The Bare Necessities (3/?)
Title: The Bare Necessities
Author: coliebearz and livelovelearneg
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC-17 (rating subject to change)
Summary: The trials and tribulations Arizona and Callie face while raising one Juliet Michele.
Disclaimer: All television shows, books, movies, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2A | Chapter 2B | Chapter 2C |
A/N: Aaaaand we're back! After an extended hiatus of our own, which we apologize for, we were finally able to sit down together and just write out hearts out, and the product was this new installment. With all of the focus on Sara/Callie lately, we wanted to show some JCap/Arizona love and prove just how good Arizona has the potential to be as a mother.
**
Late at night was when Juliet felt the quiet in their house the most, when she paid attention to the absence of one of her mothers the most. There were no footsteps, no whispering, no Disney movies or people talking to her about animals in the ocean, which was currently her favorite Planet Earth DVD. One thing that always made her feel safe and aware was noise. She just needed to feel the things around her so she didn't feel alone, and sometimes, hearing herself or other people helped to do just that. Many of the people she loved thought she was loud, repetitive, and always had a million things pouring out of her mouth. Even when she slept, she talked in her sleep. She was never just quiet.
Callie never faulted her for that; she saw past the noise and realized that Juliet had so much to contribute and not enough experiences yet to find a social balance. She loved words, she loved learning, and she loved when people listened to her. There was certainly no doubt that she was intelligent far beyond her years, but she had so much to say and became so excited when she learned something new, she just didn't know what to do with it all. For her mothers' sanity, as soon as the sun went down she was supposed to use her “inside voice” exclusively. No yelling or jumping around the house or anything that was really fun for the little one. She'd crawl up on the back of the couch and watch her movies, or she'd snuggle between Arizona and Callie while they read and looked through her picture books.
She hated the quiet, and she hated the nighttime when she had to talk softly, and after she brushed her teeth and was read to, she hated being left on her own in the dark with all that silence. The one thing that she looked forward to most was when she was pretty sure that her mothers didn't practice what they preached. She'd always hear them laughing together in their room until well after her and their bed times, which, if you asked her, was a little irresponsible for two people with grown up important jobs like being doctors.
She'd lie in bed, her arms tucked tightly under her quilt at her side, and just...wait. She'd wait until she could hear the creaking of the wooden floors stop, for the sink to run while they brushed their teeth. She had their ritual memorized so she could watch it like a movie in her head, even though she couldn't be with her moms. But sometimes, one of them had to work late into the night; they'd be saving tiny babies or people with broken arms or legs. She missed the laughing on nights like these. She always waited until she heard the laughter before she could sleep. It helped her fall, knowing that her Mama wasn't having bad dreams, and that her mom wasn't stressed after a long night at work. She couldn't sleep if one of them couldn't.
If one of them was working late and she had a nightmare, she'd sit in the big, fluffy blue chair by her bedroom window and read until she couldn't keep her eyes open, mostly to make sure the monsters in her closet remembered exactly who was in charge of that room. Without both of her mothers in the house to tell it who's boss, she just didn't trust it, so she kept guard until they both were home. She wondered if her Mama knew that she wasn’t in bed sleeping, kind of like how Juliet knew when Arizona couldn't sleep. She knew Arizona probably wouldn’t get mad because her dreams made it scary for her to fall asleep too.
When her mom was gone, they both missed her a lot. Even if Juliet was somehow able to fall asleep, she missed Callie in her dreams. She couldn't understand why Callie had to work so late and get home so early, but she knew it was probably one of those grown-up things that she was always told she was too young to understand. She hated those things. Sometimes she just wished things weren't too “adult” for her and she could be part of the big people conversations.
That particular evening, she could hear her mother flipping noisily through a book and listening to music in their room, so she knew she wasn't alone in her tossing and turning and insomnia. She wondered what Arizona had had a nightmare about, and, more importantly, she wondered if she'd be able to get Arizona to tell her what she dreamed about.
It wasn't something Juliet ever talked to her mother about: the fact that she knew Arizona had nightmares that kept her awake too. Sometimes it was better to let her Mama tell her that nothing could ever hurt her, nightmares included, and not bring up the fact that Arizona herself suffered from them too. Sometimes she could hear her mothers talking late at night after Arizona had had one, how her mom would calm her down and snuggle her close and make her talk about it long enough to get it out of her mind and then they'd talk about Juliet. They'd talk and laugh and make a happy memory to replace the bad ones that haunted Arizona's dreams.
Juliet loved hearing them talk after the nightmares, even if it made her sad that her mama had them. Hearing them laugh together made Juliet's nightmares go away too, it made her feel safe and loved and even if they weren't in the same room together, it made her feel like a family.
But tonight, Juliet knew that Callie was at work, and it worried her that her mama was all alone in her big bedroom with nobody to snuggle her close or make her laugh. And if her mom wasn’t home to make Arizona feel better, then she would just have to do it herself.
She closed her book and ran across her room as quickly as she could, making a wide circle around the closet door just in case. Her first instinct was to sprint across the hall into her parents’ bedroom, but thought twice about it when her first step onto the polished hardwood floor sent her sliding forward gracelessly. Not wanting to scare her mother, she tiptoed to the half-closed door, pushed it open, and stood as quietly as she could with her hand resting on the frame of the door, peering back behind her once just in case a monster had decided to follow her out of her room. As soon as she saw Arizona, she knew that she had made the right decision by coming to be with her. While she always thought her mama was the most prettiest person in the world (other than her mom, of course), Juliet thought her mother looked prettiest when she was reading; she had to wear glasses to see the words better, but they made her look smart. Sometimes, Juliet felt like she could just look at Arizona for hours, but she never managed to be quiet enough to get away with it undetected.
Taking one last quick peek over her shoulder, she stood about face and placed her arms behind her back and rocked a little forward on her toes with a beaming smile, waiting for her mother to notice her presence. Juliet knew how much her mama hated surprises, and if she'd had a nightmare, she knew Arizona would be a little more jumpy than usual, so she thought it best to greet her with a smile instead of her words.
However, Arizona knew what was up. She spotted the little one out of the corner of her glasses as she turned the corner of a page. This seemed to be the game they played with each other more than any other; Arizona would push Juliet to the farthest boundaries of her patience until she looked as though she would literally burst from pent-up thoughts and energy. It was almost always a close call, but Arizona generally outlasted her daughter; she really hated to lose. Especially to a five-year-old.
A few moments passed that felt like hours and Juliet was quickly becoming bored and restless and a little annoyed that her mama still hadn't noticed her. Especially when she was smiling so nicely just for her. She crinkled her brow in frustration and gave a little huff, promptly dropping her arms to her side in a pouting punch of the air.
"Helllllooooo? Mama! I'm smiling here just for you, and you didn't even notice. So rude."
Arizona glanced at Juliet over her glasses before returning her attention to her book, trying and failing to suppress a smile. It was just so easy sometimes. “I’m sorry, Juliet, but you’ll just have to try to be more interesting than what I’m reading.”
"But, I'm Juliet. I'm always interesting and funny and cute. You're just mistaken, Mama. Try again."
Arizona sighed and gave her daughter a teasing glare before marking her place and closing the book, placing it gently on Callie's pillow and patting the bed next to her for Juliet to join her. “Okay, you win, c’mere.”
