[Fic] Semiplume

[coley_merrin]

Title: Semiplume
Pairing: Siwon/Han Geng
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU
Warnings: sexual situations

Summary: Swan Lake AU Sihan, ballet!Han Geng, Prince Charming!Siwon



A/N: A semiplume is a type of feather which, at least in the say-so of this source, is used in courtship displays.

***

“This is our new benefactor,” Hyukjae said, the magazine falling flat in front of Han Geng as he stretched at the table. Ryeowook, their accompanist for the afternoon leaned over Hyukjae’s shoulder and made a thinking kind of face.

It was one of the glossy magazines that shouted of scandals and secret children. The magazines went around like candy between classes, people reading over each other’s shoulders as they took advantage of their breaks to eat and gather energy for the next round.

When Han Geng returned home every evening, he was tired, but it was a necessity. He couldn’t just take a few days, a week off, without it affecting how he moved, how his body could mold itself. Not just to be able to propel himself into the air, but also to lift or stabilize his partners. Whatever the dance demanded.

The man in the magazine feature wasn’t unlike any other movie star or musician. He was polished and handsome in some kind of tuxedo, waving like was acknowledging his subjects.

“Choi Siwon,” Han Geng read.

“Apparently he’s the son of some wealthy conglomerate CEO. I heard he’s going to actually come here to watch us opening night. He’s got a box and everything. But they say he’s going to be making some big donation.”

Things got old, fell apart, and they cost money to replace, whether it was the shoes they wore, the CD player they used, or costumes that got a little more tattered after every production. In lean times, they worked with a minimum of staff. Everyone knew how to do everyone else’s job just as surely as there were dancers ready to step into their roles in case of injury. The performances would go on. It was bigger than any one person.

“What does he want in return for his gift?”

Hyukjae, deep into limbering his legs, make a makeshift shrug. “I guess we’ll see.”

Very few people gave without strings attached. Some wanted to see the betterment of the company. Some wanted certain ballets to be performed.

But he had no more time to worry about social princes with excesses of money. He would dance the role of a prince, and he had a pas de deux to prepare for.

***

What Han Geng wanted was not to sip champagne that he really didn’t like and mingle among guests that were worth dozens of himself. In money, anyway. He wasn’t making any aspersions on their character. Instead of being at home and finding new ways to cuddle in his pillows while unwinding, he was trussed up in a suit and being led along by his director like some sort of prized stud. As one of the more recognizable names of the company, he was there not only for himself but for all of the others. It wasn’t just a premier night celebration, but a night to show all their patrons how appreciative they were, how eager they were to keep being on the side of their benevolent giving.

And though it took Han Geng a moment to realize who he was being led up to, it was clear after a moment. Siwon was taller than Han Geng expected, recognition clear on his face even before they were introduced. Perhaps Siwon had been close enough to see his face, or had seen him on the posters. But what had seemed like a sharp society face on glossy paper was less so in person, even as imposing as Siwon was with his crisp bow tie and broad shoulders.

“This is Choi Siwon. Han Geng.”

“I’ve heard of you,” Han Geng said, as his hand was enfolded in a very proper handshake.

Siwon grinned, though it was unexpectedly sheepish. “I’m glad, since I’ve heard of you, too. I’ve seen you dance before. Tonight was really amazing.”

“Everyone has really worked hard. As always,” Han Geng said, sending a smile to the director.

“It’s certainly paid off,” Siwon said, complimenting both of them seamlessly.

He wasn’t sure why it seemed as though he could almost feel Siwon looking after him. Though he thought it was probably all in his mind because of the fact that he had to keep himself from looking back.

When Han Geng had been mingled appropriately, he was left to his own devices, sipping flavored water instead of champagne and moving through a crowd of near strangers. Some offered more compliments, others ignored him. It wasn’t as though he disliked praise, but sometimes their blind eyes were kinder.

It was his goal to make it to the balcony for fresher air and less perfume.

It was Siwon who turned when he slipped out the door.

“Needed air, too?” Siwon asked.

“Very much.”

But the silence created by the two of them was not as disruptive as he might have thought, as Siwon wavered between leaving and staying. It was written all over his posture.

“Do you go to the ballet often?” Han Geng asked, making his back feel better by leaning against the railing. Champagne and crashing adrenaline was making him crave his bed even more. All the people inside had done little more than sit in their seats. Maybe their eyes were strained, but they had not been up as long as he had been, not been working as many weeks with the promise of doing it all again the next day.

“As often as I can. My mother enjoyed going, so the first time I really remember was seeing The Nutcracker when I was five or six. I thought it was fascinating, and also incredibly endless.”

Han Geng chuckled, wishing he had his champagne glass back, if for no other reason than to have something to do with his hands. Conversation with a handsome man, even one far out of his league, meant it wasn’t just the champagne making him a little giddy.

“I feel like I should apologize for you being here,” Siwon said. “You should be able to get some rest after that performance.”

Han Geng shrugged, eyes for a moment settling at the cut of the jacket at Siwon’s hips. “It’s for the company, so I don’t mind.”

“Your bio tells your dancing background, but how did you get involved?” Siwon asked.

“You’ll be surprised to learn my mother was involved as well,” Han Geng said, and Siwon grinned.

But there was no harm in telling the tale. As tired as he was feeling, he stumbled over some of the words, laughing a bit as Siwon nodded along.

“I’ve admired your skill since the first time I saw you dance. Six months or so ago, I think it was. I think people are beginning to suspect my renewed interest in ballet,” Siwon said.

And though he had not moved closer, Han Geng’s body lit with adrenaline. Alone on the balcony, a place Siwon had kept them. A man rumored to be thinking of making a donation.

“It’s worth being interested in,” Han Geng said, his voice sounded stilted to his own ears. He was going to need to make his exit, and quickly. If only someone saw them through the windows and were rude enough to interrupt. He would have to make his own excuse.

“I’m sorry, I should probably-“

“Oh. Han Geng, I-“

When Han Geng made to move for the doors, Siwon angled to him, suddenly so close that Han Geng nearly gasped. The were only a breath away from colliding, from Siwon being able to fit him against the railing in a way that would make it nearly impossible for Han Geng to move. His mind flashed to offered kisses and angry faces, of money offered at a price, and Han Geng stopped him, his hand pressed against Siwon’s pristine shirt.

“I’ve wanted to meet you,” Siwon said, his voice deeper, slower, even as Han Geng’s heart raced faster. “I hope-“

“I’m not going to sleep with you for some donation,” Han Geng said, holding Siwon at arm’s length.

