[Fic] Endlessly - 7/7
Title: Endlessly
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Rating: up to NC-17
Genre: AU, romance, smut
Summary: Kyuhyun's life changes when he gets the chance to meet his favorite singer. (Or, as the prompt put it: fanboy!kyu finally meets his bias.)
***
Part One * Part Two * Part Three * Part Four * Part Five * Part Six * Part Seven
***
“Working, working,” Kyuhyun texted, having nearly had to hold his phone in his teeth to take the picture of his hands on his work keyboard. He’d used his photo editing program to make a little halo around the ring on his finger in case that Zhou Mi didn’t notice.
“Make sure you work hard, or I won’t invite you to the sleepover I’m planning,” Zhou Mi said, including a heart, a winking face, and some kind of sparkle emoji.
It had his eyebrows raising. “A sleepover for two?”
Kyuhyun knew Zhou Mi was sending a missive when he didn’t immediately write back, but sure enough, the texts came in. Party. Cake. A unicorn.
“If I can make it work. I’ll be out for dinner, but unless something comes up, I can text you on my way home, and I don’t have to be out tomorrow until afternoon!!”
“I can be ready just in case,” Kyuhyun texted back. “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll make it up another time.”
Zhou Mi sent back a series of kissy face emoticons, and, “Love you.”
Kyuhyun was already running plans in his head, as he sifted through new e-mails. He’d get dinner on his way home, pack up a bag. If Zhou Mi didn’t have to go until the next afternoon, then they could catch breakfast together, and maybe lunch. He was sure Zhou Mi would have thoughts on that. The second Kyuhyun got home, he started charging his phone, changing into comfortable clothes that he could also wear to Zhou Mi’s place, and then eating in the company of his laptop. He was going to be disappointed if it didn’t work out, but like he’d said, they could always set up another time. Maybe they could end up talking at least. And the later it got, the less chance he thought they had of it happening.
And then he all but leaped forward for his phone as it vibrated against the table.
“Hello?” he said, trying not to sound breathless because it was a picture of music notes that he’d chosen for Zhou Mi’s picture.
“I’m on my way home!” Zhou Mi said, quietly, though cheerfully as well. “I’m in a taxi going right now. Can you still…?”
“All I have to go do is get my coat and shoes on, and I can catch a taxi and be on my way,” Kyuhyun said, already standing and taking stock of his belongings. Laptop, wallet, bag already packed.
“Okay! See you soon!”
True to his word, Kyuhyun was out the door in under two minutes. He walked until he could flag down a taxi, and then jiggled a leg as he watched the scenery go by just wanting to be there. He half wished he’d gone and hung out at a nearby cafe, but considering they hadn’t been sure, he knew he’d made the best choice. Plus, it gave Zhou Mi time to decompress before Kyuhyun was all up in his space.
And they’d barely said hello after Kyuhyun got out of his shoes before they were kissing, saying hello in between, huffing with laughter. He reached up and cupped Zhou Mi’s neck, and he was so real, so warm and close, and the nuzzled together until Kyuhyun could breathe against Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
“Let’s get you into pajamas. I thought we could watch a movie, and then who knows what we can get up to?”
The look Zhou Mi shot him before he turned to lead Kyuhyun into his room was one Kyuhyun definitely recognized. Full of promise and a little heat. It had his eyebrows raising and a bit of a spring in his step as he detoured to the bathroom and then got bundled into Zhou Mi’s bed. Zhou Mi was in a tank top, an evil one, and shorts, and Kyuhyun was the smallest bit smitten.
“What do you want to drink?” Zhou Mi asked, standing with hands on his hips and playing stewardess. “I have juice, and water, and tea, and-“
“Water, for now,” Kyuhyun said, pulling the soft blanket up a little and feeling weird for just lying there as Zhou Mi bustled about. He came back in with two glasses of water, and a package of crackers, and then all but played show and tell with DVD cases until Kyuhyun laughed and pointed one out.
There were no lights on, but for the TV, just them propped up against the headboard and leaning into each other. He stroked Zhou Mi’s arm for the introduction, until Zhou Mi captured his hand and kissed against the ring there, holding Kyuhyun’s hand against his heart for a while after that. They paused for more water and a bathroom break halfway in.
“What took so long,” Kyuhyun joked, as Zhou Mi crawled back into bed with a face glowing with some kind of moisturizer.
“I have to love my skin, or else it hates me,” Zhou Mi said, all but giggling as he wiggled under the covers. Kyuhyun, who’d become unofficial master of the remote, pressed play again.
Zhou Mi found his place, his cheek on Kyuhyun’s chest, warm and comforting against him. Comforting too, as Kyuhyun stroked along Zhou Mi’s back and heard him hum in pleasure. Kyuhyun found it a little hard to track the movie, but he was going to gamely stick it out as long as Zhou Mi did.
“I like this part,” Zhou Mi murmured, and Kyuhyun wasn’t sure if he meant the part of the movie, or the cuddling. Maybe both.
But it was less than two minutes later that he heard Zhou Mi’s breathing slow and deepen. He waited, to see if Zhou Mi would jolt out of it, but several minutes later, Zhou Mi was still fast asleep. Kyuhyun turned down the volume in increments, finally muting it, pausing the movie. Another minute, and Kyuhyun stopped it, turning off the TV so that the room was totally dark. It took a little arranging, getting the blanket up a little bit without smothering Zhou Mi. He could feel Zhou Mi breathe, soothing and slow, and Kyuhyun left his hand spread against Zhou Mi’s back.
Kyuhyun woke a couple of times in the night, the first when Zhou Mi woke, hissing out a laugh at the tiny little groan as Zhou Mi unfolded himself back up so he could put his head on a pillow, too.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Zhou Mi whispered, his hand landing half on Kyuhyun’s head, half on his neck.
“’S’okay,” Kyuhyun murmured. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Zhou Mi said.
There was a little wiggling by both of them as they arranged themselves, close, touching just a little, comfortable. But Kyuhyun woke the other time only to turn over a bit, and slept until morning that time. He was awake for how long he wasn’t sure, five minutes, ten, just musing in his head about what he might like to eat that day, what places from his childhood he had yet to share with Zhou Mi. So many things, so many opportunities, and they’d just barely skimmed the surface. He sighed happily, comfortable, pleased as Zhou Mi woke and squinted at the ceiling as though unsure of the whole being-awake thing.
“Look at you,” Zhou Mi said, turning his head and seeing Kyuhyun, on his back but with his head turned toward him.
“What?”
Zhou Mi rolled toward him, and Kyuhyun stayed still Zhou Mi pushed onto his elbow.
“I like waking up with you in my bed,” Zhou Mi said, hovering over him.
Kyuhyun hoped that Zhou Mi was just extremely unable to see when he woke up to keep from seeing Kyuhyun’s blush.
“Well, that’s good. Because I like sleep. And I like sleeping in your bed, too.”
“Do you?” Zhou Mi teased, bending down to give Kyuhyun a tiny closed-mouth kiss.
“I bet it feels good to get a full night’s sleep.”
Zhou Mi groaned as though realizing that, stretching his neck from side to side.
“Oh, yes. I got so comfortable watching the movie. I don’t even remember… Being near you put me right to sleep. Not in a bad way,” Zhou Mi corrected Kyuhyun, before he could make a joke.
“All right, I guess,” Kyuhyun grumbled, squeezing at Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
And he had a man close, considering him as Kyuhyun was breathing exceptionally shallow.
“We still have a lot of morning left, and I want to make sure we get to eat breakfast,” Zhou Mi said. And there was something in his grin that had Kyuhyun swallowing sharply. “If I promise to brush my teeth first, do you want to share the shower with me?”
Kyuhyun almost snorted, sitting up with Zhou Mi. “Is there room?”
And time, for that matter.
“There’s always room.”
It was said so incredibly filthy that Zhou Mi burst out laughing even before Kyuhyun could bump his chin into Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
“I suppose. Even if it means getting out of bed.”
“I could carry you,” Zhou Mi offered. Though, at that point they halfway wiggled to the edge of the bed. He got his feet on the floor and reached over to pat Zhou Mi’s belly.
“I know those aren’t painted on, but I think you need to walk today.”
It just gave Zhou Mi an excuse to grab Kyuhyun’s hand and kiss it, tugging Kyuhyun up and leading him to the bathroom.
“Did you bring a toothbrush?” Zhou Mi asked.
Kyuhyun blinked him. Blinked again. “I- No?”
Hadn’t he? He’d gone to brush his teeth after he’d eaten dinner so he didn’t show up with all kinds of funky breath, and then, he’d left his toothbrush to dry and there it still sat across town.
Zhou Mi rattled a package at him, and Kyuhyun tilted his head at it.
“A toothbrush. For me?”
“I’ll even write your name on it,” Zhou Mi promised. “Your turn first, I’ll come back.”
Zhou Mi blew a kiss at him, and wandered out to give Kyuhyun some privacy to do his morning business, and contemplate this shower that Zhou Mi was talking about. He stared at himself in the mirror, his own toothbrush at Zhou Mi’s apartment, toothpaste foam dripping down his chin. Okay, he was just going to bite the toothbrush if he grinned like that.
“Bathroom is free,” Kyuhyun called, as he came back out. He got his water glass, patting Zhou Mi’s butt as they passed to Zhou Mi’s delighted little laugh, and got himself a drink of water as Zhou Mi had his turn.
It wasn’t going to be in the dark, and there weren’t going to be any clothes. And maybe, just maybe, his hand was a little less than steady when he put down his glass. Maybe there were feelings of shyness in there, but he couldn’t have carved those away if he tried. Zhou Mi offered, and they both wanted, and they were ready for anything. They’d been ready.
“Ready!” Zhou Mi called, making Kyuhyun nearly choke on his spit as he laughed. Yes, exactly.
It felt so formal for Zhou Mi to be holding the door open for him, but there was something steady in his eyes as he tugged Kyuhyun close.
“Mm, minty fresh,” Zhou Mi said, after they kissed. And maybe they tested that one more time. Even if they were alone in the apartment, Zhou Mi closed the door after them, and the privacy of that soothed him. Not that there was any privacy between them.
Zhou Mi curled his fingers under the hem of Kyuhyun’s shirt. “Can I?”
They worked together, Kyuhyun’s shirt lifting off, left so that it dangled over the edge of the sink counter.
“Kyuhyun,” Zhou Mi said. That lit Kyuhyun on fire more than any words of appreciation could have. But it had him clearing his throat, tracking the path of Zhou Mi’s eyes. Down, and further, and-
“Don’t leave me hanging here,” Kyuhyun said, gesturing to Zhou Mi’s chest.
He sucked in his stomach almost out of reflex as Zhou Mi tossed aside his shirt.. But the way Zhou Mi looked at him, it wasn’t an editing eye, making note of things he would fix. It was want. Want, amazement. Zhou Mi wiggled his hips, snagging the waistband of his shorts, and getting them far enough to fall. It left him in a simple pair of gray briefs. And they were doing an admirable job of covering up what might have been titled, Male, Aroused.
He was definitely in no way behind on that score, as he pushed down his pajama pants. Zhou Mi actually pursed his lips and blew out a breath.
“You weren’t thinking of us showering with clothes on, where you?” Kyuhyun teased.
“I’m just wondering if we’re going to make it into the shower. Let me just-“
Watching Zhou Mi walk around in his underwear was no hardship. Watching his butt waggle as he turned on the water, testing it with a hand as Kyuhyun got closer under sharp watch. It was a good thing they didn’t have far to go, because it was already getting uncomfortable to walk. Had Zhou Mi seemed inclined to want Kyuhyun to parade, though, he had no doubt that he would have.
And he might have liked it. That was a new feeling, as was Zhou Mi meeting his eyes, and that smile that was an offering. But as Zhou Mi slipped out of his underwear, Zhou Mi’s eyes lowered a bit, like some hint of shyness. When Zhou Mi stepped under the shower’s spray, though, his eyes rose again. And there was Zhou Mi the performer, wet and hard, and taking in Kyuhyun’s every reaction. Like the fact maybe he had to jump start his breathing as he lurched forward.
“Is it better than on TV?” Zhou Mi asked, doing his very best to pose without having water stream into one of his ears.
Kyuhyun considered. Of course he’d consider, because there was just a lot more to.
“I didn’t get to see all of that on TV.”
Okay, and he didn’t want Zhou Mi to drown as he died laughing. It was his turn, not having much finesse as he got himself out of his underwear.