Juliet bounced gleefully up and down in place before taking a running leap onto the bed, crawling clumsily over Arizona’s legs to join her with her back pressed against the headboard
"Finally. May I be in mom's spot while she's at work?"
“Of course you may,” Arizona laughed as Juliet hummed in satisfaction, snuggling her body into Callie’s pillow. Looking over at the book Arizona had lain there, she picked it up and examined it, flipping haphazardly and crumpling and folding through the pages with a perplexed look on her face. Grown-up books always looked so boring, which was why she regularly offered for her mothers to borrow any of the ones in her room, though they always politely declined.
"Whatcha readin', Mama? This doesn't look very fun to me."
“Oh? Do you not like the classics all of a sudden?”
"This isn't classic! There aren't any pretty pictures of the Sherlock mouse, Basil or Princes or Princesses like in the books I read."
“You’re supposed to make the pictures in your head while you’re reading,” she explained, tapping Juliet’s forehead twice. “That’s the best part.”
"Grown-ups are weird. Pictures are more fun. Aren't you gonna ask me what I was reading in my room?" she said as she lifted her eyebrows animatedly in her mother's direction.
“You mean, when you should have been in bed, asleep?”
Juliet laughed nervously. So, she did know about that.
"Oh, no, I...I meant before bed. I don't know what you're talking about, because I was sleeping."
“Riiiight,” Arizona nodded seriously, narrowing her eyes and folding her arms over her chest. “Because you always happen to be awake and smiling your face off at my door at,” she glanced at the clock, “2:07 a.m.?”
"Anyway,” she cut off her mother’s speech with a wave of her little hand, dismissing her sarcasm. “I was reading about Cody and the Bianca and Bernard mice people and the big eagle and I heard you in here making loud pages too, so I thought I'd come and ask you what you were reading."
“Hmm, I don’t know if you’ve read this one...” She joked, taking the novel from Juliet’s hands and flipping delicately to the back cover of the book, glancing over its summary. “But it’s called Wuthering Heights. It’s a love story, about a man who grows up with a girl and falls in love with her, but gets really mad when she decides to marry someone else and..."
"You know how in my big books there is always a prince and a princess and they always end up living happy ever after? I like those stories. But...wouldn't that make mom your Disney prince in your happy ever after?" Juliet interrupted.
Arizona, startled by the abrupt change of subject, inhaled deeply through her nose and looked up to the ceiling briefly before closing her eyes and forcing herself to relax. She had really not prepared herself to have this conversation for at least another year or two, and certainly not without Callie to assist her through it. Realistically, she should have expected that her genius daughter would piece things together more quickly than most children, especially once she started school, but she also didn’t expect to discuss it in the middle of the night during their impromptu nightly nightmare book club meeting.
“Well,” she began cautiously, sneaking a glance at her daughter’s intrigued expression from the corner of her eye, “Your mom is...she’s more like my...Princess Charming.”
“But my books never have two princesses,” Juliet argued, shaking her head vehemently. She just wanted to understand. If there were two princesses in their house, why did she never read about it?
"Let me ask you this, sweetie, do you think your mom and I love each other like the characters in your books do? No matter what and never ending?"
"Yes, of course, Mama! Even when you yell at each other, you always make it better before morning and you are always happy and laugh together. I guess that's how the people in my books are."
“But the difference is,” Arizona explained, placing her palm under Juliet’s hand resting on the mattress between them; her heart would probably always skip a beat at the feeling of those tiny fingers lacing through her own. “What your mom and I have is better than the people in your books because it’s real.”
"Then why do all my books have icky boys in them, when we don't have a boy in our family except Papa and Uncle Mark? And they don't count. Why don't you have a prince charming too?"
Arizona sighed; this was proving to be even more difficult than she had expected it to be. “Because sometimes, princesses love other princesses instead of a prince charming. And that’s okay.”
"But, not in my books." Juliet had learned that in her mother’s world, things usually had a tendency to be either one thing or the other. Messy or clean. Loud or quiet. Right or wrong. She had yet to encounter a circumstance like this one, where there could be an exception to the general rule. But if her mama believed something to be true, then she would believe in it too; she was always right.
"That's true, but just because a lot of people don't write about it in your books, doesn't mean it's not a good thing. Your mom and I love each other very much, and we love you even more. Someday it might be two princesses or two princes in your books, you never know."
"Yeah, someone should write about that. I'd read it. Especially if the princesses were like you and mom. You can be pretty cute sometimes."
Arizona smiled, but could hardly open her mouth before Juliet spoke again.
“Mama?”
She squeezed her hand lightly and bent down to give her a soft kiss on the top of her head, smiling into her hair; she seemed to love this little girl more and more by the hour.“Yes?”
“You’re probably the luckiest person in all of happily ever after world.”
“Oh?” Arizona grinned, both intrigued and a little amused. That was not what she was expecting to hear. “Why do you say that?”
"Because my mom is the best ever. And...and she's really pretty. And really funny. And likes to play with kids whenever she's not at work. And she takes care of us when we have nightmares. What's better than that?"
“There is nothing better than that,” she agreed, because Juliet was totally, completely right.
After a few moments of comfortable silence, Arizona nudged Jules playfully with her elbow, resulting in a mad burst of giggles. She was ridiculously ticklish. “So...do you want to talk to me about why you’re really in here?”
"Because Mom isn't home to snuggle with you or make you laugh again."
The honest explanation took her by surprise; was their daughter exceptionally perceptive, or were they just obliviously in love? It was, more than likely, a combination of the two. “You’re right...she’s not home, but you didn’t have to stay awake because of that.”
"Of course I did, Mama. Who else is gonna do it if Mom doesn't? Someone's gotta keep you from being sad or scared."
“I’m okay, kiddo. I’m not scared. Or sad.”
"You're lying...Mama?"
“Hm?”
"Will you tell me about your bad dream? My mom always makes you talk about them and then she makes you laugh. And I like the laughing best, it helps me sleep, so...will you pretty please tell me about your bad dream so we can get to the laughing quicker?"
"Sometimes it's less scary to talk about bad dreams, Juliet. Even if you want to help, I think my adult dreams might be too scary for you to know about. Wouldn't want your little person brain to dream about scary big person things too. I know you have bad dreams like I do."
Juliet nodded solemnly. “Mostly every single night.”
"I know, sweetie. That's why we always leave your stack of favorite books by your big blue chair after you've fallen asleep, because we know that you wake up and read them in the middle of the night. You know it's okay that you have bad dreams, right?"
“Yeah, it’s okay. I know.” She sighed, twisting her fingers in the sheets tangled around her legs. Her mother had enough to worry about without adding in Juliet’s nightmares. “They’re not really that scary anyway.”
They both knew she was lying, evidenced by the number of nights she came barreling straight into Arizona’s arms after a particularly disturbing dream sequence, but she decided to let it slide this time. "But if they were, you'd tell me about them, wouldn't you?"
“I don’t know.” She considered the question briefly. “You won’t tell me about yours, Mama.”
"I know, but...sometimes your mom and I have to protect you from things you aren't ready to hear about. Even though you've got the brain of a teenager, sometimes we want to make the world a little less scary and sad for you for just a little bit longer. Do you understand?"