“My…donation,” Siwon said, blinking at him. And then he looked horrified, stepping back a half step. “You thought- No. I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.”

They’d swapped positions, Han Geng nearest the door and Siwon at the railing, and yet still Han Geng felt tense.

“I usually try not to sound like that much of a creep,” Siwon said, his brow furrowing. “I didn’t even know anyone knew about the donation.

“There aren’t many secrets among us.” And Han Geng let out a slow breath when Siwon’s hands clasped in front of his stomach.

“The money has already been given. I don’t pay people to sleep with me. I don’t try to coerce them, either.”

Han Geng felt only moderately guilty for his accusation. And even then, most of that was in thinking he might have cut off Siwon’s future funding. Or perhaps he just thought Han Geng was paranoid, though he wasn’t going to apologize for protecting himself. It was easy for Siwon to deny it, to apologize when Han Geng stood up to him. If he’d let Siwon finish what he’d been meaning to say, maybe it wouldn’t have been what Han Geng had feared, but maybe it would have. His gut reaction was that Siwon’s apology had been genuine. He’d been wrong before, though.

Given that thread of belief, possibly some of that regret was for the way that Siwon frowned.

“Don’t worry about it,” Han Geng said. “Enjoy the rest of the party.”

Han Geng slipping in amongst the partygoers, the important people and those mostly insignificant. He was stopped only twice, before making his exit. His body nearly wept when he stretched the full length of his mattress. He had only enough energy to make sure his alarm was set before he slept.

***

Heechul was a force in his life not often turned away. When Han Geng was tired, Heechul respected that, but when he tried to turn Heechul down for other reasons, Heechul saw right through it. Half the socialization he did away from other dancers was because of Heechul. They’d known each other since before people ought to know each other, in Heechul’s words. Though he always preened a bit when he said that when people scoffed at him and telling him he wasn’t old.

But dragging Han Geng for yogurt and tea in the middle of the day was and wasn’t a normal occurrence. When he swung out to see Heechul waggling a bag full of yogurt at him - and telling Han Geng to be grateful - Heechul immediately started leading him down toward the river where various businesses were scattered to take advantage of the view and bike paths.

He assumed that something important had happened, but he also wasn’t content to wait for Heechul to make some kind of announcement.

“What brought this on?” Han Geng asked.

“Oh. Just meeting a friend,” Heechul said. And he looked Han Geng up and down. “I’m glad you didn’t come out in your sweats.”

Oh. Han Geng probably should’ve seen that coming. “Am I supposed to be impressing someone?”

“Maybe. He’s tall. He’s handsome. He could buy you a diamond the size of your head. And that’s not even the best part about him, which is more than I can say for some people.”

“Heechul.”

Heechul didn’t stop, though. “He’s about your age, too. A couple of years younger. Well out of diapers, anyway. You should have seen his face when I said I knew you. You could use someone who could wine and dine-“

The bad feeling was only growing.

“Heechul!”

Getting interrupted did bring Heechul up short. “What?”

“Tell me we’re not going to meet Choi Siwon.”

“We’re not,” Heechul said. “Because apparently you’ve already met him. What did he do? Get an eyelash in your drink?”

“No. He was very polite.” Han Geng flapped an arm out which only got him a raised eyebrow. It meant he had to confess, which was something he’d expected to do on a lighter note, a story told over a meal somewhere. “A few days before opening night, there were rumors flying around that Siwon was about to make a sizable donation. Then, he starts talking to me. He got me alone.” And Han Geng sighed when Heechul raised his eyebrows. “I thought he was trying to make a move on me in return for his patronage. And I told him that.”

“And was he?” Heechul asked, his whole focus on Han Geng’s face. One thing people didn’t do, if they knew better, was to mess with people Heechul cared about.

“I don’t think so. He apologized for making me think he might be. If he’s a friend of yours, I imagine he really wasn’t.”

Especially if Heechul was advocating them meeting.

“Well. You can never be too cautious. I can’t imagine he gets turned back with suspicion too often. But you liked him, before he creeped you out?”

“You were the one listing his attributes,” Han Geng said, and Heechul grinned. “He might not be so keen on meeting me again, though. Does he know?”

Han Geng’s thought that Siwon couldn’t possibly have known was confirmed when Heechul shook his head. If Heechul had told Siwon about his intent to introduce them, Siwon not saying anything about their meeting or what Han Geng had been wary of would have sent up so many flags.

“This was going to be my birthday gift to him,” Heechul said, stymied.

Han Geng laughed, because there was nothing else he could do.

“Would you rather not see him again?”

There had been one moment, when Siwon had smiled and looked away when Han Geng had maybe felt something. Maybe it was just appreciation for Siwon’s face, but maybe not.

“It would be nice to clear any awkwardness. If he’s weirded out-“

“I’ll send you away to your corners of the universe, don’t worry,” Heechul said.

When Heechul hummed and just stared at him, Han Geng pretended to be shocked by the face of his cell phone.

“Look, we’re going to be late.”

***

The momentary shock on Siwon’s face when he saw Han Geng, however, was entirely genuine. Heechul stormed up to him like a herd of elephants, blustering that he’d brought Siwon his gift as Han Geng arrived a little more sedately. It let him see the bright grin Siwon sent Heechul as he stood, the way he grasped Heechul’s hand in both of his like it was very precious. In a soft blue sweater over a buttoned shirt, he looked so very different than the perfectly pressed man that had talked to him on a balcony. The prince among the people.

An then Siwon had seen him.

The shift in his face was dramatic, if brief, and Siwon had looked back to Heechul as though waiting instruction.

“You’ve been nagging at me to introduce you,” Heechul said, pouring in a good amount of affectional exasperation even as Siwon made a sound. “I talked you up to him, so don’t let me down.”

Maybe it was clue enough that Han Geng had known of the meeting, had agreed to it. Granted, there was warning in those words as well, and he thought they all knew it.

“Han Geng,” he said, extending his hand.

Siwon hesitated only the moment, taking Han Geng’s hand and squeezing it. It seemed he understood, that it was a second chance for both of them. “Choi Siwon.”

And Han Geng smiled at him.

***

Heechul left them as though he had very important things to do, and perhaps he had. But Han Geng knew it was not accidental that Heechul was giving them time alone. He didn’t have much patience for lovey-dovey stuff as he put it, even if it was him on the receiving end. It was one of Heechul’s charms, and even if Heechul blustered against it Han Geng thought he was secretly soft to it. Though Han Geng had no idea why he’d assume they were going to start flirting with each other, when they barely knew each other.