“Definitely worth waking up for,” Zhou Mi said, his tone light. Who knew what his face was doing, because his eyes were firmly on Zhou Mi’s chin, ears blazing hot. It was just them, the same as they were with all their clothes. But he slid the shower door closed, both sure and short of breath. They were closed in then, glass obscuring them from the room, surrounded by steam and water. Zhou Mi touched only his arm, asking for a kiss, connecting them.
A few kisses like that, getting his arm around Zhou Mi’s neck and shoulder, and he could finally meet Zhou Mi’s eyes. Just them. The grin was impossible, the giggles coming next, Zhou Mi laughing against his cheek and stroking along his back.
“I’ve thought about this,” Kyuhyun confessed. It was no surprise to both of them, and the way that Zhou Mi kissed him, he knew he wasn’t alone in that. Their conversation after Zhou Mi’s little drama tease should’ve told Zhou Mi all he needed to know about that. How pleased Zhou Mi had been.
But his breath hitched, as Zhou Mi’s hand slid to his ass, squeezing, making him twitch closer. It was Zhou Mi who moaned, kissing along his jaw, against his mouth.
“Want you to touch me.”
Kyuhyun breathed his affirmative, humming into the kiss as his shoulders pressed against the cool tile, and Zhou Mi’s fingers slid around him just moments after he had taken Zhou Mi in hand as well. They could’ve been in a waterfall, a cave, floating in space for all Kyuhyun knew. His reality was limited to Zhou Mi against him, touching him, and the water falling against them.
“Mm, good,” Kyuhyun moaned as they kissed. He tried to think of more words. He didn’t know if Zhou Mi wanted words, if it was enough just like that. He couldn’t have talked and kissed, and breathed. It had to have been enough. It was enough for him, kissing the edge of Zhou Mi’s smiles, feeling his moans. Feeling how hard he was, for Kyuhyun.
They’d touched each other before, but he swore it was different. No, it was because he was in the moment, urgent, flushing from the knowing, the want in Zhou Mi’s eyes. Dark, gorgeous and close, hair skimming against his skin. He wanted to lick away every drop of water, jealous of the way they got to touch, and breathless at the way that Zhou Mi moaned his name. He was never going to hear any other sound ever again, not with that echoing over and over in his mind. Zhou Mi’s hips were working with the stroke of Kyuhyun’s hands, and he nearly made himself dizzy, imagining them horizontal, imagining Zhou Mi inside of him. Imagining-
Kyuhyun was the one who gasped when Zhou Mi came, seeing his face tighten, feeling his body move. He felt Zhou Mi come, in his hand, against him, and saw him, heard him. It made him throb against Zhou Mi’s fingers, desperate for stimulation, desperate to join him. He hissed out a breath, swallowing back a whimper as Zhou Mi focused on him.
“You look gorgeous when you come,” Kyuhyun said, his voice nearly hoarse, and Zhou Mi nearly scoffed at him. “Maybe I can get you to make an ugly face one day.”
“You want to try?”
“I want to try,” Kyuhyun confirmed. They laughed together, kissing, and Zhou Mi stroked with his thumb before moving his hand again. “Though I’d probably- Oh. Still think it was-”
What were words, when Zhou Mi was nuzzling against his face and stroking him. His mouth moved toward the dark mark, there at the base of Zhou Mi’s neck, and instead of kissing, he moaned there. He wanted. He wanted so much.
“You feel so good. I can’t wait to get my mouth on you,” Zhou Mi groaned against his neck.
Kyuhyun’s arm tightened around him, moaning, moving with Zhou Mi’s hand. They’d be all nice and clean for that, after, if they- He moaned, coming in Zhou Mi’s hand.
“Yes,” he whispered, as the touch went from firm to soothing. He wondered if Zhou Mi could feel the thump of his heart as they rested closer together.
“Yes what?” Zhou Mi asked.
“Yes,” Kyuhyun said again, and Zhou Mi giggled against him, cuddling him as Kyuhyun breathed and opened his eyes lazily to see the foggy glass enclosing them. It was good. It was so good.
If Zhou Mi was surprised when Kyuhyun pulled back, touching Zhou Mi’s jaw and kissing him, then he didn’t show it.
“We should wash before the water just disintegrates us,” Kyuhyun teased, and Zhou Mi’s grin was so bright, so happy.
He let Zhou Mi work some kind of witchy fingers against his scalp, his hair all clean as Zhou Mi acted out a hair commercial.
“I would buy that product if it had your face on it,” Kyuhyun said. “I might buy all of it.”
“You have the real thing at home.”
A fair point. Washing quickly definitely took a back seat to touching, admiring. All it took was a few words to get Kyuhyun blushing, and a few gentle kisses to have him centered again as they talked about what they wanted for breakfast. The glances weren’t stolen, but they were given. A few waggled eyebrows, some appreciative squeezes. But most of the touches were meant to be helpful, as they did their best to actually shower. Not one of them was too much.
It swamped him again, a towel swathed around his hips and just watching Zhou Mi dry off, how much Zhou Mi trusted him. Once, he’d been taking away Kyuhyun’s phone to tell Kyuhyun he had once dated a man, and there he was, unafraid, exposed in so many ways. He’d trusted Kyuhyun with something so important, but he’d also trusted himself, to be able to allow himself to open up.
Zhou Mi glanced up like he was going to say something, and did some kind of hilarious double take.
“What?”
“Just thinking,” Kyuhyun said. He stepped forward to get another warm armful of man, kissing Zhou Mi’s neck. “Love you.”
“It’s a little late to be sweet talking me,” Zhou Mi joked. But he squeezed Kyuhyun until he squeaked. “Love you, too.”
And that was that.
They scrounged for food in the kitchen, carrying it to the table by the couch. Zhou Mi left Kyuhyun with a mug of tea, and Kyuhyun waited. Zhou Mi said he was going for a blanket, but what he didn’t say was that he was going to drape it around Kyuhyun and then crawl in until they were just a towel-and-blanket clad burrito. Zhou Mi took a sip from Kyuhyun’s cup of tea, pressing a hot kiss against his cheek.
“There, perfect,” Zhou Mi said.
Only, they had to stick their arms out to eat, but it wasn’t a bad setup.
“You should put your head on my shoulder like you did that one night. I feel taller that way,” Kyuhyun said, wiggling his shoulder suggestively.
“I can make you feel taller without that,” Zhou Mi promised.
They struggled the blanket a little closer around them, at least no longer hungry. Kyuhyun played with the ring on Zhou Mi’s finger, definitely not wanting Zhou Mi to move his hand where it had set up possession on Kyuhyun’s thigh.
“Will you let me engrave this for you, one day?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Any time,” Zhou Mi said. He sighed, leaning harder into Kyuhyun. “Why do I have to leave. Can we just stay like this?”
“If you want to make money and not have people chasing you. You’ll get all shined up, and… We have time for lunch? Then we eat more. And then I’ll have to get dressed. I seem to keep leaving your place without underwear,” Kyuhyun said.
“You don’t have to, you know,” Zhou Mi said, like he was going to magnanimously offer his too-small underwear. “I have space if you wanted to keep some here.”
Kyuhyun blinked at him, and Zhou Mi’s smiled curved a bit hopefully.
“I could do that.”
“You can bring shirts, too.”
Kyuhyun eyed him. “Oh?”
“And I suppose you can bring pants,” Zhou Mi sniffed.
“Oh! That’s generous. What are we eating for lunch, anyway?”
“I don’t know, what do you want to eat?” Zhou Mi asked.
They squinted at each other, and instead of getting up to look and figure something out, pulled the blanket tighter. Though, they still had time to decide.
***
Kyuhyun woke from a nap, feeling pretty good about himself. He wasn’t sure why he’d even napped since all he’d done that day was sleep, eat, and be in various forms of nakedness with Zhou Mi before he’d left so Zhou Mi could get ready. To puppy-dog eyes, and a dozen promises, but leaving was still leaving. He supposed a little effort had been expended. Just a little.
Finding a text from Zhou Mi on his phone wasn’t odd. He settled in, prepared for some wave of warm and fuzzy feelings.
What he got, was a patched-together photo of Zhou Mi making some kind of dramatic hair flip, pasted onto an image of a bottle of shampoo similar to one Zhou Mi had in the shower. It was like he was the world’s worst endorser. In giant red “ad” text scrawled across it: Always with you.
Kyuhyun nearly rolled off of the couch laughing.
***
In retrospect, Kyuhyun should have known something was up when he opened his apartment door and found Zhou Mi there completely unannounced. His jaw sagged, and he was there in his most saggy pajamas while Zhou Mi looked like some kind of model as Kyuhyun waved him in.
“Hi,” Kyuhyun said, closing the door after peering suspiciously out in the hallway.
“Is this a bad time?”
“No!”
No, he’d just finished eating, and had been about to settle in with his laptop so he didn’t just start to pine. Maybe his phone was dead and he’d missed a text, or a call. He knew he hadn’t forgotten plans. Zhou Mi coming to his apartment wasn’t something he’d have forgotten.
“I’m sorry I didn’t text first,” Zhou Mi said, fussing out of his jacket and hugging Kyuhyun seemingly without concern for his shabby appearance. “I was on the way back from a schedule, and I just thought-“
“You’re welcome any time,” Kyuhyun said, a little breathless and off kilter from having Zhou Mi suddenly in his orbit without preparation. And warm, because everything seemed a little brighter. He just flat out stopped worrying about what he looked like, what junk he had littered around, and kissed against Zhou Mi’s lips, and smiled at how eagerly Zhou Mi kissed him back.
“Can we sit?” Zhou Mi asked after a moment, and Kyuhyun nodded, shoving his laptop onto the table, books, his remote. They sat, and Zhou Mi was hugging him again. “Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve been here.”
Kyuhyun hummed, happy at Zhou Mi being there, and the kisses against his neck for that matter.
“Nice to have you here alone,” Kyuhyun said, and Zhou Mi giggled.
“I have something really serious I want to ask you,” Zhou Mi said, extracting his face from against Kyuhyun’s neck and the only thing that kept Kyuhyun from shooting straight to desperate alarm was Zhou Mi’s face. He was calm, even as he said incredibly frightening things.
“Okay?” Kyuhyun asked. He wondered if he should’ve worn his lucky underwear.
“Oh, it’s not like that, I’m sorry,” Zhou Mi laughed, cluing in to Kyuhyun’s concern. “Here. Read this.”
That was when Zhou Mi started looking a little nervous, chewing on his bottom lip as he thumbed to something and handed Kyuhyun his phone. On the screen was an Instagram draft post, the words beneath a lovely picture of the sunset, “Happiness to have someone to share this sunset with~”
There was a moment, as it started to sink in.
“You’re going to post this?” Kyuhyun said.
“I was thinking about it,” Zhou Mi said.
That stumped him. “It kind of implies- What if it makes people suspect you’re dating someone?”
“I wonder how bad that would be. I almost want- Posting things is a connection between me and my fans, and I want it to be okay for them to know I’m happy. I want them to be happy for me.”
Which was nice, but that didn’t erase everything else. “The fans are one thing. If some are happy, you could lose others? If the media outs you, though. Would your company keep them from doing it?”
“We’re smart enough not to make out in public, so all the media would have proof of is that we sometimes meet up and hug each other goodbye,” Zhou Mi said. It was clear from the way he listed how much he’d thought about it. “Even if they figure out that you’ve slept over, that’s what friends do, too. And that’s less that some idol group members have been photographed doing.”
Kyuhyun laughed a little at that. But still. “Even if they didn’t have proof, even if all they did was speculate, then what?”
“I wouldn’t respond to them one way or another if they did that. I’ve given it a lot of thought. We’ve been careful. We’ll always be careful, until maybe there’s a point we won’t have to be. But I won’t hint to the fans unless you want. If it’s going to make you worry, we can wait.”
For someone like Zhou Mi, he imagined it was painful not to be able to express himself how he would’ve liked to. There were private matters, of course, but it was something else to him. He admired Zhou Mi’s courage, and his want to be honest. Those who understood would continue to, and those who didn’t would think Zhou Mi was just posting peppy messages.
It wasn’t like Zhou Mi was posting a picture of a table clearly set for a romantic dinner or something obvious. There was some common sense in that pretty head.
“Who did you share that sunset with, anyway?” Kyuhyun asked, and Zhou Mi blinked at him.
