[Fic] The Walk
Title: The Walk
Pairing: Tablo/Eunhyuk
Rating: R
Genre: AU, romance
Summary: Each birthday he’d had some anticipation, as though he would receive word. Any sort of communication, that his husband was ready for him.
***
Hyukjae was married when he was fourteen years old. Not in a traditional way, of course. His uncle had gone out, signed the agreement and finalized the deal. It had been explained to Hyukjae in very simple terms. The drought, the lean years, had been too much. They couldn’t afford upkeep on their crumbling home, to set up for the next year, to help their people. Hyukjae’s sister had been married to the heir of an even larger estate, but the money from that match had been used up. She’d only just left, really, before Hyukjae had learned his fate. He would be married off to a younger son - not unheard of in lean times. The match was more for form, a kind of political lock.
It was ironic, upon learning what his future would hold, that he’d actually been a bit relieved to know it was a man he’d be going to, and not some unknown girl. His husband had met his majority, had his own land, if small. And his older brother had not wanted him to have any legitimate heirs.
Hyukjae was perfect. Gentleman’s son, a good family. The property of his parents would go to his sister’s children. So he woke up one morning intent on riding out to see his friend, and went to bed knowing he had a husband.
But Hyukjae didn’t realize he’d have to wait almost ten years to meet him.
***
It was a sunny, but cold afternoon when he arrived at his new home. The household staff were lined up to meet him, but not their master.
He was given a room, introduced to the servant who would see to his clothes and needs. It was a nice room, truly. And a plate of food was brought up for him so he wouldn’t starve before dinner.
But he worried. He had nearly his whole life in three trunks, and was in an unfamiliar house. He wasn’t sure if he would have been calmer had he met Daniel before or not. He had only a vague idea of what Daniel looked like, how old he was. He’d waited ten years to be there.
Each birthday he’d had some anticipation, as though he would receive word. Any sort of communication, that his husband was ready for him. He’d turned eighteen, and twenty. He’d written letters, even as his parents urged him not to. They weren’t ready to see their son go, perhaps, but he was aware of his obligation. From the moment he’d learned he had been married to save their land, to the day he arrived at Daniel’s estate, he had known. Daniel’s money had meant their home had thrived, that Hyukjae had kept his horse, and his nice clothes, and his tutors. The things he learned at his father’s side, he anticipated that he would use to help in his life with Daniel.
There was also the need to get away, to do his own thing. Perhaps going from his parents to a spouse was not the epitome of freedom, but it had been a prize he had coveted for far too long.
He had just turned 24 when the letter had come. Short and to the point, it had made clear that a carriage would arrive within the week and that Hyukjae should be prepared. Not a word of thanks, not a kindness, or anticipation of meeting him. Just “D. Lee” at the bottom of the paper. He’d touched the signature and wondered at the man behind it.
But he explored the house. His home, truly. He’d had to repeat that to himself a few times, when he almost felt he was intruding. A maid caught him going down one of the hallways, and instead of treating him like a guest, showed him the downstairs rooms. The library, and parlor. Daniel’s office, and the dining room. There were things scattered, paintings and pottery, and he wondered if he was getting a sense of who Daniel was.
“Is there a portrait of…”
He didn’t even get the question fully out before the maid was leading him to a hallway of portraits, and leading him to one in particular. A man, standing beside a horse. He had a strong face, Hyukjae thought, and the portrait resembled a bit the tiny portrait he’d been sent. But he didn’t know how skilled the artist was. And what a man looked like on canvas, could be far different than he looked like in real life.
Hyukjae had quizzed his uncle many times on what Daniel had looked like, how tall he was, until his uncle had gotten annoyed with him. But it was normal curiosity, wanting to know what kind of a man his husband was. And, honestly, he had also imagined the way Daniel would touch, how he would kiss. Maybe he had married a perfect stranger, but he was healthy. He saw the play some of the servants got up to, read books his parents wouldn’t have approved of. He knew that was a part of marriage - not always in marriages like his - but sometimes.
But he wanted a true marriage. His body certainly craved it. He wanted to know-
“Lord Lee is returned!” the maid said, returning to his side. "Oh, please wait in the library and I’ll let him know you’ve arrived.”
The waiting was intense, as though ten years had rolled up into ten minutes. All the tension in his body pooling in his neck, his stomach. He was a well-educated, polite man. He had no real reason to be apprehensive, but for the fact that he feared being a disappointment to the man he’d idolized without even knowing. Did he like music, and what subjects did he enjoy. His teenage years had been spent wanting to mold himself into someone that Daniel would want.
He heard voices, and turned half toward the door. Eyes fixed there, waiting.
“I will greet him at dinner,” the deeper voice said.
And Hyukjae’s breath caught. That had to be Daniel’s voice. Smooth, articulate.
“But my lord, he’s been waiting-“ the maid attempted.
Hyukjae walked forward, as though in a dream. He knew he should not move to the door, stay where he was so that he could honor Daniel’s wishes. What was an hour or two more, when he had waited as long as he had.
“I don’t-“
Hyukjae inhaled, and took in the man standing down the hallway. Dressed for riding, boots pristine. His hair was neat, face… It was like the portrait, but not. It was real, and moving, and a bit frustrated. At the movement, his eyes lifted, and met Hyukjae’s.
Daniel.
But Daniel moved, and it had Hyukjae’s eyes darting down. To the cane that Daniel was using to heavily support himself.
***
Dinner was quiet. Hyukjae was angry at himself for not staying back, not respecting Daniel’s wishes. But those few moments, Daniel nodding at him and walking - limping - away, had very nearly been worth it. He didn’t feel slighted, exactly, that Daniel hadn’t greeted him then. He hadn’t been ignored altogether, as though he hadn’t been there. It had been the maid who had been the most apologetic, telling him Daniel was tired from his ride, and that he shouldn’t take it as an affront, and that Daniel had been making sure that the whole household was ready for Hyukjae’s arrival.
Words he’d have liked to hear from Daniel, and was suddenly too awkward to ask himself.
“Your trip went well?”
“Yes, it was very comfortable, thank you,” Hyukjae responded. And then, he wasn’t sure what to say. How to ask Daniel how he’d been, about his day, about his life.
“I’m glad. I apologize for not being here when you arrived. We weren’t sure how long it would take.”
“That’s not something to worry about. Your staff got me settled, and began to show me around. I’d like to see it with you, though, if-“
If Daniel wanted to, was how he was going to finish that sentence. But Daniel’s lips twisted.
“I can walk,” he said shortly. “And yes, after you finish eating, let’s do that and get it out of our way.”
Hyukjae wasn’t sure what he’d expected. A generous welcome, subtle flirting, getting to know each other. A man who wanted him there, and didn’t see him as an intrusion.
He focused on eating, instead of obsessing. Perhaps Daniel was awkward around strange people at first. They’d get to know each other. He kept glancing up at Daniel, wondering how to broach another topic without insulting Daniel again by accident.
***
“I broke my thigh,” Daniel said without prompting, as they walked down the path between garden and the stable. “It was two years ago, but it might as well have been yesterday. The bone never healed properly, so I can barely ride. I have to be caught off the horse, or risk falling on my face.”
Daniel’s pace was steady, but lumbering. Favoring his leg, and shuffling it as though even moving it pained him.
“It pains you to walk?”
“I kept my room on the second floor out of spite for my leg,” Daniel said. “Yes, it pains me. Like the muscles catch on the uneven bone if I try to move them.”
Hyukjae winced, capable of imagining it if not truly being able to understand.
“They didn’t try to re-set it?”
Daniel chuckled, not an amusing sound, as they approached the door. “Who would dare? When they found me, they thought I would die. So the doctor thinks I am lucky to be alive. You see why I didn’t send for you before.”
But at that, he looked sharply at Daniel. He’d climbed the two steps to hold the door open so Daniel could go in, but he closed the door again to bar Daniel’s way.
“I would have come. Even if I could have done something as little as bring you water. I wondered if you would send for me at all.”
Daniel came even with him on the stoop, very nearly eye-to-eye with him. Every inch a gentleman as he spoke words that made Hyukjae’s jaw firm. “If not for my lawyer’s advice, I wouldn’t have. He said rather crudely, that I had already paid for you, so I ought to have use of you.”
Hyukjae let go of the door like it burned him, and Daniel stepped past him and into the house. But he was surprised, when he had gotten the door closed behind himself, that Daniel had not moved away.
“You are welcome here,” Daniel said simply. “This is your home. If anyone tries to bar you, or interrupt you, bring it to me. Unless I have orders to the contrary, you are free to do what you would like. Rearrange the furniture, take out a wall. I don’t care. Choose any room you wish, and make sure the kitchen knows what you like to eat.”
“All right.”
“We will make the best of this,” Daniel said. But his voice was somewhat distant, and he wasn’t looking at Hyukjae at all. And all Hyukjae could do was watch him walk away.
***
Breakfast together was as quiet as dinner had been, only more so.
“I have some letters to reply to,” Daniel said, and seemed to hesitate.
“I can amuse myself,” Hyukjae assured him. “I’m not here to interrupt your routines.”
If there was discontent in that, he didn’t mean it quite as it sounded. He didn’t want Daniel’s first impression of him to be of some petulant child when he was a man grown. And even if Daniel’s behavior hadn’t been stellar, he understood that not all people were the same.
That didn’t mean it hurt less. And not even hurt, exactly. He was disappointed, and it was a sharp blade every time he thought of Daniel.
Daniel shifted. “Do you ride?”
“Of course.”
“You should have a horse. If one in the stables doesn’t suit you, then we’ll find one. You are welcome to speak to the stable manager, try them. I can’t today, maybe not for a few days, but we should ride out together. I’ll show you more of the land.”
The tiniest little opening.
He smiled, hoping that his enthusiasm for the idea showed through. “I’d like that. I’ll speak to him today, and look over the horses with him.”
“Good. We’ll discuss over dinner, then.”
“That sounds wonderful. Thank you.”
He watched Daniel walk away. His leg, the bad leg, Hyukjae could see was a bit shorter than the other. He turned away, not wanting to be caught staring, as though he were judging or wanting to embarrass Daniel. He wanted to help, and he didn’t know how. He wanted a lot of things. But he’d only been there a day, and he couldn’t rush those. Maybe just letting Daniel know he was accepted, and that Hyukjae wasn’t seeing him as broken, or wishing he had married someone who could use his two legs fully.
When Daniel’s face had softened slightly, when he had looked at Hyukjae, there had been that quiver inside. That sort of irrational hope.