Still, in the shade of the cafe Heechul had chosen, Han Geng wasn’t tense. He was interested to hear about Siwon’s job, smiling when Siwon confessed that was how he got tickets to the ballet.

“So there are perks to sitting at a desk,” Han Geng teased.

“Some at them. Some away from them.”

Han Geng bit his lip as Siwon took a drink of his coffee. It was different, casually. Different, when he wasn’t questioning Siwon’s intentions, and instead was enjoying his company instead. Dancing could be very insular, with the joys and hardships of it being shared among those who knew it best. Though even as they talked, Siwon did not quiz him about the ballet except basic, interested questions, or treat him as Han Geng assumed a fan might. Siwon was interested in ballet, which pleased Han Geng, and interested, more importantly, in him. And that pleased in him a very different way, especially because Siwon was no longer a man he viewed from a distance. In the space of half an hour, he felt almost more like a possibility.

Siwon reached out a hand, touching Han Geng’s fingers on the table with the ease of a man who touched people often.

“I hope you don’t think I tried to arrange this behind your back.”

Han Geng laughed. “Heechul told me he hadn’t told you he was going to present me like a kitten under a Christmas tree. It was my choice, and I knew about it. Though I didn’t know very long before we got here.”

He’d try to scold Heechul for that, but he doubted he’d get very far.

Siwon looked down, abashed. “I’m…glad, then. It’s a bit of a shock to meet someone you admire and trip over yourself that badly.”

Self-deprecation, and a compliment. It had Han Geng shifting because the way Siwon said it was both cute, and somehow admirable.

“A fan of the ballet. A generous donor.” Han Geng paused as Siwon’s eyes widened. “And a friend of Heechul’s.”

“There is that,” Siwon agreed, grinning a bit. His head tilted though, mouth pursing as he leaned closer.

“I was thinking the other night, though. I hope you don’t get put in the position where you have to turn people away.”

And Siwon winced, as though realizing he’d nearly created that situation himself the night they’d met.

He looked at Siwon’s hand for a moment. “No. Not often. Though can’t it happen to anyone? We all hear stories, even if it hasn’t happened to us.”

Siwon relaxed, visibly. Han Geng wondered at the worry he might have been carrying, even after their brief meeting. He was an adult, capable of dealing with his own problems, and yet someone who cared enough to ask about what he feared might be an unsavory reality was at least someone who would want to see that changed. And that was something Han Geng appreciated, even as they discussed how they had each met Heechul.

Siwon’s phone rang out with something cheery, and Han Geng watched him pull it from his pocket and then tried not to listen as Siwon spoke quietly to whoever it was on the other side.

“If I catch a taxi…fifteen minutes? All right. Thank you,” Siwon said, just before he hung up. Siwon apologized mostly to his phone before looking up. “I’m really sorry. I need to go into the office. This is terrible timing.”

“No, it’s fine,” Han Geng said, checking the time on his own phone. “I actually have an afternoon class to go to soon.”

The time had gotten away from him, just them and their drinks under an umbrella. So they stood together, making sure they had everything they had brought.

“Then it was nice meting you…again,” Siwon said, and made no move to touch him.

Han Geng chuckled. “It was.”

“I…” Siwon pulled a card from his wallet. “My cell number is there on the back.”

Siwon’s name looked stark, very official, on the card stock.

“Thanks,” Han Geng said.

“Good luck with your class,” Siwon said.

Han Geng had the lingering impression of dimples as Siwon jogged toward the street. He didn’t let himself watch after the first few moments, still running his fingers over the texture on the paper. It was Siwon’s card from the family business, but it was only one facet of him. The cell number was penned in in precise but surprisingly elegant hand, and it was something else he knew about Siwon. He thought back to what Heechul had said. Tall. Handsome. Rich.

But none of those things were the most important.

He was beginning to understand.

***

It was Han Geng’s choice, and he knew that. He wasn’t going to say that he went to class, ate, and went home, and then rolled on his bed before entering Siwon’s number into his phone. Instead, he did it the next morning. It wasn’t impulse that had him sending a picture of the mirrored wall and barre saying he was hard at work. It wasn’t calculated either.

Siwon’s text returned encouraged him to work hard, and accompanied a picture of a sad computer keyboard. It made him laugh before he went in to rehearsals. And that was how he spent the next few days, idly texting Siwon between classes, rehearsals and performances. He thought Heechul seemed a bit unduly smug, but there wasn’t anything much to crow about.

“He’ll ask you out soon,” Heechul said, confidence in his tone.

“Just promise me you won’t do it for him.”

But where would the fun in that be?

Nearly a week later, he waited onstage tired and satisfied. It had been one of his best nights, everything seeming to go flawlessly. He had never been prouder of himself in that moment as his chest heaved and he waited for the curtain to descend. He smiled at everyone. The corps, everyone. He clasped the fingers of stagehands, and collapsed in his dressing room, willing his heart to slow down. In a few moments, he was need to get up, to clean his face of stage makeup, remove the costume and make his way to the showers.

Right then, he pulled his phone out of a pocket in his bag. There were several messages, but the third one down read, “You were wonderful.”

It was from Siwon.

For a moment he let himself lean back and smile.

***

Siwon asked to meet him after his next performance. “I’m sure you’ll be tired, so I won’t keep you late.”

It had come with Siwon’s customary smileys, and Han Geng hadn’t even thought of turning him down. It would be meeting on their own terms, on even ground finally. No surprises, no crowd.

It was after Siwon’s birthday, had been before Han Geng had sent Siwon the the first text. Still, no matter what Heechul said of diamonds, Han Geng insisted on paying for Siwon’s tea and the plate of fruit they got to share in one of the corners of the little shop.

“Do you come here often?” Siwon asked, pulling right up at the table across from him, comfortable.

“It’s close enough, and has food that’s not too heavy. It’s nice for a little break away. Do you eat your lunches out, or do you have to brush crumbs out of your keyboard?”

“Nothing that drastic,” Siwon laughed, enthused. “Sometimes I bring something from home - to eat in the break room! But I go out most days. A change of scenery is important. The more responsibility I have, the more I feel the need to really get that break. That’s probably a weird thing to complain about.”

“Not really, no. You have people depending on you and more scrutiny from people above you. That happens in dance, too,” Han Geng mused. “When you get your first big solo, you believe you’re ready even if you’re scared. But there are always challenges. Generally it’s comforting to know you’re not given something you’re not ready for.”

He felt embarrassed for his little speech, when he realized that Siwon was staring at him with a little half smile on his face.

“That’s true though,” Siwon said. “I’ll have to remember that. I guess we have more in common than it might look like.”