“With you, just now,” Zhou Mi said, and laughed at his own smoothness as Kyuhyun sighed at him. He still hadn’t answered, and he half wanted to think about it, to pace around in his anxiety. But he knew Zhou Mi could’ve posted irrespective of Kyuhyun’s thoughts, and it was a connection between them that Zhou Mi valued his opinion. If the worst happened- He didn’t know what the worst looked like. That Zhou Mi was outed, dropped by his company, forced to mop floors just to eat. If Zhou Mi was outed to that extent, too, then Kyuhyun would be, too, he supposed. Most of his friends knew, and some of his family. His job wasn’t irreplaceable like Zhou Mi’s was. But there were celebrities that were out. Sometimes they got pushed down, struggled, but they were there. He didn’t want Zhou Mi to have that pit of worry, to have to wonder, to not be able to shine.
And maybe tomorrow meteorite would knock out all the electricity in the whole world, and the dinosaurs would resurrect, and he’d stop liking wine. All they could do, like Zhou Mi said, was be careful. Being most careful would mean not being together at all, and Zhou Mi had already risked everything Kyuhyun had worried about just by taking his hand and kissing him. It wasn’t quite as scary a step, when he considered that.
“I trust you,” Kyuhyun said. “You can see how it goes, and I guess that’ll show you if you want to say more.”
He hadn’t said that to get kisses, but he got them anyway, huffing with laughter as Zhou Mi squeezed him, kissed him, hummed against him.
“We’ll see,” Zhou Mi said, kissing him again. “If it’s about us, I’ll always check with you first, to be sure you’re comfortable wit what I’m posting. Okay?”
“Okay,” Kyuhyun confirmed.
“Let’s post it together,” Zhou Mi said, taking his finger. And they sort of tandem punched the post button, watching it upload. Kyuhyun’s phone buzzed a notification, making them both cackle, and they watched updates to the post roll in on Zhou Mi’s phone, comments and likes. Most were just telling him hello, and some in languages neither of them could read. No one was all “OMG you’re dating!!” while they were monitoring it, but Zhou Mi laughed and locked his phone after they obsessed for a good ten minutes.
Kyuhyun wasn’t sad for that because he had a Zhou Mi half in his lap then. And they were, in a very inside sort of way, enjoying the sunset together.
That post made him smile over the next few days when he saw the picture. Zhou Mi was happy and wanted everyone to know it.
***
Kyuhyun had checked his phone before he went in to the restaurant, so he knew he wasn’t late, but that still didn’t keep him from being the last person there. Ryeowook was on one side of the table, and Zhou Mi and Fei on the other. It had been Zhou Mi’s idea, something small, a mingling of Zhou Mi’s life and his. He was a little proud of that, that Zhou Mi didn’t just think he was on some pedestal and his celebrity friends were too good for normal people. Probably a little bit of the reason he’d fallen in love with the man, though it wasn’t like he’d had some kind of checklist aead of time. Some others knew Kyuhyun was dating a new guy, like his family for one, but he hadn’t told them who. And his absences to outings meant more of his friends knew he was dating as well. He was working up to telling. Normally with Zhou Mi reminding him to breathe.
Fei pointed at the seat across from her, smiling. Apparently they weren’t to be allowed to sit next to each other at dinner it seemed. Still he met Zhou Mi’s eyes, grinning a bit as he sat down.
“So we can have a small part of your attention,” Fei explained as Kyuhyun sat down.
“Why would you say that?” he asked, and pretended to be totally clueless as Ryeowook gurgled out a laugh. “Have you all been here long?”
“Not that long,” Zhou Mi said, smiling at him. “I was the last one before you actually.
Which meant that Ryeowook had been there alone with Fei. Ryeowook didn’t look like he was ready to fall over, but he’d still have to apologize for that.
“We were just chatting,” Ryeowook said.
“It’s good to know you two spend time with other people besides each other,” Fei said. “But besides that, where’s this ring I keep hearing about?”
Kyuhyun blinked at Zhou Mi, and put his hand up on the table. Ryeowook had already seen it, hard to miss it after having been involved.
“Oh, I like it,” Fei said, admiring it on his hand. He held still, bemused, when she took a picture of it. “For Jia. So Ryeowook traced one of your rings, and then got that over to Zhou Mi. How did you even get it back to Zhou Mi before he left anyway?”
“It was a challenge. I almost thought I wasn’t going to that day, since Kyuhyun’s heart eyes were on him almost every second.”
“Kim Ryeowook!” Kyuhyun burst out. And of course everyone laughed.
“I like his eyes,” Zhou Mi said.
At least someone was one his side as they grinned each other.
“Yes, we know,” Fei said, but it was an indulgence, and not anything else. They all put in their order, and Kyuhyun’s brain paused at the next question, “Is he getting enough rest with the concerts coming up?”
Like he was somehow responsible for Zhou Mi. Like they were part of a unit. He could see Zhou Mi’s eyes crinkling up in response, and Kyuhyun wasn’t puffing up or anything inside, no.
“When I have any say in it,” Kyuhyun said. “It’s been busy.”
Not much time to meet up, a lot of sad noises from Zhou Mi about his muscles being tired. Rather than meeting up, they’d been instead doing a lot of sleeping together. Mostly just sleeping. Kyuhyun’s question had been if he kept Zhou Mi from sleeping as well as when he was alone, but Zhou Mi sometimes slept near him, or used him as a body pillow during naps. He just made sure to have his phone nearby, in case Zhou Mi kept on sleeping. Making sure Zhou Mi ate, making sure he didn’t sacrifice the time he did have to rest to entertain Kyuhyun. At least the nerves of being in a new relationship had worn off mostly, and if he knew he had for him then for Zhou Mi they had, so there wasn’t that current under all the other stresses. Zhou Mi could nod off on Kyuhyun’s shoulder while they were watching TV, or nap on his leg while he was gaming without worrying. There were sleepy kisses and long cuddles, and shared showers that weren’t nearly as leisurely as the first one had been but still nice. Still a connection.
“Kyuhyun makes me food sometimes while I nap,” Zhou Mi said, bragging in the most obnoxiously cute manner that left Kyuhyun floundering in embarrassment.
“Kyuhyun gets recipes from Ryeowook,” Kyuhyun said, giving credit where it was due. “I’m learning to find it fun.”
Not just a chore like it was for him or when it was an expectations. Zhou Mi’s bright eyes when it was really good, eating something homemade just for him that wasn’t rushed or from a restaurant. Even his mother had started pitching in recipes he’d like during childhood.
“I’ll send you some recipes, too,” Fei promised, and Kyuhyun realized he was going to have her number in his cell phone, too. His life. “It’s a wonder he doesn’t just keep you there full time so he can wring out every second of the day with you.”
“We’ll see,” Zhou Mi said, sticking out his tongue a little.
Oh, would they? All Kyuhyun could do was laugh, as Ryeowook patted his arm probably to make him stop or calm him down. Zhou Mi took some of the heat off of him, drawing Ryeowook into a conversation about his job. It was all just so normal. So normal, a table of people he cared about chatting, eating, teasing. His friends. His family.
***
Kyuhyun saw the blast that went out asking for help moving boxes of signs for Zhou Mi’s concert from where they were being stored and into the moving vehicle to get closer to the venue. He hesitated, because on one hand, he didn’t want to accidentally out himself. On the other, it was a project for Zhou Mi. And on the scale of being a fan, Kyuhyun had exploded out the other side like some kind of daredevil. He’d help, do what he came to do, and give enough help to hopefully be sure that Zhou Mi would be touched to the point of tears on stage.
Goal: make boyfriend cry was probably not a typical life object, but he was doing his best. The concert had been rumored on all the boards and fansites that Kyuhyun still frequented, still posting now and then to keep himself from going conspicuously absent. He thought he was probably being a little paranoid when he did things like that, because as one person he probably wasn’t going to be missed. But he’d been around for years, even if he’d been quiet most of the time. He might’ve been the first fan to know, by way of Zhou Mi’s total inability to keep some things secret, but he hadn’t been the last.
The day the news officially broke, Kyuhyun had his whole routine planned out when he went over to Zhou Mi’s place armed with pizza. Plan A was get Zhou Mi stuffed, because seeing Zhou Mi eat brought his heart a little comfort, and then he was on to Plan B which was to wander away and check his phone, and-
“Wow!” Kyuhyun yelped. “Holy shit!”
“What?” Zhou Mi asked, hurrying over. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t believe it! Look, my favorite singer is having a concert soon,” Kyuhyun said, showing Zhou Mi his phone. And of course, the phone had Zhou Mi’s own face on it.
Zhou Mi hauled him in, growling into his neck as Kyuhyun laughed and squeezed him.
“You’re that excited, huh?”
“Uh, yeah?” Obviously. “It’s not just you and someone else. I won’t have to just say I’m going to some concert because you’re a guest, but because I’m going to your concert.”
“Your Zhou Mi’s concert,” Zhou Mi confirmed.
Well, when he got all possessive like that about it. Kyuhyun wasn’t going to complain, that was for sure. Kyuhyun watched how ticketing went the next week, a little proud when the tickets literally disappeared. For the Seoul show, Zhou Mi had promised him a ticket. But Kyuhyun bought one himself for Beijing. He was half tempted to get one in Bangkok, too, but he sort of wanted to go to Thailand for the first time when they were free to explore. Not like for the awards, where they barely were more than ships passing in the night.
Though he changed his mind almost immediately and bought a ticket there as well. It wasn’t about him, but about Zhou Mi. And Zhou Mi had already expressed hope that Kyuhyun could go to more than one.
But the desperate scramble to put together a project for Zhou Mi started with the official announcement, and Kyuhyun had contributed a bit as he usually did. Even if no one had reached out to him to be sure he was going, he felt pretty secure in just showing up. Extra sets of hands were always useful. He only recognized a few of the fans, women he’d met at other project meetings. No one stopped, pointed, gawked. He hadn’t really expected it. Zhou Mi had sent a couple of messages since the first, sort of gently intimating. When the world hadn’t exploded from the first one, Kyuhyun hadn’t had any objection to the others.
The ten or so people who showed up made the work a light job, getting everything arranged, loaded, and ready so that the day of the concert it could be passed out. They talked about the last meet and greet - Kyuhyun contributed there - and the awards ceremony, though he didn’t admit to being there. It was fun to hear how excited they were for the concert, their speculations on what could happen, what songs Zhou Mi would sing. It made him feel connected and disconnected all at once, like only a small part of him was there talking to them, the part of him that was a fan. Even if that thread ran through everything else, all the rest of him related to Zhou Mi was tucked away waiting to be boyfriend, friend, lover as well.
Kyuhyun had a good reason not to follow them all out for lunch, excusing himself. He’d almost escaped, too, when one of their heads went up, and he was told to hold on for a moment. He waited near a light pole while the main group chatted and the woman returned, holding a little gift bag.
“When I saw you were here, I was hoping I could asking you something. I know you had met Zhou Mi at the meet and greet, and I was wondering if you might know of a way to get this to him?” She seemed a little embarrassed to be asking him and oblivious to the fact that his entire being was ice. “It’s just a few letters, and some gifts.”
If he accepted, he put a very fine point on the fact that he and Zhou Mi were at least friendly. Denying it would seem suspicious. Protesting that it was too much trouble probably would have been, too.
“I can work on getting that to him,” Kyuhyun confirmed, his voice a smidgen high as he took the handles of the small bag. Maybe easier than they imagined.
“Thank you so much! If you can’t, just send me a message, and I can try another way.”
“Okay,” Kyuhyun said.
He toddled off, doing his best human impression and on a whim, heading to the road. He got a taxi, too weak to think about trying to control his features on the subway the whole way.
“Please tell me you’re free for a little while tonight,” Kyuhyun texted Zhou Mi.
“Actually heading home soon. Meet you there?”
His little breath of thanks may have been a little bit more fervent than usual. He resisted, he really did, going through the bag as he loitered in a coffee shop within walking distance. It wasn’t for him. It was given to him in confidence. The second Zhou Mi texted that he’d arrived, Kyuhyun was out the door and straight up to Zhou Mi’s place.
There weren’t any hellos as Kyuhyun kicked off his shoes.
“So you know how I went over to meet up with fans for something I couldn’t tell you about? Well, one of them gave this to me to give to you. Well, she asked me if I knew of a way and I didn’t have a way to say no.”
He held out the bag like it was something of telling significance.
“To you,” Zhou Mi said, his eyes widening as he stared at the bag.