***
In the end, Hyukjae chose a young gelding, a dark iron grey. Hyukjae’s own horse, the horse he’d had since he had graduated from his pony, had died the year before. So he had had no horse to bring, instead having used the family’s horses. It had been part loyalty, perhaps. Sentiment. He hadn’t been ready for a new horse. But he would try out the grey and see if they got along. If they didn’t, he might end up taking up Daniel’s offer of finding a new horse. The other horses in Daniel’s stable were either for the carriage, or getting up in years, or too gentle to be of much interest. Daniel’s own horse, a bay gelding, was gentle and soft mannered when Hyukjae had greeted him in his stall. Not a horse to go charging around on, but a horse to be patient if his master had a hard time mounting or dismounting.
It had given them something to discuss over dinner, Hyukjae glad to let Daniel speak of the stable, of the horses. Something Daniel obviously took interest and pride in. He approved of Hyukjae’s choice, and that was a point in Hyukjae’s favor.
“My friends are not much interested in visiting to go on a leisurely walk on old horses,” Daniel mused, setting down his napkin. “So I haven’t felt the need to expand the stable. However, it might be time to retire some of the horses to pasture and bring in fresh blood.”
“Do you have much interest in breeding?” Hyukjae asked.
“I have, but haven’t done much of my own. My father had a very impressive stable, and my brother as well.”
“There is a stud nearby,” Hyukjae said. “If you. We… If you were to acquire some mares of good blood, it might be interesting to see.”
He cursed himself for his stutters, as Daniel stood.
“Did the stable manager tell you of the stud?”
“No. I researched the area. For… Since I knew I would be coming,” Hyukjae said.
“You were well prepared, then. That’s good. We’ll talk later.”
No walk, no retiring together to a parlor. Just Daniel leaving him standing.
But he had hope. Which was something he hadn’t had much of the day before.
***
The days knit themselves together, from meal to meal, sleeping and staring at clean if not ornate ceilings, and wandering through the corners of his new home. His goal for the first week was not to bother Daniel any more than he had to. A bit like gentling a horse, he thought. Getting Daniel used to seeing him. Making sure he smiled when he should, being genuine, being himself. It also allowed him time to study Daniel’s face. He compared that face to what he’d been expecting, what he’d hoped, and found that Daniel came out ahead. He had the look of someone intelligent, and sounded the part as well. He dressed well, and even if his manner was sometimes curt, the staff seemed to like him. He heard nothing but praise from his servant, and the maids. From the stables, right to the cook, Daniel was admired.
They were all pleasant to him, and curious. There was enough curiosity about the house for a full country, between his for Daniel, and the staff’s for him. As Daniel’s husband, he had the potential the make their lives hard, or maintain the standards Daniel had begun. But Hyukjae wasn’t someone who would want to reorder the household and turn it upside down. He had hot water to bathe in, good food to eat, a comfortable home, and clean clothes. And as long as that was maintained, he was happy. In many ways, he preferred Daniel’s home to living with his parents. There was no parental watchful eye, or correcting voice. If he laughed too loud, or ate sometimes incorrectly. Maybe he’d seem uncultured to Daniel, but he also took cues from Daniel, watching him eat.
He made use of the library, the music room. Took walks in the garden, and short rides to accustom him himself to his horse.
And he’d been there just a day over a week when Daniel had looked at him over the breakfast table. “If you have no other plans today, I thought we could take a ride over the estate.”
Hyukjae readily agreed.
The horses were saddled by the time they arrived at the stables, a servant going ahead of them as they changed. He’d noticed that even though Daniel slept on the second floor, he would have clothes brought to him and change in his office. It made Hyukjae relieved, to know that Daniel wasn’t straining himself for his sake.
He was careful to mount his horse at the same time as Daniel, his horse ahead of Daniel’s, so that it didn’t seem as though he were watching how Daniel got onto the horse. Any other man, he’d have known how. All he knew was that within a minute Daniel’s horse came even with his.
“Let’s go,” Daniel said, and clucked his tongue at his gelding.
It was a pleasant day for riding, a light breeze blowing, and clouds meandering in the sky. No imminent rain, or beating sun, just gentle warmth.
“I am only good for walking,” Daniel reiterated. He said it, apologetic, as though he were keeping Hyukjae back. “I can sustain a trot for a few moments, but the jarring is too much.”
“Don’t worry. I have no other plans, and it is a perfect day to have nothing else to do.”
“If I were certain I could get back on the horse, we might have brought a lunch and made a day of it. Some other time, maybe.”
The words were hopeful, but the sound of them was defeated. As though Daniel didn’t truly believe there would be a time that they could do such a thing, but was only saying so to be polite. And Hyukjae wasn’t sure what to say. Certainly that he hoped so. But he had a lot of other things he didn’t know how to say, or how to ask. Like if Daniel intended them to be a marriage in name only. He didn’t know how to go about asking the man he was married to if he wanted make their marital bed a reality.
They rode for an hour, Daniel pointing out roads they passed. Tenant farms, neighbors, the direction of the village. They were carefully staying close to the house, and Hyukjae could tell that. But he appreciated Daniel’s effort. Daniel looked easy on the horse, though his mouth was tight. Perhaps pain, perhaps something else. He hoped it wasn’t the former, that Daniel could at least find some pleasure in moving without pain.
It started with the breeze, branches waving above them.
And then a rabbit exploded out of a hole in front of Hyukjae’s horse, darting toward Daniel’s and away.
Hyukjae’s horse started, snorting and trying to wheel.
He was so focused on keeping his horse under control that he looked up just in time to see Daniel’s horse bolt. Daniel’s hands on the reins, trying to steady both him and his mount. Hyukjae urged his horse forward, mouth open to call out, and Daniel’s horse reared.
The sound from his mouth was horrified as Daniel slid from the horse’s back.
And even from where he was, he heard the sickening snap and Daniel’s shout.
“Daniel!” He was off his horse in moments, rushing to Daniel. On his side, Daniel was clutching at his bad leg and moaning. “Daniel. Are you…”
Of course he wasn’t okay.
“Get the cart,” Daniel wheezed. “My leg. Broken.”
“I can’t leave-“
“Go!”
They ran like the wind, he and the gelding. Over the rise, and down into the estate grounds. He was shouting even before he got into earshot, hoping to rouse a groom. Shouting for them hitch a cart, anything. He staggered off his horse, helping to bring out a horse even as he sent a servant for the doctor.
“His leg is broken,” he told the head groom, the man who cared for all the animals on the estate.
“Let’s take boards then, something to hold the leg still,” the man suggested.
He could have kissed the man.
But it was the longest time in his life, riding back out within minutes and staying with Daniel until the cart arrived. Daniel was pale, and clammy, and Hyukjae felt useless and floundering as the grooms readied the boards.
“The bone has to be pulled into place, doesn’t it?” Hyukjae asked.
“Yes. But- Yes. The longer we wait, the worse it’ll be.”
“Do it,” Daniel said, his voice weak.
It took four of them. Hyukjae holding Daniel’s torso, and two men at Daniel’s thigh, and one holding Daniel’s lower leg. His boot was split, his leg splinted.
And together, they boosted him into the cart to go as quickly as they could toward home.
***
They had only managed to get Daniel into his bed, when the doctor arrived.
“A second break, not good,” the doctor muttered, as he mixed something into a cup of tea and spooned it into Daniel’s mouth.
“What is that?”
“It’ll ease his pain. The bone has little chance of healing. That long bone… Too much blood around it. He barely survived the first time.”
Hyukjae was relieved when the doctor put the cup down. He didn’t want to kill Daniel before they knew he would live. And that thought hadn’t even occurred to Hyukjae, sending a sick slither of worry through him. Of course Daniel would live. It was a broken bone, and Daniel was conscious if pale.
“We must take off this binding,” the doctor said, pulling at their makeshift splint and making Daniel groan.
“No,” Hyukjae protested. “The muscles there are strong, even if his leg is weakened. If they can pull that bone apart before it heals again, he might- He might lose the use of his leg altogether.”
“But if you bind the leg, it will putrefy and-“
“No. We won’t bind it so that it can’t live.” Hyukjae knew that much. “If there’s nothing you can do for his leg, we’ll take your tonics to help his pain.”
“But-“
“He is my husband.”
To the servant, Hyukjae motioned. “Retrieve his things, pay him, and see him out.”
There was sputtering but Hyukjae wasn’t concerned. They had something to ease Daniel’s pain, at least. But there would be more pain, if they did not do this right for Daniel. It would not just be pain after short ride, but possibly the inability to sit a horse at all. And it would not be quick. The bone would take weeks to knit, and Daniel would need to learn to walk with it. Muscles that even then were weak. And he wasn’t sure how much blood Daniel had lost, where they couldn’t see.
So it was a groom, not the doctor, who set Daniel’s leg and made sure it would not move.
“Tell me,” Hyukjae asked a maid. “Are his legs even. Knees, ankles. The same length?”
“As much as I can see,” she replied.
Good. That was good. Perhaps- Perhaps the break would mean Daniel would have hope. Or Hyukjae hoped that was what it would be. If the bone hadn’t shattered, or worse.
Daniel had fallen into a stupor, and Hyukjae sat with him, long into the night.
***
Daniel was in a stupor on and off for days. Eyes glassy, and brow wet, he seemed to be caught in some terror at times, before relaxing. They were the worst of Hyukjae’s life. The fear that Daniel would dislodge their splints, the fear that he would hurt himself. He was lucid enough to eat, opening his mouth obediently for soup and softened fruit.
The doctor had been called back, and Hyukjae had kept himself out of the doctor’s sight so as not to rile him. But again, there was nothing he could do but ease Daniel’s pain.
Daniel slept easily on the fifth day.
And though he was in pain, he seemed better. He refused much of the medicine, complaining it made him stupid. But Daniel in pain was almost more trouble that when he had been caught in dreams.
“I can’t just lie here.”
“You must,” Hyukjae said, sighing from his chair beside the bed. “The bone will heal itself. It’s set, as best as we know how, and supported. But the more you move… You have to eat, and mend.”
“I have duties.”
“Your secretary can attend you here. He can show me places that you need to go. I can help you.”
Daniel shook his head. “You aren’t even real to me. A name on a paper that I wed.”
Pain twisted, an uncomfortable and unwelcome feeling.
“Then let me be real. Trust me. I will do anything you ask.”
It looked like exhaustion, as Daniel looked at him, and then rested his head back.
“It seems I have no choice.”
“Build your strength,” Hyukjae told him. He would need it.
“I haven’t had anyone helping me since my parents.”
Hyukjae stared at the coverlet. “I should have come to you years ago.”
“I wouldn’t allow it,” Daniel said. “You were a child when this was decided-“
“I’m not a child now. I haven’t been a child for some time.”
He almost thought he imagined Daniel’s lips quirking. “I know. I had gotten used to one way of life, and wondered if… If adding you to it would disrupt that.”
“And because of your injury?”
“That too. Not many would be happy to know they’d been given to a cripple. And now look at me.”
“You’ll walk again,” Hyukjae said, and made a frustrated sound as Daniel shook his head. “You will. Every day you’ll get stronger after the bone knits.”