They toasted each other with their paper to-go cups.

“Do you get recognized much when you go out?”

Han Geng hummed as he bit into a strawberry. “Not much. Some who’ve been to the ballet a lot, or have seen the advertisements will pick me out. It’s kind of nice, in a way. Almost anonymous.”

“I meant it the other day. You were… That whole performance that night was stunning.”

There had been several reviews that had indicated the same, and they had made everyone smile. But that was one night. There were more to go, and each night needed to be just as good.

“Thank you,” Han Geng said. “How many times do you think you’ll end up seeing it?”

The way that Siwon wrinkled his nose at the tease was cute. “I’ve only been twice. Probably once more with my family unless I get bored one night.”

“Three’s a good number,” Han Geng said, satisfied. “You’re close with your family?”

It had Siwon bringing out his phone to show off pictures of them, and they traded family stories until it was time for Han Geng to go home. His body definitely complained about the need for rest, but he’d gotten to eat and to sit, and he’d gotten good company. He’d needed all of those, too.

“I had a good time,” Siwon said, standing close to his shoulder. “Thank your for the tea.”

“Thank you for asking me,” Han Geng said, the chuckle awkward in his throat when Siwon took his hand. For a moment, he wondered if Siwon meant to walk him home. But, the reality was different from that.

Siwon bent slightly, lifting Han Geng’s hand. His whole focus was on the way that Siwon’s lips brushed his knuckles. It should’ve seemed over the top, bizarre, but when Siwon straightened and smiled, it seemed natural.

“I’ll be in touch,” Han Geng said. He didn’t want Siwon to think he was being brushed off.

But when Siwon turned, Han Geng could see walking up behind him, linking their arms together. The city would be whatever they wanted to make of it.

Another night, maybe. But he had a bit more sway to his step than he had before, smiling as he leaned his head back in the elevator of his building. At lunch the next day, he sent Siwon a text.

“If you do get bored one night, let me know. I can let you backstage. It’s not glamorous, but maybe interesting?”

Siwon sent back a string of smileys. “More interesting than you?”

***

It became easy to slip out at lunch to meet with Siwon once a week, or to ease out after a performance or class to catch Siwon for a snack or late dinner. Han Geng knew people talked, and besides his trusted few friends, he didn’t spread around the knowledge that he was meeting up with a wealthy donor. He knew what people would think, and it was something he was trying to avoid explaining. They weren’t sleeping together. If Han Geng hadn’t known that Siwon was interested, he might have thought that they were on a route to being friends. After the hand kiss, Siwon’s touches had been limited to a hand on Han Geng’s arm or shoulder, or their elbows rubbing. But whether Han Geng offered or Siwon asked, they continued meeting.

And Han Geng thought nothing of it when he was called into the director’s office one afternoon, having just barely gotten his breath back after practice.

“I hear you’re starting to date someone,” Mr. Park said to him.

“I… It’s early, yet. But yes, I’ve been seeing someone?”

What he didn’t understand was why he was being asked. Siwon wasn’t married. Han Geng wasn’t the only male dancer involved with a man, and there were no repercussions for that.

“The more time you spend, the less time you have to focus on dance. How long do you think you’ll last? You don’t have the luxury of twenty more years to make your name.”

They were sharp and pointed words, and Han Geng sat even straighter. Of course he wanted to be known. He’d danced his feet off for years to get to the place he was right then. And he was happy with that place.

“He’s given money to the ballet,” Han Geng pointed out. It was a cheap argument, and Park’s lip curled to hear it.

“But the time you have won’t be enough. He’ll want to take you to parties and whisk you away on vacations, and any chance you have of being a name the world knows slips. He’ll find someone else. When your star has risen, then you’ll have time to waste with spoiled young princes.”

There was logic to some of what was said. But when Han Geng locked himself into his apartment, he left some of the worst of it out in the street. Relationships were hard, even without a demanding and very public career. He did not just exist those nights on the stage. When he went home alone, again, and again, he felt it. There had been times in his life when dancing and his friends and family had been enough. When he let himself be still and imagine, he could see bundling up against the cold and taking Siwon’s gloved hand for the trip back home. He would cup Siwon’s cheeks and kiss the cold away from his lips, and tangle tired limbs together under the blankets.

He could have all of that. Love. His career. He didn’t need years to have that.

***

It wasn’t to show anyone that he could. But Han Geng didn’t turn Siwon down, though he kept to himself more with the exception of Ryeowook and Hyukjae, who had gone tight lipped at the thought of anyone trying to tell them what to do with their time outside of dance. Yes, they needed sleep, and yes they needed to eat well, but beside that no one had that right.

“Han Geng,” Siwon said, catching at his hand, tugging him back as they laughed at one of the displays inside a brightly flooded store.

Siwon held his hand, squeezing it as he came up even to Han Geng, faced him. His breath held as Siwon’s thumb skimmed along his cheekbone. It wasn’t a question, though he suspected it would be. He could see the faint amusement in the crinkling at the corner of Siwon’s eyes, the way his hand adjusted around Han Geng’s.

No matter if it was asked or not, Han Geng knew his answer.

How simple, how right it felt to step forward, to press up onto his toes. Siwon’s hand cupped his neck, and he pressed his lips to Siwon’s. He eased back after a handful of heartbeats, taking a ragged breath. But he wasn’t far, not when Siwon kissed him again, their noses brushing.

And again, Han Geng standing flat as Siwon bent to him, their lips parting slow. He wondered how many weeks they had been unreal to each other, something far away, behind the glass. And yet, he was curious because it was Siwon who sought him out, and Siwon who had made an effort to meet him.

“Why me?” Han Geng wondered.

Siwon paused, stroking the back of Han Geng’s hand. “You have so much skill on stage, presence, and that caught me. You were my favorite one to watch, waiting for you to come back out. Even just seeing your face on the advertisements. You remember the TV interviews the company did?”

Han Geng nodded. That had been perhaps more nerve-wracking than dancing a full solo by himself. “I do.”

Siwon exhaled. “It was the first time I heard your voice. The way you spoke about dancing, you could see how much you loved it. Watching you soar on stage, knowing it made you smile… That’s only part of it, though. Obviously, I’ve gotten to know a lot more about you that just that side of you.”

“Some think it’s my only side,” Han Geng teased.

But it made him glad that Siwon saw beyond it. Not just a fan or standing in admiration. But more. But that Siwon admired it as well, that was something that most people he had dated that weren’t dancers had only superficial appreciation for. Like it was some kind of hobby, instead of something much more.