“It sort of sounded like she wasn’t sure if I could, but I don’t know if she was just trying not to be too forward. It’s killing me. Here, take it.”
Zhou Mi ushered him along, and they sat together. Or Zhou Mi sat. Kyuhyun mostly perched, eyeing the bag like it would burst into flames.
“I was just so startled, I was like a robot because I didn’t know what she was thinking,” Kyuhyun babbled as Zhou Mi unpacked the bag. There was a packet of letters, a box, and two DVDs in a paper packet. One was labeled, “Watch this first,” and Kyuhyun shrugged when Zhou Mi looked to him to be sure. It took a couple of minutes to get it set up, but the DVD was in, and all of Kyuhyun’s air was bottled up in him as Zhou Mi got an arm around his shoulders.
The start of it was a pretty opening shot in two languages. The one he could read was, “Please don’t be worried or afraid, we love you and will always protect you.”
They traded a glance, and the video commenced.
“We don’t know if what you have been posting about is friendship,” the first slide said. “Or maybe if it’s more than that.”
Kyuhyun’s breath caught, because there half a dozen pictures on the screen, but one of them had his face on it. It was a picture from the day the fans had spotted Zhou Mi and saw them together, with Kyuhyun laughing at Zhou Mi as they walked without a care in the world. There was another, Zhou Mi and Jia and Fei in a restaurant. None of the pictures were like someone had set up shop with a pro camera and were just stalking, but rather pictures that looked like they’d been on someone’s phone who just happened to spot a celebrity. At least the one of them together, they’d known about that one since the fans had spoken to Zhou Mi. There were other pictures, Zhou Mi with friends that Zhou Mi had publicly posted himself, because Zhou Mi loved posting about his friends.
“We actually don’t mind either way, as long as you are happy. We love you, our precious singer, and you deserve someone to love you best.”
Some of Zhou Mi’s tweets and posts alluding to being in a relationship, being happy, came on the screen, and Zhou Mi reached and took Kyuhyun’s hand as well as tightening the arm over his shoulders.
“No matter whom and no matter when you love, please believe in us!”
There were pictures from fan signs, from meet and greets. In the middle of them, Kyuhyun again found his own face. Their beginning. It still rocked him in disbelief.
After those pictures, there were slides and slides of different fans smiling, messages of support, little video clips of fans cheering and talking, and telling Zhou Mi they loved him. Some of the messages had them giggling, Kyuhyun’s hand getting tighter around Zhou Mi’s as the DVD wore on.
“Please continue to live your life and do all the things that make you happy, and we’ll still be here supporting you~”
The final slide faded into a series of flowers and hearts, and then to black. They sat in silence for a while, before turning to look at each other. Zhou Mi was eyeing him like Kyuhyun was going to get up and run around thinking the sky was falling.
“Well, we knew some of them would figure it out,” Kyuhyun said. Because that was all he took away from it. Some of them knew, and they were trying to assure Zhou Mi in what he assumed they hoped to be the least creepy way possible that they supported him no matter what. It felt like the pictures of all the others Zhou Mi had been seen with were thrown in there to keep it from seeming too obvious, or maybe sinister. Or maybe that was just him reading into things. It hadn’t been a threatening video at all.
“It was cute?” Zhou Mi said.
“I’m sure that’s what they wanted? I didn’t realize they were going to be quite so direct about it. Except, I guess it wasn’t really direct. It was pretty pointed, though, wasn’t it?”
“It was,” Zhou Mi laughed. “I’m going to have to think about that.”
“I was scared when it started up,” Kyuhyun admitted.
“I was wondering, too. I guess it was just something they really felt they needed to say.,” Zhou Mi mused. And he picked up the box that had come with it. “Let’s look at the rest of this.”
“For Zhou Mi (and ?),” the label read.
The box held what amounted to soft leather couple bracelets. Unlike some where one was more delicate, meant for a woman’s wrist, the two in the box were exactly the same.
“Yeah, I think it’s safe to say they’re convinced you’re dating,” Kyuhyun said.
“Did the fans you used to meet know you were attracted to men?” Zhou Mi wondered.
“They might have assumed, considering we’re both guys, but no, I didn’t tell them.”
Not that a guy had to be gay to be a fan of another guy, he thought, scowling a little for a second.
He helped Zhou Mi put on one of the bracelets so they could both admire it, a pretty blue against Zhou Mi’s skin.
“It’ll probably give them a thrill to see me wear it,” Zhou Mi said. “But you’re already wearing my couple ring.”
He was, and they admired that together, too. That was something between them, and those who knew them. But he was surprised when Zhou Mi tucked the other bracelet into Kyuhyun’s hand, closing his fingers around it.
“I know wearing it would probably make you feel too… Too obvious? But I still want you to have it. When you see me wear it, only you will know where you have yours.”
“When you say that, it sounds like I’m going to keep it somewhere I shouldn’t.”
“What?” Zhou Mi asked, all innocence.
Kyuhyun tucked it into his pocket anyway, and settled closer so they could finish looking through things. The rest of the stack of letters and cards were just congratulations on his concert, and how excited they were. But Zhou Mi read every one, handing over some of them even though Kyuhyun was reading with him so Kyuhyun could see them easier.
“I don’t see yours in here,” Zhou Mi said.
“I must have missed this project.”
“This one? There’s another?”
Kyuhyun did his best to glare. “I’m not telling you.”
He was already drained from it all, but they put in the other DVD, and it was worth it, because it was some kind of flash mob dancing to one of Zhou Mi’s songs, singing, ending up in some big group that was full of laughter and shouting out messages to him. He squirmed in secondhand embarrassment, and laughed at how cute it was. Just seeing so many people loving Zhou Mi. He was totally going to survive through the concerts. He was. Though Zhou Mi was actually glazed in emotion, his lips all pressed together like he was trying not to wibble at the blank screen. And he leaned hard into Kyuhyun, his eyes maybe a little suspiciously wet.
“You weren’t in that either,” Zhou Mi said, and it was the cutest little complaint.
“You don’t want to see me dance,” Kyuhyun assured him, and kissed him when Zhou Mi was going to argue.
But he marshaled up his feelings to get over his embarrassment, singing a few lines of the song they’d danced to. Singing to Zhou Mi’s chin, anyway, his ears burning as he glanced up.
“I love you,” Zhou Mi swore.
“Oh yeah?”
They were both laughing as they kissed, Zhou Mi wiggling him back until he was all but pinned to the couch. It wasn’t like he minded, since it freed his hands to stroke through Zhou Mi’s hair until they were were both breathless. Happy. They had a little proof anyway, that some fans would support Zhou Mi no matter what. And whatever worry he had beyond that, Zhou Mi soothed it from him. They were in it together. It wasn’t all on him. They’d protect each other.
And when he woke in Zhou Mi’s bed hours later with Zhou Mi sound asleep beside him only to find Zhou Mi’s hand rather possessively spread on his ass, he snorted into his pillow and relaxed right back into sleep.
***
Zhou Mi was too much sometimes. His cute was disgusting. The handsome line of his jaw was overwhelming. His face masks stank. It didn’t matter how many times Zhou Mi puckered up while wearing the one that smelled like a forest had died on his face, Kyuhyun was still not tempted to kiss him. Okay, no, that wasn’t true, he’d kissed the top of Zhou Mi’s head once, flicking water at Zhou Mi when he’d been laughed at.
His home screen picture was of Zhou Mi on his back on Kyuhyun’s bed, in full laugh with his head hung over the edge of the mattress. The part of him that could be seen anyway. The rest wasn’t ever being recorded on his phone. He saw that picture sometimes, and was helpless not to grin. Zhou Mi was stubborn. Oblivious sometimes. His manager was his keeper, and that freed up Zhou Mi to be Zhou Mi, apparently. Kyuhyun worried on a whole about twice as much about some things than Zhou Mi did. It was where they differed, but Zhou Mi felt, deeply. He saw hurtful things. He absorbed things. He saw kind and wonderful and supportive things. And Zhou MI came out the other side of those, sweet, generous, and with coping mechanisms for all of it.
Well. For most things. Kyuhyun hadn’t moved for four hours after the last-ditch shopping extravaganza a few days before the concert tour was set to start. It might’ve been Zhou Mi’s nerves, his excitement. He hadn’t even been immune, going home with three shirts, too. He figured it couldn’t have possibly gone for too long, because Zhou Mi had been practicing, and doing who all knew what ahead of the shows. Surely he was tired.
“One more store,” was Zhou Mi’s mantra, and Kyuhyun had stopped believing him after one more turned into five more. He was letting that one go, though, because he knew he did that with his computer, too. They were just trading off, that was all.
***
The morning of the first concert, Kyuhyun was the incredibly willing subject of Zhou Mi’s cuddles. It was some ridiculous hour and Zhou Mi’s schedule had a dozen things packed into it from press, to sound checks, and hopefully time to eat and visit a bathroom at some point.
“Make sure you inhale some oxygen a few times today,” Kyuhyun said. Zhou Mi mostly hummed in agreement. “Don’t make the coordis laugh when doing your makeup.”
“Kyuhyun!”
What, it was the truth. He’d heard all the tales of having to have his makeup redone because he was entertaining all the people.
“I’ll be here when you get back,” Kyuhyun promised, and then stole Zhou Mi’s blankets so he would get up and get dressed. He had all the codes and everything. It was Zhou Mi’s concert gift to him, or something. And a nice promise to be able to make for Zhou Mi to have even more to look forward to. He hoped anyway.
It was some other kind of luxury to languish in Zhou Mi’s bed after he was gone. It made him feel a little guilty, too, since Zhou Mi was out charming people. Whatever got him more albums, more concerts. Zhou Mi thrived on it somehow.
But Kyuhyun sent Zhou Mi a text message, a single heart as he went in the doors of the stadium. He took his seat where Zhou Mi had arranged, off to the side but still close enough to the stage.
It afforded him a great view, when Zhou Mi began his newest ballad, and a wave of banners rose and swayed with the song.
“All our love,” was spelled out in a giant semi-circle with hearts surrounding it.
There were cheers and coos as Zhou Mi had to stop two-thirds of the way through because they had, as they’d hoped, brought him to tears, his breath hitching as he tried to talk. That was what Kyuhyun had helped to have happen, and no, he didn’t cry. Those weren’t tears. They were just, feelings dripping out of him.
Zhou Mi finished the song a cappella, which was a treat of its own, and the stadium went electric as his voice trailed away. He was pretty sure every person there fell head over heels in love again.
Luckily, Kyuhyun kind of had some experience with that feeling.
Zhou Mi shot him a crying smiley apparently while getting his makeup fixed, though Kyuhyun only learned that sometime the next morning after Zhou Mi wiggled into bed drunk and happy.
Much like the first time they’d ended up in bed together, they slept. And that was enough.
But he made it out of the concert in Seoul in one piece, and then the one in Bangkok, and the one in Beijing. There was something new every concert, Zhou Mi talking to the fans in different languages, singing songs to them that spoke to them whether they understood the words or not. Kyuhyun caught confetti from all the shows, being all bratty when he caught up to Zhou Mi after - whenever after was - and demanding a sign. Though Zhou Mi did sign them, every last piece, to Kyuhyun’s eternal amusement. Each had a different message, some that Zhou Mi read off, tossing them aside to flutter down, piece by piece as they kissed, Zhou Mi firmly and very welcomed in Kyuhyun’s lap.
But one image always stood out for him, in the arenas, of Zhou Mi standing bright on the stage, smiling as he looked out at all the faces, all the glowing lights for him. Behind him, his face projected on the big screens, smile radiant and infectious. Hearts were melting right then and there, eyes brimming. Zhou Mi had offered his heart to them with his voice, but showed them the part of his soul that was most beautiful in doing so because they chose to see and listen.
But even those were not the last concerts. Kyuhyun attended some the next year, and the next. The song lists were almost always the same, adding newer songs, but at the concerts Kyuhyun attended, Zhou Mi walked out with a simple mic and sat, dangling his legs over the stage as he looked out at the audience as though they were all sitting together in someone’s living room.
“Tonight, someone very special to me is here. So this song is for everyone who takes a chance, and loves,” Zhou Mi said.
Kyuhyun smiled, because it was a connection between Zhou Mi and him, and Zhou Mi and his fans. Even if all of them didn’t know who Zhou Mi was dating, many of them knew he was, and they were there still, happy for him, loving him, singing with him.