Daniel’s face was solemn. “If. If it knits. It doesn’t matter. As long as I can ride. I won’t be put in some wagon bed and carted around like a baby in a carriage.”
Hyukjae didn’t laugh, wasn’t even tempted to. He knew the frustration in that, and the pride. And he cautioned patience. For both of them.
***
Trying to keep a sick man entertained was a trial of it’s own. He unearthed a chess set, a set of cards, a stack of books. Sometimes for Daniel to read, or to read to Daniel to keep himself entertained. Hyukjae had never been bedridden, except for minor illnesses. And Daniel wasn’t a friend, someone he knew likes and dislikes of. Those were things he was learning along the way, right down to the food Daniel liked.
And he had those moments, settling carefully onto the bed and cajoling Daniel into telling him what he sounded good to eat, that he realized they were married. He had only a piece of paper to remind him of that, their names in some register surely. Only the assurance of his family, and Daniel’s recognition of his face and his name, to know he wasn’t just in the home of an unrelated stranger. Some person he was trying to be friends with. The moments when he would read to Daniel, after Daniel’s crabby insistence that he hadn’t broken his eyes had faded. Perhaps he knew that Hyukjae needed it, or perhaps he realized that it was something he could enjoy.
But his main accomplishment was when Daniel allowed him onto the bed. He was hungry, craving for contact. And at first, he propped himself up against the headboard and read to Daniel. He’d begun to look forward to that hour, before his voice went raspy. But what he looked forward to most, was after. When Daniel, if he wasn’t in pain or wanted to sleep, would discuss the book with him. Little things about the plot if it was fiction, or books on botany, or history. He saw Daniel’s eyes go a bit vacant, lost in thought. And so focused as they debated, and discussed.
But there was the day he leaned, when their shoulders met. He’d kept reading, his voice tense, waiting for Daniel to make him move away. But Daniel hadn’t. It had been like basking in warmth, just a small length of arm, but a human touch. Not the hug of his mother, or the absent pat of his father, but the touch of a man his life was tied to. And as the time went on, he found tender places. Places that ached when Daniel’s lips curved, and when he thanked Hyukjae for his food, or scolded him to take better care of himself.
The tenderest place was hoping that Daniel wanted him there.
“You are in here before the sun rises,” Daniel told him one day. “And keep coming in unless I send you on some errand. Surely a sickbed isn’t where you want to be.”
“You’re here,” Hyukjae said. “I enjoy having someone to talk to. If you’d rather-“
“No, that’s not what I meant. If you insist on being here, you might as well be here. You’ve claimed that side of the bed already. If I need something…”
Hyukjae would be there already. His breath caught, and he couldn’t contain the smile. Ducking his head to try and collect himself before daring to look up.
Daniel was smiling too.
***
Tiny touches. The brush of their hands when Hyukjae handed him something.
Hyukjae took all of his meals in Daniel’s room, both so he could be sure Daniel ate, and because he wanted to be there. Measuring every bite Daniel took, and telling him everything that had happened while Hyukjae was off looking over the stable or visiting the tenants. Daniel would want to know, and he did want to know, asking Hyukjae questions, and giving him advice. It made him feel good that he was able to given Daniel help. And it gave them something in common. It was a way he could show Daniel he belonged. That Daniel didn’t have to regret bringing him there.
That he had a place, a role he could fill, going forward. It was strange, as a man, to know that the estate on which he stood was not his, but yet it was. That he had an allowance every month of money, that had been written into the marriage contract. Had he any need of money, he could request it from Daniel.
It was not quite the same as being a bride, but almost. He couldn’t give Daniel heirs, and Daniel wouldn’t need them. But he could be important to Daniel in every other way that mattered. As his support, and perhaps… Perhaps as his lover.
Sometimes he stared at Daniel’s mouth and wondered. Sometimes he stared so long that when he looked up Daniel had noticed, and it made Hyukjae flush.
And those were the thoughts that plagued him at night, when Daniel was asleep beside him. Maybe Daniel kept him close because it was comfort in case he needed something. Maybe.
Maybe Daniel let him sleep with his head on his shoulder because the contact was nice.
And maybe it was something else.
***
Daniel was grumpy, short with Hyukjae, fascinating, and at times terribly kind. He’d taken to bracing his hand on Hyukjae’s arm, and the feeling of the touch lingered long after.
He remembered the first time he touched Daniel’s hand, and dared to leave his hand on top of it. Remembering to breathe and willing his palm not to sweat. And hoping, of course, that Daniel wouldn’t make him move.
“Are the servants taking good care of you?” Daniel asked.
“Yes. They’re all very kind, very well trained.”
“Have you found one to dally with?” And Daniel chuckled at Hyukjae’s confusion. “Your husband is a cripple and confined to his bed. I don’t think anyone would be surprised if you found one to suit your needs.”
Hyukjae started. It was the first hint of Daniel admitting that he thought of or considered what their relationship could be, physically. Even if Daniel seemed to think Hyukjae was otherwise engaged.
“We’re married,” Hyukjae said flatly. “I wouldn’t imagine-“
“That doesn’t stop others. No one would blame you.”
“We’re married, and I have no interest in “dallying” with a servant. I would blame me.”
Daniel shrugged. “Just so you know.”
And the subject was dropped. But thankfully not before he’d been able to tell Daniel his thoughts. Maybe he hadn’t told Daniel he would wait until Daniel was well, so that they could decide together. But at least Daniel knew he was waiting. Or knew, at least, that Hyukjae cared enough to tell him so, even if Daniel didn’t believe him.
They whiled away hours, days, weeks that way. Hyukjae coming and going, learning how to make Daniel smile. Telling him of his life, and sleeping beside him.
Some days they’d stare together at Daniel’s leg and wonder. Hope. He had a lot of irrational hope, platitudes that Daniel shrugged off and ignored. There were days he wanted to touch Daniel’s thigh where it had broken, and just will it to be okay. So that when Daniel got back up to strength, he could walk or ride. Even if he still had to use a cane, at least he could still do things on his own.
Some days Hyukjae wondered how that hope didn’t just explode out of him.
***
The splint came off. Between the doctor’s advice and the stable master’s, they figured it was time. If the bone had not healed by then, it never would. Hyukjae stared at Daniel’s chalk-white face as his leg was unbound. The doctor tried to line up Daniel’s legs, and even that movement had Daniel shouting to stop.
The doctor left shaking his head, leaving them with a vial to help Daniel’s pain, and Daniel sweating and refusing to move.
“The joints will be stiff and sore,” the stable master told them. “But they’ll need to be moved eventually. You’ll have to be able to bend your leg before you can walk.”
It took several days of tiny movements, and Daniel barking away anyone who tried to help, before Daniel’s knee bent fully. One of Daniel’s hands was braced on the edge of the bed, the other on the headboard, and he was panting as though he had run the length of his estate. And there was a hint of a smile. But the leg was bent, and the bone had held.
Hyukjae could have cried. Maybe it wasn’t standing, but it was something.
And instead of giving in to his emotions, he stepped up to Daniel and cupped his face. Daniel’s surprise was immediate, but Hyukjae had waited all that time.
“You are amazing,” Hyukjae told him. And for the first time, pressed his lips against Daniel’s. Quick and sweet and off-center, and Daniel’s surprise was plain, but Hyukjae smiled at him, and offered him his reward: a glass of lemonade.
***
Hyukjae ran because of the shouting. His feet thundering on the floor, hearing Daniel’s voice and answering sounds of distress. It sounded like someone was being murdered as he burst into Daniel’s room. And his heart clutched.
Daniel was half on the bed, half off, and there were two footmen beside him, trying to help.
“Daniel! Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Go! Not you,” Daniel barked at the footmen. “Hyukjae. Go.”
“But-“
There was pain on Daniel’s face, and Hyukjae started forward until the maid standing by stepped up and touched his arm.
The door was shut in front of his face, and Hyukjae didn’t move, listening. Daniel had obviously been struggling from the sweat on his face, the pain there. Maybe he didn’t want to be seen like that. But Hyukjae had been there through everything, so he had no idea why Daniel had ordered him out. Perhaps he’d gone in at a bad time. That was the only real thing he could think of.
“I don’t want him in here any more,” he heard Daniel order. “If you have to post guards at my door, I don’t care.”
“Not even for meals, sir?”
“No more. Tell him he isn’t to come here again. I don’t want him here.”
Daniel’s voice was sure and strong, and decided, and Hyukjae took a step back. He wanted to throw the door open and argue. There was no reason for him to be barred, no reason at all. He’d done nothing but help, and try to get to know the man he thought he’d been getting closer to.
It was too cruel. Even if Daniel hadn’t meant for him to hear him, he had no idea if he would’ve believed a maid. He’d have thought she’d misunderstood Daniel.
But he was told, and he agreed, and he waited.
He waited a full week, until his patience ran out and he was physically barred from going to see Daniel to ask why.
Daniel didn’t want him there, that much was certain. There was sympathy in the faces of the maids, and curiosity from the footmen. The only contact from Daniel was from his secretary. And even that was only snippets of things that needed done, and none of those Hyukjae could help with.
So he waited that week. And then he packed what he could carry on horseback, and he left.
It would be almost three months until he saw Daniel again.
***
It was nearly a repeat of how he had gone to Daniel the first time, except there was no letter preceding the arrival of the carriage. It, and the footmen were there, to take Hyukjae back. The grey gelding Hyukjae had ridden home, was led along behind it.
There had almost been resistance from his parents, when he had agreed immediately to get his belongings.
“He can’t order you back.”
“If he treated you so poorly-“
But he hadn’t listened. It was not so much that he was wanting to go back to be ignored and shoved away, but he was ready to demand a response as to why. Why he’d been a rock for Daniel as he’d recovered, only to be discarded like dirty laundry. He’d spent time being angry, and he’d spent time being hurt. He’d considered all the reasons Daniel might have had to push him away, and wondered if it had been something he’d done. The problem was, after he got over feeling sad about it, he couldn’t think of anything. Perhaps he’d been too smothering, in the process of wanting Daniel to be able to lean on him. But that was at the heart of what married people did for each other.
If Daniel wanted to be married to him. That was one of the questions he had.
Giving up on his marriage and his husband was the last thing he really wanted to do. But if Daniel was happier with Hyukjae gone, then there wasn’t anything he could really do. It would hurt in the long term, and he would feel as though he failed, but it would cause him even more pain if it stretched out another twenty years. Or maybe he’d get to the point where he didn’t care, and that would feel worst of all.
The whole household wasn’t there to greet him that time. He’d already been introduced, and he wondered if they thought ill of him for leaving.
“This way, sir,” he was told by a maid.
“Is Daniel upstairs?” he asked, not wanting to delay.
“Follow me,” she said.
Not up the stairs, then. The knowledge that they were going toward the back of the house intrigued him, and made him apprehensive both. He hadn’t been given the option to freshen up, or asked if he was hungry. Just a perfunctory greeting and a journey to the furthest door. The maid opened it, and held it so that he could go out, but didn’t follow him.
