SG-1 Team Alphabet Soup Fic
Title: X is for Xenial
Characters: The Four Members of SG-1
Pairing: None
Rating/Category: Teen
Spoilers: None - Around Season 3
Summary: SG-1 has a proclivity for turning an unremarkable day into an outlandish fight for their lives.
Warnings: References to a now socially unacceptable culinary practice. If you’re worried about it, ask me prior to reading.
A/N: Special thanks to letitialin, who isn’t as much of a beta as she is a co-author. You're made of WIN and I can’t thank you enough for putting up with my endless, nervous revisions. Thank goodness, you have the courage to tell me to stop before I mess it up entirely!
I also want to acknowledge that part of the idea for this story has come from reading about cnidarian's exploits as an overland truck driver and tour guide in Africa during the past year. Her enthusiasm has given me an interest in exploring African history - especially since she is thinking about doing several West African tours through potentially dangerous areas. I dedicate this story to cnidarian in honor of her adventuresome spirit and incredible work ethic. My friend, YOU ROCK!
It goes without saying that the Alphabet Soup for Gen Fic Day wouldn't happen if it weren't for sg_fignewton. Your AWESOMENESS is beyond calculation! You can find the Gen Fic Day Round-Up on her site at http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/176383.html
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. All characters are the property of MGM/UA, Sony, Gekko, and anyone else holding a copyright to the original characters. Intended for entertainment purposes only.
X is for Xenial
The members of SG-1 had spent a rather pleasant day thus far. In fact, the only negative Jack complained about was the heat. While Daniel and Sam made nice with the natives, the colonel and Teal’c mostly stayed in the shade under the trees that lined the perimeter of the tribal encampment. Their traditional walk-around proved to be unremarkable. Come to think of it, everything about the day had been unremarkable and Jack was eager to get home in time to catch a little TV, a few beers, and some early Zs.
Given that it was already mid-afternoon and Daniel had been at it for most of the day, the colonel decided that it was time to start pulling him toward the gate. That alone could take hours if he was having a good time. Not that the team’s archaeologist was immature, because he most certainly was a dependable, grown up man, but his enthusiasm for the subject of his study sometimes made him petulant and childish when it came time to leave for home. Jack was hoping that he had learned everything there was to know about this apparently very primitive society and that getting him to say goodbye would be easy.
As Jack and Teal’c approached the village, they observed Daniel and Sam watching the tribesmen stacking wood in preparation for building a fire. Evidently a very large fire. The local women were also busy preparing native vegetables and grinding some sort of grain, most likely for making bread.
“So, did you have a good time, kids?”
“Jack!” Daniel whined in response, while Sam smirked from behind him.
The colonel knew that the eminent doctor approached his work very seriously and, although he enjoyed what he did, he was not out to merely have a “good time”. Jack had a tremendous amount of respect for the doctor’s intellect and valued him as an important team member, but he enjoyed the heck out of goading him from time to time.
Clearing his throat, Daniel started, “This tribe is not unlike those found in West Africa. It would have been a perfect place for the Goa’uld to harvest them from without being seen because the African jungle can be quite dense and sparsely populated. However, from what I can gather, the Goa’uld haven’t visited this part of the planet in centuries and the community has enjoyed a quiet existence. There are other tribes within several day’s walk, but they evidently don’t interact much.”
“That’s nice, Daniel. And did we learn anything of use?” Jack asked, turning toward the captain.
“Well, sir, this entire area seems to be remarkably similar to West Africa except that my preliminary soil and rock samples were devoid of traces of naquadah or any other valuable mineral. West Africa is rich in bauxite, titanium, gold, and even diamonds, but the ground contents here, as far as I can tell, seem to be entirely mundane. Of course, further study by a geological team might be warranted.”
“So, what you’re both telling me is that we’ve spent the day sweltering in this heat just so Daniel could enjoy a sunny afternoon conversing with the natives about loin cloths and such?”
Evidently, Daniel took offense at Jack’s remark because he folded his arms tightly against his chest, put his foot down more firmly, and scowled as he seemed to prepare to defend his work.
However, Sam, probably not wanting to witness another of the colonel’s and Daniel’s famous arguments, spoke first.
“I wouldn’t have put it quite that way, sir, but I think we know enough to say that there is little of immediate value to the SGC here… although the indigenous culture is interesting.”
“Well, then, I say we gracefully make our exit toward the gate. I hear a tepid shower and some cold beer calling my name.”
The colonel was hoping that his team members had had enough of the suffocating heat and were ready to leave. However, he could already tell by the look on Daniel’s face that he had found something that piqued his interest. Jack fully expected him to launch into one of his typical speeches that would be an attempt to justify their staying longer.
“Um… The chief of the tribe has invited us to stay for dinner. Apparently, there is some sort of ritual and a huge feast and we are to be their guests of honor. In fact, they have prepared a special hut where we can cool off and rest until it’s time for the festivities to begin.”
“Daniel, I’m dying here and I really think it’s time to go home.”
“But Jack, we have the opportunity to perhaps witness tribal rituals that haven’t been seen in centuries. What could it hurt to stay for dinner? By then, the sun will have gone down, it will be much cooler on our walk back to the gate, and you’ll have had a nap and won’t be so cranky.”
“Watch it, Daniel. I’m still your boss.”
The colonel knew that the remark was made in retaliation for his earlier insinuation that the doctor’s work lacked depth and he took no offense. In fact, he enjoyed the verbal sparring as long as it didn’t get out of hand. Besides, it seemed to amuse the troops - even if Teal’c didn’t show any outward signs of enjoyment other than an occasional subtle twitch at the corners of his mouth or a rare, terribly glib statement that made Sam giggle.