What is this I’m feeling
Something I waited for, but then
I found us in my heart
And I loved you
Endlessly
***
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Rating: up to NC-17
Genre: AU, romance, smut
Summary: Kyuhyun's life changes when he gets the chance to meet his favorite singer. (Or, as the prompt put it: fanboy!kyu finally meets his bias.)
***
Part One * Part Two * Part Three * Part Four * Part Five * Part Six * Part Seven
***
“Working, working,” Kyuhyun texted, having nearly had to hold his phone in his teeth to take the picture of his hands on his work keyboard. He’d used his photo editing program to make a little halo around the ring on his finger in case that Zhou Mi didn’t notice.
“Make sure you work hard, or I won’t invite you to the sleepover I’m planning,” Zhou Mi said, including a heart, a winking face, and some kind of sparkle emoji.
It had his eyebrows raising. “A sleepover for two?”
Kyuhyun knew Zhou Mi was sending a missive when he didn’t immediately write back, but sure enough, the texts came in. Party. Cake. A unicorn.
“If I can make it work. I’ll be out for dinner, but unless something comes up, I can text you on my way home, and I don’t have to be out tomorrow until afternoon!!”
“I can be ready just in case,” Kyuhyun texted back. “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll make it up another time.”
Zhou Mi sent back a series of kissy face emoticons, and, “Love you.”
Kyuhyun was already running plans in his head, as he sifted through new e-mails. He’d get dinner on his way home, pack up a bag. If Zhou Mi didn’t have to go until the next afternoon, then they could catch breakfast together, and maybe lunch. He was sure Zhou Mi would have thoughts on that. The second Kyuhyun got home, he started charging his phone, changing into comfortable clothes that he could also wear to Zhou Mi’s place, and then eating in the company of his laptop. He was going to be disappointed if it didn’t work out, but like he’d said, they could always set up another time. Maybe they could end up talking at least. And the later it got, the less chance he thought they had of it happening.
And then he all but leaped forward for his phone as it vibrated against the table.
“Hello?” he said, trying not to sound breathless because it was a picture of music notes that he’d chosen for Zhou Mi’s picture.
“I’m on my way home!” Zhou Mi said, quietly, though cheerfully as well. “I’m in a taxi going right now. Can you still…?”
“All I have to go do is get my coat and shoes on, and I can catch a taxi and be on my way,” Kyuhyun said, already standing and taking stock of his belongings. Laptop, wallet, bag already packed.
“Okay! See you soon!”
True to his word, Kyuhyun was out the door in under two minutes. He walked until he could flag down a taxi, and then jiggled a leg as he watched the scenery go by just wanting to be there. He half wished he’d gone and hung out at a nearby cafe, but considering they hadn’t been sure, he knew he’d made the best choice. Plus, it gave Zhou Mi time to decompress before Kyuhyun was all up in his space.
And they’d barely said hello after Kyuhyun got out of his shoes before they were kissing, saying hello in between, huffing with laughter. He reached up and cupped Zhou Mi’s neck, and he was so real, so warm and close, and the nuzzled together until Kyuhyun could breathe against Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
“Let’s get you into pajamas. I thought we could watch a movie, and then who knows what we can get up to?”
The look Zhou Mi shot him before he turned to lead Kyuhyun into his room was one Kyuhyun definitely recognized. Full of promise and a little heat. It had his eyebrows raising and a bit of a spring in his step as he detoured to the bathroom and then got bundled into Zhou Mi’s bed. Zhou Mi was in a tank top, an evil one, and shorts, and Kyuhyun was the smallest bit smitten.
“What do you want to drink?” Zhou Mi asked, standing with hands on his hips and playing stewardess. “I have juice, and water, and tea, and-“
“Water, for now,” Kyuhyun said, pulling the soft blanket up a little and feeling weird for just lying there as Zhou Mi bustled about. He came back in with two glasses of water, and a package of crackers, and then all but played show and tell with DVD cases until Kyuhyun laughed and pointed one out.
There were no lights on, but for the TV, just them propped up against the headboard and leaning into each other. He stroked Zhou Mi’s arm for the introduction, until Zhou Mi captured his hand and kissed against the ring there, holding Kyuhyun’s hand against his heart for a while after that. They paused for more water and a bathroom break halfway in.
“What took so long,” Kyuhyun joked, as Zhou Mi crawled back into bed with a face glowing with some kind of moisturizer.
“I have to love my skin, or else it hates me,” Zhou Mi said, all but giggling as he wiggled under the covers. Kyuhyun, who’d become unofficial master of the remote, pressed play again.
Zhou Mi found his place, his cheek on Kyuhyun’s chest, warm and comforting against him. Comforting too, as Kyuhyun stroked along Zhou Mi’s back and heard him hum in pleasure. Kyuhyun found it a little hard to track the movie, but he was going to gamely stick it out as long as Zhou Mi did.
“I like this part,” Zhou Mi murmured, and Kyuhyun wasn’t sure if he meant the part of the movie, or the cuddling. Maybe both.
But it was less than two minutes later that he heard Zhou Mi’s breathing slow and deepen. He waited, to see if Zhou Mi would jolt out of it, but several minutes later, Zhou Mi was still fast asleep. Kyuhyun turned down the volume in increments, finally muting it, pausing the movie. Another minute, and Kyuhyun stopped it, turning off the TV so that the room was totally dark. It took a little arranging, getting the blanket up a little bit without smothering Zhou Mi. He could feel Zhou Mi breathe, soothing and slow, and Kyuhyun left his hand spread against Zhou Mi’s back.
Kyuhyun woke a couple of times in the night, the first when Zhou Mi woke, hissing out a laugh at the tiny little groan as Zhou Mi unfolded himself back up so he could put his head on a pillow, too.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Zhou Mi whispered, his hand landing half on Kyuhyun’s head, half on his neck.
“’S’okay,” Kyuhyun murmured. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Zhou Mi said.
There was a little wiggling by both of them as they arranged themselves, close, touching just a little, comfortable. But Kyuhyun woke the other time only to turn over a bit, and slept until morning that time. He was awake for how long he wasn’t sure, five minutes, ten, just musing in his head about what he might like to eat that day, what places from his childhood he had yet to share with Zhou Mi. So many things, so many opportunities, and they’d just barely skimmed the surface. He sighed happily, comfortable, pleased as Zhou Mi woke and squinted at the ceiling as though unsure of the whole being-awake thing.
“Look at you,” Zhou Mi said, turning his head and seeing Kyuhyun, on his back but with his head turned toward him.
“What?”
Zhou Mi rolled toward him, and Kyuhyun stayed still Zhou Mi pushed onto his elbow.
“I like waking up with you in my bed,” Zhou Mi said, hovering over him.
Kyuhyun hoped that Zhou Mi was just extremely unable to see when he woke up to keep from seeing Kyuhyun’s blush.
“Well, that’s good. Because I like sleep. And I like sleeping in your bed, too.”
“Do you?” Zhou Mi teased, bending down to give Kyuhyun a tiny closed-mouth kiss.
“I bet it feels good to get a full night’s sleep.”
Zhou Mi groaned as though realizing that, stretching his neck from side to side.
“Oh, yes. I got so comfortable watching the movie. I don’t even remember… Being near you put me right to sleep. Not in a bad way,” Zhou Mi corrected Kyuhyun, before he could make a joke.
“All right, I guess,” Kyuhyun grumbled, squeezing at Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
And he had a man close, considering him as Kyuhyun was breathing exceptionally shallow.
“We still have a lot of morning left, and I want to make sure we get to eat breakfast,” Zhou Mi said. And there was something in his grin that had Kyuhyun swallowing sharply. “If I promise to brush my teeth first, do you want to share the shower with me?”
Kyuhyun almost snorted, sitting up with Zhou Mi. “Is there room?”
And time, for that matter.
“There’s always room.”
It was said so incredibly filthy that Zhou Mi burst out laughing even before Kyuhyun could bump his chin into Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
“I suppose. Even if it means getting out of bed.”
“I could carry you,” Zhou Mi offered. Though, at that point they halfway wiggled to the edge of the bed. He got his feet on the floor and reached over to pat Zhou Mi’s belly.
“I know those aren’t painted on, but I think you need to walk today.”
It just gave Zhou Mi an excuse to grab Kyuhyun’s hand and kiss it, tugging Kyuhyun up and leading him to the bathroom.
“Did you bring a toothbrush?” Zhou Mi asked.
Kyuhyun blinked him. Blinked again. “I- No?”
Hadn’t he? He’d gone to brush his teeth after he’d eaten dinner so he didn’t show up with all kinds of funky breath, and then, he’d left his toothbrush to dry and there it still sat across town.
Zhou Mi rattled a package at him, and Kyuhyun tilted his head at it.
“A toothbrush. For me?”
“I’ll even write your name on it,” Zhou Mi promised. “Your turn first, I’ll come back.”
Zhou Mi blew a kiss at him, and wandered out to give Kyuhyun some privacy to do his morning business, and contemplate this shower that Zhou Mi was talking about. He stared at himself in the mirror, his own toothbrush at Zhou Mi’s apartment, toothpaste foam dripping down his chin. Okay, he was just going to bite the toothbrush if he grinned like that.
“Bathroom is free,” Kyuhyun called, as he came back out. He got his water glass, patting Zhou Mi’s butt as they passed to Zhou Mi’s delighted little laugh, and got himself a drink of water as Zhou Mi had his turn.
It wasn’t going to be in the dark, and there weren’t going to be any clothes. And maybe, just maybe, his hand was a little less than steady when he put down his glass. Maybe there were feelings of shyness in there, but he couldn’t have carved those away if he tried. Zhou Mi offered, and they both wanted, and they were ready for anything. They’d been ready.
“Ready!” Zhou Mi called, making Kyuhyun nearly choke on his spit as he laughed. Yes, exactly.
It felt so formal for Zhou Mi to be holding the door open for him, but there was something steady in his eyes as he tugged Kyuhyun close.
“Mm, minty fresh,” Zhou Mi said, after they kissed. And maybe they tested that one more time. Even if they were alone in the apartment, Zhou Mi closed the door after them, and the privacy of that soothed him. Not that there was any privacy between them.
Zhou Mi curled his fingers under the hem of Kyuhyun’s shirt. “Can I?”
They worked together, Kyuhyun’s shirt lifting off, left so that it dangled over the edge of the sink counter.
“Kyuhyun,” Zhou Mi said. That lit Kyuhyun on fire more than any words of appreciation could have. But it had him clearing his throat, tracking the path of Zhou Mi’s eyes. Down, and further, and-
“Don’t leave me hanging here,” Kyuhyun said, gesturing to Zhou Mi’s chest.
He sucked in his stomach almost out of reflex as Zhou Mi tossed aside his shirt.. But the way Zhou Mi looked at him, it wasn’t an editing eye, making note of things he would fix. It was want. Want, amazement. Zhou Mi wiggled his hips, snagging the waistband of his shorts, and getting them far enough to fall. It left him in a simple pair of gray briefs. And they were doing an admirable job of covering up what might have been titled, Male, Aroused.
He was definitely in no way behind on that score, as he pushed down his pajama pants. Zhou Mi actually pursed his lips and blew out a breath.
“You weren’t thinking of us showering with clothes on, where you?” Kyuhyun teased.
“I’m just wondering if we’re going to make it into the shower. Let me just-“
Watching Zhou Mi walk around in his underwear was no hardship. Watching his butt waggle as he turned on the water, testing it with a hand as Kyuhyun got closer under sharp watch. It was a good thing they didn’t have far to go, because it was already getting uncomfortable to walk. Had Zhou Mi seemed inclined to want Kyuhyun to parade, though, he had no doubt that he would have.
And he might have liked it. That was a new feeling, as was Zhou Mi meeting his eyes, and that smile that was an offering. But as Zhou Mi slipped out of his underwear, Zhou Mi’s eyes lowered a bit, like some hint of shyness. When Zhou Mi stepped under the shower’s spray, though, his eyes rose again. And there was Zhou Mi the performer, wet and hard, and taking in Kyuhyun’s every reaction. Like the fact maybe he had to jump start his breathing as he lurched forward.
“Is it better than on TV?” Zhou Mi asked, doing his very best to pose without having water stream into one of his ears.
Kyuhyun considered. Of course he’d consider, because there was just a lot more to.
“I didn’t get to see all of that on TV.”
Okay, and he didn’t want Zhou Mi to drown as he died laughing. It was his turn, not having much finesse as he got himself out of his underwear.