“Not your only side,” Siwon murmured, and slid his arm behind Han Geng’s back, pulling him into Siwon’s chest. They stood there like that for a long while, his face against Siwon’s neck and making jokes about the terrible shoes they had looked at earlier. Maybe he was a bit shameless about getting Siwon to hold him closer, but it made it feel only that much more real.

When Siwon’s hand slid into his, and Siwon walked him most of the way home, he thought he could’ve walked for miles and never even knew.

***

There were strings of days when Han Geng had no time, no energy, to do more than send a few texts here and there, ending with a goodnight and at least once falling asleep with his cellphone in his hand. Then he would be free to grab lunch, or once in a luxury, see a movie. Even if he had nearly fallen asleep on Siwon’s shoulder. Heechul was being smug which Han Geng thought was a bit premature.

But he could almost hear Heechul rolling his eyes over the phone.

“Trying to get him to explain what he liked about seeing you dance always left him speechless,” Heechul said. “The fact that he gets to talk to you and turn on the grease faucet means I think his head has left the planet. Have you seduced him yet?”

Han Geng laughed so hard he nearly choked, rocking back and forth on his chair.

“I haven’t lured him back to my lair, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“And you’re waiting…why? I know you’ve seen him.”

“You saw him first,” Han Geng shot back.

“Well, yes. And I’m sure he should be bronzed, and all that, but he’s a bit too Siwon for me.”

It was easy to understand what he meant. Han Geng bet they got along well, but that neither of them would do well in a relationship. Heechul wasn’t right for Siwon. And yet, he was still trying to figure out if he was himself.

“I don’t usually sleep with fans,” Han Geng mused, only to be met with frigid silence from the other end of the line. “I know he’s more than that.”

“Well. At least your brain hasn’t gone like your hair’s starting to.”

Han Geng grunted. “I’m hanging up now.”

And he did.

But it wasn’t as though it happened just like Heechul assumed. There was no seducing, even though being together seemed like it was plenty enough. The night that the goodbye kiss was long enough to make him catch his breath, and the night a few days later when Siwon’s hand had slid down off of his lower back.

“Do you want to come back to my place?” might have ended up as seduction in and of itself.

It was the privacy, and Siwon waving away any explanation about any clutter, and Siwon not letting go of his hand. They never did get to sit down, and Han Geng’s offer of a drink ended up being innuendo as Siwon kissed him again to get his fill.

The gentleman that held doors and paid for food was still there, somewhere. When Han Geng breathed and tilted his head back, that same man was smiling at him.

“Han Geng.”

“Shiyuan,” he replied, and Siwon’s grin only broadened. A laugh caught in his throat as Siwon kissed along his jaw and wrapped his lips around Han Geng’s earlobe. For only a moment Han Geng focused on a the missing chip of paint beside his door before he leaned into Siwon’s chest. “Shiyuan.”

He hadn’t even truly meant to say it that way, needy and rough. Siwon’s inhale was immediate and the kisses against his neck frantic. But the hand that cupped Han Geng’s face was soft, and so were Siwon’s lips. He smelled of coffee, and Han Geng moaned, nearly stepping on Siwon’s foot in an attempt to get closer. They weren’t on the street, or in an alley, or anywhere in public.

He wanted, and he wasn’t going to get it sitting on his rickety couch. When he pulled Siwon’s hand, Siwon followed. Walking into Han Geng’s bedroom put them almost on top of the bed, and when his light was on, that was when he turned to Siwon. He needed to know if that was what Siwon wanted, too.

It was Siwon who kissed him, and Han Geng exulted, meeting Siwon’s tongue and moaning at the swift tugs against the button of his pants. Maybe from the audience, Siwon had lusted after him. Maybe bedding Han Geng was the fulfillment of all his fantasies. They would both take something away from it. Siwon moaned into his mouth as Han Geng stroked his erection through his pants. He wanted-

“I didn’t expect,” was all Siwon said before Han Geng kissed him again.

It took little effort to tilt his hips, to feel the fabric falling down his thighs and lifting his arms for Siwon to strip his shirt from him.

Siwon neatly lifted him, walking the few feet there was to the bed and kissing Han Geng, slow, as he lowered him to the mattress. It gave him precious space and even the he gasped, distracted from the button of Siwon’s pants, by Siwon’s lips against his neck. Siwon’s hips rocked with his struggling hands and he half laughed. But with Siwon’s pants opened, he twisted and offered Siwon the other side of his neck as he guided his hand with one squinted eye. It took three tries, reaching out and retrieving a couple of condoms and lube. The two condoms were mostly accident. But then again, he could hope. Sloppy kisses against Siwon’s cheek led him to Siwon’s mouth and the slide of their lips together.

“Han Geng,” Siwon murmured, and Han Geng grinned. It was the sound of a man who would be soon getting everything he wanted. “Tell me what you like.”

“Everything.”

A man who rocked back with shirt half undone to slid his underwear down with his pants. Maybe the second condom would be to get his mouth on-

But later.

“I can do it,” Han Geng said, smiling with the condom poised between their fingers.

A dab of lube, he passed the bottle to Siwon, lifting his hips a bit as even Siwon stroking fingers made him harder. He could have gotten off just like that, watching Siwon’s face as he looked at Han Geng’s body, feeling how hard Siwon was as the condom rolled onto him.

He reached for Siwon, teeth brushing Siwon’s chin before he kissed him.

“Please,” Han Geng said. “I don’t need anything else. Just you.”

“You’re gorgeous,” Siwon said. Not as though he hadn’t been telling Han Geng that all along with the way Siwon had touched him, and the way he had kissed him. Maybe Siwon had build up fantasies in his head, and maybe Han Geng would meet them. Maybe it would be better. All he had to do was lift his hips and invite, humming against Siwon’s kiss. And inhaling, as Siwon pressed into him.

When he made a sound, Siwon paused, talking to him, trading kisses and moving together. Even the gentlest movement rocked through him. He braced himself, watching Siwon’s face as he slid deep again. It was a dance performed together, Siwon biting his own lower lip stroking Han Geng’s thigh.

“You,” Siwon said, and Han Geng thought that Siwon meant for there to be more behind it. But Siwon snuffled out a laugh, his eyes dark before he kissed Han Geng instead. But Han Geng got the meaning behind it. He could feel it in the rumble in Siwon’s throat, and the quickening of his hips. It was need and appreciation.

It was need.

It felt like his whole body tightened, digging his fingers into Siwon’s arm, into his back, to pull him closer.

