[Fic] Prerequisites - 7/7
Title: Prerequisites
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R overall (language, sexual situations)
Pairings: Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Genre: Angst/smut/fluff, Romance (Aka...the kitchen sink)
Summary: All Kyuhyun thinks he wants is to get into Zhou Mi's pants. All Zhou Mi says that he wants is to protect the band. But just one promise could undo all the secrets that they have been hiding from each other.
***
Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven
***
It took two days before they had a chance to talk. There had been the activities, and he had been too tired to even contemplate it that night. But he knew it couldn’t wait long. He was already feeling rejected. The longer he waited, the larger the chasm grew between his determination and his common sense.
Especially when things like, “There is actually nothing you can do because he just really doesn’t want you,” went sailing through his brain.
But the way that Zhou Mi’s breathing stuttered when Kyuhyun would flop down beside him on the couch, ranging against his side as though Zhou Mi was his personal space heater. When he stared at Zhou Mi from under his eyelashes, and saw that Zhou Mi was looking back, he knew. Knew that he had no idea what he was going to say to make Zhou Mi understand what he was feeling, when he didn’t even really understand it himself. But also knowing that he had to try. He might never forgive himself if he didn’t.
Zhou Mi was jumpy, in their room, and Kyuhyun had been silent, trying to find what exactly he was supposed to be saying, or how. And Kyuhyun couldn’t stand it any more, stepping in front of Zhou Mi on the way back from the bathroom. He watched Zhou Mi’s adam’s apple bob, and forced himself to speak.
“When you offered to sleep with me after that thing in the club, you weren’t just offering for my safety or our careers,” he accused, which seemed easier than starting off pleasantly. “You actually wanted me.”
Zhou Mi’s eyes widened, his lips seeming to want to talk before he actually got there himself. “I don’t… What are you talking about, Kui Xian?”
“You were willing to sleep with me because you wanted me, and didn’t want anyone else having me. You were jealous.”
“Kui Xian…”
Those eyes were going slightly sad, and that was not the way he wanted this conversation going.
“You wanted me to think you were being all self-sacrificing and doing me a service and being a great friend, and you were really in it for you,” he accused. “Because you wanted me. Because you had feelings.”
“I thought you knew that.” Zhou Mi touched his face. “But it’s impossible for me to do those things with you and not care about you. And when you said that we don’t share beds because it would be easy access, is that what you think of me? That because I’m here and willing, that I’m easy for you? Maybe you want my body but that’s not enough for me. I’m not a toy.”
A toy? Sure anything might’ve been better than his own hand, but it had been Zhou Mi that he’d been fantasizing about for months. He couldn’t just find some guy off the street. Yeah, it’d feel good, but there was more to it than that. More than a way to get off at night. More than seeing each other as objects of desire. He trusted Zhou Mi. He wanted to see him happy. No…make him happy. The problem was that he didn’t really know what he was supposed to do to accomplish that. And asking was so revealing. He kept running away from it and all he really wanted was to be with Zhou Mi. But he could start somewhere.
“Then what is enough for you?” he asked cautiously.
“You said something like, like it was fun while it lasted. Fun? Using me?”
“I wasn’t using you!” he burst out. “And how could I… You offered to sleep with me! You assumed I’d be using you anyway!”
There was no “using” unless it had been of each other. And even then, put that way it was like there was nothing more between them than getting off. Frequently.
“I thought I could do it, but I can’t. If that’s all you see me as. I know we’re friends. We’re better off that way.”
It took courage, he knew it did, for Zhou Mi to meet his eyes. There was a curious resignation there, underneath the smile curling at the corner of his eyes. He put that smile there for Kyuhyun, and it was the saddest thing he had ever seen.
“We both made mistakes” Zhou Mi continued. “I’m sorry. If we could try... We could forget, for each other. Like everything never happened.”
It was a nice thought. In theory. Forgetting that Zhou Mi wanted him, felt something for him. Forget that to start this whole sequence of events, he had made a huge mistake because he had wanted Zhou Mi too much. And forgetting that his actions had the potential to hurt someone, whether that was his intention or not. Tomorrow they would walk on stage, and Zhou Mi would sing beside him, talk beside him. And their eyes would meet, Kyuhyun struggling to understand a language spoken not only in words but in the softness of Zhou Mi’s eyes. He had been held there, captivated there, too long. It would take longer than an apology and a day to erase a year of anxiety, months of held breaths and shameful flushes. Weeks of getting to know even a fraction of what he would be missing. Days of the sick realization that he didn’t want to lose it - him.
“I don’t want to forget,” he said flatly. Not their mistakes. No. To forget that was to make all of this a nightmare he couldn’t wake from.
Zhou Mi’s fingers curled tight as Kyuhyun shifted. Readying for him to leave him there? Or preparing to fight back? There was something bigger between them than want. That was so much of the problem.
“Why don’t you want to forget?” Zhou Mi asked, voice tight, as though he really didn’t want to be asking that.
He stepped closer, Zhou Mi nearly flinching, and that ate at his resolve for a second. But he had to do this. He had to. If he couldn’t put into words right now at least of what he could understand, then he didn’t think Zhou Mi would ever believe him again.
“Because the guy in the club was a really bad substitute for you. And I fought with you because I thought that if you just rejected me then I didn’t have to think about you any more. And maybe we could make it go back to how it was before I knew how you felt about me.”
Zhou Mi’s face was still tense, struggling to take in what Kyuhyun was saying.
“You weren’t convenient to me. You weren’t convenient, you were unreal. I know how to laugh at you and be your friend, but I don’t know what to do to make you care about me.”
“I do care about you!”
“No! I don’t mean like that, I mean…” He ran his fingers along that jaw, and watched Zhou Mi’s eyes sweep closed for a moment. “You’re not just a body, or just a bandmate. I don’t know how to be right for you. And I couldn’t let you know that.”
Zhou Mi’s mouth was soft against his, the barest brush he hadn’t meant to take. He tilted his head, trying not to fidget as he sorted out what he was trying to say.
“You wanted to be right for me?” Zhou Mi said faintly, as their lips parted. A question Kyuhyun did not begrudge him. He had just assumed Kyuhyun didn’t want him as much, in the same ways that Zhou Mi had been wanting. As if he had just been a toy that Kyuhyun would tire of. And maybe it had been a little, and maybe he didn’t have all the answers, but he had one of them. And it was the only one he knew beyond all certainty.
“It has always been you. So you’ll let me do this. Let me, Zhou Mi.”
He demanded, more than asked for the kiss. But there was no way Zhou Mi could not have seen it coming, the determination in Kyuhyun’s eyes, the way his lips were set. And there was no hesitation to Zhou Mi’s answer, an openness to him that he had never realized he needed. There were lyrics without a song in the way their mouths gave to each other. The warmth of Zhou Mi’s hand that had risen to curl around his neck. A sweet rush covering the sick and bitter panic that had stained him. The flush and the chill that raced down him made him feel weak, but the taste of Zhou Mi was inside him.