“Definitely worth waking up for,” Zhou Mi said, his tone light. Who knew what his face was doing, because his eyes were firmly on Zhou Mi’s chin, ears blazing hot. It was just them, the same as they were with all their clothes. But he slid the shower door closed, both sure and short of breath. They were closed in then, glass obscuring them from the room, surrounded by steam and water. Zhou Mi touched only his arm, asking for a kiss, connecting them.
A few kisses like that, getting his arm around Zhou Mi’s neck and shoulder, and he could finally meet Zhou Mi’s eyes. Just them. The grin was impossible, the giggles coming next, Zhou Mi laughing against his cheek and stroking along his back.
“I’ve thought about this,” Kyuhyun confessed. It was no surprise to both of them, and the way that Zhou Mi kissed him, he knew he wasn’t alone in that. Their conversation after Zhou Mi’s little drama tease should’ve told Zhou Mi all he needed to know about that. How pleased Zhou Mi had been.
But his breath hitched, as Zhou Mi’s hand slid to his ass, squeezing, making him twitch closer. It was Zhou Mi who moaned, kissing along his jaw, against his mouth.
“Want you to touch me.”
Kyuhyun breathed his affirmative, humming into the kiss as his shoulders pressed against the cool tile, and Zhou Mi’s fingers slid around him just moments after he had taken Zhou Mi in hand as well. They could’ve been in a waterfall, a cave, floating in space for all Kyuhyun knew. His reality was limited to Zhou Mi against him, touching him, and the water falling against them.
“Mm, good,” Kyuhyun moaned as they kissed. He tried to think of more words. He didn’t know if Zhou Mi wanted words, if it was enough just like that. He couldn’t have talked and kissed, and breathed. It had to have been enough. It was enough for him, kissing the edge of Zhou Mi’s smiles, feeling his moans. Feeling how hard he was, for Kyuhyun.
They’d touched each other before, but he swore it was different. No, it was because he was in the moment, urgent, flushing from the knowing, the want in Zhou Mi’s eyes. Dark, gorgeous and close, hair skimming against his skin. He wanted to lick away every drop of water, jealous of the way they got to touch, and breathless at the way that Zhou Mi moaned his name. He was never going to hear any other sound ever again, not with that echoing over and over in his mind. Zhou Mi’s hips were working with the stroke of Kyuhyun’s hands, and he nearly made himself dizzy, imagining them horizontal, imagining Zhou Mi inside of him. Imagining-
Kyuhyun was the one who gasped when Zhou Mi came, seeing his face tighten, feeling his body move. He felt Zhou Mi come, in his hand, against him, and saw him, heard him. It made him throb against Zhou Mi’s fingers, desperate for stimulation, desperate to join him. He hissed out a breath, swallowing back a whimper as Zhou Mi focused on him.
“You look gorgeous when you come,” Kyuhyun said, his voice nearly hoarse, and Zhou Mi nearly scoffed at him. “Maybe I can get you to make an ugly face one day.”
“You want to try?”
“I want to try,” Kyuhyun confirmed. They laughed together, kissing, and Zhou Mi stroked with his thumb before moving his hand again. “Though I’d probably- Oh. Still think it was-”
What were words, when Zhou Mi was nuzzling against his face and stroking him. His mouth moved toward the dark mark, there at the base of Zhou Mi’s neck, and instead of kissing, he moaned there. He wanted. He wanted so much.
“You feel so good. I can’t wait to get my mouth on you,” Zhou Mi groaned against his neck.
Kyuhyun’s arm tightened around him, moaning, moving with Zhou Mi’s hand. They’d be all nice and clean for that, after, if they- He moaned, coming in Zhou Mi’s hand.
“Yes,” he whispered, as the touch went from firm to soothing. He wondered if Zhou Mi could feel the thump of his heart as they rested closer together.
“Yes what?” Zhou Mi asked.
“Yes,” Kyuhyun said again, and Zhou Mi giggled against him, cuddling him as Kyuhyun breathed and opened his eyes lazily to see the foggy glass enclosing them. It was good. It was so good.
If Zhou Mi was surprised when Kyuhyun pulled back, touching Zhou Mi’s jaw and kissing him, then he didn’t show it.
“We should wash before the water just disintegrates us,” Kyuhyun teased, and Zhou Mi’s grin was so bright, so happy.
He let Zhou Mi work some kind of witchy fingers against his scalp, his hair all clean as Zhou Mi acted out a hair commercial.
“I would buy that product if it had your face on it,” Kyuhyun said. “I might buy all of it.”
“You have the real thing at home.”
A fair point. Washing quickly definitely took a back seat to touching, admiring. All it took was a few words to get Kyuhyun blushing, and a few gentle kisses to have him centered again as they talked about what they wanted for breakfast. The glances weren’t stolen, but they were given. A few waggled eyebrows, some appreciative squeezes. But most of the touches were meant to be helpful, as they did their best to actually shower. Not one of them was too much.
It swamped him again, a towel swathed around his hips and just watching Zhou Mi dry off, how much Zhou Mi trusted him. Once, he’d been taking away Kyuhyun’s phone to tell Kyuhyun he had once dated a man, and there he was, unafraid, exposed in so many ways. He’d trusted Kyuhyun with something so important, but he’d also trusted himself, to be able to allow himself to open up.
Zhou Mi glanced up like he was going to say something, and did some kind of hilarious double take.
“What?”
“Just thinking,” Kyuhyun said. He stepped forward to get another warm armful of man, kissing Zhou Mi’s neck. “Love you.”
“It’s a little late to be sweet talking me,” Zhou Mi joked. But he squeezed Kyuhyun until he squeaked. “Love you, too.”
And that was that.
They scrounged for food in the kitchen, carrying it to the table by the couch. Zhou Mi left Kyuhyun with a mug of tea, and Kyuhyun waited. Zhou Mi said he was going for a blanket, but what he didn’t say was that he was going to drape it around Kyuhyun and then crawl in until they were just a towel-and-blanket clad burrito. Zhou Mi took a sip from Kyuhyun’s cup of tea, pressing a hot kiss against his cheek.
“There, perfect,” Zhou Mi said.
Only, they had to stick their arms out to eat, but it wasn’t a bad setup.
“You should put your head on my shoulder like you did that one night. I feel taller that way,” Kyuhyun said, wiggling his shoulder suggestively.
“I can make you feel taller without that,” Zhou Mi promised.
They struggled the blanket a little closer around them, at least no longer hungry. Kyuhyun played with the ring on Zhou Mi’s finger, definitely not wanting Zhou Mi to move his hand where it had set up possession on Kyuhyun’s thigh.
“Will you let me engrave this for you, one day?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Any time,” Zhou Mi said. He sighed, leaning harder into Kyuhyun. “Why do I have to leave. Can we just stay like this?”
“If you want to make money and not have people chasing you. You’ll get all shined up, and… We have time for lunch? Then we eat more. And then I’ll have to get dressed. I seem to keep leaving your place without underwear,” Kyuhyun said.
“You don’t have to, you know,” Zhou Mi said, like he was going to magnanimously offer his too-small underwear. “I have space if you wanted to keep some here.”
Kyuhyun blinked at him, and Zhou Mi’s smiled curved a bit hopefully.
“I could do that.”
“You can bring shirts, too.”
Kyuhyun eyed him. “Oh?”
“And I suppose you can bring pants,” Zhou Mi sniffed.
“Oh! That’s generous. What are we eating for lunch, anyway?”
“I don’t know, what do you want to eat?” Zhou Mi asked.
They squinted at each other, and instead of getting up to look and figure something out, pulled the blanket tighter. Though, they still had time to decide.
***
Kyuhyun woke from a nap, feeling pretty good about himself. He wasn’t sure why he’d even napped since all he’d done that day was sleep, eat, and be in various forms of nakedness with Zhou Mi before he’d left so Zhou Mi could get ready. To puppy-dog eyes, and a dozen promises, but leaving was still leaving. He supposed a little effort had been expended. Just a little.
Finding a text from Zhou Mi on his phone wasn’t odd. He settled in, prepared for some wave of warm and fuzzy feelings.
What he got, was a patched-together photo of Zhou Mi making some kind of dramatic hair flip, pasted onto an image of a bottle of shampoo similar to one Zhou Mi had in the shower. It was like he was the world’s worst endorser. In giant red “ad” text scrawled across it: Always with you.
Kyuhyun nearly rolled off of the couch laughing.
***
In retrospect, Kyuhyun should have known something was up when he opened his apartment door and found Zhou Mi there completely unannounced. His jaw sagged, and he was there in his most saggy pajamas while Zhou Mi looked like some kind of model as Kyuhyun waved him in.
“Hi,” Kyuhyun said, closing the door after peering suspiciously out in the hallway.
“Is this a bad time?”
“No!”
No, he’d just finished eating, and had been about to settle in with his laptop so he didn’t just start to pine. Maybe his phone was dead and he’d missed a text, or a call. He knew he hadn’t forgotten plans. Zhou Mi coming to his apartment wasn’t something he’d have forgotten.
“I’m sorry I didn’t text first,” Zhou Mi said, fussing out of his jacket and hugging Kyuhyun seemingly without concern for his shabby appearance. “I was on the way back from a schedule, and I just thought-“
“You’re welcome any time,” Kyuhyun said, a little breathless and off kilter from having Zhou Mi suddenly in his orbit without preparation. And warm, because everything seemed a little brighter. He just flat out stopped worrying about what he looked like, what junk he had littered around, and kissed against Zhou Mi’s lips, and smiled at how eagerly Zhou Mi kissed him back.
“Can we sit?” Zhou Mi asked after a moment, and Kyuhyun nodded, shoving his laptop onto the table, books, his remote. They sat, and Zhou Mi was hugging him again. “Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve been here.”
Kyuhyun hummed, happy at Zhou Mi being there, and the kisses against his neck for that matter.
“Nice to have you here alone,” Kyuhyun said, and Zhou Mi giggled.
“I have something really serious I want to ask you,” Zhou Mi said, extracting his face from against Kyuhyun’s neck and the only thing that kept Kyuhyun from shooting straight to desperate alarm was Zhou Mi’s face. He was calm, even as he said incredibly frightening things.
“Okay?” Kyuhyun asked. He wondered if he should’ve worn his lucky underwear.
“Oh, it’s not like that, I’m sorry,” Zhou Mi laughed, cluing in to Kyuhyun’s concern. “Here. Read this.”
That was when Zhou Mi started looking a little nervous, chewing on his bottom lip as he thumbed to something and handed Kyuhyun his phone. On the screen was an Instagram draft post, the words beneath a lovely picture of the sunset, “Happiness to have someone to share this sunset with~”
There was a moment, as it started to sink in.
“You’re going to post this?” Kyuhyun said.
“I was thinking about it,” Zhou Mi said.
That stumped him. “It kind of implies- What if it makes people suspect you’re dating someone?”
“I wonder how bad that would be. I almost want- Posting things is a connection between me and my fans, and I want it to be okay for them to know I’m happy. I want them to be happy for me.”
Which was nice, but that didn’t erase everything else. “The fans are one thing. If some are happy, you could lose others? If the media outs you, though. Would your company keep them from doing it?”
“We’re smart enough not to make out in public, so all the media would have proof of is that we sometimes meet up and hug each other goodbye,” Zhou Mi said. It was clear from the way he listed how much he’d thought about it. “Even if they figure out that you’ve slept over, that’s what friends do, too. And that’s less that some idol group members have been photographed doing.”
Kyuhyun laughed a little at that. But still. “Even if they didn’t have proof, even if all they did was speculate, then what?”
“I wouldn’t respond to them one way or another if they did that. I’ve given it a lot of thought. We’ve been careful. We’ll always be careful, until maybe there’s a point we won’t have to be. But I won’t hint to the fans unless you want. If it’s going to make you worry, we can wait.”
For someone like Zhou Mi, he imagined it was painful not to be able to express himself how he would’ve liked to. There were private matters, of course, but it was something else to him. He admired Zhou Mi’s courage, and his want to be honest. Those who understood would continue to, and those who didn’t would think Zhou Mi was just posting peppy messages.
It wasn’t like Zhou Mi was posting a picture of a table clearly set for a romantic dinner or something obvious. There was some common sense in that pretty head.
“Who did you share that sunset with, anyway?” Kyuhyun asked, and Zhou Mi blinked at him.