He stepped out, and paused as the door shut behind him. Leaning against the well house, and clearly waiting for him, was Daniel.
Something twisted deep inside him, and he descended the stairs. His eyes were not still, taking in Daniel’s face, and his body. He wasn’t as thin as he had been, and looked healthy. And though he had a cane in his right hand, he was standing and had clearly been able to navigate the house stairs. Maybe even on his own.
He didn’t know what he expected, really. A warm welcome, that wasn’t even near to what he’d thought. But he’d been ordered back, so Daniel had to have a reason for that.
“Hyukjae,” Daniel said, standing away from the wall and taking several steps toward him. “Welcome back.”
“Thank you.”
He might have said that it was nice to be back, but he wasn’t sure it was.
“Your trip was pleasant? Your parents are healthy?”
“They are. And the journey was uneventful,” Hyukjae agreed. “You’ve been well?”
“I have been.” Daniel glanced up at the house, and gestured. “Walk with me.”
It let him see Daniel in motion. He walked well, better than Hyukjae would have imagined.
“You’ve been working hard,” Hyukjae observed, hoping that Daniel wouldn’t take offense.
“I have. Up and down the stairs, the hallways. Stretching and trying to get back to full strength. I’m not there yet. But I can ride again, and I can walk.”
“And the pain?”
“The bone seems to be straighter,” Daniel said. “My legs aren’t as uneven. So the pain is less, in my back and in my leg.”
Hyukjae’s throat clutched, and he cleared the tightness. “I’m glad.”
They were approaching the row of decorative trees, when Daniel spoke again.
“Do you have someone picked out to marry?”
“What?” Hyukjae stopped in his tracks, and Daniel stopped with him, looking at him with a curious, if impassive face.
“Word had filtered back. Rumors that since you’d returned untouched, if an annulment would be sought, and a new, more lucrative match secured.”
Hyukjae wanted to refute it, assure Daniel that no such rumors would have come from his family. But he paused, even to consider it. Maybe such thoughts hadn’t come from him, but he wondered if his parents had begun to think. Or his extended family.
“The anniversary of our wedding,” and Daniel said it as though he made mockery of it himself, “is only a week away. After, I would have no ability to stop such an action, and no claim to the money given to your family for the match.”
“And you believe I want that?”
“That’s why I brought you back here, to see. You left, and I understand why. To be honest, I was a bit relieved when they’d told me you’d gone.”
The words were a slap, and they stole his breath even as hope had surged. Hoping Daniel had brought him back so that they could reconcile, only-
“If you don’t want me here, then you want the annulment to happen.”
Daniel looked up at him, the movement sharp and swift. “I didn’t say that. You’d seen me at my weakest, fought the doctor and set my leg so that I had even the slimmest chance at walking. If I had any hope of being seen as a man in your eyes, I couldn’t let you see me creeping about and learning to walk like I was still in diapers.”
The bark of laughter was immediate and absurd from Hyukjae’s throat. “Then it was your pride?”
“I had nothing left but that,” Daniel said.
“I would have helped you.”
“You had. Getting back on my feet was something I had to do. Maybe even to prove to myself that I was still a man. But I need to hear with my own ears that you don’t want to stay. Otherwise, I’d have left you there.”
He stepped up to Daniel, their heights almost even because of the incline. Daniel was frowning, and Hyukjae was breathless. His one arm went around Daniel’s middle, and the other fought Daniel for the cane.
“I want to stay. I want to-“ There was a scuffle and Hyukjae wrested the cane away, leaving Daniel startled and wary, as though Hyukjae would push him over. “I want to hold you up and give you a reason to keep walking.”
Once Daniel was certain that was he steady, that Hyukjae wasn’t going to fight him, he smiled. The first true smile Hyukjae had seen since he’d been back. He’d missed that, that expression. The welcome, and belief that Daniel wanted him to be there as much as he did. And with a hand tangling in Hyukjae’s hair, Daniel pulled him close, so that they fit mouth to mouth. It was a hard kiss, that softened slowly. Until when they parted, he could still feel Daniel’s mouth against his, tugging at his.
“You kissed me after the splint came off,” Daniel told him. “And I knew you being here was the right thing, since I finally knew you wanted me.”
“I wanted to do that a long time before that.”
“Then we should make this marriage a true one,” Daniel said, his voice colored with a smile.
“Tonight?” Hyukjae asked, staring at Daniel’s mouth, and hoping.
It had been so much more than he’d hoped for.
And Daniel kissed him again.
***
Dinner had been almost lighthearted, seated with Daniel at the table and listening to things that had changed since he’d been away. There were two new horses, and new books in the library, and a new groundskeeper for the estate. Daniel was even trying to get a new doctor for the village, to replace the one that hadn’t wanted to set his leg.
Hyukjae had a new nephew, and had come back with his own new collection of books in a trunk. He’d, of course, needed something to do while stewing and waiting.
“I hoped you’d send for me,” Hyukjae admitted.
“I wanted to go after you myself,” Daniel told him. “I worried that you might not come back.”
“Would you have shown up at my door if I’d refused?”
“I would have. And then you’d have been my Rapunzel, stuck on the estate.”
Hyukjae laughed. “I like it here, though.”
And he tore his eyes from Daniel’s mouth, the way his lips closed around his food. Soon enough.
***
Daniel’s bedroom held new meaning, slipping beneath the covers as Daniel waited and pulled him closer.
“We can take this slow. We have time.”
“I’ve been waiting ten years for this.”
Daniel chuckled, the low sound rough across Hyukjae’s nerves. “Your parents wouldn’t have sent you to me when you were fourteen.”
“They might’ve and wrapped in a bow, if you’d asked. Oh.”
Daniel’s mouth in the hollow of his throat was causing his body to overheat.
“You have no idea what you were doing to me,” Daniel said, abandoning Hyukjae’s skin and garnering a whimper. “Sitting next to me, touching my arm. Insisting on reading to me, when all I could do was listen and watch your lips move.”
Hyukjae blinked up at him, a grin yanking at the corners of his mouth. “You wanted me?”
“Kissing you for hours would’ve taken my mind off things. And I wouldn’t have wanted to stop. But the things I could’ve done for you were limited.”
“We’d have enjoyed them anyway,” Hyukjae said, but he squeezed Daniel’s shoulder to let him know he understood. They could, at the very least, start and never stop. Daniel, confident in his body again, could be confident in Hyukjae’s as well.
And he had Daniel in candlelight. Hands - experienced hands - stroking his skin. He had no illusions that Daniel had been celibate, waiting for some unknown person to arrive - a person possibly without any want for him at all. And Hyukjae had waited - mostly. There had been a few lusty kisses in an empty stable corner, a few subtle gropes. He wasn’t sure if it heightened his arousal, that they had waited so long to be together, or the fact that they belonged to each other.
And Daniel wasn’t treating him like a kid, someone subservient to him. They kissed like lovers long parted, like they were hungry for each other. And though Hyukjae’s hands were timid at first, they weren’t for long. He knew that Daniel was warm, so warm. That he jerked when he was tickled, and retaliated by scraping his teeth along Hyukjae’s earlobe. Though that wasn’t really punishment at all.
And when Daniel touched him, stroking up his inner thigh and making him gasp and shudder, he clutched Daniel close and moaned. Moaned, and then clutched Daniel tight. He was trying to anchor himself, because he felt adrift. Daniel’s lips, and Daniel’s stroking hand that had him moaning his pleasure not minutes later. Flushed cheeks and panting breaths, he had the wherewithal to be embarrassed.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, as Daniel wiped his hand on the sheet behind Hyukjae’s back.
“I’m not,” Daniel said. “We have time. And I want to be able to enjoy it.”
Then it was his turn to find his control. Hearing the satisfaction in Daniel’s breaths as he kissed across Daniel’s collarbones, and tasted the sweetest sounds from Daniel’s throat. Fascinated by the silkiness of Daniel’s hair, and the slope of his ribs, and angle of his hipbones. And even then, Daniel guided him. Chest to chest, with a knee between Daniel’s legs, he moaned as Daniel scratched up his sides. Just barely hard enough to feel good and not tease.
“Get your other knee in, and we’ll seal this marriage,” Daniel said, petting the back of Hyukjae’s head.
“Oh, I thought since- I though you would-“
Hyukjae shut his mouth since all the blood heating his cheeks was clearly inhibiting his power of speech.
“I want to,” Daniel admitted. “And we’ll find a way, later. But for purposes of the law, it doesn’t matter. The union is consummated, because we are equal.”
A shudder went down his spine, to compliment the jolt that speared through him and made his body harden in anticipation. He wanted, more than any gift or promise in his life.
“And you’re… It won’t hurt you?”
“I can sit a horse at a trot. I think I can take you.”
There was a tease there, and it made him grin. The silky softness of the oil, and the heat of Daniel’s arousal. He all but trembled as the need rose up in him. And he realized that was why Daniel had urged his pleasure earlier, so that he would not just melt from need. It was difficult enough to wait, with Daniel’s urgent fingers, and the startling realization that what he was experiencing was what they could have. Not just once, not just to prove their marriage was real - to themselves. But any time, because they liked it. Because they could find that joy, that pleasure in each other.
But it startled him, Daniel’s hands on his hips and pulling him in, until he was seated, deep.
“Ten years down,” Daniel said in his ear.
And no one knew how many more. A chill shivered down his spine and at Daniel’s urging, he moved. Careful, so careful at first. Until he believed Daniel’s words, that his leg wasn’t hurting, that nothing was hurting. The only pain Hyukjae was feeling was the gripping of Daniel’s fingers, and the scrape of teeth on his shoulder. And even if he’d shuddered for Daniel already, there was the exquisite pain of trying to hold himself back. Daniel was stroking himself, and it felt like he was moaning for Daniel. Daniel’s name, and listening to Daniel urge him on. The feelings too mixed, swirling, tightening pleasure as his lips rubbed Daniel’s neck. Nothing but the rocking of their bodies together feeling real, as his whole body tensed.
“Hyukjae,” Daniel choked out. And Hyukjae’s whole body trembled. And only moments after, he spilled for Daniel as well. Teeth pressed painfully against his lip as he breathed on Daniel’s shoulder, and the rush, and daze of pleasure settled on him.
He wasn’t sure there was a cool bit of skin for Daniel to rub, but Daniel was petting him nonetheless.
“I think this will be my favorite way to strengthen my leg,” Daniel told him.
Hyukjae hummed, pulling back and easing onto his side. “For you, I’m always happy to be of use.”
The kiss Daniel pressed to his cheek was soft, and sleepy. “Tomorrow, let’s take a ride together.”
They would have so many days like that. He couldn’t go home, then. Their marriage was official. And no, he was home. And they would get to know each other even more, every day that they were together. And against Daniel’s shoulder, he slept.