He reached down, the angle awkward, but still got a hold on Zhou Mi’s elbow, jerking it down so that more of his arm was around Kyuhyun’s back. With a soft sound of understanding, Zhou Mi squeezed him tight with both arms. He swallowed the embarrassing sound he wanted to make, settling on kissing Zhou Mi’s neck and tightening his own arms. Who would have thought that Zhou Mi and his skinny arms would give the best hugs he had ever felt? He shushed the disturbing voice inside of himself. No, that wasn’t revealing at all.
Zhou Mi needed more than a few stolen nighttime sessions. He needed hugs, like this, kisses that were not so much sexual as they were reassuring, belonging. Something deeper than he had ever been able to know. He hoped to hell sex was on that list of needs, too, because it was definitely on his.
“You said it yourself, that I’d be a terrible boyfriend,” he said, squeezing Zhou Mi’s ribs.
“Then I know that already, Kui Xian. But I’ve been wanting you all along. And when you wouldn’t talk to me, I worried…”
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out while he still felt he could. “I’ve been really stupid.”
A flood of earnestly spoken Chinese left Zhou Mi’s mouth, partly muffled in Kyuhyun’s neck, and he didn’t even try to understand it. A word, here or there. But his tone, that he definitely understood. And the kiss Zhou Mi gave him was sweeter, his fingers on his cheek. And Zhou Mi’s eyes, this time, were thoughtful.
“How much of me do you want?” he asked, thumb stroking steady on Kyuhyun’s jaw.
The twitch of his mouth was probably obvious as he leaned just a little closer, and spoke as clearly as he knew how. That was a question he knew how to answer unequivocally. “Every single stupid inch of you.”
There was no bird song or spontaneously sprouting flowers as Zhou Mi’s smile grew. But there was relief that slid giddily down his spine. They could’ve been surrounded by even more of Zhou Mi’s ridiculous sappy lyrics, and Kyuhyun wouldn’t have minded. Not when Zhou Mi was pressing kisses down his face. Maybe it’d take a while to be sure with each other, maybe…
“Next time tie me down and make me talk to you,” Kyuhyun demanded. “I hate feeling guilty. And I mean that. You should.”
“Whose bed?” Zhou Mi asked, hands kneading at Kyuhyun’s shoulders.
His mind blanked in shock. Unless he was much reading into that question… Did Zhou Mi mean he wanted to jump right into bed? Or just tie him up and talk? Or making out? Or…? His body hummed in interest, but that...was a little too easy. He decided to go with the dirtiest interpretation.
“Not yet,” he said, letting his fingers in Zhou Mi’s collar guide him down, closer. And he whispered, “I want to want you so badly it burns.”
He felt Zhou Mi’s gasp.
Like a starving man who wanted to contemplate the feast in front of him.
And he did get Zhou Mi into his bed that night. Kissing until they couldn’t breathe, until their lips were tender, swollen. If they had missed a way to kiss that night, he wasn’t sure how. Teeth, tongue, lips. Him on top, Zhou Mi on top. Sweet, rough, tender. They’d even tried it upside down, when he’d slid out to use the bathroom, laughing like the idiots they were. It was weird, all those nights feeling like he would die without satisfaction... He stood a few feet away from the bed, Zhou Mi a lump beneath the covers, hand tucked under his cheek. Still fully clothed in his pajamas, just as he was. But a smile spread on his face, when he realized Kyuhyun was watching him. Was there anything happier than that face?
And he thought back to that first time after the bar, that fight. Sick inside and trying to push Zhou Mi away. Where he had told Zhou Mi that he should find someone who wanted him, and Zhou Mi had fired back that he should find someone that loved him. It seemed… They had both found what they were looking for. There was no way that Zhou Mi would have forgiven him otherwise, and Kyuhyun’s only objection was that he had too much need.
Maybe not too much.
“You really fell in love with me?” Kyuhyun asked, as though that was kind of a stupid thing to do, considering. What did you do with that kind of ridiculous behavior?
“Kui Xian...” He smiled at Zhou Mi’s voice. Just hearing him say his name was answer enough. No explanation required.
He was welcomed under the covers by gangly arms, pressing a warm kiss to Zhou Mi’s mouth.
“Mind if I sleep here?”
“You’re welcome to, Kui Xian.”
It was kind of nice, laying back, knowing his head was a dent in the pillow away from Zhou Mi’s. He could hear the soft breathing, and realized for all the upheaval, he had gained a lot more wisdom than anything he had lost.
Zhou Mi’s arm twitched as Kyuhyun’s hand slid down his wrist, tangling their fingers together. It was probably easier to confront his problems than running away. But he knew himself. He’d just have to scale that future hurdle when they got to it. It wasn’t like he’d changed or anything. Much. And as their hands tightened together, he turned, letting his mouth press against the point of Zhou Mi’s shoulder before relaxing.
He had the bizarre thought before he faded that he bet that the sun did smell like oranges. And there was Zhou Mi, who smiled and accepted him. And that was enough for now.
***
“I want to want you so badly it burns,” was a classic example of his mouth saying things that his body didn’t really want to back up.
Sure they played it pretty safe for a while. Mostly because he felt he had to so he didn’t freak Zhou Mi out, and Zhou Mi probably for the same reason. He’d tried dragging his laptop to Zhou Mi’s bed, but after dying a few totally preventable deaths in the midst of a footsie experiment, he realized that multitasking was not the road to success. He could win the game, or make out with Zhou Mi, but not both.
That didn’t keep him from sneaking into Zhou Mi’s bed in the morning and waking him with a kiss and a hand in his pants. He had a few of those to make up for after all. And he permitted Zhou Mi to test out the latest goop on his face, since he was getting a puppy dog look for it. If Zhou Mi wanted him to smell like an exotic flower while they rolled all over each other, then he wasn’t arguing.
Zhou Mi’s hair was a little sweaty after they got through with each other, but it was pleasant to card his fingers through. Zhou Mi was all about touching non-sexually, so he figured he was winning points somewhere by doing it. Of course, he’d had to muffle Zhou Mi’s moan with his hand just a few minutes before so he wasn’t really sure how all that worked. Somehow they both got what they were needing. It was a complex monster, this relationship thing.
He would’ve called anyone who called them boyfriends a lying liar, but it was a comfortable thing in his head. There wasn’t anything super sappy about it, just that if he had to define what they were, they were way more than friends. A couple of the more astute members had picked up on the new dynamic. He’d caught Ryeowook sending them a considering glance almost right away. They hadn’t really talked about if or how they would tell they others. Some day. Maybe. He was happy. Zhou Mi was happy. That was enough.
And then, there was the sex issue.
The not-having-sex issue.
It wasn’t that they didn’t have a good time doing what they did, because oh man, they did. He knew they were spectacular at it because he didn’t think of gaming (much) while they were engaged in any of the inventive things they did to each other. When he was gasping into Zhou Mi’s shoulder like some kind of slut, he figured they had that part of things down quite well. And it seemed like he should be grateful for what he got, since he didn’t know how often any of the others were getting to lay back and sigh, “Oh yeah, like that.” And he didn’t really want to know, either.
He got to the burning point of wanting in about two days, and had been smoldering there ever since. He was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to have to go out and get drunk in order to relay that message along, either. It wasn’t like they had some kind of bi-monthly board meeting where they decided what they’d like to try next. Was there some kind of handjob/blowjob:sex ratio that was acceptable? In his own head, they’d exceeded those numbers quite well.