“With you, just now,” Zhou Mi said, and laughed at his own smoothness as Kyuhyun sighed at him. He still hadn’t answered, and he half wanted to think about it, to pace around in his anxiety. But he knew Zhou Mi could’ve posted irrespective of Kyuhyun’s thoughts, and it was a connection between them that Zhou Mi valued his opinion. If the worst happened- He didn’t know what the worst looked like. That Zhou Mi was outed, dropped by his company, forced to mop floors just to eat. If Zhou Mi was outed to that extent, too, then Kyuhyun would be, too, he supposed. Most of his friends knew, and some of his family. His job wasn’t irreplaceable like Zhou Mi’s was. But there were celebrities that were out. Sometimes they got pushed down, struggled, but they were there. He didn’t want Zhou Mi to have that pit of worry, to have to wonder, to not be able to shine.
And maybe tomorrow meteorite would knock out all the electricity in the whole world, and the dinosaurs would resurrect, and he’d stop liking wine. All they could do, like Zhou Mi said, was be careful. Being most careful would mean not being together at all, and Zhou Mi had already risked everything Kyuhyun had worried about just by taking his hand and kissing him. It wasn’t quite as scary a step, when he considered that.
“I trust you,” Kyuhyun said. “You can see how it goes, and I guess that’ll show you if you want to say more.”
He hadn’t said that to get kisses, but he got them anyway, huffing with laughter as Zhou Mi squeezed him, kissed him, hummed against him.
“We’ll see,” Zhou Mi said, kissing him again. “If it’s about us, I’ll always check with you first, to be sure you’re comfortable wit what I’m posting. Okay?”
“Okay,” Kyuhyun confirmed.
“Let’s post it together,” Zhou Mi said, taking his finger. And they sort of tandem punched the post button, watching it upload. Kyuhyun’s phone buzzed a notification, making them both cackle, and they watched updates to the post roll in on Zhou Mi’s phone, comments and likes. Most were just telling him hello, and some in languages neither of them could read. No one was all “OMG you’re dating!!” while they were monitoring it, but Zhou Mi laughed and locked his phone after they obsessed for a good ten minutes.
Kyuhyun wasn’t sad for that because he had a Zhou Mi half in his lap then. And they were, in a very inside sort of way, enjoying the sunset together.
That post made him smile over the next few days when he saw the picture. Zhou Mi was happy and wanted everyone to know it.
***
Kyuhyun had checked his phone before he went in to the restaurant, so he knew he wasn’t late, but that still didn’t keep him from being the last person there. Ryeowook was on one side of the table, and Zhou Mi and Fei on the other. It had been Zhou Mi’s idea, something small, a mingling of Zhou Mi’s life and his. He was a little proud of that, that Zhou Mi didn’t just think he was on some pedestal and his celebrity friends were too good for normal people. Probably a little bit of the reason he’d fallen in love with the man, though it wasn’t like he’d had some kind of checklist aead of time. Some others knew Kyuhyun was dating a new guy, like his family for one, but he hadn’t told them who. And his absences to outings meant more of his friends knew he was dating as well. He was working up to telling. Normally with Zhou Mi reminding him to breathe.
Fei pointed at the seat across from her, smiling. Apparently they weren’t to be allowed to sit next to each other at dinner it seemed. Still he met Zhou Mi’s eyes, grinning a bit as he sat down.
“So we can have a small part of your attention,” Fei explained as Kyuhyun sat down.
“Why would you say that?” he asked, and pretended to be totally clueless as Ryeowook gurgled out a laugh. “Have you all been here long?”
“Not that long,” Zhou Mi said, smiling at him. “I was the last one before you actually.
Which meant that Ryeowook had been there alone with Fei. Ryeowook didn’t look like he was ready to fall over, but he’d still have to apologize for that.
“We were just chatting,” Ryeowook said.
“It’s good to know you two spend time with other people besides each other,” Fei said. “But besides that, where’s this ring I keep hearing about?”
Kyuhyun blinked at Zhou Mi, and put his hand up on the table. Ryeowook had already seen it, hard to miss it after having been involved.
“Oh, I like it,” Fei said, admiring it on his hand. He held still, bemused, when she took a picture of it. “For Jia. So Ryeowook traced one of your rings, and then got that over to Zhou Mi. How did you even get it back to Zhou Mi before he left anyway?”
“It was a challenge. I almost thought I wasn’t going to that day, since Kyuhyun’s heart eyes were on him almost every second.”
“Kim Ryeowook!” Kyuhyun burst out. And of course everyone laughed.
“I like his eyes,” Zhou Mi said.
At least someone was one his side as they grinned each other.
“Yes, we know,” Fei said, but it was an indulgence, and not anything else. They all put in their order, and Kyuhyun’s brain paused at the next question, “Is he getting enough rest with the concerts coming up?”
Like he was somehow responsible for Zhou Mi. Like they were part of a unit. He could see Zhou Mi’s eyes crinkling up in response, and Kyuhyun wasn’t puffing up or anything inside, no.
“When I have any say in it,” Kyuhyun said. “It’s been busy.”
Not much time to meet up, a lot of sad noises from Zhou Mi about his muscles being tired. Rather than meeting up, they’d been instead doing a lot of sleeping together. Mostly just sleeping. Kyuhyun’s question had been if he kept Zhou Mi from sleeping as well as when he was alone, but Zhou Mi sometimes slept near him, or used him as a body pillow during naps. He just made sure to have his phone nearby, in case Zhou Mi kept on sleeping. Making sure Zhou Mi ate, making sure he didn’t sacrifice the time he did have to rest to entertain Kyuhyun. At least the nerves of being in a new relationship had worn off mostly, and if he knew he had for him then for Zhou Mi they had, so there wasn’t that current under all the other stresses. Zhou Mi could nod off on Kyuhyun’s shoulder while they were watching TV, or nap on his leg while he was gaming without worrying. There were sleepy kisses and long cuddles, and shared showers that weren’t nearly as leisurely as the first one had been but still nice. Still a connection.
“Kyuhyun makes me food sometimes while I nap,” Zhou Mi said, bragging in the most obnoxiously cute manner that left Kyuhyun floundering in embarrassment.
“Kyuhyun gets recipes from Ryeowook,” Kyuhyun said, giving credit where it was due. “I’m learning to find it fun.”
Not just a chore like it was for him or when it was an expectations. Zhou Mi’s bright eyes when it was really good, eating something homemade just for him that wasn’t rushed or from a restaurant. Even his mother had started pitching in recipes he’d like during childhood.
“I’ll send you some recipes, too,” Fei promised, and Kyuhyun realized he was going to have her number in his cell phone, too. His life. “It’s a wonder he doesn’t just keep you there full time so he can wring out every second of the day with you.”
“We’ll see,” Zhou Mi said, sticking out his tongue a little.
Oh, would they? All Kyuhyun could do was laugh, as Ryeowook patted his arm probably to make him stop or calm him down. Zhou Mi took some of the heat off of him, drawing Ryeowook into a conversation about his job. It was all just so normal. So normal, a table of people he cared about chatting, eating, teasing. His friends. His family.
***
Kyuhyun saw the blast that went out asking for help moving boxes of signs for Zhou Mi’s concert from where they were being stored and into the moving vehicle to get closer to the venue. He hesitated, because on one hand, he didn’t want to accidentally out himself. On the other, it was a project for Zhou Mi. And on the scale of being a fan, Kyuhyun had exploded out the other side like some kind of daredevil. He’d help, do what he came to do, and give enough help to hopefully be sure that Zhou Mi would be touched to the point of tears on stage.
Goal: make boyfriend cry was probably not a typical life object, but he was doing his best. The concert had been rumored on all the boards and fansites that Kyuhyun still frequented, still posting now and then to keep himself from going conspicuously absent. He thought he was probably being a little paranoid when he did things like that, because as one person he probably wasn’t going to be missed. But he’d been around for years, even if he’d been quiet most of the time. He might’ve been the first fan to know, by way of Zhou Mi’s total inability to keep some things secret, but he hadn’t been the last.
The day the news officially broke, Kyuhyun had his whole routine planned out when he went over to Zhou Mi’s place armed with pizza. Plan A was get Zhou Mi stuffed, because seeing Zhou Mi eat brought his heart a little comfort, and then he was on to Plan B which was to wander away and check his phone, and-
“Wow!” Kyuhyun yelped. “Holy shit!”
“What?” Zhou Mi asked, hurrying over. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t believe it! Look, my favorite singer is having a concert soon,” Kyuhyun said, showing Zhou Mi his phone. And of course, the phone had Zhou Mi’s own face on it.
Zhou Mi hauled him in, growling into his neck as Kyuhyun laughed and squeezed him.
“You’re that excited, huh?”
“Uh, yeah?” Obviously. “It’s not just you and someone else. I won’t have to just say I’m going to some concert because you’re a guest, but because I’m going to your concert.”
“Your Zhou Mi’s concert,” Zhou Mi confirmed.
Well, when he got all possessive like that about it. Kyuhyun wasn’t going to complain, that was for sure. Kyuhyun watched how ticketing went the next week, a little proud when the tickets literally disappeared. For the Seoul show, Zhou Mi had promised him a ticket. But Kyuhyun bought one himself for Beijing. He was half tempted to get one in Bangkok, too, but he sort of wanted to go to Thailand for the first time when they were free to explore. Not like for the awards, where they barely were more than ships passing in the night.
Though he changed his mind almost immediately and bought a ticket there as well. It wasn’t about him, but about Zhou Mi. And Zhou Mi had already expressed hope that Kyuhyun could go to more than one.
But the desperate scramble to put together a project for Zhou Mi started with the official announcement, and Kyuhyun had contributed a bit as he usually did. Even if no one had reached out to him to be sure he was going, he felt pretty secure in just showing up. Extra sets of hands were always useful. He only recognized a few of the fans, women he’d met at other project meetings. No one stopped, pointed, gawked. He hadn’t really expected it. Zhou Mi had sent a couple of messages since the first, sort of gently intimating. When the world hadn’t exploded from the first one, Kyuhyun hadn’t had any objection to the others.
The ten or so people who showed up made the work a light job, getting everything arranged, loaded, and ready so that the day of the concert it could be passed out. They talked about the last meet and greet - Kyuhyun contributed there - and the awards ceremony, though he didn’t admit to being there. It was fun to hear how excited they were for the concert, their speculations on what could happen, what songs Zhou Mi would sing. It made him feel connected and disconnected all at once, like only a small part of him was there talking to them, the part of him that was a fan. Even if that thread ran through everything else, all the rest of him related to Zhou Mi was tucked away waiting to be boyfriend, friend, lover as well.
Kyuhyun had a good reason not to follow them all out for lunch, excusing himself. He’d almost escaped, too, when one of their heads went up, and he was told to hold on for a moment. He waited near a light pole while the main group chatted and the woman returned, holding a little gift bag.
“When I saw you were here, I was hoping I could asking you something. I know you had met Zhou Mi at the meet and greet, and I was wondering if you might know of a way to get this to him?” She seemed a little embarrassed to be asking him and oblivious to the fact that his entire being was ice. “It’s just a few letters, and some gifts.”
If he accepted, he put a very fine point on the fact that he and Zhou Mi were at least friendly. Denying it would seem suspicious. Protesting that it was too much trouble probably would have been, too.
“I can work on getting that to him,” Kyuhyun confirmed, his voice a smidgen high as he took the handles of the small bag. Maybe easier than they imagined.
“Thank you so much! If you can’t, just send me a message, and I can try another way.”
“Okay,” Kyuhyun said.
He toddled off, doing his best human impression and on a whim, heading to the road. He got a taxi, too weak to think about trying to control his features on the subway the whole way.
“Please tell me you’re free for a little while tonight,” Kyuhyun texted Zhou Mi.
“Actually heading home soon. Meet you there?”
His little breath of thanks may have been a little bit more fervent than usual. He resisted, he really did, going through the bag as he loitered in a coffee shop within walking distance. It wasn’t for him. It was given to him in confidence. The second Zhou Mi texted that he’d arrived, Kyuhyun was out the door and straight up to Zhou Mi’s place.
There weren’t any hellos as Kyuhyun kicked off his shoes.
“So you know how I went over to meet up with fans for something I couldn’t tell you about? Well, one of them gave this to me to give to you. Well, she asked me if I knew of a way and I didn’t have a way to say no.”
He held out the bag like it was something of telling significance.
“To you,” Zhou Mi said, his eyes widening as he stared at the bag.