“But you told me that lying about sadness hurts more than telling the truth about pain.”
Arizona searched the corners of her mind for that particular pearl of wisdom; she couldn’t recall saying it, but it certainly sounded like her. “Do you remember everything I tell you?”
"You're my mama! You're really smart and you say really good things to me sometimes, I always try my hardest to remember them. Do you remember everything I tell you?"
“Are you kidding? Of course I do. You’re the smartest little girl I know. ”
"You're my smartest mama I know, too. We're good together, aren't we?"
“We’re great together,” she grinned, “Just don’t tell your mom that. She thinks she’s your favorite.”
"Oh, but she is! You're just my double favorite because you're just like me!"
“Okay. Fair enough.”
Arizona smiled and adjusted her position, lying on her side facing Juliet and snuggling into Callie’s pillow with her. It was comfortably quiet once more, with Jules twirling her fingers through Arizona’s hair and humming softly to herself, something that sounded a little bit like a song from Fantasia and a little bit like it came straight from her own head. She didn’t need to say it out loud; they both knew that Arizona had really needed this to get her mind to relax enough to fall asleep again. Which, thankfully, she was just about to do, when she was coaxed away from hazy unconsciousness by Juliet’s unusually calm, quiet voice.
"Mama?"
“Hmm?” She murmured drowsily.
"Will you tell me about your sad dream? Even though you think I'm too little? I want to make you laugh. But before I can, you have to tell me. Because you never laugh before mom makes you tell her about them. Please, please tell me?"
This wasn’t anything like Juliet’s typical inquisitive need to have all of the information; she was genuinely concerned for her mother and wouldn’t be able to let it go until her mind was put at ease. Arizona rolled slowly onto her back, stretching out as many of her muscles as she possibly could, feeling the tension build in them already. As much as she was displeased, she knew there was really no way around this.
“Okay. But I’m gonna need you to be a little bit closer to me if I’m going to tell you about it.”
Still taking her Halloween costume dead seriously even months later, Juliet smiled, nodded, and proceeded to curl up like a kitten in a ball against her mother’s side, sighing comfortably as Arizona began to run her fingers through Juliet's long curls.
“Okay. I’m ready.”
Arizona drew in a shaky breath. She wished she could say the same.
“Well, this one was about Audrey.”
“You mean my best friend Audrey? Oh, Mama, I love her so much! Last time I went to the hospital, she was there and I visited her and we played some games together. She told me she was going to be a doctor when she grows up. I told her that was a baaad idea if she ever wants to get any sleep for the rest of her life. And then she asked me what I want to be when I grow up, and I said I’m probably going to be a mermaid or an astronaut. But you know, mermaids probably don’t get very much sleep either since they’re always, always swimming, and...”
Arizona smiled softly, nodding encouragingly in the right places to motivate the story along. One of the best things about having discussions with Juliet was that it would take her little to no prompting to launch into an epic tale, allowing her mind to stray and tune out the babble of Juliet’s enthused storytelling long enough to organize her thoughts.
Arizona had only been at Seattle Grace for a little over ten years, and while the time flew by and the patients blurred together with time, one patient remained a constant. In her fourth year there, she and Callie had started to discuss children as if they were a definite possibility, as opposed to just the agreement there may one day be a baby in their future. They talked about life goals and career ambitions, vacations they wanted to take together, clinical trials they wanted to attempt, buying a home, getting a puppy, all the things a couple thinks about and discusses before they take the leap and start planning for a baby. And then came the discussion of names. They'd always kept that part on the back burner, perhaps just in case one or the other changed their minds, or perhaps, if it wasn't physically possible for them to have a baby, so they didn't lose all hope. They were also under the firm belief that a child fills into his or her name the moment they're welcomed into the world. They had two for a baby girl.
Obviously, when she arrived, she was most definitely a Juliet Michele through and through, but there was always that second name that hung in the balance somewhere that never left their minds. Not long after Juliet’s birth, Arizona had a patient come in by the name of Audrey Grace. Blonde curls, bright, sparkling eyes, and a smile that made even the worst day better, and from the moment Arizona laid eyes on her, she knew that this girl was special. That maybe she was even the version of Juliet if they had named her Audrey instead. The odds of this patient having the same name as what their daughter almost had were next to nothing, and once she got to know the girl as a nine year old, she had an instant bond with her. As did Callie. Every time she'd come in for bimonthly treatments, they both made an effort to spend a little extra time together.
As Juliet grew, the two became the best of friends. Audrey would sit and listen to Juliet's incessant babbling as an infant, play games with her and read her stories, and Callie and Arizona would have lunch with her parents and see how she was doing in school and coping with her disease. It was a nice, cozy little ritual they had. As they grew up together, Juliet fell in love with Audrey, and she'd ask every single time she was at the hospital if she could visit Audrey, whether or not that particular day coincided with the appointment markings on a little calendar on the back of her door that Audrey gave her one year for her birthday. So she would always know what days her best friend would be in the hospital. It was cute and it lightened the teenager's spirits while she received her treatments. The closeness of the two girls was a huge contributing factor to the terror her mind allowed her to feel in the middle of the night when she was sleeping.
Suddenly, Juliet took a deep breath, indicating that she had reached a breaking point in her story.
“...And also, I know she's our favorite because her name could have been my name, had your Mama's name not been Michele and she woulda killed you if you didn’t name me after her.”
Arizona laughed, recalling that particularly threatening voicemail just days before she went into labor. Her mother was nothing if not insistent. “Wait, how did you know about that?” .
Juliet looked at her condescendingly, as though she couldn’t believe she had the audacity to ask such a question. “I know everything. Continue.”
Even without trying, and even when Arizona was struggling to tell her something really difficult, she still managed to catch her off guard and make her smile. Just like Callie would.
“I know you’re not supposed to have favorites. I know that. But, she is, without question, my favorite patient. She reminds me of you, y’know.”
Juliet turned her face upwards toward her mother in pleasant surprise. “She does?”
Arizona nodded, her chin colliding softly with the top of her little head. “She’s like you, all grown up with pretty blonde hair and big, bright eyes. Always saying things that surprise me in the best way. Too smart for her own good.”
Juliet poked Arizona softly in protest. She was exactly as smart as she was supposed to be.
“Do you remember on Halloween, when I was very sad and I told you how I worry about you being like one of my sick kids?”
She nodded, snuggling a little closer and resting her head on her mother’s chest, breathing in time with her quickened heartbeat. “I remember.”
“Well, we were going to name you Audrey Grace, just like your Audrey. And I just know you’re going to grow up to be just like her, and just like me, with that bouncy hair and those sparkly eyes. But, you see, in my dream, when we drop you off for your best friend 'no adults allowed' play dates with Audrey while we eat dinner, everything is fine. But when I come back up to get you, you’re the one in the hospital gown and with tubes in your arms and you’re the one that’s sick, only you’re all grown up. And I say your name over and over and over again, but you never answer me.”
Juliet gulped, her voice barely above a whisper. “Why don’t I answer you?”
Arizona shook her head, feeling the tears burn behind her eyes without allowing them to escape. “I always wake up before I can get to you and figure that out.”