If one of them was camped out on the other’s bed after showers, it was a pretty sure bet they wanted more than a chat. So when he saw Zhou Mi all delectable and shirtless, reading a book in his bed, he understood what that suggestive look in Zhou Mi’s eyes was for.
“Can’t imagine what you want,” he said, nudging Zhou Mi over so he could straighten his slippers. His groin clenched as Zhou Mi’s fingers slid over the skin of his lower back.
“Really?” Zhou Mi murmured, kissing below Kyuhyun’s ear.
“We should have sex,” he said.
And his body was unsure how to respond to that. Get excited by the possibility or freaked out because he’d said something?
Zhou Mi, who tended to not react to things in small ways, more or less gaped at him.
“Tonight?” Zhou Mi clarified, and Kyuhyun assured himself that he couldn’t be imagining the look of intrigue on Zhou Mi’s face. If they both wanted it, then by all means, let the games begin.
“Some night,” he said, hoping it didn’t come out sounding like Well, yes, obviously tonight. “You know I want you.”
Zhou Mi grinned, pulling Kyuhyun closer onto the bed. “And you brought it up!”
“Well…Yeah. I kind of… Yeah. So. If you want?”
“I do.”
“I’ve never had sex,” he admitted. Which was not a shock to either of them, he realized. It was very hard to proposition people when you had a hard time admitting you liked them. But, considering he was in bed with a man that he had fooled around with doing everything up to but not including sex, he felt like luck was finally beginning to shine down on him.
Zhou Mi seemed to quail under Kyuhyun’s stare. “I, um… I have.”
“What?” he asked flatly.
“It was okay,” Zhou Mi said delicately. “It was nothing, I mean. You and I are much…”
“Okay? What is okay?”
“I think that with you it’ll be much better,” Zhou Mi said, petting his side and clearly trying to soothe him.
He was slightly mollified, which was kind of ridiculous since he could see right through Zhou Mi’s plan there. “Better. Sure. I want details. Did it hurt? You must know what you don’t like, so…”
Zhou Mi seemed to squirm, before he blurted out, “It was with a girl.”
A girl? Oh, well, then he really didn’t have anything to worry about since Zhou Mi had no point of reference. Of course he would be better. “Why the hell didn’t you say that to start with!”
He collapsed onto his back, ready to relax and get back to the important consideration that was Zhou Mi, on his back begging for it, and soon.
And then the little time bomb that was Zhou Mi’s words finally went off behind his eyes.
“What do you mean, a girl?!” he asked, popping right back up.
Five minutes later he was laughing so hard he was near tears, having finally gotten the story out of Zhou Mi.
“Only you…with an older woman. No wonder why you don’t drink very much. Did you ever see her again?”
“It wasn’t…quite like that! And no, I didn’t see her again… I probably would’ve died.”
“You won’t die when you see me after we have sex, will you?” he murmured.
Zhou Mi let out a halting laugh. “Only if we never do it again.”
About the only way that was happening was if someone ended up maimed or dying during the first time.
He lazily worried the skin beneath Zhou Mi’s ear with his mouth, Zhou Mi’s thumb doing almost the same thing to him. They were always careful never to leave a mark, or at least… not a very bright one.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said after a small series of sighs. “Kiss me.”
The dark eyes were half closed, face warm as he cupped it. The kiss was whisper-soft. It wasn’t a kiss between friends, or acquaintances or casual lovers. It was a kiss between two people who had kissed before, and knew how.
And it was the biggest tease Kyuhyun could even possibly conjure, as Zhou Mi fought him for more contact. They nearly took off each other’s noses in the battle, as they went from totally horizontal to sitting upright, Zhou Mi demanding, taking every inch that Kyuhyun would give, and some that he wouldn’t. He fought dirty, a tickling hand, and Zhou Mi countered. Zhou Mi was hot, and his mouth was wicked, and he wanted so badly. To feel Zhou Mi kiss him back as though it was the thing he wanted most on earth, the wet slide of lips, and…
And the triumphant look in Zhou Mi’s eyes told him he knew just exactly how much that turned Kyuhyun on. Maybe he didn’t have to tell Zhou Mi any of the pesky emotional stuff, if he could just show him…
“Want you,” he gusted against Zhou Mi’s jaw. As though their shifting hips were lying about it.
“You’re not scared?” Zhou Mi asked, hitting straight to the point of the issue.
“There will come a point when I’m too turned on to be scared,” he pointed out. He wanted it to be good. He wanted it to be damn good. He wanted it to be so good, Zhou Mi would be near tears.
He also wanted a fortune, and a stable of sports cars, and a bunch of other stuff that he wasn’t getting. So he’d settle for damn good.
And there was no real use denying his apprehension, since Zhou Mi saw right through all of it anyway. The fact that he’d asked about it was proof enough. Though as he closed his eyes and inhaled against Zhou Mi’s hair, those sneaky fingers sliding down the back of his underwear, he was a lot closer to not caring.
“Let’s do it,” he said, a little fierce for all that he’d just pressed a kiss to the corner of Zhou Mi’s eye.
Of course Zhou Mi yanked him right back down, and they had to spend another minute untangling their tongues.
He caught his balance as he crawled off the bed, standing so that he could toss aside his shirt, pushing down his, by that time, quite offensive pants. And it was left to Kyuhyun to fully pull off Zhou Mi’s pants the rest of the way.
His breath kind of caught as Zhou Mi was bared to him, urgency taking over. Maybe they didn’t actually have to do this. Maybe they could just suck each other off, and get a good night’s sleep, and… They had done that once, laying in bed together, trading insults and moans as they pleasured each other. He had considered it a point of pride that he last longer than Zhou Mi, all but crossing his eyes in an attempt to resist the pull of that mouth, the talented hands. He had had to make Zhou Mi stop once, to collect himself, humiliatingly, but still he had got what he wanted, satisfaction in itself, which was Zhou Mi coming first. Not by an epic amount of time, but as he muffled himself against Zhou Mi’s thigh and tried not to kill the man with his hips, the fire of triumph burned in him.
And Zhou Mi had wanted to kiss him, right after, crawling down to where he sprawled, dazed, letting their mouths mate and kissing all over Kyuhyun’s face. And the memory of that had fueled the next week, whether they had time enough to fool around or not.
But as he had geared himself up for it, Zhou Mi snagged an arm around his neck, pulling him into a dirty kiss. He gasped hard as he felt the shivers running through the flesh under his hands. Zhou Mi was almost shaking with need. Rubbing his head against Kyuhyun’s and somehow trying to hold him closer.
“Kui Xian…”
He had no idea what he was doing, was his first giddy thought. Zhou Mi was going to hate it, and think he was a complete moron and inept and incapable, and laugh… And he would do none of those things, because it was Zhou Mi, and if he embarrassed himself, Zhou Mi would kiss him and they would try again until they got it right.
He just really wanted to get it a little right this time.
Zhou Mi, by then, was crooning at him, probably thinking he was changing his mind, and in his need and inability to get his eyes open, he nearly squashed Zhou Mi flat getting the rest of the way onto the bed. Their cheekbones collided, and one of them was moaning, and Zhou Mi’s skin was hot. And his fingertips were skimming up Kyuhyun’s back.