“Siwon,” he moaned, losing his grasp on anything but the advancing pleasure. The heat between them, the sound of Siwon’s moans, the beaded sweat at his temple as he raced them both faster.

He could see Siwon in his suit, slowly smiling. Siwon reaching out a hand and pulling him in. Siwon, touching himself and meeting Han Geng’s eyes.

He cried out as his back arched, Siwon’s hips in overdrive, slapping against his, their bodies rubbing together.

Siwon’s belly rubbed against him, and every breath was a labored gasp, hands shaking as they dug into the pillow. Siwon moaned against his face, and Han Geng felt himself tilt toward the edge, body jerking, desperate. He gasped one last time, the orgasm gripping him tight as Siwon pulled him up.

“Siwon,” Han Geng gasped,and his body pulsed as Siwon came in him. “Siwon.”

“Geng,” was the only thing that Siwon could get out as Han Geng stroked a trembling hand through Siwon’s damp hair. He felt like he’d become a heavy brick, sweating through the sheet and with Siwon hot above him. Or, at least until Siwon hissed and pulled away, and they panted together, facing each other on the bed.

“Can you stay the night?” Han Geng asked.

Siwon smiled. “If you’ll let me.”

Those were the sweetest kisses, the way that Siwon stroked over his hair. But Han Geng grimaced and stood, going to wash up a little and bringing back both a cloth and a glass of water. While he’d been gone, Siwon had shed his pants, and had just tossed aside his shirt, and Han Geng paused to admire Siwon in his bed. It would be tight, tighter still if he didn’t want to sleep where it was still damp. But both his gifts Siwon kissed him for, and Han Geng watched as Siwon drank half the water, handing the glass to him. He was much more interested in catching the rivulet that made its way down toward Siwon’s jaw.

“I might have to leave early,” Siwon said. “I hope that won’t disturb you.”

“Depends on how early,” Han Geng said. “But no, you won’t bother me.”

He sighed as Siwon nuzzled against his face, finally getting comfortable without resting too heavily against Siwon’s side. He woke several times in the night as they shifted, falling asleep again with his head on Siwon’s shoulder, or Siwon breathing against his neck. Siwon’s alarm sounded too early still, but Siwon sighed and silenced it, dressing in front of Han Geng’s bleary eyes.

“I’ll call you later,” Siwon said, cupping Han Geng’s neck and pressing a solid kiss against his mouth. And Han Geng smiled as Siwon lingered.

“Just lock the door on your way out and it’s fine,” Han Geng said. “Have a good day.”

“You too.”

Han Geng languished, sleeping in the warmth Siwon had left behind until his own alarm went off. He wondered if he would be able to still smell Siwon in his bed when he got back home. Probably not, not after one night. But the thought was worth dozing to until his alarm went off again.

He smiled as he stretched, imagining lazy mornings with nothing to do but trace the little darkened areas on Siwon’s skin - not imperfections, no. Uniqueness. The lines of his ribs, and the texture of his skin from neck to elbow to fingertip. He’d trace it all with his hands, and then with his mouth, and then laugh as Siwon pulled him above him and kissed him breathless.

***

Not all days were good days. Han Geng was not a robot who danced, but a person. There were days his body obeyed better than others, days he had more energy, more rhythm. There were days he was given what amounted to praise, and days he deserved the criticism. Not all of it was his fault. It was the time of day, the quality of the air, a moment’s lapse of concentration. There were always those days. It didn’t stop staring at himself over the barre, and wondering, or when he sank deep into a grand plié and measured his breathing as he rose. He couldn’t find his balance. His pirouettes lagged. He was like a toy whose batteries had dimmed.

It was one of those days he ended frustrated with himself. There was always competition. The next role, the next chance. Missing one always meant the chance of missing everything. He couldn’t afford not performing well, not doing well in daily classes. His face wouldn’t be near the doors inviting people in. He would be obscured. On the stage, but too far from the light.

Hyukjae nodded at him when he left. He understood what it meant to get yelled at, what it meant to try and falter, and know they would do it all again. It was always different when the routine changed, though he was used to having no performances to center him. It was a week until opening night of their next ballet, and he had to focus.

The truth was, it was just a bad day. But it got better after he had his bag settled on his shoulder only to see Siwon waiting for him outside, just as he’d promised.

Siwon had to catch him, Han Geng barreled a him so fast, and Han Geng cupped Siwon’s face, the kisses twice as fast as his breaths. But they slowed, their lips clinging together as Siwon stroked his back, soothed him.

“What’s wrong?” Siwon asked.

Maybe he’d been more obvious than he’d thought.

“I can’t- I don’t want to go out tonight. I just- Just something private.”

“Your place?”

And Han Geng was grateful.

He made Siwon stay outside when he went in to buy soup in containers and mounds of noodles and chicken. That was what they ate in his apartment, an indulgence that he needed desperately right then. And though Siwon kept sending him significant glances, he didn’t press further. It let Han Geng relax.

On the saggy couch, he leaned into Siwon’s side, grateful for the warmth, the arm over his shoulders.

“Hope you’re feeling better?” Siwon said, nuzzling against his ear.

“I got through the end of the day knowing you’d be waiting.”

It was half truth, half flirting. And he turned his head when Siwon squeezed him, humming into Siwon’s kiss and pressing himself a little closer.

“Sorry if this isn’t quite the date you expected,” Han Geng said, taking a good long inhale of Siwon’s cologne.

“I figured you wouldn’t want anything too crazy. Tonight’s your night to recover.”

Someone who knew that, someone who understood it.

“You sure you haven’t dated a dancer before?” Han Geng asked, poking his finger into Siwon’s stomach.

“You’re the first. The only one,” Siwon said.

First. Maybe not necessarily the last. But the smile was no less real as Siwon stroked his arm. It was the understanding that Han Geng absorbed. To be with someone who supported his dancing, to be with someone who protected him for it, that was someone he needed.

“What do you dream of doing?’ Han Geng asked.

At that Siwon smiled, making Han Geng’s lips twitch too. “I want to travel. I want to see everything.”

And there too, they were the same.

***

They did not perform forever. A limited run, a limited time to respond to the music. The opening night soiree went more smoothly, Han Geng seeing the peek of Siwon’s head in the crowd and letting that comfort him as he greeted even more strangers, talked about his role as a different sort of prince. The room was decorated with swans and plumes of feathers to match the theme of their ballet. In lieu of a boutonniere, Han Geng had a feather pinned to his jacket, steered around by the director, Mr. Park.