Juliet could hear her mother crying behind her words, so she scrambled up to sit on her knees, staring down at Arizona earnestly. “Do you want to know what I think, Mama?”
Arizona laughed once and nodded, wiping away a few stray tears. “I do.”
“You remember how Mom always tells you that you're twenty steps ahead, and sometimes you just need to breathe and feel the right now? I think you should do that.”
“She does say that, doesn't she?” Arizona smiled. She would have never expected to turn to her little girl for emotional support, but it turned out that she might just understand her better than anyone else. “Thank you for reminding me of that.”
Juliet grinned, making her eyes crinkle at the corners. “No problem. Why do you think you have bad dreams like that all the time? I’m not scary. Audrey’s not scary.”
“Well, like your mom says, I think about everything twenty steps ahead, and when I look at you, you're just growing up so fast. Too fast for your own good.”
They shared a smile and Juliet leaned down to give her a soft kiss on the tip of her nose. “And when I think of you as a teenager, I think of Audrey, because she is you as a teenager. And when I think about that, I worry that you might end up sick like her too.”
“I hope I end up like her!” She exclaimed. “She's smart and pretty and she has the best nail polish colors. She had a lime green and purple swirls on the last time, and she promised she'd teach me how to do it one day."
Arizona shook her head slowly and exhaled in a huff of quiet frustration; that wasn’t quite what she meant by that.
“And plus,” Juliet continued, “she tells me how scared she gets sometimes and then when I give her a big hug, she tells me that it's okay to be scared, but as long as you always make today a happy memory, it makes tomorrow a lot less scary.”
Finally accepting that the tears were just going to stream down her face whether she liked it or not. Arizona beamed with pride. She didn’t know exactly what she had done to deserve such an incredible child, such an amazing family, but she would gladly do it a thousand times over again.
“And anyway,” Juliet reasoned, placing her hand on Arizona’s shoulder, “I think...I think if you spend all of your dream time worrying about what might happen to me when I get older, you won’t have as much time to have fun with me and love me right now.” She nodded firmly and raised her eyebrows expectantly with a small smile, indicating the end of her speech.
"I think you're just as smart and wise as your mom is. I'm glad you came in here tonight with that big goofy grin and my scrub top and your baby blue nails that I'll need to have a talk with Audrey about the next time she comes in for treatment."
"But Mama! She made them look so pretty! I begged her to do it, and I promised not to tell. Do you promise not to tell her that I told you, because I swears I didn't! I kept my mouth quiet this time, I know I did."
"Juliet, I can guarantee that we won't be discussing whether or not you told on her. We'll be talking about the fact that you're too young for nail polish!"
"But," Juliet pouted. "That's not fair. Mom painted my toenails before while you were at work. The only nail polish in here is yours, and I can't help it that you have ugly colors. Audrey's are shiny and pretty!"
"Sweetie, you're just digging yourself deeper and deeper here, so for the sake of your mother and your best friend, I think it's a good idea we stop talking about whether or not I have ugly nail polish, which I do not. Okay? Do you want to tell me about your bad dream next?"
“Oh, it was no big deal,” Juliet shrugged. “The monster in my closet escaped his cage and Mom is at work so she couldn't put it back in there for me. He only likes my bed, so I just got up and went to sit on my chair.”
Arizona sighed in understanding. “We’re so lucky to live with the only woman on the planet who can reason with a monster.”
"Mama, may I ask you another question?"
Arizona watched her daughter begin to shift nervously in place, running her legs up and down the sheets and reaching out from under Callie's pillow with the hand that wasn't still grasping onto the seams of Arizona's shirt.
“You may. What’s wrong?” Arizona rubbed up and down Juliet’s leg soothingly, urging her to sit still. She would only make it harder to get back to sleep eventually if she got all wound up again.
"Usually, if I read six books after I wake up, Mom is home by the time I'm done. And I read six books and I came in here for a long time too. My mom isn't home yet and," Juliet stuck her lower lip out and inhaled deeply, looking up and blowing out the air forcefully at a curl that had made its way over her eyes. "I can't sleep without her home. Is...something wrong?"
“Nothing’s wrong, baby girl,” Arizona assured, with a soft smile and a soft kiss to the blonde's forehead as Juliet jumped up and wrapped her arms around her neck in a crushing hug. “I’m sure she’s in an emergency surgery or something. You don’t need to worry, okay?”
"But, I miss her and I'm getting sleepy. I can't go to sleep without my mom home, I really can't!"
“Okay,” Arizona conceded, swiftly sweeping Juliet into her arms and laying her on the bed at her side. “What if you sleep in here with me?”
Juliet took a moment to contemplate her options. If she stayed in bed with her Mama, she could make sure she didn't have any more bad dreams and know the exact second that Callie came home. Totally a good plan.
"One condition."
“Yes, miss bossy pants?”
"May I go get my Jungle Book movie and watch it while I fall asleep? Pretty please?"
“Okay. That sounds do-able. On one condition.”
"Name your demand."
“Do you promise,” Arizona began, speaking slowly and seriously, “to sing all of the songs to me?”
Juliet's face lit up and she leapt up and started jumping on the bed in excitement of being allowed to make noise and sing after quiet hours. But only for a brief moment, before realizing that jumping on the bed was a big no-no in their household, immediately stopping mid-air and landing on her butt with a small oomph!
"Do you promise to sing with me?"
“As loudly as you want, kiddo.”
Eyes widening in delight, Juliet snuck one look at her mother as she scooted off the bed, almost in slow motion as to enunciate the fact that she wasn't rushing or jumping or anything else to push her luck with the quiet rule. Shuffling towards the stairs to get her movie, she promptly sat on her little butt and scaled down the stairs like popcorn in the microwave, bouncing along until she hit the bottom.
Arizona reached for her phone on the nightstand, sending a quick text message to Callie letting her know their daughter would be sleeping with them tonight and that she'd have to turn off that ridiculous movie before she got into bed again, but that all was well and that they both missed her. Just as she placed the phone carefully down next to the alarm clock, as she heard the quiet repetition of numbers that announced Juliet’s ascent to the top of the stairs.
She skipped through the bedroom door, making a beeline for the DVD player, bouncing up and down impatiently as the device whirred to life. As soon as the movie previews began playing, she made quick work of dashing across the room to turn off the light and then jumped onto the bed, stepping on Arizona in several places before finally settling down on Callie’s side of the soft, warm mattress. She curled up on her side, turning to face Arizona as she wrapped her arms around Callie’s pillow. “Did I make you feel safe tonight?”
Arizona smiled softly and nodded, burrowing deeper under the covers and ignoring the feeling of Juliet’s ice cold feet, with the ridiculous blue nail polish, sliding under her legs to get warm. “You always do.”
“Good,” Juliet yawned, her eyes fluttering closed as Arizona hummed along with the first notes played in the movie. “Don’t be afraid to tell me if you need me, Mama.”
Arizona simply moved closer, continuing to hum the theme song of her movie softly to her as Juliet mumbled sleepy, unintelligible words that flowed seamlessly between English and French, as she often did right before she fell asleep. She knew that, within minutes, they would both be sound asleep, and quietly marveled over the fact that no one had ever made her feel quite as safe as this precocious, wonderful little girl.