He whimpered something about lube, nipping at Zhou Mi’s shoulder. Somehow in the resulting scuffle, Zhou Mi understood him. And it took both their hands to get the lid, seeing as he had only one eye open. And as Zhou Mi’s hand slid up his wrist, he reflexively squeezed, and did a very good job slickening Zhou Mi’s…ribs.
“Sorry,” he croaked, and tussled into another kiss, because that, at least… He knew exactly what he was doing. Zhou Mi was moaning, clutching at his shoulders and shifting beneath him, and he finally got his hands to work. The little things they had tried came back to him, and he realized it wasn’t so different. Little steps. He was turned on. Zhou Mi was turned on. They had a foundation.
He kissed down Zhou Mi’s neck, breathing against his collarbone. “You’ll tell me if I’m doing anything… If it’s… You’ll tell me.”
Zhou Mi was murmuring endearments in Chinese at him, and he took that as a sign. It wasn’t so complicated, when it got right down to it. Taking it slow, teasing a little. Watching, listening for Zhou Mi’s reactions. He thought at one moment that it would never work, he could never last, but with Zhou Mi’s patience, he managed not to disgrace himself utterly, panting like a dog on a hot day as he realized, Hey, I’m inside him, this is real! It wasn’t like his imaginations, exactly, where he resembled nothing so much as a piston, humping happily away. Because there were adjustments and for a little while it was slow, and he almost had to bite a hole in his cheek to contain himself after the first real, solid moment. And if Zhou Mi was much enjoying it, then it was because he had a perverse delight in Kyuhyun’s awkwardness.
“Kui Xian, yes…”
And there was that, which was better. All he really knew then was how good it felt, how sexy Zhou Mi looked and sounded.
He couldn’t even coordinate himself to try and make Zhou Mi feel good. Zhou Mi was on his own there. But as he moved, and breathed… He could smell Zhou Mi, and hear Zhou Mi, and feel him, and he wasn’t telling him to stop, or moaning in pain. It took little more than a kiss, and the sound of his name breaking on Zhou Mi’s voice, and that was all there was for him.
He half heard Zhou Mi mumble “I love you” into his ear, but he couldn’t work out if it was Korean or Chinese, and thought he probably imagined it, because there were so many fireworks in his body, he could’ve lit up New Year’s. It was and wasn’t like he had expected, and it was a hell of a lot better. And…he knew it could only go uphill from there.
Especially as Zhou Mi kissed his neck and petted his face, he realized things were more than a little sticky and humid and gross between them, but if he had had the energy to even sound a peep, he’d have done it all over again, right that second.
***
His eyes were lazy when he next opened them, seeing Zhou Mi’s face in soft focus, before sharpening. They…had survived. He scooted his head closer, nudging against Zhou Mi’s mouth. And Zhou Mi had apparently gotten up and wiped them down.
Zhou Mi sighed as he came into consciousness, pressing back against Kyuhyun.
But before kisses, there was something else he really needed to know. “You okay?”
Zhou Mi’s lips curved, spreading and brightening, until he was nearly grinning himself just watching that expression move.
“That’s a yes?”
“That’s a yes, Kui Xian.”
“I know it was kind of awkward, and I don’t…”
Zhou Mi nearly squeezed him breathless. “Thank you for worrying about me, but it was good. Because I was with you! And you won’t worry as much next time, so you can enjoy it more, too.”
He was glad he had the option of of hiding his red face against Zhou Mi’s neck, because Zhou Mi had seen through him again. Just like that.
His fingers slid smoothly through Zhou Mi’s hair.
Zhou Mi whispered something a bit naughtily in his ear, and it took him a few moments to sort it out. Of course, when he did he was mentally slapping himself in the forehead because clearly his brain cells were still out to lunch. Are you my Superman?
He let out a high gasping laugh, pushing at Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “You’re asking me?”
All that accomplished was Zhou Mi squishing him, and them both giggling against each other’s mouths. Had he ever laughed, smiled, as much as he did when Zhou Mi was with him…? Zhou Mi loved him, which was so crazy, and he thought he probably…
It took only a few moments of relaxing before Zhou Mi's lips were slackening in sleep, and he tucked the smile inside himself, and followed after.
***
He woke to lips on his skin. And thankfully it wasn’t so recent, that he didn’t have to worry, Oh no, I hope I didn’t go home with a stranger...
He breathed, and knew he’d met no stranger that smelled like Zhou Mi. He smiled as lips grazed the corner of his, turning to meet Zhou Mi’s chaste good morning kisses.
“You think you can do that whenever you want now, do you?” he asked, taking the sting out of his words by draping a possessive arm over Zhou Mi’s neck.
“Until you tell me I can’t,” Zhou Mi said, nuzzling the side of his face.
“I guess you’ll just have to keep waiting until I decide,” he said, gasping with laughter at Zhou Mi’s tickling fingers.
He pressed gentle kisses to Zhou Mi’s forehead, the tip of his scrunched up nose, his mouth, his chin. He hadn’t actually confessed in words his feelings. Saying “I want you” wasn’t easy, but it also wasn’t everything. And from Zhou Mi... He could see the way that Zhou Mi looked at him that he wondered a little, about Kyuhyun’s feelings. But he was figuring it out, too. He wanted more time to explore the feelings he had, and the new ones that it seemed just touching Zhou Mi inspired.
Pure ones and dirty ones. But he was showing Zhou Mi how he felt in the ways he knew how.
He straddled Zhou Mi’s waist, letting Zhou Mi squeeze him tightly, exploring the skin of Kyuhyun’s neck until they were both sighing. Zhou Mi... Ah, Kui Xian...
“Shower’s ready!” Hangeng called, knocking loudly on the door. “We have an hour!”
He wasn’t sure they breathed regularly for a full five seconds, before howling into whatever muffling surface they could find... Shoulders, forearms, pillows... Kyuhyun rolled off of Zhou Mi, panting into the mattress as he tried to find his equilibrium as relief streamed through him.
“Ow, my stomach hurts,” he chortled, still half in pain.
Zhou Mi rubbed his back, and for some obvious reason that made him purr.
“Did you want the shower first?” he was asked.
“The person who can get clothes and get there first wins,” he said. “One, two...”
“What if it’s a tie?” Zhou Mi asked, interrupting him.
Kyuhyun turned his head, staring thoughtfully up at the innocent face. Or maybe not so innocent after all. His teeth slid off of his lower lip as he pulled it into a teasing grin.
“What if it is?”
***
***
Thanks as always to Kei for being ridiculously awesome about picking out my typos and logic flaws, and then sending hearts at a scene when all I have is question marks and neuroses. I don't know why you haven't killed me yet and put my brain on a spike, but these thanks are never enough. <3
And to Gaia, since on the back of a few words, this fic more than quadrupled in size. <3 (My "one-shot" ending at a very svelte 26k.) Would that my muse thinks that's a good plan always...
And a great big thanks to all of the rest of you for sticking with this one. <3 The third and, one supposes, final installment of animal!verse "The World I Know" should be invading before too long... And yep, QMi makes it back in that one, too. :) I can't keep them out of anything. It's like Pooh and his honey pot...