There had been a breathless moment backstage, hiding from photographers and leaning against Siwon in his dressing room. Smuggled backstage so that Han Geng could pin him, kiss him, to quiet all the praise Siwon wanted to heap on him. But he had seen it when Siwon hugged him, careful of the costume to grip him tight.

“Do your hands hurt from clapping?” Han Geng teased. “Now tell me what you thought of Odette?”

“I won’t insult her by asking if there was anyone else but you dancing,” Siwon said as Han Geng groaned. “But I kind of wanted to ask.”

But they had parted, both to dress for the mingling, and the endless chatter.

The ballet had many different variations, right down to the ending. Some were happy, some bittersweet, and others tragic. Much as life was, with no guaranteed outcome. The version they performed, the end was bittersweet. Odette and her prince Siegfried survived, but never to be together. He concealed his smile at Soojung into his champagne flute, as people around them began animatedly discussing the ballets the next year would bring. Some of them had opinions but had no idea what they were asking for.

There was no balcony that night, or Han Geng would have edged Siwon onto it. Part of it would have been him poking fun, but he knew Siwon would have been able to poke just as much fun back at him. Still, throughout the part their paths crossed a few times. There were the discreet touches to Han Geng’s hand, the offer of a drink, and Han Geng nudging his shoulder against Siwon’s as they passed nearby.

Han Geng had not asked Siwon to go as his date, not as such. But had made certain Siwon would attend. He wanted a friendly face there, and there was no reason to play the game of wishing, when what they had worked. Acknowledging their relationship in public was a thing that had to wait - maybe for a better time, or certainly when they were more stable.

But he couldn’t deny that he wanted.

***

And Han Geng couldn’t deny that there was hurt in him when two days later Siwon called him, and there was regret in his voice.

“There’s a gala this next week. Sunday,” Siwon said, and Han Geng let his head rest more firmly against the phone just to hear Siwon’s voice more clearly.

“Is it big and fancy?” Han Geng teased, hearing Siwon chuckle.

“Yes. Too many people to count. I’m… I’m expected to bring a guest. I don’t mean that as a threat. I know you can’t get away. I’d rather go see you perform than stand around and talk to people.”

“And eat fancy food with fancy people.” Han Geng closed his eyes. “You’re right, though. If I wasn’t performing…”

Perhaps Siwon could have brought Han Geng as a guest, but not a date.

“There are other galas. Always.”

So Han Geng breathed. “Do you know who you’ll take?”

“There have been suggestions. I may let my father decide.”

Undoubtedly someone Siwon’s father would approve of, someone from a good family. Perhaps Siwon’s father thought that people who performed were beneath him, and definitely beneath his son.

“I can’t even wish that you won’t have a good time,” Han Geng said. “Though I hope it’s not one of those you’re stuck at until the pumpkin turns back.”

“I’d have to call you to come get me.”

Han Geng laughed. “Yes. Maybe my umbrella will fly us away.”

“I’d like to see that.”

When Siwon began to be drowsy on the phone, it was time to hang up.

“Talk to you soon,” Siwon said, his voice as husky and soft as it had been those rare nights he had been able to sleep over.

“Good night.”

He had Siwon’s answer to cling to.

It was all he would have, though. Being in the middle of their first week, he was too exhausted most nights to imagine meeting up, and Siwon was busy when Han Geng was free during the day. He didn’t want to invite Siwon over, give him the wrong impression, only to fall asleep on him.

Siwon told him about the gala, how ell it had been, how the food had been only so-so. They hadn’t talked much about Siwon’s date, and Han Geng had appreciated that. When anything nagged, he reminded himself that it wasn’t that Siwon had something to hide. He’d been very upfront. And Han Geng relived the first time Siwon had kissed his hand, and the first time they had kissed, and linking his arm with Siwon’s as they walked together in the park. The way Siwon got a big gangly, a bit silly when he was excited, when his kisses missed when he was laughing, and the way he talked, when they were in bed. Hours of conversation with their knees brushing and ankles crossed over.

Those times weren’t erase by one date of convenience.

“It looks like your boyfriend got tired of you.”

Han Geng looked up at Mr. Park and stood. “I’m sorry?”

The tabloid that was offered to him was opened to a picture of Siwon standing with a very beautiful woman. The text itself speculated about the connections of their families, and how long they’d been seeing each other. Han Geng knew, from Siwon’s explanation, that it was the first time they had met and it was on his father’s suggestion.

But it still made him clench his teeth a bit.

“They made a lovely couple,” Han Geng said.

“I’ll let you keep it.”

If it had been another dancer trying to upset Han Geng, he could have reported it. There would always be some jealousy, some sniping, but blatant moves to try and upset someone were out of line. That it was the director trying to keep him in line made it that much more repulsive, and on the day of a performance on top of that.

He trashed the magazine immediately, feeling the tension even as he prepared to dance. If he carried that with him, he would get distracted, upping his chance of injury. He wondered if that had been what Mr. Park had meant - that having someone so significant playing with his feelings would take him away from his focus.

He wanted to make sure that didn’t happen.

***

The performance had gone well, but whether he wanted to or not, the questions had stayed with him. He hated them, though. It was exactly what Mr. Park had wanted, to force him to think, to wonder, and re-evaluate. It was one thing to be stubborn, and another thing to just not see what was in front of him. Han Geng knew that when he offered after he had showered, Siwon had immediately texted back to say he would meet Han Geng at his apartment, and they had shared a drink on Han Geng’s couch while discussing the performance, and Siwon’s day.

When Siwon spoke of company donations, it felt like his whole body seized. He knew, and yet he didn’t. And the question couldn’t he held back.

“When you gave a donation to the ball, were you hoping to meet me?” Han Geng asked, using his nail to scrape at something dried and hardened on the edge of his phone.

“I knew it would get me a entry to the party,” Siwon said after a moment. “I had no idea if I would get to meet you or not.”

“And you’d asked Heechul to introduce us.”

“Sure, but…” Siwon made a helpless gesture. “I had no goals besides saying hello and that I admired you.”

Dreams maybe. Hopes. Han Geng hadn’t even had those when they’d met, besides idle little thoughts of no account. Those had only come from getting to know Siwon.

“Do your parents want to approve of someone you’re- Do your parents want to decide who you date?”

“Han Geng…”

“It’s about time we talked about that, right? Are they going to tell you one day that you need to date someone they want you to? And you’ll say ‘Hey, it’s been great playing around, my parents want me to marry this person.’ Or maybe, ‘Hey, I have to date someone else, but I’ll still have time for you.’ I don’t know. We’ve never…”

When Siwon sat forward, he was very focused, no hint of amiability in his posture or his eyes. “I would never do that to you. To anyone. You deserve more than being someone’s second choice. My parents will always have suggestions for how I live my life, but who I spend my life with isn’t one of those things they’ll get to choose.”