Author: coliebearz and livelovelearneg
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC-17 (rating subject to change)
Summary: The trials and tribulations Arizona and Callie face while raising one Juliet Michele.
Disclaimer: All television shows, books, movies, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2A | Chapter 2B | Chapter 2C |
A/N: Aaaaand we're back! After an extended hiatus of our own, which we apologize for, we were finally able to sit down together and just write out hearts out, and the product was this new installment. With all of the focus on Sara/Callie lately, we wanted to show some JCap/Arizona love and prove just how good Arizona has the potential to be as a mother.
**
Late at night was when Juliet felt the quiet in their house the most, when she paid attention to the absence of one of her mothers the most. There were no footsteps, no whispering, no Disney movies or people talking to her about animals in the ocean, which was currently her favorite Planet Earth DVD. One thing that always made her feel safe and aware was noise. She just needed to feel the things around her so she didn't feel alone, and sometimes, hearing herself or other people helped to do just that. Many of the people she loved thought she was loud, repetitive, and always had a million things pouring out of her mouth. Even when she slept, she talked in her sleep. She was never just quiet.
Callie never faulted her for that; she saw past the noise and realized that Juliet had so much to contribute and not enough experiences yet to find a social balance. She loved words, she loved learning, and she loved when people listened to her. There was certainly no doubt that she was intelligent far beyond her years, but she had so much to say and became so excited when she learned something new, she just didn't know what to do with it all. For her mothers' sanity, as soon as the sun went down she was supposed to use her “inside voice” exclusively. No yelling or jumping around the house or anything that was really fun for the little one. She'd crawl up on the back of the couch and watch her movies, or she'd snuggle between Arizona and Callie while they read and looked through her picture books.
She hated the quiet, and she hated the nighttime when she had to talk softly, and after she brushed her teeth and was read to, she hated being left on her own in the dark with all that silence. The one thing that she looked forward to most was when she was pretty sure that her mothers didn't practice what they preached. She'd always hear them laughing together in their room until well after her and their bed times, which, if you asked her, was a little irresponsible for two people with grown up important jobs like being doctors.
She'd lie in bed, her arms tucked tightly under her quilt at her side, and just...wait. She'd wait until she could hear the creaking of the wooden floors stop, for the sink to run while they brushed their teeth. She had their ritual memorized so she could watch it like a movie in her head, even though she couldn't be with her moms. But sometimes, one of them had to work late into the night; they'd be saving tiny babies or people with broken arms or legs. She missed the laughing on nights like these. She always waited until she heard the laughter before she could sleep. It helped her fall, knowing that her Mama wasn't having bad dreams, and that her mom wasn't stressed after a long night at work. She couldn't sleep if one of them couldn't.
If one of them was working late and she had a nightmare, she'd sit in the big, fluffy blue chair by her bedroom window and read until she couldn't keep her eyes open, mostly to make sure the monsters in her closet remembered exactly who was in charge of that room. Without both of her mothers in the house to tell it who's boss, she just didn't trust it, so she kept guard until they both were home. She wondered if her Mama knew that she wasn’t in bed sleeping, kind of like how Juliet knew when Arizona couldn't sleep. She knew Arizona probably wouldn’t get mad because her dreams made it scary for her to fall asleep too.
When her mom was gone, they both missed her a lot. Even if Juliet was somehow able to fall asleep, she missed Callie in her dreams. She couldn't understand why Callie had to work so late and get home so early, but she knew it was probably one of those grown-up things that she was always told she was too young to understand. She hated those things. Sometimes she just wished things weren't too “adult” for her and she could be part of the big people conversations.
That particular evening, she could hear her mother flipping noisily through a book and listening to music in their room, so she knew she wasn't alone in her tossing and turning and insomnia. She wondered what Arizona had had a nightmare about, and, more importantly, she wondered if she'd be able to get Arizona to tell her what she dreamed about.
It wasn't something Juliet ever talked to her mother about: the fact that she knew Arizona had nightmares that kept her awake too. Sometimes it was better to let her Mama tell her that nothing could ever hurt her, nightmares included, and not bring up the fact that Arizona herself suffered from them too. Sometimes she could hear her mothers talking late at night after Arizona had had one, how her mom would calm her down and snuggle her close and make her talk about it long enough to get it out of her mind and then they'd talk about Juliet. They'd talk and laugh and make a happy memory to replace the bad ones that haunted Arizona's dreams.
Juliet loved hearing them talk after the nightmares, even if it made her sad that her mama had them. Hearing them laugh together made Juliet's nightmares go away too, it made her feel safe and loved and even if they weren't in the same room together, it made her feel like a family.
But tonight, Juliet knew that Callie was at work, and it worried her that her mama was all alone in her big bedroom with nobody to snuggle her close or make her laugh. And if her mom wasn’t home to make Arizona feel better, then she would just have to do it herself.
She closed her book and ran across her room as quickly as she could, making a wide circle around the closet door just in case. Her first instinct was to sprint across the hall into her parents’ bedroom, but thought twice about it when her first step onto the polished hardwood floor sent her sliding forward gracelessly. Not wanting to scare her mother, she tiptoed to the half-closed door, pushed it open, and stood as quietly as she could with her hand resting on the frame of the door, peering back behind her once just in case a monster had decided to follow her out of her room. As soon as she saw Arizona, she knew that she had made the right decision by coming to be with her. While she always thought her mama was the most prettiest person in the world (other than her mom, of course), Juliet thought her mother looked prettiest when she was reading; she had to wear glasses to see the words better, but they made her look smart. Sometimes, Juliet felt like she could just look at Arizona for hours, but she never managed to be quiet enough to get away with it undetected.
Taking one last quick peek over her shoulder, she stood about face and placed her arms behind her back and rocked a little forward on her toes with a beaming smile, waiting for her mother to notice her presence. Juliet knew how much her mama hated surprises, and if she'd had a nightmare, she knew Arizona would be a little more jumpy than usual, so she thought it best to greet her with a smile instead of her words.
However, Arizona knew what was up. She spotted the little one out of the corner of her glasses as she turned the corner of a page. This seemed to be the game they played with each other more than any other; Arizona would push Juliet to the farthest boundaries of her patience until she looked as though she would literally burst from pent-up thoughts and energy. It was almost always a close call, but Arizona generally outlasted her daughter; she really hated to lose. Especially to a five-year-old.
A few moments passed that felt like hours and Juliet was quickly becoming bored and restless and a little annoyed that her mama still hadn't noticed her. Especially when she was smiling so nicely just for her. She crinkled her brow in frustration and gave a little huff, promptly dropping her arms to her side in a pouting punch of the air.
"Helllllooooo? Mama! I'm smiling here just for you, and you didn't even notice. So rude."
Arizona glanced at Juliet over her glasses before returning her attention to her book, trying and failing to suppress a smile. It was just so easy sometimes. “I’m sorry, Juliet, but you’ll just have to try to be more interesting than what I’m reading.”
"But, I'm Juliet. I'm always interesting and funny and cute. You're just mistaken, Mama. Try again."
Arizona sighed and gave her daughter a teasing glare before marking her place and closing the book, placing it gently on Callie's pillow and patting the bed next to her for Juliet to join her. “Okay, you win, c’mere.”