***
Pairing: Tablo/Eunhyuk
Rating: R
Genre: AU, romance
Summary: Each birthday he’d had some anticipation, as though he would receive word. Any sort of communication, that his husband was ready for him.
***
Hyukjae was married when he was fourteen years old. Not in a traditional way, of course. His uncle had gone out, signed the agreement and finalized the deal. It had been explained to Hyukjae in very simple terms. The drought, the lean years, had been too much. They couldn’t afford upkeep on their crumbling home, to set up for the next year, to help their people. Hyukjae’s sister had been married to the heir of an even larger estate, but the money from that match had been used up. She’d only just left, really, before Hyukjae had learned his fate. He would be married off to a younger son - not unheard of in lean times. The match was more for form, a kind of political lock.
It was ironic, upon learning what his future would hold, that he’d actually been a bit relieved to know it was a man he’d be going to, and not some unknown girl. His husband had met his majority, had his own land, if small. And his older brother had not wanted him to have any legitimate heirs.
Hyukjae was perfect. Gentleman’s son, a good family. The property of his parents would go to his sister’s children. So he woke up one morning intent on riding out to see his friend, and went to bed knowing he had a husband.
But Hyukjae didn’t realize he’d have to wait almost ten years to meet him.
***
It was a sunny, but cold afternoon when he arrived at his new home. The household staff were lined up to meet him, but not their master.
He was given a room, introduced to the servant who would see to his clothes and needs. It was a nice room, truly. And a plate of food was brought up for him so he wouldn’t starve before dinner.
But he worried. He had nearly his whole life in three trunks, and was in an unfamiliar house. He wasn’t sure if he would have been calmer had he met Daniel before or not. He had only a vague idea of what Daniel looked like, how old he was. He’d waited ten years to be there.
Each birthday he’d had some anticipation, as though he would receive word. Any sort of communication, that his husband was ready for him. He’d turned eighteen, and twenty. He’d written letters, even as his parents urged him not to. They weren’t ready to see their son go, perhaps, but he was aware of his obligation. From the moment he’d learned he had been married to save their land, to the day he arrived at Daniel’s estate, he had known. Daniel’s money had meant their home had thrived, that Hyukjae had kept his horse, and his nice clothes, and his tutors. The things he learned at his father’s side, he anticipated that he would use to help in his life with Daniel.
There was also the need to get away, to do his own thing. Perhaps going from his parents to a spouse was not the epitome of freedom, but it had been a prize he had coveted for far too long.
He had just turned 24 when the letter had come. Short and to the point, it had made clear that a carriage would arrive within the week and that Hyukjae should be prepared. Not a word of thanks, not a kindness, or anticipation of meeting him. Just “D. Lee” at the bottom of the paper. He’d touched the signature and wondered at the man behind it.
But he explored the house. His home, truly. He’d had to repeat that to himself a few times, when he almost felt he was intruding. A maid caught him going down one of the hallways, and instead of treating him like a guest, showed him the downstairs rooms. The library, and parlor. Daniel’s office, and the dining room. There were things scattered, paintings and pottery, and he wondered if he was getting a sense of who Daniel was.
“Is there a portrait of…”
He didn’t even get the question fully out before the maid was leading him to a hallway of portraits, and leading him to one in particular. A man, standing beside a horse. He had a strong face, Hyukjae thought, and the portrait resembled a bit the tiny portrait he’d been sent. But he didn’t know how skilled the artist was. And what a man looked like on canvas, could be far different than he looked like in real life.
Hyukjae had quizzed his uncle many times on what Daniel had looked like, how tall he was, until his uncle had gotten annoyed with him. But it was normal curiosity, wanting to know what kind of a man his husband was. And, honestly, he had also imagined the way Daniel would touch, how he would kiss. Maybe he had married a perfect stranger, but he was healthy. He saw the play some of the servants got up to, read books his parents wouldn’t have approved of. He knew that was a part of marriage - not always in marriages like his - but sometimes.
But he wanted a true marriage. His body certainly craved it. He wanted to know-
“Lord Lee is returned!” the maid said, returning to his side. "Oh, please wait in the library and I’ll let him know you’ve arrived.”
The waiting was intense, as though ten years had rolled up into ten minutes. All the tension in his body pooling in his neck, his stomach. He was a well-educated, polite man. He had no real reason to be apprehensive, but for the fact that he feared being a disappointment to the man he’d idolized without even knowing. Did he like music, and what subjects did he enjoy. His teenage years had been spent wanting to mold himself into someone that Daniel would want.
He heard voices, and turned half toward the door. Eyes fixed there, waiting.
“I will greet him at dinner,” the deeper voice said.
And Hyukjae’s breath caught. That had to be Daniel’s voice. Smooth, articulate.
“But my lord, he’s been waiting-“ the maid attempted.
Hyukjae walked forward, as though in a dream. He knew he should not move to the door, stay where he was so that he could honor Daniel’s wishes. What was an hour or two more, when he had waited as long as he had.
“I don’t-“
Hyukjae inhaled, and took in the man standing down the hallway. Dressed for riding, boots pristine. His hair was neat, face… It was like the portrait, but not. It was real, and moving, and a bit frustrated. At the movement, his eyes lifted, and met Hyukjae’s.
Daniel.
But Daniel moved, and it had Hyukjae’s eyes darting down. To the cane that Daniel was using to heavily support himself.
***
Dinner was quiet. Hyukjae was angry at himself for not staying back, not respecting Daniel’s wishes. But those few moments, Daniel nodding at him and walking - limping - away, had very nearly been worth it. He didn’t feel slighted, exactly, that Daniel hadn’t greeted him then. He hadn’t been ignored altogether, as though he hadn’t been there. It had been the maid who had been the most apologetic, telling him Daniel was tired from his ride, and that he shouldn’t take it as an affront, and that Daniel had been making sure that the whole household was ready for Hyukjae’s arrival.
Words he’d have liked to hear from Daniel, and was suddenly too awkward to ask himself.
“Your trip went well?”
“Yes, it was very comfortable, thank you,” Hyukjae responded. And then, he wasn’t sure what to say. How to ask Daniel how he’d been, about his day, about his life.
“I’m glad. I apologize for not being here when you arrived. We weren’t sure how long it would take.”
“That’s not something to worry about. Your staff got me settled, and began to show me around. I’d like to see it with you, though, if-“
If Daniel wanted to, was how he was going to finish that sentence. But Daniel’s lips twisted.
“I can walk,” he said shortly. “And yes, after you finish eating, let’s do that and get it out of our way.”
Hyukjae wasn’t sure what he’d expected. A generous welcome, subtle flirting, getting to know each other. A man who wanted him there, and didn’t see him as an intrusion.
He focused on eating, instead of obsessing. Perhaps Daniel was awkward around strange people at first. They’d get to know each other. He kept glancing up at Daniel, wondering how to broach another topic without insulting Daniel again by accident.
***
“I broke my thigh,” Daniel said without prompting, as they walked down the path between garden and the stable. “It was two years ago, but it might as well have been yesterday. The bone never healed properly, so I can barely ride. I have to be caught off the horse, or risk falling on my face.”
Daniel’s pace was steady, but lumbering. Favoring his leg, and shuffling it as though even moving it pained him.
“It pains you to walk?”
“I kept my room on the second floor out of spite for my leg,” Daniel said. “Yes, it pains me. Like the muscles catch on the uneven bone if I try to move them.”
Hyukjae winced, capable of imagining it if not truly being able to understand.
“They didn’t try to re-set it?”
Daniel chuckled, not an amusing sound, as they approached the door. “Who would dare? When they found me, they thought I would die. So the doctor thinks I am lucky to be alive. You see why I didn’t send for you before.”
But at that, he looked sharply at Daniel. He’d climbed the two steps to hold the door open so Daniel could go in, but he closed the door again to bar Daniel’s way.
“I would have come. Even if I could have done something as little as bring you water. I wondered if you would send for me at all.”
Daniel came even with him on the stoop, very nearly eye-to-eye with him. Every inch a gentleman as he spoke words that made Hyukjae’s jaw firm. “If not for my lawyer’s advice, I wouldn’t have. He said rather crudely, that I had already paid for you, so I ought to have use of you.”
Hyukjae let go of the door like it burned him, and Daniel stepped past him and into the house. But he was surprised, when he had gotten the door closed behind himself, that Daniel had not moved away.
“You are welcome here,” Daniel said simply. “This is your home. If anyone tries to bar you, or interrupt you, bring it to me. Unless I have orders to the contrary, you are free to do what you would like. Rearrange the furniture, take out a wall. I don’t care. Choose any room you wish, and make sure the kitchen knows what you like to eat.”
“All right.”
“We will make the best of this,” Daniel said. But his voice was somewhat distant, and he wasn’t looking at Hyukjae at all. And all Hyukjae could do was watch him walk away.
***
Breakfast together was as quiet as dinner had been, only more so.
“I have some letters to reply to,” Daniel said, and seemed to hesitate.
“I can amuse myself,” Hyukjae assured him. “I’m not here to interrupt your routines.”
If there was discontent in that, he didn’t mean it quite as it sounded. He didn’t want Daniel’s first impression of him to be of some petulant child when he was a man grown. And even if Daniel’s behavior hadn’t been stellar, he understood that not all people were the same.
That didn’t mean it hurt less. And not even hurt, exactly. He was disappointed, and it was a sharp blade every time he thought of Daniel.
Daniel shifted. “Do you ride?”
“Of course.”
“You should have a horse. If one in the stables doesn’t suit you, then we’ll find one. You are welcome to speak to the stable manager, try them. I can’t today, maybe not for a few days, but we should ride out together. I’ll show you more of the land.”
The tiniest little opening.
He smiled, hoping that his enthusiasm for the idea showed through. “I’d like that. I’ll speak to him today, and look over the horses with him.”
“Good. We’ll discuss over dinner, then.”
“That sounds wonderful. Thank you.”
He watched Daniel walk away. His leg, the bad leg, Hyukjae could see was a bit shorter than the other. He turned away, not wanting to be caught staring, as though he were judging or wanting to embarrass Daniel. He wanted to help, and he didn’t know how. He wanted a lot of things. But he’d only been there a day, and he couldn’t rush those. Maybe just letting Daniel know he was accepted, and that Hyukjae wasn’t seeing him as broken, or wishing he had married someone who could use his two legs fully.
When Daniel’s face had softened slightly, when he had looked at Hyukjae, there had been that quiver inside. That sort of irrational hope.
***
In the end, Hyukjae chose a young gelding, a dark iron grey. Hyukjae’s own horse, the horse he’d had since he had graduated from his pony, had died the year before. So he had had no horse to bring, instead having used the family’s horses. It had been part loyalty, perhaps. Sentiment. He hadn’t been ready for a new horse. But he would try out the grey and see if they got along. If they didn’t, he might end up taking up Daniel’s offer of finding a new horse. The other horses in Daniel’s stable were either for the carriage, or getting up in years, or too gentle to be of much interest. Daniel’s own horse, a bay gelding, was gentle and soft mannered when Hyukjae had greeted him in his stall. Not a horse to go charging around on, but a horse to be patient if his master had a hard time mounting or dismounting.