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R overall (language, sexual situations)
Pairings: Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Genre: Angst/smut/fluff, Romance (Aka...the kitchen sink)
Summary: All Kyuhyun thinks he wants is to get into Zhou Mi's pants. All Zhou Mi says that he wants is to protect the band. But just one promise could undo all the secrets that they have been hiding from each other.
***
Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven
***
It took two days before they had a chance to talk. There had been the activities, and he had been too tired to even contemplate it that night. But he knew it couldn’t wait long. He was already feeling rejected. The longer he waited, the larger the chasm grew between his determination and his common sense.
Especially when things like, “There is actually nothing you can do because he just really doesn’t want you,” went sailing through his brain.
But the way that Zhou Mi’s breathing stuttered when Kyuhyun would flop down beside him on the couch, ranging against his side as though Zhou Mi was his personal space heater. When he stared at Zhou Mi from under his eyelashes, and saw that Zhou Mi was looking back, he knew. Knew that he had no idea what he was going to say to make Zhou Mi understand what he was feeling, when he didn’t even really understand it himself. But also knowing that he had to try. He might never forgive himself if he didn’t.
Zhou Mi was jumpy, in their room, and Kyuhyun had been silent, trying to find what exactly he was supposed to be saying, or how. And Kyuhyun couldn’t stand it any more, stepping in front of Zhou Mi on the way back from the bathroom. He watched Zhou Mi’s adam’s apple bob, and forced himself to speak.
“When you offered to sleep with me after that thing in the club, you weren’t just offering for my safety or our careers,” he accused, which seemed easier than starting off pleasantly. “You actually wanted me.”
Zhou Mi’s eyes widened, his lips seeming to want to talk before he actually got there himself. “I don’t… What are you talking about, Kui Xian?”
“You were willing to sleep with me because you wanted me, and didn’t want anyone else having me. You were jealous.”
“Kui Xian…”
Those eyes were going slightly sad, and that was not the way he wanted this conversation going.
“You wanted me to think you were being all self-sacrificing and doing me a service and being a great friend, and you were really in it for you,” he accused. “Because you wanted me. Because you had feelings.”
“I thought you knew that.” Zhou Mi touched his face. “But it’s impossible for me to do those things with you and not care about you. And when you said that we don’t share beds because it would be easy access, is that what you think of me? That because I’m here and willing, that I’m easy for you? Maybe you want my body but that’s not enough for me. I’m not a toy.”
A toy? Sure anything might’ve been better than his own hand, but it had been Zhou Mi that he’d been fantasizing about for months. He couldn’t just find some guy off the street. Yeah, it’d feel good, but there was more to it than that. More than a way to get off at night. More than seeing each other as objects of desire. He trusted Zhou Mi. He wanted to see him happy. No…make him happy. The problem was that he didn’t really know what he was supposed to do to accomplish that. And asking was so revealing. He kept running away from it and all he really wanted was to be with Zhou Mi. But he could start somewhere.
“Then what is enough for you?” he asked cautiously.
“You said something like, like it was fun while it lasted. Fun? Using me?”
“I wasn’t using you!” he burst out. “And how could I… You offered to sleep with me! You assumed I’d be using you anyway!”
There was no “using” unless it had been of each other. And even then, put that way it was like there was nothing more between them than getting off. Frequently.
“I thought I could do it, but I can’t. If that’s all you see me as. I know we’re friends. We’re better off that way.”
It took courage, he knew it did, for Zhou Mi to meet his eyes. There was a curious resignation there, underneath the smile curling at the corner of his eyes. He put that smile there for Kyuhyun, and it was the saddest thing he had ever seen.
“We both made mistakes” Zhou Mi continued. “I’m sorry. If we could try... We could forget, for each other. Like everything never happened.”
It was a nice thought. In theory. Forgetting that Zhou Mi wanted him, felt something for him. Forget that to start this whole sequence of events, he had made a huge mistake because he had wanted Zhou Mi too much. And forgetting that his actions had the potential to hurt someone, whether that was his intention or not. Tomorrow they would walk on stage, and Zhou Mi would sing beside him, talk beside him. And their eyes would meet, Kyuhyun struggling to understand a language spoken not only in words but in the softness of Zhou Mi’s eyes. He had been held there, captivated there, too long. It would take longer than an apology and a day to erase a year of anxiety, months of held breaths and shameful flushes. Weeks of getting to know even a fraction of what he would be missing. Days of the sick realization that he didn’t want to lose it - him.
“I don’t want to forget,” he said flatly. Not their mistakes. No. To forget that was to make all of this a nightmare he couldn’t wake from.
Zhou Mi’s fingers curled tight as Kyuhyun shifted. Readying for him to leave him there? Or preparing to fight back? There was something bigger between them than want. That was so much of the problem.
“Why don’t you want to forget?” Zhou Mi asked, voice tight, as though he really didn’t want to be asking that.
He stepped closer, Zhou Mi nearly flinching, and that ate at his resolve for a second. But he had to do this. He had to. If he couldn’t put into words right now at least of what he could understand, then he didn’t think Zhou Mi would ever believe him again.
“Because the guy in the club was a really bad substitute for you. And I fought with you because I thought that if you just rejected me then I didn’t have to think about you any more. And maybe we could make it go back to how it was before I knew how you felt about me.”
Zhou Mi’s face was still tense, struggling to take in what Kyuhyun was saying.
“You weren’t convenient to me. You weren’t convenient, you were unreal. I know how to laugh at you and be your friend, but I don’t know what to do to make you care about me.”
“I do care about you!”
“No! I don’t mean like that, I mean…” He ran his fingers along that jaw, and watched Zhou Mi’s eyes sweep closed for a moment. “You’re not just a body, or just a bandmate. I don’t know how to be right for you. And I couldn’t let you know that.”
Zhou Mi’s mouth was soft against his, the barest brush he hadn’t meant to take. He tilted his head, trying not to fidget as he sorted out what he was trying to say.
“You wanted to be right for me?” Zhou Mi said faintly, as their lips parted. A question Kyuhyun did not begrudge him. He had just assumed Kyuhyun didn’t want him as much, in the same ways that Zhou Mi had been wanting. As if he had just been a toy that Kyuhyun would tire of. And maybe it had been a little, and maybe he didn’t have all the answers, but he had one of them. And it was the only one he knew beyond all certainty.
“It has always been you. So you’ll let me do this. Let me, Zhou Mi.”
He demanded, more than asked for the kiss. But there was no way Zhou Mi could not have seen it coming, the determination in Kyuhyun’s eyes, the way his lips were set. And there was no hesitation to Zhou Mi’s answer, an openness to him that he had never realized he needed. There were lyrics without a song in the way their mouths gave to each other. The warmth of Zhou Mi’s hand that had risen to curl around his neck. A sweet rush covering the sick and bitter panic that had stained him. The flush and the chill that raced down him made him feel weak, but the taste of Zhou Mi was inside him.