Juliet bounced gleefully up and down in place before taking a running leap onto the bed, crawling clumsily over Arizona’s legs to join her with her back pressed against the headboard
"Finally. May I be in mom's spot while she's at work?"
“Of course you may,” Arizona laughed as Juliet hummed in satisfaction, snuggling her body into Callie’s pillow. Looking over at the book Arizona had lain there, she picked it up and examined it, flipping haphazardly and crumpling and folding through the pages with a perplexed look on her face. Grown-up books always looked so boring, which was why she regularly offered for her mothers to borrow any of the ones in her room, though they always politely declined.
"Whatcha readin', Mama? This doesn't look very fun to me."
“Oh? Do you not like the classics all of a sudden?”
"This isn't classic! There aren't any pretty pictures of the Sherlock mouse, Basil or Princes or Princesses like in the books I read."
“You’re supposed to make the pictures in your head while you’re reading,” she explained, tapping Juliet’s forehead twice. “That’s the best part.”
"Grown-ups are weird. Pictures are more fun. Aren't you gonna ask me what I was reading in my room?" she said as she lifted her eyebrows animatedly in her mother's direction.
“You mean, when you should have been in bed, asleep?”
Juliet laughed nervously. So, she did know about that.
"Oh, no, I...I meant before bed. I don't know what you're talking about, because I was sleeping."
“Riiiight,” Arizona nodded seriously, narrowing her eyes and folding her arms over her chest. “Because you always happen to be awake and smiling your face off at my door at,” she glanced at the clock, “2:07 a.m.?”
"Anyway,” she cut off her mother’s speech with a wave of her little hand, dismissing her sarcasm. “I was reading about Cody and the Bianca and Bernard mice people and the big eagle and I heard you in here making loud pages too, so I thought I'd come and ask you what you were reading."
“Hmm, I don’t know if you’ve read this one...” She joked, taking the novel from Juliet’s hands and flipping delicately to the back cover of the book, glancing over its summary. “But it’s called Wuthering Heights. It’s a love story, about a man who grows up with a girl and falls in love with her, but gets really mad when she decides to marry someone else and..."
"You know how in my big books there is always a prince and a princess and they always end up living happy ever after? I like those stories. But...wouldn't that make mom your Disney prince in your happy ever after?" Juliet interrupted.
Arizona, startled by the abrupt change of subject, inhaled deeply through her nose and looked up to the ceiling briefly before closing her eyes and forcing herself to relax. She had really not prepared herself to have this conversation for at least another year or two, and certainly not without Callie to assist her through it. Realistically, she should have expected that her genius daughter would piece things together more quickly than most children, especially once she started school, but she also didn’t expect to discuss it in the middle of the night during their impromptu nightly nightmare book club meeting.
“Well,” she began cautiously, sneaking a glance at her daughter’s intrigued expression from the corner of her eye, “Your mom is...she’s more like my...Princess Charming.”
“But my books never have two princesses,” Juliet argued, shaking her head vehemently. She just wanted to understand. If there were two princesses in their house, why did she never read about it?
"Let me ask you this, sweetie, do you think your mom and I love each other like the characters in your books do? No matter what and never ending?"
"Yes, of course, Mama! Even when you yell at each other, you always make it better before morning and you are always happy and laugh together. I guess that's how the people in my books are."
“But the difference is,” Arizona explained, placing her palm under Juliet’s hand resting on the mattress between them; her heart would probably always skip a beat at the feeling of those tiny fingers lacing through her own. “What your mom and I have is better than the people in your books because it’s real.”
"Then why do all my books have icky boys in them, when we don't have a boy in our family except Papa and Uncle Mark? And they don't count. Why don't you have a prince charming too?"
Arizona sighed; this was proving to be even more difficult than she had expected it to be. “Because sometimes, princesses love other princesses instead of a prince charming. And that’s okay.”
"But, not in my books." Juliet had learned that in her mother’s world, things usually had a tendency to be either one thing or the other. Messy or clean. Loud or quiet. Right or wrong. She had yet to encounter a circumstance like this one, where there could be an exception to the general rule. But if her mama believed something to be true, then she would believe in it too; she was always right.
"That's true, but just because a lot of people don't write about it in your books, doesn't mean it's not a good thing. Your mom and I love each other very much, and we love you even more. Someday it might be two princesses or two princes in your books, you never know."
"Yeah, someone should write about that. I'd read it. Especially if the princesses were like you and mom. You can be pretty cute sometimes."
Arizona smiled, but could hardly open her mouth before Juliet spoke again.
“Mama?”
She squeezed her hand lightly and bent down to give her a soft kiss on the top of her head, smiling into her hair; she seemed to love this little girl more and more by the hour.“Yes?”
“You’re probably the luckiest person in all of happily ever after world.”
“Oh?” Arizona grinned, both intrigued and a little amused. That was not what she was expecting to hear. “Why do you say that?”
"Because my mom is the best ever. And...and she's really pretty. And really funny. And likes to play with kids whenever she's not at work. And she takes care of us when we have nightmares. What's better than that?"
“There is nothing better than that,” she agreed, because Juliet was totally, completely right.
After a few moments of comfortable silence, Arizona nudged Jules playfully with her elbow, resulting in a mad burst of giggles. She was ridiculously ticklish. “So...do you want to talk to me about why you’re really in here?”
"Because Mom isn't home to snuggle with you or make you laugh again."
The honest explanation took her by surprise; was their daughter exceptionally perceptive, or were they just obliviously in love? It was, more than likely, a combination of the two. “You’re right...she’s not home, but you didn’t have to stay awake because of that.”
"Of course I did, Mama. Who else is gonna do it if Mom doesn't? Someone's gotta keep you from being sad or scared."
“I’m okay, kiddo. I’m not scared. Or sad.”
"You're lying...Mama?"
“Hm?”
"Will you tell me about your bad dream? My mom always makes you talk about them and then she makes you laugh. And I like the laughing best, it helps me sleep, so...will you pretty please tell me about your bad dream so we can get to the laughing quicker?"
"Sometimes it's less scary to talk about bad dreams, Juliet. Even if you want to help, I think my adult dreams might be too scary for you to know about. Wouldn't want your little person brain to dream about scary big person things too. I know you have bad dreams like I do."
Juliet nodded solemnly. “Mostly every single night.”
"I know, sweetie. That's why we always leave your stack of favorite books by your big blue chair after you've fallen asleep, because we know that you wake up and read them in the middle of the night. You know it's okay that you have bad dreams, right?"
“Yeah, it’s okay. I know.” She sighed, twisting her fingers in the sheets tangled around her legs. Her mother had enough to worry about without adding in Juliet’s nightmares. “They’re not really that scary anyway.”
They both knew she was lying, evidenced by the number of nights she came barreling straight into Arizona’s arms after a particularly disturbing dream sequence, but she decided to let it slide this time. "But if they were, you'd tell me about them, wouldn't you?"
“I don’t know.” She considered the question briefly. “You won’t tell me about yours, Mama.”
"I know, but...sometimes your mom and I have to protect you from things you aren't ready to hear about. Even though you've got the brain of a teenager, sometimes we want to make the world a little less scary and sad for you for just a little bit longer. Do you understand?"