It had given them something to discuss over dinner, Hyukjae glad to let Daniel speak of the stable, of the horses. Something Daniel obviously took interest and pride in. He approved of Hyukjae’s choice, and that was a point in Hyukjae’s favor.
“My friends are not much interested in visiting to go on a leisurely walk on old horses,” Daniel mused, setting down his napkin. “So I haven’t felt the need to expand the stable. However, it might be time to retire some of the horses to pasture and bring in fresh blood.”
“Do you have much interest in breeding?” Hyukjae asked.
“I have, but haven’t done much of my own. My father had a very impressive stable, and my brother as well.”
“There is a stud nearby,” Hyukjae said. “If you. We… If you were to acquire some mares of good blood, it might be interesting to see.”
He cursed himself for his stutters, as Daniel stood.
“Did the stable manager tell you of the stud?”
“No. I researched the area. For… Since I knew I would be coming,” Hyukjae said.
“You were well prepared, then. That’s good. We’ll talk later.”
No walk, no retiring together to a parlor. Just Daniel leaving him standing.
But he had hope. Which was something he hadn’t had much of the day before.
***
The days knit themselves together, from meal to meal, sleeping and staring at clean if not ornate ceilings, and wandering through the corners of his new home. His goal for the first week was not to bother Daniel any more than he had to. A bit like gentling a horse, he thought. Getting Daniel used to seeing him. Making sure he smiled when he should, being genuine, being himself. It also allowed him time to study Daniel’s face. He compared that face to what he’d been expecting, what he’d hoped, and found that Daniel came out ahead. He had the look of someone intelligent, and sounded the part as well. He dressed well, and even if his manner was sometimes curt, the staff seemed to like him. He heard nothing but praise from his servant, and the maids. From the stables, right to the cook, Daniel was admired.
They were all pleasant to him, and curious. There was enough curiosity about the house for a full country, between his for Daniel, and the staff’s for him. As Daniel’s husband, he had the potential the make their lives hard, or maintain the standards Daniel had begun. But Hyukjae wasn’t someone who would want to reorder the household and turn it upside down. He had hot water to bathe in, good food to eat, a comfortable home, and clean clothes. And as long as that was maintained, he was happy. In many ways, he preferred Daniel’s home to living with his parents. There was no parental watchful eye, or correcting voice. If he laughed too loud, or ate sometimes incorrectly. Maybe he’d seem uncultured to Daniel, but he also took cues from Daniel, watching him eat.
He made use of the library, the music room. Took walks in the garden, and short rides to accustom him himself to his horse.
And he’d been there just a day over a week when Daniel had looked at him over the breakfast table. “If you have no other plans today, I thought we could take a ride over the estate.”
Hyukjae readily agreed.
The horses were saddled by the time they arrived at the stables, a servant going ahead of them as they changed. He’d noticed that even though Daniel slept on the second floor, he would have clothes brought to him and change in his office. It made Hyukjae relieved, to know that Daniel wasn’t straining himself for his sake.
He was careful to mount his horse at the same time as Daniel, his horse ahead of Daniel’s, so that it didn’t seem as though he were watching how Daniel got onto the horse. Any other man, he’d have known how. All he knew was that within a minute Daniel’s horse came even with his.
“Let’s go,” Daniel said, and clucked his tongue at his gelding.
It was a pleasant day for riding, a light breeze blowing, and clouds meandering in the sky. No imminent rain, or beating sun, just gentle warmth.
“I am only good for walking,” Daniel reiterated. He said it, apologetic, as though he were keeping Hyukjae back. “I can sustain a trot for a few moments, but the jarring is too much.”
“Don’t worry. I have no other plans, and it is a perfect day to have nothing else to do.”
“If I were certain I could get back on the horse, we might have brought a lunch and made a day of it. Some other time, maybe.”
The words were hopeful, but the sound of them was defeated. As though Daniel didn’t truly believe there would be a time that they could do such a thing, but was only saying so to be polite. And Hyukjae wasn’t sure what to say. Certainly that he hoped so. But he had a lot of other things he didn’t know how to say, or how to ask. Like if Daniel intended them to be a marriage in name only. He didn’t know how to go about asking the man he was married to if he wanted make their marital bed a reality.
They rode for an hour, Daniel pointing out roads they passed. Tenant farms, neighbors, the direction of the village. They were carefully staying close to the house, and Hyukjae could tell that. But he appreciated Daniel’s effort. Daniel looked easy on the horse, though his mouth was tight. Perhaps pain, perhaps something else. He hoped it wasn’t the former, that Daniel could at least find some pleasure in moving without pain.
It started with the breeze, branches waving above them.
And then a rabbit exploded out of a hole in front of Hyukjae’s horse, darting toward Daniel’s and away.
Hyukjae’s horse started, snorting and trying to wheel.
He was so focused on keeping his horse under control that he looked up just in time to see Daniel’s horse bolt. Daniel’s hands on the reins, trying to steady both him and his mount. Hyukjae urged his horse forward, mouth open to call out, and Daniel’s horse reared.
The sound from his mouth was horrified as Daniel slid from the horse’s back.
And even from where he was, he heard the sickening snap and Daniel’s shout.
“Daniel!” He was off his horse in moments, rushing to Daniel. On his side, Daniel was clutching at his bad leg and moaning. “Daniel. Are you…”
Of course he wasn’t okay.
“Get the cart,” Daniel wheezed. “My leg. Broken.”
“I can’t leave-“
“Go!”
They ran like the wind, he and the gelding. Over the rise, and down into the estate grounds. He was shouting even before he got into earshot, hoping to rouse a groom. Shouting for them hitch a cart, anything. He staggered off his horse, helping to bring out a horse even as he sent a servant for the doctor.
“His leg is broken,” he told the head groom, the man who cared for all the animals on the estate.
“Let’s take boards then, something to hold the leg still,” the man suggested.
He could have kissed the man.
But it was the longest time in his life, riding back out within minutes and staying with Daniel until the cart arrived. Daniel was pale, and clammy, and Hyukjae felt useless and floundering as the grooms readied the boards.
“The bone has to be pulled into place, doesn’t it?” Hyukjae asked.
“Yes. But- Yes. The longer we wait, the worse it’ll be.”
“Do it,” Daniel said, his voice weak.
It took four of them. Hyukjae holding Daniel’s torso, and two men at Daniel’s thigh, and one holding Daniel’s lower leg. His boot was split, his leg splinted.
And together, they boosted him into the cart to go as quickly as they could toward home.
***
They had only managed to get Daniel into his bed, when the doctor arrived.
“A second break, not good,” the doctor muttered, as he mixed something into a cup of tea and spooned it into Daniel’s mouth.
“What is that?”
“It’ll ease his pain. The bone has little chance of healing. That long bone… Too much blood around it. He barely survived the first time.”
Hyukjae was relieved when the doctor put the cup down. He didn’t want to kill Daniel before they knew he would live. And that thought hadn’t even occurred to Hyukjae, sending a sick slither of worry through him. Of course Daniel would live. It was a broken bone, and Daniel was conscious if pale.
“We must take off this binding,” the doctor said, pulling at their makeshift splint and making Daniel groan.
“No,” Hyukjae protested. “The muscles there are strong, even if his leg is weakened. If they can pull that bone apart before it heals again, he might- He might lose the use of his leg altogether.”
“But if you bind the leg, it will putrefy and-“
“No. We won’t bind it so that it can’t live.” Hyukjae knew that much. “If there’s nothing you can do for his leg, we’ll take your tonics to help his pain.”
“But-“
“He is my husband.”
To the servant, Hyukjae motioned. “Retrieve his things, pay him, and see him out.”
There was sputtering but Hyukjae wasn’t concerned. They had something to ease Daniel’s pain, at least. But there would be more pain, if they did not do this right for Daniel. It would not just be pain after short ride, but possibly the inability to sit a horse at all. And it would not be quick. The bone would take weeks to knit, and Daniel would need to learn to walk with it. Muscles that even then were weak. And he wasn’t sure how much blood Daniel had lost, where they couldn’t see.
So it was a groom, not the doctor, who set Daniel’s leg and made sure it would not move.
“Tell me,” Hyukjae asked a maid. “Are his legs even. Knees, ankles. The same length?”
“As much as I can see,” she replied.
Good. That was good. Perhaps- Perhaps the break would mean Daniel would have hope. Or Hyukjae hoped that was what it would be. If the bone hadn’t shattered, or worse.
Daniel had fallen into a stupor, and Hyukjae sat with him, long into the night.
***
Daniel was in a stupor on and off for days. Eyes glassy, and brow wet, he seemed to be caught in some terror at times, before relaxing. They were the worst of Hyukjae’s life. The fear that Daniel would dislodge their splints, the fear that he would hurt himself. He was lucid enough to eat, opening his mouth obediently for soup and softened fruit.
The doctor had been called back, and Hyukjae had kept himself out of the doctor’s sight so as not to rile him. But again, there was nothing he could do but ease Daniel’s pain.
Daniel slept easily on the fifth day.
And though he was in pain, he seemed better. He refused much of the medicine, complaining it made him stupid. But Daniel in pain was almost more trouble that when he had been caught in dreams.
“I can’t just lie here.”
“You must,” Hyukjae said, sighing from his chair beside the bed. “The bone will heal itself. It’s set, as best as we know how, and supported. But the more you move… You have to eat, and mend.”
“I have duties.”
“Your secretary can attend you here. He can show me places that you need to go. I can help you.”
Daniel shook his head. “You aren’t even real to me. A name on a paper that I wed.”
Pain twisted, an uncomfortable and unwelcome feeling.
“Then let me be real. Trust me. I will do anything you ask.”
It looked like exhaustion, as Daniel looked at him, and then rested his head back.
“It seems I have no choice.”
“Build your strength,” Hyukjae told him. He would need it.
“I haven’t had anyone helping me since my parents.”
Hyukjae stared at the coverlet. “I should have come to you years ago.”
“I wouldn’t allow it,” Daniel said. “You were a child when this was decided-“
“I’m not a child now. I haven’t been a child for some time.”
He almost thought he imagined Daniel’s lips quirking. “I know. I had gotten used to one way of life, and wondered if… If adding you to it would disrupt that.”
“And because of your injury?”
“That too. Not many would be happy to know they’d been given to a cripple. And now look at me.”
“You’ll walk again,” Hyukjae said, and made a frustrated sound as Daniel shook his head. “You will. Every day you’ll get stronger after the bone knits.”