He reached down, the angle awkward, but still got a hold on Zhou Mi’s elbow, jerking it down so that more of his arm was around Kyuhyun’s back. With a soft sound of understanding, Zhou Mi squeezed him tight with both arms. He swallowed the embarrassing sound he wanted to make, settling on kissing Zhou Mi’s neck and tightening his own arms. Who would have thought that Zhou Mi and his skinny arms would give the best hugs he had ever felt? He shushed the disturbing voice inside of himself. No, that wasn’t revealing at all.
Zhou Mi needed more than a few stolen nighttime sessions. He needed hugs, like this, kisses that were not so much sexual as they were reassuring, belonging. Something deeper than he had ever been able to know. He hoped to hell sex was on that list of needs, too, because it was definitely on his.
“You said it yourself, that I’d be a terrible boyfriend,” he said, squeezing Zhou Mi’s ribs.
“Then I know that already, Kui Xian. But I’ve been wanting you all along. And when you wouldn’t talk to me, I worried…”
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out while he still felt he could. “I’ve been really stupid.”
A flood of earnestly spoken Chinese left Zhou Mi’s mouth, partly muffled in Kyuhyun’s neck, and he didn’t even try to understand it. A word, here or there. But his tone, that he definitely understood. And the kiss Zhou Mi gave him was sweeter, his fingers on his cheek. And Zhou Mi’s eyes, this time, were thoughtful.
“How much of me do you want?” he asked, thumb stroking steady on Kyuhyun’s jaw.
The twitch of his mouth was probably obvious as he leaned just a little closer, and spoke as clearly as he knew how. That was a question he knew how to answer unequivocally. “Every single stupid inch of you.”
There was no bird song or spontaneously sprouting flowers as Zhou Mi’s smile grew. But there was relief that slid giddily down his spine. They could’ve been surrounded by even more of Zhou Mi’s ridiculous sappy lyrics, and Kyuhyun wouldn’t have minded. Not when Zhou Mi was pressing kisses down his face. Maybe it’d take a while to be sure with each other, maybe…
“Next time tie me down and make me talk to you,” Kyuhyun demanded. “I hate feeling guilty. And I mean that. You should.”
“Whose bed?” Zhou Mi asked, hands kneading at Kyuhyun’s shoulders.
His mind blanked in shock. Unless he was much reading into that question… Did Zhou Mi mean he wanted to jump right into bed? Or just tie him up and talk? Or making out? Or…? His body hummed in interest, but that...was a little too easy. He decided to go with the dirtiest interpretation.
“Not yet,” he said, letting his fingers in Zhou Mi’s collar guide him down, closer. And he whispered, “I want to want you so badly it burns.”
He felt Zhou Mi’s gasp.
Like a starving man who wanted to contemplate the feast in front of him.
And he did get Zhou Mi into his bed that night. Kissing until they couldn’t breathe, until their lips were tender, swollen. If they had missed a way to kiss that night, he wasn’t sure how. Teeth, tongue, lips. Him on top, Zhou Mi on top. Sweet, rough, tender. They’d even tried it upside down, when he’d slid out to use the bathroom, laughing like the idiots they were. It was weird, all those nights feeling like he would die without satisfaction... He stood a few feet away from the bed, Zhou Mi a lump beneath the covers, hand tucked under his cheek. Still fully clothed in his pajamas, just as he was. But a smile spread on his face, when he realized Kyuhyun was watching him. Was there anything happier than that face?
And he thought back to that first time after the bar, that fight. Sick inside and trying to push Zhou Mi away. Where he had told Zhou Mi that he should find someone who wanted him, and Zhou Mi had fired back that he should find someone that loved him. It seemed… They had both found what they were looking for. There was no way that Zhou Mi would have forgiven him otherwise, and Kyuhyun’s only objection was that he had too much need.
Maybe not too much.
“You really fell in love with me?” Kyuhyun asked, as though that was kind of a stupid thing to do, considering. What did you do with that kind of ridiculous behavior?
“Kui Xian...” He smiled at Zhou Mi’s voice. Just hearing him say his name was answer enough. No explanation required.
He was welcomed under the covers by gangly arms, pressing a warm kiss to Zhou Mi’s mouth.
“Mind if I sleep here?”
“You’re welcome to, Kui Xian.”
It was kind of nice, laying back, knowing his head was a dent in the pillow away from Zhou Mi’s. He could hear the soft breathing, and realized for all the upheaval, he had gained a lot more wisdom than anything he had lost.
Zhou Mi’s arm twitched as Kyuhyun’s hand slid down his wrist, tangling their fingers together. It was probably easier to confront his problems than running away. But he knew himself. He’d just have to scale that future hurdle when they got to it. It wasn’t like he’d changed or anything. Much. And as their hands tightened together, he turned, letting his mouth press against the point of Zhou Mi’s shoulder before relaxing.
He had the bizarre thought before he faded that he bet that the sun did smell like oranges. And there was Zhou Mi, who smiled and accepted him. And that was enough for now.
***
“I want to want you so badly it burns,” was a classic example of his mouth saying things that his body didn’t really want to back up.
Sure they played it pretty safe for a while. Mostly because he felt he had to so he didn’t freak Zhou Mi out, and Zhou Mi probably for the same reason. He’d tried dragging his laptop to Zhou Mi’s bed, but after dying a few totally preventable deaths in the midst of a footsie experiment, he realized that multitasking was not the road to success. He could win the game, or make out with Zhou Mi, but not both.
That didn’t keep him from sneaking into Zhou Mi’s bed in the morning and waking him with a kiss and a hand in his pants. He had a few of those to make up for after all. And he permitted Zhou Mi to test out the latest goop on his face, since he was getting a puppy dog look for it. If Zhou Mi wanted him to smell like an exotic flower while they rolled all over each other, then he wasn’t arguing.
Zhou Mi’s hair was a little sweaty after they got through with each other, but it was pleasant to card his fingers through. Zhou Mi was all about touching non-sexually, so he figured he was winning points somewhere by doing it. Of course, he’d had to muffle Zhou Mi’s moan with his hand just a few minutes before so he wasn’t really sure how all that worked. Somehow they both got what they were needing. It was a complex monster, this relationship thing.
He would’ve called anyone who called them boyfriends a lying liar, but it was a comfortable thing in his head. There wasn’t anything super sappy about it, just that if he had to define what they were, they were way more than friends. A couple of the more astute members had picked up on the new dynamic. He’d caught Ryeowook sending them a considering glance almost right away. They hadn’t really talked about if or how they would tell they others. Some day. Maybe. He was happy. Zhou Mi was happy. That was enough.
And then, there was the sex issue.
The not-having-sex issue.
It wasn’t that they didn’t have a good time doing what they did, because oh man, they did. He knew they were spectacular at it because he didn’t think of gaming (much) while they were engaged in any of the inventive things they did to each other. When he was gasping into Zhou Mi’s shoulder like some kind of slut, he figured they had that part of things down quite well. And it seemed like he should be grateful for what he got, since he didn’t know how often any of the others were getting to lay back and sigh, “Oh yeah, like that.” And he didn’t really want to know, either.
He got to the burning point of wanting in about two days, and had been smoldering there ever since. He was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to have to go out and get drunk in order to relay that message along, either. It wasn’t like they had some kind of bi-monthly board meeting where they decided what they’d like to try next. Was there some kind of handjob/blowjob:sex ratio that was acceptable? In his own head, they’d exceeded those numbers quite well.
