Blah
I don't know where to start. I don't know where to end. There is a whirlwind of anger, compassion, rage, sadness, and bliss all rolled into one and I have no idea what's going on. For once in my life I've totally commited my life to being the responsible adult I need to be to succed in life. Yet I'm still carrying a ball and chain on my leg. I don't know where it is, I don't know what it is, I don't know who it is. I kicked everyone out of my life that has been holding me back. It hurt because I love some of those people but it is what I needed to do for me. I promised myself I'll never let those people back in. Yet there is something there that's smacking me in the head everytime I try to walk. So maybe I need to take a few steps back and get a running start.
I dunno I'm trying with all of my strength and everything I have to give everyone what they want but again I feel like noone trys for me. So fuck them. I do all that I can and yet I get shit on. This is why I was as I was a year ago and I don't want to be that person but it's getting there. I go to school I go to work. I work my ass off. I spend as much time as I can with the man I love. I study hard and pass my classes. Yet I'm the bad guy. Everyday I feel its a battle between my mind and my mouth. I've finally come to the conclusion of everything and I know what I need for me. But in the wonderful working of the world, getting everything I need to be happy will leave me with nothing I need to be happy. Maybe it's better off I go with my first plan. Still fucks everyone over but it's easier for me. For once I'm gonna take the easy road. Why the hell not. I don't see anyone else taking the hard road for my health. You would think by now I would learn that no matter who it is I can't give myself. All I get is a kick in the teeth. Every freakin time. I should have put an end to this before it started.
I know most of this is just venting. I say things but in the end I always let everyone walk on me because its easier that way. I feel almost as if I'm stuck where I am. I have no choice but to let things go as they are.
I feel like I'm gonna puke. If I have another anxiety attack over this shit I'm gonna wind up hurting someone. It usually winds up being me. Oh well, I should be used to this by now.
But before I start spewing fire from eyes I'm gonna get going. Bye peoples.
I dunno I'm trying with all of my strength and everything I have to give everyone what they want but again I feel like noone trys for me. So fuck them. I do all that I can and yet I get shit on. This is why I was as I was a year ago and I don't want to be that person but it's getting there. I go to school I go to work. I work my ass off. I spend as much time as I can with the man I love. I study hard and pass my classes. Yet I'm the bad guy. Everyday I feel its a battle between my mind and my mouth. I've finally come to the conclusion of everything and I know what I need for me. But in the wonderful working of the world, getting everything I need to be happy will leave me with nothing I need to be happy. Maybe it's better off I go with my first plan. Still fucks everyone over but it's easier for me. For once I'm gonna take the easy road. Why the hell not. I don't see anyone else taking the hard road for my health. You would think by now I would learn that no matter who it is I can't give myself. All I get is a kick in the teeth. Every freakin time. I should have put an end to this before it started.
I know most of this is just venting. I say things but in the end I always let everyone walk on me because its easier that way. I feel almost as if I'm stuck where I am. I have no choice but to let things go as they are.
I feel like I'm gonna puke. If I have another anxiety attack over this shit I'm gonna wind up hurting someone. It usually winds up being me. Oh well, I should be used to this by now.
But before I start spewing fire from eyes I'm gonna get going. Bye peoples.