Daniel’s face was solemn. “If. If it knits. It doesn’t matter. As long as I can ride. I won’t be put in some wagon bed and carted around like a baby in a carriage.”
Hyukjae didn’t laugh, wasn’t even tempted to. He knew the frustration in that, and the pride. And he cautioned patience. For both of them.
***
Trying to keep a sick man entertained was a trial of it’s own. He unearthed a chess set, a set of cards, a stack of books. Sometimes for Daniel to read, or to read to Daniel to keep himself entertained. Hyukjae had never been bedridden, except for minor illnesses. And Daniel wasn’t a friend, someone he knew likes and dislikes of. Those were things he was learning along the way, right down to the food Daniel liked.
And he had those moments, settling carefully onto the bed and cajoling Daniel into telling him what he sounded good to eat, that he realized they were married. He had only a piece of paper to remind him of that, their names in some register surely. Only the assurance of his family, and Daniel’s recognition of his face and his name, to know he wasn’t just in the home of an unrelated stranger. Some person he was trying to be friends with. The moments when he would read to Daniel, after Daniel’s crabby insistence that he hadn’t broken his eyes had faded. Perhaps he knew that Hyukjae needed it, or perhaps he realized that it was something he could enjoy.
But his main accomplishment was when Daniel allowed him onto the bed. He was hungry, craving for contact. And at first, he propped himself up against the headboard and read to Daniel. He’d begun to look forward to that hour, before his voice went raspy. But what he looked forward to most, was after. When Daniel, if he wasn’t in pain or wanted to sleep, would discuss the book with him. Little things about the plot if it was fiction, or books on botany, or history. He saw Daniel’s eyes go a bit vacant, lost in thought. And so focused as they debated, and discussed.
But there was the day he leaned, when their shoulders met. He’d kept reading, his voice tense, waiting for Daniel to make him move away. But Daniel hadn’t. It had been like basking in warmth, just a small length of arm, but a human touch. Not the hug of his mother, or the absent pat of his father, but the touch of a man his life was tied to. And as the time went on, he found tender places. Places that ached when Daniel’s lips curved, and when he thanked Hyukjae for his food, or scolded him to take better care of himself.
The tenderest place was hoping that Daniel wanted him there.
“You are in here before the sun rises,” Daniel told him one day. “And keep coming in unless I send you on some errand. Surely a sickbed isn’t where you want to be.”
“You’re here,” Hyukjae said. “I enjoy having someone to talk to. If you’d rather-“
“No, that’s not what I meant. If you insist on being here, you might as well be here. You’ve claimed that side of the bed already. If I need something…”
Hyukjae would be there already. His breath caught, and he couldn’t contain the smile. Ducking his head to try and collect himself before daring to look up.
Daniel was smiling too.
***
Tiny touches. The brush of their hands when Hyukjae handed him something.
Hyukjae took all of his meals in Daniel’s room, both so he could be sure Daniel ate, and because he wanted to be there. Measuring every bite Daniel took, and telling him everything that had happened while Hyukjae was off looking over the stable or visiting the tenants. Daniel would want to know, and he did want to know, asking Hyukjae questions, and giving him advice. It made him feel good that he was able to given Daniel help. And it gave them something in common. It was a way he could show Daniel he belonged. That Daniel didn’t have to regret bringing him there.
That he had a place, a role he could fill, going forward. It was strange, as a man, to know that the estate on which he stood was not his, but yet it was. That he had an allowance every month of money, that had been written into the marriage contract. Had he any need of money, he could request it from Daniel.
It was not quite the same as being a bride, but almost. He couldn’t give Daniel heirs, and Daniel wouldn’t need them. But he could be important to Daniel in every other way that mattered. As his support, and perhaps… Perhaps as his lover.
Sometimes he stared at Daniel’s mouth and wondered. Sometimes he stared so long that when he looked up Daniel had noticed, and it made Hyukjae flush.
And those were the thoughts that plagued him at night, when Daniel was asleep beside him. Maybe Daniel kept him close because it was comfort in case he needed something. Maybe.
Maybe Daniel let him sleep with his head on his shoulder because the contact was nice.
And maybe it was something else.
***
Daniel was grumpy, short with Hyukjae, fascinating, and at times terribly kind. He’d taken to bracing his hand on Hyukjae’s arm, and the feeling of the touch lingered long after.
He remembered the first time he touched Daniel’s hand, and dared to leave his hand on top of it. Remembering to breathe and willing his palm not to sweat. And hoping, of course, that Daniel wouldn’t make him move.
“Are the servants taking good care of you?” Daniel asked.
“Yes. They’re all very kind, very well trained.”
“Have you found one to dally with?” And Daniel chuckled at Hyukjae’s confusion. “Your husband is a cripple and confined to his bed. I don’t think anyone would be surprised if you found one to suit your needs.”
Hyukjae started. It was the first hint of Daniel admitting that he thought of or considered what their relationship could be, physically. Even if Daniel seemed to think Hyukjae was otherwise engaged.
“We’re married,” Hyukjae said flatly. “I wouldn’t imagine-“
“That doesn’t stop others. No one would blame you.”
“We’re married, and I have no interest in “dallying” with a servant. I would blame me.”
Daniel shrugged. “Just so you know.”
And the subject was dropped. But thankfully not before he’d been able to tell Daniel his thoughts. Maybe he hadn’t told Daniel he would wait until Daniel was well, so that they could decide together. But at least Daniel knew he was waiting. Or knew, at least, that Hyukjae cared enough to tell him so, even if Daniel didn’t believe him.
They whiled away hours, days, weeks that way. Hyukjae coming and going, learning how to make Daniel smile. Telling him of his life, and sleeping beside him.
Some days they’d stare together at Daniel’s leg and wonder. Hope. He had a lot of irrational hope, platitudes that Daniel shrugged off and ignored. There were days he wanted to touch Daniel’s thigh where it had broken, and just will it to be okay. So that when Daniel got back up to strength, he could walk or ride. Even if he still had to use a cane, at least he could still do things on his own.
Some days Hyukjae wondered how that hope didn’t just explode out of him.
***
The splint came off. Between the doctor’s advice and the stable master’s, they figured it was time. If the bone had not healed by then, it never would. Hyukjae stared at Daniel’s chalk-white face as his leg was unbound. The doctor tried to line up Daniel’s legs, and even that movement had Daniel shouting to stop.
The doctor left shaking his head, leaving them with a vial to help Daniel’s pain, and Daniel sweating and refusing to move.
“The joints will be stiff and sore,” the stable master told them. “But they’ll need to be moved eventually. You’ll have to be able to bend your leg before you can walk.”
It took several days of tiny movements, and Daniel barking away anyone who tried to help, before Daniel’s knee bent fully. One of Daniel’s hands was braced on the edge of the bed, the other on the headboard, and he was panting as though he had run the length of his estate. And there was a hint of a smile. But the leg was bent, and the bone had held.
Hyukjae could have cried. Maybe it wasn’t standing, but it was something.
And instead of giving in to his emotions, he stepped up to Daniel and cupped his face. Daniel’s surprise was immediate, but Hyukjae had waited all that time.
“You are amazing,” Hyukjae told him. And for the first time, pressed his lips against Daniel’s. Quick and sweet and off-center, and Daniel’s surprise was plain, but Hyukjae smiled at him, and offered him his reward: a glass of lemonade.
***
Hyukjae ran because of the shouting. His feet thundering on the floor, hearing Daniel’s voice and answering sounds of distress. It sounded like someone was being murdered as he burst into Daniel’s room. And his heart clutched.
Daniel was half on the bed, half off, and there were two footmen beside him, trying to help.
“Daniel! Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Go! Not you,” Daniel barked at the footmen. “Hyukjae. Go.”
“But-“
There was pain on Daniel’s face, and Hyukjae started forward until the maid standing by stepped up and touched his arm.
The door was shut in front of his face, and Hyukjae didn’t move, listening. Daniel had obviously been struggling from the sweat on his face, the pain there. Maybe he didn’t want to be seen like that. But Hyukjae had been there through everything, so he had no idea why Daniel had ordered him out. Perhaps he’d gone in at a bad time. That was the only real thing he could think of.
“I don’t want him in here any more,” he heard Daniel order. “If you have to post guards at my door, I don’t care.”
“Not even for meals, sir?”
“No more. Tell him he isn’t to come here again. I don’t want him here.”
Daniel’s voice was sure and strong, and decided, and Hyukjae took a step back. He wanted to throw the door open and argue. There was no reason for him to be barred, no reason at all. He’d done nothing but help, and try to get to know the man he thought he’d been getting closer to.
It was too cruel. Even if Daniel hadn’t meant for him to hear him, he had no idea if he would’ve believed a maid. He’d have thought she’d misunderstood Daniel.
But he was told, and he agreed, and he waited.
He waited a full week, until his patience ran out and he was physically barred from going to see Daniel to ask why.
Daniel didn’t want him there, that much was certain. There was sympathy in the faces of the maids, and curiosity from the footmen. The only contact from Daniel was from his secretary. And even that was only snippets of things that needed done, and none of those Hyukjae could help with.
So he waited that week. And then he packed what he could carry on horseback, and he left.
It would be almost three months until he saw Daniel again.
***
It was nearly a repeat of how he had gone to Daniel the first time, except there was no letter preceding the arrival of the carriage. It, and the footmen were there, to take Hyukjae back. The grey gelding Hyukjae had ridden home, was led along behind it.
There had almost been resistance from his parents, when he had agreed immediately to get his belongings.
“He can’t order you back.”
“If he treated you so poorly-“
But he hadn’t listened. It was not so much that he was wanting to go back to be ignored and shoved away, but he was ready to demand a response as to why. Why he’d been a rock for Daniel as he’d recovered, only to be discarded like dirty laundry. He’d spent time being angry, and he’d spent time being hurt. He’d considered all the reasons Daniel might have had to push him away, and wondered if it had been something he’d done. The problem was, after he got over feeling sad about it, he couldn’t think of anything. Perhaps he’d been too smothering, in the process of wanting Daniel to be able to lean on him. But that was at the heart of what married people did for each other.
If Daniel wanted to be married to him. That was one of the questions he had.
Giving up on his marriage and his husband was the last thing he really wanted to do. But if Daniel was happier with Hyukjae gone, then there wasn’t anything he could really do. It would hurt in the long term, and he would feel as though he failed, but it would cause him even more pain if it stretched out another twenty years. Or maybe he’d get to the point where he didn’t care, and that would feel worst of all.
The whole household wasn’t there to greet him that time. He’d already been introduced, and he wondered if they thought ill of him for leaving.
“This way, sir,” he was told by a maid.
“Is Daniel upstairs?” he asked, not wanting to delay.
“Follow me,” she said.
Not up the stairs, then. The knowledge that they were going toward the back of the house intrigued him, and made him apprehensive both. He hadn’t been given the option to freshen up, or asked if he was hungry. Just a perfunctory greeting and a journey to the furthest door. The maid opened it, and held it so that he could go out, but didn’t follow him.