“But you told me that lying about sadness hurts more than telling the truth about pain.”
Arizona searched the corners of her mind for that particular pearl of wisdom; she couldn’t recall saying it, but it certainly sounded like her. “Do you remember everything I tell you?”
"You're my mama! You're really smart and you say really good things to me sometimes, I always try my hardest to remember them. Do you remember everything I tell you?"
“Are you kidding? Of course I do. You’re the smartest little girl I know. ”
"You're my smartest mama I know, too. We're good together, aren't we?"
“We’re great together,” she grinned, “Just don’t tell your mom that. She thinks she’s your favorite.”
"Oh, but she is! You're just my double favorite because you're just like me!"
“Okay. Fair enough.”
Arizona smiled and adjusted her position, lying on her side facing Juliet and snuggling into Callie’s pillow with her. It was comfortably quiet once more, with Jules twirling her fingers through Arizona’s hair and humming softly to herself, something that sounded a little bit like a song from Fantasia and a little bit like it came straight from her own head. She didn’t need to say it out loud; they both knew that Arizona had really needed this to get her mind to relax enough to fall asleep again. Which, thankfully, she was just about to do, when she was coaxed away from hazy unconsciousness by Juliet’s unusually calm, quiet voice.
"Mama?"
“Hmm?” She murmured drowsily.
"Will you tell me about your sad dream? Even though you think I'm too little? I want to make you laugh. But before I can, you have to tell me. Because you never laugh before mom makes you tell her about them. Please, please tell me?"
This wasn’t anything like Juliet’s typical inquisitive need to have all of the information; she was genuinely concerned for her mother and wouldn’t be able to let it go until her mind was put at ease. Arizona rolled slowly onto her back, stretching out as many of her muscles as she possibly could, feeling the tension build in them already. As much as she was displeased, she knew there was really no way around this.
“Okay. But I’m gonna need you to be a little bit closer to me if I’m going to tell you about it.”
Still taking her Halloween costume dead seriously even months later, Juliet smiled, nodded, and proceeded to curl up like a kitten in a ball against her mother’s side, sighing comfortably as Arizona began to run her fingers through Juliet's long curls.
“Okay. I’m ready.”
Arizona drew in a shaky breath. She wished she could say the same.
“Well, this one was about Audrey.”
“You mean my best friend Audrey? Oh, Mama, I love her so much! Last time I went to the hospital, she was there and I visited her and we played some games together. She told me she was going to be a doctor when she grows up. I told her that was a baaad idea if she ever wants to get any sleep for the rest of her life. And then she asked me what I want to be when I grow up, and I said I’m probably going to be a mermaid or an astronaut. But you know, mermaids probably don’t get very much sleep either since they’re always, always swimming, and...”
Arizona smiled softly, nodding encouragingly in the right places to motivate the story along. One of the best things about having discussions with Juliet was that it would take her little to no prompting to launch into an epic tale, allowing her mind to stray and tune out the babble of Juliet’s enthused storytelling long enough to organize her thoughts.
Arizona had only been at Seattle Grace for a little over ten years, and while the time flew by and the patients blurred together with time, one patient remained a constant. In her fourth year there, she and Callie had started to discuss children as if they were a definite possibility, as opposed to just the agreement there may one day be a baby in their future. They talked about life goals and career ambitions, vacations they wanted to take together, clinical trials they wanted to attempt, buying a home, getting a puppy, all the things a couple thinks about and discusses before they take the leap and start planning for a baby. And then came the discussion of names. They'd always kept that part on the back burner, perhaps just in case one or the other changed their minds, or perhaps, if it wasn't physically possible for them to have a baby, so they didn't lose all hope. They were also under the firm belief that a child fills into his or her name the moment they're welcomed into the world. They had two for a baby girl.
Obviously, when she arrived, she was most definitely a Juliet Michele through and through, but there was always that second name that hung in the balance somewhere that never left their minds. Not long after Juliet’s birth, Arizona had a patient come in by the name of Audrey Grace. Blonde curls, bright, sparkling eyes, and a smile that made even the worst day better, and from the moment Arizona laid eyes on her, she knew that this girl was special. That maybe she was even the version of Juliet if they had named her Audrey instead. The odds of this patient having the same name as what their daughter almost had were next to nothing, and once she got to know the girl as a nine year old, she had an instant bond with her. As did Callie. Every time she'd come in for bimonthly treatments, they both made an effort to spend a little extra time together.
As Juliet grew, the two became the best of friends. Audrey would sit and listen to Juliet's incessant babbling as an infant, play games with her and read her stories, and Callie and Arizona would have lunch with her parents and see how she was doing in school and coping with her disease. It was a nice, cozy little ritual they had. As they grew up together, Juliet fell in love with Audrey, and she'd ask every single time she was at the hospital if she could visit Audrey, whether or not that particular day coincided with the appointment markings on a little calendar on the back of her door that Audrey gave her one year for her birthday. So she would always know what days her best friend would be in the hospital. It was cute and it lightened the teenager's spirits while she received her treatments. The closeness of the two girls was a huge contributing factor to the terror her mind allowed her to feel in the middle of the night when she was sleeping.
Suddenly, Juliet took a deep breath, indicating that she had reached a breaking point in her story.
“...And also, I know she's our favorite because her name could have been my name, had your Mama's name not been Michele and she woulda killed you if you didn’t name me after her.”
Arizona laughed, recalling that particularly threatening voicemail just days before she went into labor. Her mother was nothing if not insistent. “Wait, how did you know about that?” .
Juliet looked at her condescendingly, as though she couldn’t believe she had the audacity to ask such a question. “I know everything. Continue.”
Even without trying, and even when Arizona was struggling to tell her something really difficult, she still managed to catch her off guard and make her smile. Just like Callie would.
“I know you’re not supposed to have favorites. I know that. But, she is, without question, my favorite patient. She reminds me of you, y’know.”
Juliet turned her face upwards toward her mother in pleasant surprise. “She does?”
Arizona nodded, her chin colliding softly with the top of her little head. “She’s like you, all grown up with pretty blonde hair and big, bright eyes. Always saying things that surprise me in the best way. Too smart for her own good.”
Juliet poked Arizona softly in protest. She was exactly as smart as she was supposed to be.
“Do you remember on Halloween, when I was very sad and I told you how I worry about you being like one of my sick kids?”
She nodded, snuggling a little closer and resting her head on her mother’s chest, breathing in time with her quickened heartbeat. “I remember.”
“Well, we were going to name you Audrey Grace, just like your Audrey. And I just know you’re going to grow up to be just like her, and just like me, with that bouncy hair and those sparkly eyes. But, you see, in my dream, when we drop you off for your best friend 'no adults allowed' play dates with Audrey while we eat dinner, everything is fine. But when I come back up to get you, you’re the one in the hospital gown and with tubes in your arms and you’re the one that’s sick, only you’re all grown up. And I say your name over and over and over again, but you never answer me.”
Juliet gulped, her voice barely above a whisper. “Why don’t I answer you?”
Arizona shook her head, feeling the tears burn behind her eyes without allowing them to escape. “I always wake up before I can get to you and figure that out.”