“It sort of sounded like she wasn’t sure if I could, but I don’t know if she was just trying not to be too forward. It’s killing me. Here, take it.”
Zhou Mi ushered him along, and they sat together. Or Zhou Mi sat. Kyuhyun mostly perched, eyeing the bag like it would burst into flames.
“I was just so startled, I was like a robot because I didn’t know what she was thinking,” Kyuhyun babbled as Zhou Mi unpacked the bag. There was a packet of letters, a box, and two DVDs in a paper packet. One was labeled, “Watch this first,” and Kyuhyun shrugged when Zhou Mi looked to him to be sure. It took a couple of minutes to get it set up, but the DVD was in, and all of Kyuhyun’s air was bottled up in him as Zhou Mi got an arm around his shoulders.
The start of it was a pretty opening shot in two languages. The one he could read was, “Please don’t be worried or afraid, we love you and will always protect you.”
They traded a glance, and the video commenced.
“We don’t know if what you have been posting about is friendship,” the first slide said. “Or maybe if it’s more than that.”
Kyuhyun’s breath caught, because there half a dozen pictures on the screen, but one of them had his face on it. It was a picture from the day the fans had spotted Zhou Mi and saw them together, with Kyuhyun laughing at Zhou Mi as they walked without a care in the world. There was another, Zhou Mi and Jia and Fei in a restaurant. None of the pictures were like someone had set up shop with a pro camera and were just stalking, but rather pictures that looked like they’d been on someone’s phone who just happened to spot a celebrity. At least the one of them together, they’d known about that one since the fans had spoken to Zhou Mi. There were other pictures, Zhou Mi with friends that Zhou Mi had publicly posted himself, because Zhou Mi loved posting about his friends.
“We actually don’t mind either way, as long as you are happy. We love you, our precious singer, and you deserve someone to love you best.”
Some of Zhou Mi’s tweets and posts alluding to being in a relationship, being happy, came on the screen, and Zhou Mi reached and took Kyuhyun’s hand as well as tightening the arm over his shoulders.
“No matter whom and no matter when you love, please believe in us!”
There were pictures from fan signs, from meet and greets. In the middle of them, Kyuhyun again found his own face. Their beginning. It still rocked him in disbelief.
After those pictures, there were slides and slides of different fans smiling, messages of support, little video clips of fans cheering and talking, and telling Zhou Mi they loved him. Some of the messages had them giggling, Kyuhyun’s hand getting tighter around Zhou Mi’s as the DVD wore on.
“Please continue to live your life and do all the things that make you happy, and we’ll still be here supporting you~”
The final slide faded into a series of flowers and hearts, and then to black. They sat in silence for a while, before turning to look at each other. Zhou Mi was eyeing him like Kyuhyun was going to get up and run around thinking the sky was falling.
“Well, we knew some of them would figure it out,” Kyuhyun said. Because that was all he took away from it. Some of them knew, and they were trying to assure Zhou Mi in what he assumed they hoped to be the least creepy way possible that they supported him no matter what. It felt like the pictures of all the others Zhou Mi had been seen with were thrown in there to keep it from seeming too obvious, or maybe sinister. Or maybe that was just him reading into things. It hadn’t been a threatening video at all.
“It was cute?” Zhou Mi said.
“I’m sure that’s what they wanted? I didn’t realize they were going to be quite so direct about it. Except, I guess it wasn’t really direct. It was pretty pointed, though, wasn’t it?”
“It was,” Zhou Mi laughed. “I’m going to have to think about that.”
“I was scared when it started up,” Kyuhyun admitted.
“I was wondering, too. I guess it was just something they really felt they needed to say.,” Zhou Mi mused. And he picked up the box that had come with it. “Let’s look at the rest of this.”
“For Zhou Mi (and ?),” the label read.
The box held what amounted to soft leather couple bracelets. Unlike some where one was more delicate, meant for a woman’s wrist, the two in the box were exactly the same.
“Yeah, I think it’s safe to say they’re convinced you’re dating,” Kyuhyun said.
“Did the fans you used to meet know you were attracted to men?” Zhou Mi wondered.
“They might have assumed, considering we’re both guys, but no, I didn’t tell them.”
Not that a guy had to be gay to be a fan of another guy, he thought, scowling a little for a second.
He helped Zhou Mi put on one of the bracelets so they could both admire it, a pretty blue against Zhou Mi’s skin.
“It’ll probably give them a thrill to see me wear it,” Zhou Mi said. “But you’re already wearing my couple ring.”
He was, and they admired that together, too. That was something between them, and those who knew them. But he was surprised when Zhou Mi tucked the other bracelet into Kyuhyun’s hand, closing his fingers around it.
“I know wearing it would probably make you feel too… Too obvious? But I still want you to have it. When you see me wear it, only you will know where you have yours.”
“When you say that, it sounds like I’m going to keep it somewhere I shouldn’t.”
“What?” Zhou Mi asked, all innocence.
Kyuhyun tucked it into his pocket anyway, and settled closer so they could finish looking through things. The rest of the stack of letters and cards were just congratulations on his concert, and how excited they were. But Zhou Mi read every one, handing over some of them even though Kyuhyun was reading with him so Kyuhyun could see them easier.
“I don’t see yours in here,” Zhou Mi said.
“I must have missed this project.”
“This one? There’s another?”
Kyuhyun did his best to glare. “I’m not telling you.”
He was already drained from it all, but they put in the other DVD, and it was worth it, because it was some kind of flash mob dancing to one of Zhou Mi’s songs, singing, ending up in some big group that was full of laughter and shouting out messages to him. He squirmed in secondhand embarrassment, and laughed at how cute it was. Just seeing so many people loving Zhou Mi. He was totally going to survive through the concerts. He was. Though Zhou Mi was actually glazed in emotion, his lips all pressed together like he was trying not to wibble at the blank screen. And he leaned hard into Kyuhyun, his eyes maybe a little suspiciously wet.
“You weren’t in that either,” Zhou Mi said, and it was the cutest little complaint.
“You don’t want to see me dance,” Kyuhyun assured him, and kissed him when Zhou Mi was going to argue.
But he marshaled up his feelings to get over his embarrassment, singing a few lines of the song they’d danced to. Singing to Zhou Mi’s chin, anyway, his ears burning as he glanced up.
“I love you,” Zhou Mi swore.
“Oh yeah?”
They were both laughing as they kissed, Zhou Mi wiggling him back until he was all but pinned to the couch. It wasn’t like he minded, since it freed his hands to stroke through Zhou Mi’s hair until they were were both breathless. Happy. They had a little proof anyway, that some fans would support Zhou Mi no matter what. And whatever worry he had beyond that, Zhou Mi soothed it from him. They were in it together. It wasn’t all on him. They’d protect each other.
And when he woke in Zhou Mi’s bed hours later with Zhou Mi sound asleep beside him only to find Zhou Mi’s hand rather possessively spread on his ass, he snorted into his pillow and relaxed right back into sleep.
***
Zhou Mi was too much sometimes. His cute was disgusting. The handsome line of his jaw was overwhelming. His face masks stank. It didn’t matter how many times Zhou Mi puckered up while wearing the one that smelled like a forest had died on his face, Kyuhyun was still not tempted to kiss him. Okay, no, that wasn’t true, he’d kissed the top of Zhou Mi’s head once, flicking water at Zhou Mi when he’d been laughed at.
His home screen picture was of Zhou Mi on his back on Kyuhyun’s bed, in full laugh with his head hung over the edge of the mattress. The part of him that could be seen anyway. The rest wasn’t ever being recorded on his phone. He saw that picture sometimes, and was helpless not to grin. Zhou Mi was stubborn. Oblivious sometimes. His manager was his keeper, and that freed up Zhou Mi to be Zhou Mi, apparently. Kyuhyun worried on a whole about twice as much about some things than Zhou Mi did. It was where they differed, but Zhou Mi felt, deeply. He saw hurtful things. He absorbed things. He saw kind and wonderful and supportive things. And Zhou MI came out the other side of those, sweet, generous, and with coping mechanisms for all of it.
Well. For most things. Kyuhyun hadn’t moved for four hours after the last-ditch shopping extravaganza a few days before the concert tour was set to start. It might’ve been Zhou Mi’s nerves, his excitement. He hadn’t even been immune, going home with three shirts, too. He figured it couldn’t have possibly gone for too long, because Zhou Mi had been practicing, and doing who all knew what ahead of the shows. Surely he was tired.
“One more store,” was Zhou Mi’s mantra, and Kyuhyun had stopped believing him after one more turned into five more. He was letting that one go, though, because he knew he did that with his computer, too. They were just trading off, that was all.
***
The morning of the first concert, Kyuhyun was the incredibly willing subject of Zhou Mi’s cuddles. It was some ridiculous hour and Zhou Mi’s schedule had a dozen things packed into it from press, to sound checks, and hopefully time to eat and visit a bathroom at some point.
“Make sure you inhale some oxygen a few times today,” Kyuhyun said. Zhou Mi mostly hummed in agreement. “Don’t make the coordis laugh when doing your makeup.”
“Kyuhyun!”
What, it was the truth. He’d heard all the tales of having to have his makeup redone because he was entertaining all the people.
“I’ll be here when you get back,” Kyuhyun promised, and then stole Zhou Mi’s blankets so he would get up and get dressed. He had all the codes and everything. It was Zhou Mi’s concert gift to him, or something. And a nice promise to be able to make for Zhou Mi to have even more to look forward to. He hoped anyway.
It was some other kind of luxury to languish in Zhou Mi’s bed after he was gone. It made him feel a little guilty, too, since Zhou Mi was out charming people. Whatever got him more albums, more concerts. Zhou Mi thrived on it somehow.
But Kyuhyun sent Zhou Mi a text message, a single heart as he went in the doors of the stadium. He took his seat where Zhou Mi had arranged, off to the side but still close enough to the stage.
It afforded him a great view, when Zhou Mi began his newest ballad, and a wave of banners rose and swayed with the song.
“All our love,” was spelled out in a giant semi-circle with hearts surrounding it.
There were cheers and coos as Zhou Mi had to stop two-thirds of the way through because they had, as they’d hoped, brought him to tears, his breath hitching as he tried to talk. That was what Kyuhyun had helped to have happen, and no, he didn’t cry. Those weren’t tears. They were just, feelings dripping out of him.
Zhou Mi finished the song a cappella, which was a treat of its own, and the stadium went electric as his voice trailed away. He was pretty sure every person there fell head over heels in love again.
Luckily, Kyuhyun kind of had some experience with that feeling.
Zhou Mi shot him a crying smiley apparently while getting his makeup fixed, though Kyuhyun only learned that sometime the next morning after Zhou Mi wiggled into bed drunk and happy.
Much like the first time they’d ended up in bed together, they slept. And that was enough.
But he made it out of the concert in Seoul in one piece, and then the one in Bangkok, and the one in Beijing. There was something new every concert, Zhou Mi talking to the fans in different languages, singing songs to them that spoke to them whether they understood the words or not. Kyuhyun caught confetti from all the shows, being all bratty when he caught up to Zhou Mi after - whenever after was - and demanding a sign. Though Zhou Mi did sign them, every last piece, to Kyuhyun’s eternal amusement. Each had a different message, some that Zhou Mi read off, tossing them aside to flutter down, piece by piece as they kissed, Zhou Mi firmly and very welcomed in Kyuhyun’s lap.
But one image always stood out for him, in the arenas, of Zhou Mi standing bright on the stage, smiling as he looked out at all the faces, all the glowing lights for him. Behind him, his face projected on the big screens, smile radiant and infectious. Hearts were melting right then and there, eyes brimming. Zhou Mi had offered his heart to them with his voice, but showed them the part of his soul that was most beautiful in doing so because they chose to see and listen.
But even those were not the last concerts. Kyuhyun attended some the next year, and the next. The song lists were almost always the same, adding newer songs, but at the concerts Kyuhyun attended, Zhou Mi walked out with a simple mic and sat, dangling his legs over the stage as he looked out at the audience as though they were all sitting together in someone’s living room.
“Tonight, someone very special to me is here. So this song is for everyone who takes a chance, and loves,” Zhou Mi said.
Kyuhyun smiled, because it was a connection between Zhou Mi and him, and Zhou Mi and his fans. Even if all of them didn’t know who Zhou Mi was dating, many of them knew he was, and they were there still, happy for him, loving him, singing with him.
What is this I’m feeling
Something I waited for, but then
I found us in my heart
And I loved you
Endlessly
***