If one of them was camped out on the other’s bed after showers, it was a pretty sure bet they wanted more than a chat. So when he saw Zhou Mi all delectable and shirtless, reading a book in his bed, he understood what that suggestive look in Zhou Mi’s eyes was for.
“Can’t imagine what you want,” he said, nudging Zhou Mi over so he could straighten his slippers. His groin clenched as Zhou Mi’s fingers slid over the skin of his lower back.
“Really?” Zhou Mi murmured, kissing below Kyuhyun’s ear.
“We should have sex,” he said.
And his body was unsure how to respond to that. Get excited by the possibility or freaked out because he’d said something?
Zhou Mi, who tended to not react to things in small ways, more or less gaped at him.
“Tonight?” Zhou Mi clarified, and Kyuhyun assured himself that he couldn’t be imagining the look of intrigue on Zhou Mi’s face. If they both wanted it, then by all means, let the games begin.
“Some night,” he said, hoping it didn’t come out sounding like Well, yes, obviously tonight. “You know I want you.”
Zhou Mi grinned, pulling Kyuhyun closer onto the bed. “And you brought it up!”
“Well…Yeah. I kind of… Yeah. So. If you want?”
“I do.”
“I’ve never had sex,” he admitted. Which was not a shock to either of them, he realized. It was very hard to proposition people when you had a hard time admitting you liked them. But, considering he was in bed with a man that he had fooled around with doing everything up to but not including sex, he felt like luck was finally beginning to shine down on him.
Zhou Mi seemed to quail under Kyuhyun’s stare. “I, um… I have.”
“What?” he asked flatly.
“It was okay,” Zhou Mi said delicately. “It was nothing, I mean. You and I are much…”
“Okay? What is okay?”
“I think that with you it’ll be much better,” Zhou Mi said, petting his side and clearly trying to soothe him.
He was slightly mollified, which was kind of ridiculous since he could see right through Zhou Mi’s plan there. “Better. Sure. I want details. Did it hurt? You must know what you don’t like, so…”
Zhou Mi seemed to squirm, before he blurted out, “It was with a girl.”
A girl? Oh, well, then he really didn’t have anything to worry about since Zhou Mi had no point of reference. Of course he would be better. “Why the hell didn’t you say that to start with!”
He collapsed onto his back, ready to relax and get back to the important consideration that was Zhou Mi, on his back begging for it, and soon.
And then the little time bomb that was Zhou Mi’s words finally went off behind his eyes.
“What do you mean, a girl?!” he asked, popping right back up.
Five minutes later he was laughing so hard he was near tears, having finally gotten the story out of Zhou Mi.
“Only you…with an older woman. No wonder why you don’t drink very much. Did you ever see her again?”
“It wasn’t…quite like that! And no, I didn’t see her again… I probably would’ve died.”
“You won’t die when you see me after we have sex, will you?” he murmured.
Zhou Mi let out a halting laugh. “Only if we never do it again.”
About the only way that was happening was if someone ended up maimed or dying during the first time.
He lazily worried the skin beneath Zhou Mi’s ear with his mouth, Zhou Mi’s thumb doing almost the same thing to him. They were always careful never to leave a mark, or at least… not a very bright one.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said after a small series of sighs. “Kiss me.”
The dark eyes were half closed, face warm as he cupped it. The kiss was whisper-soft. It wasn’t a kiss between friends, or acquaintances or casual lovers. It was a kiss between two people who had kissed before, and knew how.
And it was the biggest tease Kyuhyun could even possibly conjure, as Zhou Mi fought him for more contact. They nearly took off each other’s noses in the battle, as they went from totally horizontal to sitting upright, Zhou Mi demanding, taking every inch that Kyuhyun would give, and some that he wouldn’t. He fought dirty, a tickling hand, and Zhou Mi countered. Zhou Mi was hot, and his mouth was wicked, and he wanted so badly. To feel Zhou Mi kiss him back as though it was the thing he wanted most on earth, the wet slide of lips, and…
And the triumphant look in Zhou Mi’s eyes told him he knew just exactly how much that turned Kyuhyun on. Maybe he didn’t have to tell Zhou Mi any of the pesky emotional stuff, if he could just show him…
“Want you,” he gusted against Zhou Mi’s jaw. As though their shifting hips were lying about it.
“You’re not scared?” Zhou Mi asked, hitting straight to the point of the issue.
“There will come a point when I’m too turned on to be scared,” he pointed out. He wanted it to be good. He wanted it to be damn good. He wanted it to be so good, Zhou Mi would be near tears.
He also wanted a fortune, and a stable of sports cars, and a bunch of other stuff that he wasn’t getting. So he’d settle for damn good.
And there was no real use denying his apprehension, since Zhou Mi saw right through all of it anyway. The fact that he’d asked about it was proof enough. Though as he closed his eyes and inhaled against Zhou Mi’s hair, those sneaky fingers sliding down the back of his underwear, he was a lot closer to not caring.
“Let’s do it,” he said, a little fierce for all that he’d just pressed a kiss to the corner of Zhou Mi’s eye.
Of course Zhou Mi yanked him right back down, and they had to spend another minute untangling their tongues.
He caught his balance as he crawled off the bed, standing so that he could toss aside his shirt, pushing down his, by that time, quite offensive pants. And it was left to Kyuhyun to fully pull off Zhou Mi’s pants the rest of the way.
His breath kind of caught as Zhou Mi was bared to him, urgency taking over. Maybe they didn’t actually have to do this. Maybe they could just suck each other off, and get a good night’s sleep, and… They had done that once, laying in bed together, trading insults and moans as they pleasured each other. He had considered it a point of pride that he last longer than Zhou Mi, all but crossing his eyes in an attempt to resist the pull of that mouth, the talented hands. He had had to make Zhou Mi stop once, to collect himself, humiliatingly, but still he had got what he wanted, satisfaction in itself, which was Zhou Mi coming first. Not by an epic amount of time, but as he muffled himself against Zhou Mi’s thigh and tried not to kill the man with his hips, the fire of triumph burned in him.
And Zhou Mi had wanted to kiss him, right after, crawling down to where he sprawled, dazed, letting their mouths mate and kissing all over Kyuhyun’s face. And the memory of that had fueled the next week, whether they had time enough to fool around or not.
But as he had geared himself up for it, Zhou Mi snagged an arm around his neck, pulling him into a dirty kiss. He gasped hard as he felt the shivers running through the flesh under his hands. Zhou Mi was almost shaking with need. Rubbing his head against Kyuhyun’s and somehow trying to hold him closer.
“Kui Xian…”
He had no idea what he was doing, was his first giddy thought. Zhou Mi was going to hate it, and think he was a complete moron and inept and incapable, and laugh… And he would do none of those things, because it was Zhou Mi, and if he embarrassed himself, Zhou Mi would kiss him and they would try again until they got it right.
He just really wanted to get it a little right this time.
Zhou Mi, by then, was crooning at him, probably thinking he was changing his mind, and in his need and inability to get his eyes open, he nearly squashed Zhou Mi flat getting the rest of the way onto the bed. Their cheekbones collided, and one of them was moaning, and Zhou Mi’s skin was hot. And his fingertips were skimming up Kyuhyun’s back.
