intense and awesome and I really have no desire to watch Colin Firth stutter for two hours, sorry. I'm not sophisticated enough for that shit, I suppose. Christian Bale is wonderful and I'm really glad that he finally has an Oscar. I think Aronofsky should have won Best Director but I didn't see all of the films in the category so who knows. What else....Gwyneth Paltrow was pretty bad with her song, but Randy Newman was awesome enough for everyone in that category. The show was way too long and if they hadn't schlepped poor Kirk Douglas out there to be awkward for fifteen minutes the show might have ended on time. I prefer to think of him like this, thank you very much:
Now, the hosting. Everyone is saying that James Franco and Anne Hathaway might have been the worst hosts in the history of the show. I don't know if I agree; I think I hated Hugh Jackman's year a little bit more, but that might just be because James Franco will never fail to entertain me in some way. But hey! What are we learning from this? Actors shouldn't host the show. Comedians should. The problem is that Hollywood is so fucking obsessed with itself that it can't take a few jokes at its own expense, so they put these actors up there as hosts so they'll be really PC and careful not to offend anyone. Well, that immediately takes ALL of the entertainment value out of the show. Lighten up a bit and let a comedian have some fun at your expense, JESUS. I usually can't stand Hathaway but at least she was trying. She was slightly charming while Franco stood there squinting and looking stoned (and beautiful). But he was really not into it and it was obvious the whole way through. Overall, it was really awkward and it's really the fault of the planners and the production team.
I'm getting so sick of Hollywood and the Academy, I'm not even sure how much more of this shit I can take.
So I'm going to start things off by giving out a few awards of my own. Here goes:
Balls-highest host in the history of the telecast: James Franco
I'm in love with James Franco even though I think he's insane, and he deserved the Best Actor award hands down, but holy shit he must have been toking up at every break because he was high as FUCK the whole night. He was soooooo not present last night it was ridiculous, and therefore he was actually a really bad host for most people to watch. I loved it because he's sexy and his facial expressions are hilarious, but he couldn't have been any less engaged in what he was doing if he tried. He should have just come out dressed like this and removed any doubt:
Worst acceptance speech EVER: Melissa Leo
She was so good in The Fighter and at first I was really happy that she won, but her PR team must be kicking themselves because her acceptance speech was, hands down, the worst I have ever seen (and I've seen many). I really don't even care that she dropped an F-bomb, although that was pretty classless and inappropriate. Still, whatever, the Academy sucks and I like to see them sweat. But her whole attitude was awful. She was so GRABBY - you could tell she wanted that award so badly and felt that it was owed to her. At least feign some humility, goddamn. She practically ripped the award right out of Kirk Douglas' hands...jesus. Then she took his cane! Did anyone else see that? God I was so disappointed with her I don't think I can ever watch her in another film.
Best acceptance speech: Randy Newman
He 's the man and he was hilarious. Kevin Spacey agrees with me.
Most unfortunate name of the night: Wally Pfister
No explanation necessary.
Weirdest quote from an acceptance speech: "Triangle of Man-Love", courtesy of Tom Hooper (Best Director)
Um...what? This guy, a stuttering Colin Firth, and Captain Barbossa....not an image I want in my head EVER. Thanks, weirdo.
Best presenters: Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr.
I think there needs to be a triangle of man-love with those two plus James Franco because I said so.
Okay so those are all of the awards I have to bestow. The show was extremely boring, as everyone is pointing out, and it might have been the most predictable Oscars I've ever seen. There were no surprises, not one. I didn't see The King's Speech but fuck that movie. It was created to win Academy Awards and I can't stand shit like that. James Franco deserved Best Actor because 127 Hours was intense and awesome and I really have no desire to watch Colin Firth stutter for two hours, sorry. I'm not sophisticated enough for that shit, I suppose. Christian Bale is wonderful and I'm really glad that he finally has an Oscar. I think Aronofsky should have won Best Director but I didn't see all of the films in the category so who knows. What else....Gwyneth Paltrow was pretty bad with her song, but Randy Newman was awesome enough for everyone in that category. The show was way too long and if they hadn't schlepped poor Kirk Douglas out there to be awkward for fifteen minutes the show might have ended on time. I prefer to think of him like this, thank you very much:
Now, the hosting. Everyone is saying that James Franco and Anne Hathaway might have been the worst hosts in the history of the show. I don't know if I agree; I think I hated Hugh Jackman's year a little bit more, but that might just be because James Franco will never fail to entertain me in some way. But hey! What are we learning from this? Actors shouldn't host the show. Comedians should. The problem is that Hollywood is so fucking obsessed with itself that it can't take a few jokes at its own expense, so they put these actors up there as hosts so they'll be really PC and careful not to offend anyone. Well, that immediately takes ALL of the entertainment value out of the show. Lighten up a bit and let a comedian have some fun at your expense, JESUS. I usually can't stand Hathaway but at least she was trying. She was slightly charming while Franco stood there squinting and looking stoned (and beautiful). But he was really not into it and it was obvious the whole way through. Overall, it was really awkward and it's really the fault of the planners and the production team.
I'm getting so sick of Hollywood and the Academy, I'm not even sure how much more of this shit I can take.