“Sometimes their disappoint can be too much to ignore,” Han Geng said. He knew. When he’d left his home, he’d also left people worried for him, not trusting his choices. But he’d had to trust himself, make decisions for himself.

“I haven’t invited you to meet them yet because I’ve been too greedy, wanting you all the free time you could give me. I know you don’t have any reason to believe me.”

Siwon’s hand was warm around his, and Han Geng did believe him. He stood, pulling Siwon up as well, because he could no longer sit still. He’d been greedy himself, not telling too much to his friends, not hardly…believing. Heechul hadn’t hesitated, though, and there had always been that. And yet there was a secret he was carrying, and he wasn’t sure if it was a shield or an arrow.

“People in the company were finding out about us, and our director believes that a relationship will take me away from my goals,” Han Geng said, throat going tight just remembering his anger, his hopes. He didn’t want to be second-guessed. “It’d be nice to be known outside of the country. Everyone dreams about it, getting that invitation that would make you a world name.”

“He wants you to stop seeing me?” Siwon asked.

The nod was short and awkward. “I ignored him weeks go, but after the gala he brought it up again. I know he wants the best for me. For the company? So he’s probably not going to stop.”

All he really wanted was for Siwon to meet his eyes, but Siwon was staring at his shoulder instead, taking in his words.

“Also he wants the best for himself?”

“He would get more notoriety,” Han Geng allowed. “But-“

It was a miracle that he didn’t stumble when Siwon both pulled at his arm and stepped against him. Their chests met hard, Siwon’s arm around him and face pressing against Han Geng’s neck. It was not the warmest hug but it was contact and a tight hold, and for a moment Han Geng inhaled, smelling Siwon’s cologne, familiar and crisp. He wanted that smell on his sheets, on his clothes. For a moment he almost believed that things were all right, that just that contact, that baring those words would move them beyond all of it.

And then Siwon pressed him back. Very politely.

“Why are you afraid of my family telling me that we shouldn’t date, when you’re letting someone else make you believe the same thing?”

Han Geng stared. Siwon didn’t speak as though angry, didn’t address Han Geng as though he was a child. But there was something clipped in his tone, something so disappointed that it made Han Geng’s breath catch.

“I don’t want either of us to wonder,” Siwon said. “But it’s late, and you need your sleep. I should go.”

He glanced at Han Geng’s lips as though he thought to kiss him. Instead Siwon smiled and turned.

Han Geng wanted to say a lot of things as Siwon stepped into his shoes, things like Siwon should text him when he got home, or that Han Geng would get his coat and they should get tea no matter how late it was.

Han Geng managed, “I’ll see you later?”

It sounded fragile and wistful to his own ears. It made it hard to imagine what Siwon took from it.

“Yeah. Good night, Han Geng.”

“Good night.”

The door closed. Han Geng did not crumple to the ground, or throw himself onto the couch. Instead, he wandered, unable to think of what he should do, running through things he should’ve said, things he shouldn’t have. He touched his phone, abandoned it. He took a shower, washing at times with absent thoughts, at times furiously, cursing softly under the spray.

Having fear wasn’t such a strange thing. Being afraid of Siwon’s choices could have ended up as simple conversation. Bringing up his director, it was almost as if he had been trying to tell Siwon that he was having his own doubts. He could have told Siwon that he’d been flaunting those recommendations for weeks. But flaunting them meant nothing if he didn’t mean to continue - either Siwon was important enough to cling to as he reached for his dreams, or he had to be put aside. The third alternative, moving his dreams aside for Siwon made a bitter taste in his mouth. There would be nothing left for them in that relationship, Siwon feeling as though he held Han Geng back and Han Geng feeling as though he sacrificed too much.

There was no text the next morning, no text asking his availability for lunch or documenting the evils of Siwon’s office mouse.

He argued that it was good, that they could use the time to revaluate, and get rid of those fears. But it wasn’t something they could even try without talking. When he missed Siwon, it wasn’t the Siwon in his bow tie that he saw, but the one in simple clothes that laughed and slung his arm over Han Geng’s shoulders.

It took him another day, fingers on his phone as he typed, and retyped a message. It was on eve of the last performances of the run. Maybe it was cowardly not to ask for himself, but he asked, and that was what was important.

Will you be there tonight?

***

Han Geng kept checking his phone as long as he dared. He knew he needed to let it go, before it ate into him when he saw that Siwon hadn’t replied. And when he went to the stage, his phone was still silent.

For a while, it seemed like any other night. He waited, he danced, he breathed.

For a moment he looked out into the audience, sweeping as though that would reveal Siwon to him, when he wasn’t even sure SIwon was there, much less where he was seated. He wanted Siwon to be there,

For a second he let himself be blinded, dizzy under the lights before he slipped back to let other dancers in front of him. It gave him the precious seconds he needed to reorient himself.

The rest of the performance went better. The quick costume change, fixing his makeup, waiting for the cue, for his body to do what he had learned so extensively. He let the music take him.

***

But Han Geng knew it was coming, even before he slipped away to shower. The usual adrenaline had gone, leaving him feeling heavy if clean, and when he picked up his bag, Mr. Park stopped him.

“You weren’t quite yourself out there.”

It had been once, no more than that. He smiled, grim. “It won’t happen again.”

And he slipped away, shrugging into his jacket and beelining for the exit. There were people scattered, dancers chatting or people having a smoke. But there was only one person he wanted to see there. Against the streetlight, there he was.

“You made it tonight. I wasn’t sure if you would,” Han Geng said.

“I wanted to be here for you,” Siwon said. “I always miss watching you.”

“Tonight wasn’t my best.”

It both did and didn’t matter. To Siwon, perhaps it didn’t and maybe he couldn’t even tell. But to Han Geng it was everything, because he wanted to put out the best he could without fail even though he knew there would be nights he would falter. It was like a relationship in that way. He could put his best into it, and he could try, and there would be moments he could have done better. But that was no reason not to try. Han Geng the dancer, and Han Geng the man were the same. He was never going to forget that.

He held out his hand. An offer.

Siwon’s fingers settled between his, a smile curling his lips. If they truly chose each other, there was nothing anyone could do to change that. Maybe there were obstacles, but their ending didn’t have to be so bittersweet. Or be an ending at all. Those were the things they could learn of each other, and trust.

“Are you hungry?”

“Very.”

The moon was bright above them, and Han Geng led Siwon into the night.

***