He stepped out, and paused as the door shut behind him. Leaning against the well house, and clearly waiting for him, was Daniel.
Something twisted deep inside him, and he descended the stairs. His eyes were not still, taking in Daniel’s face, and his body. He wasn’t as thin as he had been, and looked healthy. And though he had a cane in his right hand, he was standing and had clearly been able to navigate the house stairs. Maybe even on his own.
He didn’t know what he expected, really. A warm welcome, that wasn’t even near to what he’d thought. But he’d been ordered back, so Daniel had to have a reason for that.
“Hyukjae,” Daniel said, standing away from the wall and taking several steps toward him. “Welcome back.”
“Thank you.”
He might have said that it was nice to be back, but he wasn’t sure it was.
“Your trip was pleasant? Your parents are healthy?”
“They are. And the journey was uneventful,” Hyukjae agreed. “You’ve been well?”
“I have been.” Daniel glanced up at the house, and gestured. “Walk with me.”
It let him see Daniel in motion. He walked well, better than Hyukjae would have imagined.
“You’ve been working hard,” Hyukjae observed, hoping that Daniel wouldn’t take offense.
“I have. Up and down the stairs, the hallways. Stretching and trying to get back to full strength. I’m not there yet. But I can ride again, and I can walk.”
“And the pain?”
“The bone seems to be straighter,” Daniel said. “My legs aren’t as uneven. So the pain is less, in my back and in my leg.”
Hyukjae’s throat clutched, and he cleared the tightness. “I’m glad.”
They were approaching the row of decorative trees, when Daniel spoke again.
“Do you have someone picked out to marry?”
“What?” Hyukjae stopped in his tracks, and Daniel stopped with him, looking at him with a curious, if impassive face.
“Word had filtered back. Rumors that since you’d returned untouched, if an annulment would be sought, and a new, more lucrative match secured.”
Hyukjae wanted to refute it, assure Daniel that no such rumors would have come from his family. But he paused, even to consider it. Maybe such thoughts hadn’t come from him, but he wondered if his parents had begun to think. Or his extended family.
“The anniversary of our wedding,” and Daniel said it as though he made mockery of it himself, “is only a week away. After, I would have no ability to stop such an action, and no claim to the money given to your family for the match.”
“And you believe I want that?”
“That’s why I brought you back here, to see. You left, and I understand why. To be honest, I was a bit relieved when they’d told me you’d gone.”
The words were a slap, and they stole his breath even as hope had surged. Hoping Daniel had brought him back so that they could reconcile, only-
“If you don’t want me here, then you want the annulment to happen.”
Daniel looked up at him, the movement sharp and swift. “I didn’t say that. You’d seen me at my weakest, fought the doctor and set my leg so that I had even the slimmest chance at walking. If I had any hope of being seen as a man in your eyes, I couldn’t let you see me creeping about and learning to walk like I was still in diapers.”
The bark of laughter was immediate and absurd from Hyukjae’s throat. “Then it was your pride?”
“I had nothing left but that,” Daniel said.
“I would have helped you.”
“You had. Getting back on my feet was something I had to do. Maybe even to prove to myself that I was still a man. But I need to hear with my own ears that you don’t want to stay. Otherwise, I’d have left you there.”
He stepped up to Daniel, their heights almost even because of the incline. Daniel was frowning, and Hyukjae was breathless. His one arm went around Daniel’s middle, and the other fought Daniel for the cane.
“I want to stay. I want to-“ There was a scuffle and Hyukjae wrested the cane away, leaving Daniel startled and wary, as though Hyukjae would push him over. “I want to hold you up and give you a reason to keep walking.”
Once Daniel was certain that was he steady, that Hyukjae wasn’t going to fight him, he smiled. The first true smile Hyukjae had seen since he’d been back. He’d missed that, that expression. The welcome, and belief that Daniel wanted him to be there as much as he did. And with a hand tangling in Hyukjae’s hair, Daniel pulled him close, so that they fit mouth to mouth. It was a hard kiss, that softened slowly. Until when they parted, he could still feel Daniel’s mouth against his, tugging at his.
“You kissed me after the splint came off,” Daniel told him. “And I knew you being here was the right thing, since I finally knew you wanted me.”
“I wanted to do that a long time before that.”
“Then we should make this marriage a true one,” Daniel said, his voice colored with a smile.
“Tonight?” Hyukjae asked, staring at Daniel’s mouth, and hoping.
It had been so much more than he’d hoped for.
And Daniel kissed him again.
***
Dinner had been almost lighthearted, seated with Daniel at the table and listening to things that had changed since he’d been away. There were two new horses, and new books in the library, and a new groundskeeper for the estate. Daniel was even trying to get a new doctor for the village, to replace the one that hadn’t wanted to set his leg.
Hyukjae had a new nephew, and had come back with his own new collection of books in a trunk. He’d, of course, needed something to do while stewing and waiting.
“I hoped you’d send for me,” Hyukjae admitted.
“I wanted to go after you myself,” Daniel told him. “I worried that you might not come back.”
“Would you have shown up at my door if I’d refused?”
“I would have. And then you’d have been my Rapunzel, stuck on the estate.”
Hyukjae laughed. “I like it here, though.”
And he tore his eyes from Daniel’s mouth, the way his lips closed around his food. Soon enough.
***
Daniel’s bedroom held new meaning, slipping beneath the covers as Daniel waited and pulled him closer.
“We can take this slow. We have time.”
“I’ve been waiting ten years for this.”
Daniel chuckled, the low sound rough across Hyukjae’s nerves. “Your parents wouldn’t have sent you to me when you were fourteen.”
“They might’ve and wrapped in a bow, if you’d asked. Oh.”
Daniel’s mouth in the hollow of his throat was causing his body to overheat.
“You have no idea what you were doing to me,” Daniel said, abandoning Hyukjae’s skin and garnering a whimper. “Sitting next to me, touching my arm. Insisting on reading to me, when all I could do was listen and watch your lips move.”
Hyukjae blinked up at him, a grin yanking at the corners of his mouth. “You wanted me?”
“Kissing you for hours would’ve taken my mind off things. And I wouldn’t have wanted to stop. But the things I could’ve done for you were limited.”
“We’d have enjoyed them anyway,” Hyukjae said, but he squeezed Daniel’s shoulder to let him know he understood. They could, at the very least, start and never stop. Daniel, confident in his body again, could be confident in Hyukjae’s as well.
And he had Daniel in candlelight. Hands - experienced hands - stroking his skin. He had no illusions that Daniel had been celibate, waiting for some unknown person to arrive - a person possibly without any want for him at all. And Hyukjae had waited - mostly. There had been a few lusty kisses in an empty stable corner, a few subtle gropes. He wasn’t sure if it heightened his arousal, that they had waited so long to be together, or the fact that they belonged to each other.
And Daniel wasn’t treating him like a kid, someone subservient to him. They kissed like lovers long parted, like they were hungry for each other. And though Hyukjae’s hands were timid at first, they weren’t for long. He knew that Daniel was warm, so warm. That he jerked when he was tickled, and retaliated by scraping his teeth along Hyukjae’s earlobe. Though that wasn’t really punishment at all.
And when Daniel touched him, stroking up his inner thigh and making him gasp and shudder, he clutched Daniel close and moaned. Moaned, and then clutched Daniel tight. He was trying to anchor himself, because he felt adrift. Daniel’s lips, and Daniel’s stroking hand that had him moaning his pleasure not minutes later. Flushed cheeks and panting breaths, he had the wherewithal to be embarrassed.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, as Daniel wiped his hand on the sheet behind Hyukjae’s back.
“I’m not,” Daniel said. “We have time. And I want to be able to enjoy it.”
Then it was his turn to find his control. Hearing the satisfaction in Daniel’s breaths as he kissed across Daniel’s collarbones, and tasted the sweetest sounds from Daniel’s throat. Fascinated by the silkiness of Daniel’s hair, and the slope of his ribs, and angle of his hipbones. And even then, Daniel guided him. Chest to chest, with a knee between Daniel’s legs, he moaned as Daniel scratched up his sides. Just barely hard enough to feel good and not tease.
“Get your other knee in, and we’ll seal this marriage,” Daniel said, petting the back of Hyukjae’s head.
“Oh, I thought since- I though you would-“
Hyukjae shut his mouth since all the blood heating his cheeks was clearly inhibiting his power of speech.
“I want to,” Daniel admitted. “And we’ll find a way, later. But for purposes of the law, it doesn’t matter. The union is consummated, because we are equal.”
A shudder went down his spine, to compliment the jolt that speared through him and made his body harden in anticipation. He wanted, more than any gift or promise in his life.
“And you’re… It won’t hurt you?”
“I can sit a horse at a trot. I think I can take you.”
There was a tease there, and it made him grin. The silky softness of the oil, and the heat of Daniel’s arousal. He all but trembled as the need rose up in him. And he realized that was why Daniel had urged his pleasure earlier, so that he would not just melt from need. It was difficult enough to wait, with Daniel’s urgent fingers, and the startling realization that what he was experiencing was what they could have. Not just once, not just to prove their marriage was real - to themselves. But any time, because they liked it. Because they could find that joy, that pleasure in each other.
But it startled him, Daniel’s hands on his hips and pulling him in, until he was seated, deep.
“Ten years down,” Daniel said in his ear.
And no one knew how many more. A chill shivered down his spine and at Daniel’s urging, he moved. Careful, so careful at first. Until he believed Daniel’s words, that his leg wasn’t hurting, that nothing was hurting. The only pain Hyukjae was feeling was the gripping of Daniel’s fingers, and the scrape of teeth on his shoulder. And even if he’d shuddered for Daniel already, there was the exquisite pain of trying to hold himself back. Daniel was stroking himself, and it felt like he was moaning for Daniel. Daniel’s name, and listening to Daniel urge him on. The feelings too mixed, swirling, tightening pleasure as his lips rubbed Daniel’s neck. Nothing but the rocking of their bodies together feeling real, as his whole body tensed.
“Hyukjae,” Daniel choked out. And Hyukjae’s whole body trembled. And only moments after, he spilled for Daniel as well. Teeth pressed painfully against his lip as he breathed on Daniel’s shoulder, and the rush, and daze of pleasure settled on him.
He wasn’t sure there was a cool bit of skin for Daniel to rub, but Daniel was petting him nonetheless.
“I think this will be my favorite way to strengthen my leg,” Daniel told him.
Hyukjae hummed, pulling back and easing onto his side. “For you, I’m always happy to be of use.”
The kiss Daniel pressed to his cheek was soft, and sleepy. “Tomorrow, let’s take a ride together.”
They would have so many days like that. He couldn’t go home, then. Their marriage was official. And no, he was home. And they would get to know each other even more, every day that they were together. And against Daniel’s shoulder, he slept.
***