He whimpered something about lube, nipping at Zhou Mi’s shoulder. Somehow in the resulting scuffle, Zhou Mi understood him. And it took both their hands to get the lid, seeing as he had only one eye open. And as Zhou Mi’s hand slid up his wrist, he reflexively squeezed, and did a very good job slickening Zhou Mi’s…ribs.
“Sorry,” he croaked, and tussled into another kiss, because that, at least… He knew exactly what he was doing. Zhou Mi was moaning, clutching at his shoulders and shifting beneath him, and he finally got his hands to work. The little things they had tried came back to him, and he realized it wasn’t so different. Little steps. He was turned on. Zhou Mi was turned on. They had a foundation.
He kissed down Zhou Mi’s neck, breathing against his collarbone. “You’ll tell me if I’m doing anything… If it’s… You’ll tell me.”
Zhou Mi was murmuring endearments in Chinese at him, and he took that as a sign. It wasn’t so complicated, when it got right down to it. Taking it slow, teasing a little. Watching, listening for Zhou Mi’s reactions. He thought at one moment that it would never work, he could never last, but with Zhou Mi’s patience, he managed not to disgrace himself utterly, panting like a dog on a hot day as he realized, Hey, I’m inside him, this is real! It wasn’t like his imaginations, exactly, where he resembled nothing so much as a piston, humping happily away. Because there were adjustments and for a little while it was slow, and he almost had to bite a hole in his cheek to contain himself after the first real, solid moment. And if Zhou Mi was much enjoying it, then it was because he had a perverse delight in Kyuhyun’s awkwardness.
“Kui Xian, yes…”
And there was that, which was better. All he really knew then was how good it felt, how sexy Zhou Mi looked and sounded.
He couldn’t even coordinate himself to try and make Zhou Mi feel good. Zhou Mi was on his own there. But as he moved, and breathed… He could smell Zhou Mi, and hear Zhou Mi, and feel him, and he wasn’t telling him to stop, or moaning in pain. It took little more than a kiss, and the sound of his name breaking on Zhou Mi’s voice, and that was all there was for him.
He half heard Zhou Mi mumble “I love you” into his ear, but he couldn’t work out if it was Korean or Chinese, and thought he probably imagined it, because there were so many fireworks in his body, he could’ve lit up New Year’s. It was and wasn’t like he had expected, and it was a hell of a lot better. And…he knew it could only go uphill from there.
Especially as Zhou Mi kissed his neck and petted his face, he realized things were more than a little sticky and humid and gross between them, but if he had had the energy to even sound a peep, he’d have done it all over again, right that second.
***
His eyes were lazy when he next opened them, seeing Zhou Mi’s face in soft focus, before sharpening. They…had survived. He scooted his head closer, nudging against Zhou Mi’s mouth. And Zhou Mi had apparently gotten up and wiped them down.
Zhou Mi sighed as he came into consciousness, pressing back against Kyuhyun.
But before kisses, there was something else he really needed to know. “You okay?”
Zhou Mi’s lips curved, spreading and brightening, until he was nearly grinning himself just watching that expression move.
“That’s a yes?”
“That’s a yes, Kui Xian.”
“I know it was kind of awkward, and I don’t…”
Zhou Mi nearly squeezed him breathless. “Thank you for worrying about me, but it was good. Because I was with you! And you won’t worry as much next time, so you can enjoy it more, too.”
He was glad he had the option of of hiding his red face against Zhou Mi’s neck, because Zhou Mi had seen through him again. Just like that.
His fingers slid smoothly through Zhou Mi’s hair.
Zhou Mi whispered something a bit naughtily in his ear, and it took him a few moments to sort it out. Of course, when he did he was mentally slapping himself in the forehead because clearly his brain cells were still out to lunch. Are you my Superman?
He let out a high gasping laugh, pushing at Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “You’re asking me?”
All that accomplished was Zhou Mi squishing him, and them both giggling against each other’s mouths. Had he ever laughed, smiled, as much as he did when Zhou Mi was with him…? Zhou Mi loved him, which was so crazy, and he thought he probably…
It took only a few moments of relaxing before Zhou Mi's lips were slackening in sleep, and he tucked the smile inside himself, and followed after.
***
He woke to lips on his skin. And thankfully it wasn’t so recent, that he didn’t have to worry, Oh no, I hope I didn’t go home with a stranger...
He breathed, and knew he’d met no stranger that smelled like Zhou Mi. He smiled as lips grazed the corner of his, turning to meet Zhou Mi’s chaste good morning kisses.
“You think you can do that whenever you want now, do you?” he asked, taking the sting out of his words by draping a possessive arm over Zhou Mi’s neck.
“Until you tell me I can’t,” Zhou Mi said, nuzzling the side of his face.
“I guess you’ll just have to keep waiting until I decide,” he said, gasping with laughter at Zhou Mi’s tickling fingers.
He pressed gentle kisses to Zhou Mi’s forehead, the tip of his scrunched up nose, his mouth, his chin. He hadn’t actually confessed in words his feelings. Saying “I want you” wasn’t easy, but it also wasn’t everything. And from Zhou Mi... He could see the way that Zhou Mi looked at him that he wondered a little, about Kyuhyun’s feelings. But he was figuring it out, too. He wanted more time to explore the feelings he had, and the new ones that it seemed just touching Zhou Mi inspired.
Pure ones and dirty ones. But he was showing Zhou Mi how he felt in the ways he knew how.
He straddled Zhou Mi’s waist, letting Zhou Mi squeeze him tightly, exploring the skin of Kyuhyun’s neck until they were both sighing. Zhou Mi... Ah, Kui Xian...
“Shower’s ready!” Hangeng called, knocking loudly on the door. “We have an hour!”
He wasn’t sure they breathed regularly for a full five seconds, before howling into whatever muffling surface they could find... Shoulders, forearms, pillows... Kyuhyun rolled off of Zhou Mi, panting into the mattress as he tried to find his equilibrium as relief streamed through him.
“Ow, my stomach hurts,” he chortled, still half in pain.
Zhou Mi rubbed his back, and for some obvious reason that made him purr.
“Did you want the shower first?” he was asked.
“The person who can get clothes and get there first wins,” he said. “One, two...”
“What if it’s a tie?” Zhou Mi asked, interrupting him.
Kyuhyun turned his head, staring thoughtfully up at the innocent face. Or maybe not so innocent after all. His teeth slid off of his lower lip as he pulled it into a teasing grin.
“What if it is?”
***
***
Thanks as always to Kei for being ridiculously awesome about picking out my typos and logic flaws, and then sending hearts at a scene when all I have is question marks and neuroses. I don't know why you haven't killed me yet and put my brain on a spike, but these thanks are never enough. <3
And to Gaia, since on the back of a few words, this fic more than quadrupled in size. <3 (My "one-shot" ending at a very svelte 26k.) Would that my muse thinks that's a good plan always...
And a great big thanks to all of the rest of you for sticking with this one. <3 The third and, one supposes, final installment of animal!verse "The World I Know" should be invading before too long... And yep, QMi makes it back in that one, too. :) I can't keep them out of anything. It's like Pooh and his honey pot...