Juliet could hear her mother crying behind her words, so she scrambled up to sit on her knees, staring down at Arizona earnestly. “Do you want to know what I think, Mama?”
Arizona laughed once and nodded, wiping away a few stray tears. “I do.”
“You remember how Mom always tells you that you're twenty steps ahead, and sometimes you just need to breathe and feel the right now? I think you should do that.”
“She does say that, doesn't she?” Arizona smiled. She would have never expected to turn to her little girl for emotional support, but it turned out that she might just understand her better than anyone else. “Thank you for reminding me of that.”
Juliet grinned, making her eyes crinkle at the corners. “No problem. Why do you think you have bad dreams like that all the time? I’m not scary. Audrey’s not scary.”
“Well, like your mom says, I think about everything twenty steps ahead, and when I look at you, you're just growing up so fast. Too fast for your own good.”
They shared a smile and Juliet leaned down to give her a soft kiss on the tip of her nose. “And when I think of you as a teenager, I think of Audrey, because she is you as a teenager. And when I think about that, I worry that you might end up sick like her too.”
“I hope I end up like her!” She exclaimed. “She's smart and pretty and she has the best nail polish colors. She had a lime green and purple swirls on the last time, and she promised she'd teach me how to do it one day."
Arizona shook her head slowly and exhaled in a huff of quiet frustration; that wasn’t quite what she meant by that.
“And plus,” Juliet continued, “she tells me how scared she gets sometimes and then when I give her a big hug, she tells me that it's okay to be scared, but as long as you always make today a happy memory, it makes tomorrow a lot less scary.”
Finally accepting that the tears were just going to stream down her face whether she liked it or not. Arizona beamed with pride. She didn’t know exactly what she had done to deserve such an incredible child, such an amazing family, but she would gladly do it a thousand times over again.
“And anyway,” Juliet reasoned, placing her hand on Arizona’s shoulder, “I think...I think if you spend all of your dream time worrying about what might happen to me when I get older, you won’t have as much time to have fun with me and love me right now.” She nodded firmly and raised her eyebrows expectantly with a small smile, indicating the end of her speech.
"I think you're just as smart and wise as your mom is. I'm glad you came in here tonight with that big goofy grin and my scrub top and your baby blue nails that I'll need to have a talk with Audrey about the next time she comes in for treatment."
"But Mama! She made them look so pretty! I begged her to do it, and I promised not to tell. Do you promise not to tell her that I told you, because I swears I didn't! I kept my mouth quiet this time, I know I did."
"Juliet, I can guarantee that we won't be discussing whether or not you told on her. We'll be talking about the fact that you're too young for nail polish!"
"But," Juliet pouted. "That's not fair. Mom painted my toenails before while you were at work. The only nail polish in here is yours, and I can't help it that you have ugly colors. Audrey's are shiny and pretty!"
"Sweetie, you're just digging yourself deeper and deeper here, so for the sake of your mother and your best friend, I think it's a good idea we stop talking about whether or not I have ugly nail polish, which I do not. Okay? Do you want to tell me about your bad dream next?"
“Oh, it was no big deal,” Juliet shrugged. “The monster in my closet escaped his cage and Mom is at work so she couldn't put it back in there for me. He only likes my bed, so I just got up and went to sit on my chair.”
Arizona sighed in understanding. “We’re so lucky to live with the only woman on the planet who can reason with a monster.”
"Mama, may I ask you another question?"
Arizona watched her daughter begin to shift nervously in place, running her legs up and down the sheets and reaching out from under Callie's pillow with the hand that wasn't still grasping onto the seams of Arizona's shirt.
“You may. What’s wrong?” Arizona rubbed up and down Juliet’s leg soothingly, urging her to sit still. She would only make it harder to get back to sleep eventually if she got all wound up again.
"Usually, if I read six books after I wake up, Mom is home by the time I'm done. And I read six books and I came in here for a long time too. My mom isn't home yet and," Juliet stuck her lower lip out and inhaled deeply, looking up and blowing out the air forcefully at a curl that had made its way over her eyes. "I can't sleep without her home. Is...something wrong?"
“Nothing’s wrong, baby girl,” Arizona assured, with a soft smile and a soft kiss to the blonde's forehead as Juliet jumped up and wrapped her arms around her neck in a crushing hug. “I’m sure she’s in an emergency surgery or something. You don’t need to worry, okay?”
"But, I miss her and I'm getting sleepy. I can't go to sleep without my mom home, I really can't!"
“Okay,” Arizona conceded, swiftly sweeping Juliet into her arms and laying her on the bed at her side. “What if you sleep in here with me?”
Juliet took a moment to contemplate her options. If she stayed in bed with her Mama, she could make sure she didn't have any more bad dreams and know the exact second that Callie came home. Totally a good plan.
"One condition."
“Yes, miss bossy pants?”
"May I go get my Jungle Book movie and watch it while I fall asleep? Pretty please?"
“Okay. That sounds do-able. On one condition.”
"Name your demand."
“Do you promise,” Arizona began, speaking slowly and seriously, “to sing all of the songs to me?”
Juliet's face lit up and she leapt up and started jumping on the bed in excitement of being allowed to make noise and sing after quiet hours. But only for a brief moment, before realizing that jumping on the bed was a big no-no in their household, immediately stopping mid-air and landing on her butt with a small oomph!
"Do you promise to sing with me?"
“As loudly as you want, kiddo.”
Eyes widening in delight, Juliet snuck one look at her mother as she scooted off the bed, almost in slow motion as to enunciate the fact that she wasn't rushing or jumping or anything else to push her luck with the quiet rule. Shuffling towards the stairs to get her movie, she promptly sat on her little butt and scaled down the stairs like popcorn in the microwave, bouncing along until she hit the bottom.
Arizona reached for her phone on the nightstand, sending a quick text message to Callie letting her know their daughter would be sleeping with them tonight and that she'd have to turn off that ridiculous movie before she got into bed again, but that all was well and that they both missed her. Just as she placed the phone carefully down next to the alarm clock, as she heard the quiet repetition of numbers that announced Juliet’s ascent to the top of the stairs.
She skipped through the bedroom door, making a beeline for the DVD player, bouncing up and down impatiently as the device whirred to life. As soon as the movie previews began playing, she made quick work of dashing across the room to turn off the light and then jumped onto the bed, stepping on Arizona in several places before finally settling down on Callie’s side of the soft, warm mattress. She curled up on her side, turning to face Arizona as she wrapped her arms around Callie’s pillow. “Did I make you feel safe tonight?”
Arizona smiled softly and nodded, burrowing deeper under the covers and ignoring the feeling of Juliet’s ice cold feet, with the ridiculous blue nail polish, sliding under her legs to get warm. “You always do.”
“Good,” Juliet yawned, her eyes fluttering closed as Arizona hummed along with the first notes played in the movie. “Don’t be afraid to tell me if you need me, Mama.”
Arizona simply moved closer, continuing to hum the theme song of her movie softly to her as Juliet mumbled sleepy, unintelligible words that flowed seamlessly between English and French, as she often did right before she fell asleep. She knew that, within minutes, they would both be sound asleep, and quietly marveled over the fact that no one had ever made her feel quite as safe as this precocious, wonderful little girl.