“A nice nap and dinner, you say? Well, in that case, I suppose we could stay a little longer, but nobody’s getting drunk and that’s an order. Furthermore, Daniel, you are to make it clear to the chief that we have to leave right after the meal. No hanging around to watch the floor show.”
* * *
When the archaeologist returned from speaking with the tribal leader, they were escorted to a nearby hut. Once inside, Daniel must have felt the need to prove himself because he plunged into the possible history of their hovel.
“This appears to be similar to the typical dwellings of the tribal people in the Liberian interior. It’s called a rondavel, which is a circular, one-room mud-and-wattle thatch-roofed hut devoid of windows and having a single low door.”
“Yes, Daniel, I see that and thank you so much for the lesson in primitive architecture. Now, if you don’t mind, I think I will avail myself of one of these lovely grass mats and have a snooze. Wake me when dinner’s ready.”
With that, Jack eased himself to the ground, sprawled out on a woven pad, and covered his face with his baseball cap. After a few moments, he raised his hat and said, “I suggest that the rest of you do the same, as the heat has zapped our energy and it’s a long hike back to the gate. Teal’c, since sleep isn’t your thing, can you keep watch?”
“I can, O’Neill.”
“Then it’s settled. Nap time, kiddies.”
* * *
The colonel wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep when he was awakened by Sam. Daniel and Teal’c were peeking out of the cloth flap that served as a door to their hut.
“Uh, Jack?”
“Yes, Daniel?”
“I’m not sure I like the looks of the dinner preparations.”
Rolling over onto his side and leaning up on his elbow, Jack replied, “See… this is exactly why I don’t like overstaying our welcome. What’s wrong? You’re disturbing Carter’s beauty rest.”
Sam thought she saw the tiniest smirk cross Teal’c’s face.
“Well… um…,” the archaeologist stammered, still peering through the crack.
“For cryin’ out loud! Out with it, Daniel!”
The colonel then crawled over beside the other two members of his team and had a look outside for himself. The tribesman had moved a very large cauldron over the fire pit. Additionally, men dressed in animal skins, resembling leopard hides, were also wearing huge claws and teeth made of metal. They were dancing around the pot.
“And that means what?”
“I’m not sure how to say this tactfully, so I’m just going to be blunt.”
Jack’s stomach did a flip and he got that itchy feeling on the back of his neck because Daniel, being a skilled diplomat, was normally very careful in his choice of words.
“When the tribal chief said that he wanted to have us for dinner, I thought he was inviting us to join him for dinner. Judging by the leopard men dancing around the fire, I now believe that what he actually said was that we are to be dinner - quite literally! See that pile of stones outside of his tent? I think that represents the number of people he has eaten.”
“Oh, that gives me comfort, Daniel. Is there anything else I should know?”
Presumably because he was nervous, the archaeologist began to give a rather detailed, rambling history of cannibalistic rites based on what he was observing. The colonel let him talk, hoping he would tell them something that would reveal a tactical weakness they could exploit in order to execute their get away.
“Their practices seem to be a cross between several West African cultures. For instance, the stone pile outside of the chieftain’s hut could correspond to a ritual indigenous to some of the early Fijian tribes where each stone marked an enemy eaten by their leader. One tribal chief in Fiji is said to have consumed 872 people and to have made a pile of stones to record his achievement. In fact, the ferocity of their cannibal lifestyle deterred European sailors from going near Fijian waters and that’s how Fiji became known as the Cannibal Isles. However, in Sierra Leone, the rituals of the leopard men date back to the early 1600’s. They would wear leopard skins and fashion claws and teeth out of iron with which to shred their victims. Evidently, the prime object of the Human Leopard Society’s hunt was to secure human fat with which to anoint the Borfima - a magic elixir. Human blood and intestines were brewed to make the potion, but the potency depended upon its being frequently supplemented by human fat. It supposedly gave them superhuman powers and enabled them to transform themselves into leopards. However, since none of us is particularly overweight, I can only surmise that they intend for the older men to eat us to improve their virility. As you can see, most of the human leopards are mature and most likely past their prime. I suspect that they intend to devour our flesh in order to increase their virile powers.”
“Daniel, did I just hear you correctly?” Jack asked incredulously. “We’re supposed to become the human version of the little blue pill?”
Taking in a long breath after his nervous rant, Daniel replied, “Um… yes, Jack. I think they intend to serve us for dinner as part of a fertility rite.”
Taking off his cap and scratching his head, the colonel responded, “That’s all very fascinating, but how does it help us escape?”
“Uh… I guess it doesn’t,” Daniel replied with a somewhat forlorn sounding tone.
“Is there no point in this happy ritual where everyone would be so busy that they wouldn’t notice us disappearing into the night?”
“O’Neill, I would imagine that the men I have observed are guards watching our hut so that their quarry does not escape.”
Before turning back to Daniel, Jack had a look for himself and he also saw at least four tribesmen armed with spears staring directly and unflinchingly at their location.
“Great, just great! Daniel?”
“Well, I haven’t really studied the fine points of the various cannibalistic rituals and, given that we are on a foreign planet rather than on earth, who is to say that they haven’t made up their own variations?”
“So, what you’re telling me is that you have no idea how this is going to play out.”
“I’m sorry that my misinterpretation of the dinner invitation got us into trouble. I never would have suggested that we stay if I’d even remotely suspected something like this would happen.”
Daniel had once again wrapped his arms tightly around his chest and was staring at his feet - a previously observed sign of his nervous contrition. The colonel knew that this wasn’t the time for accusations of blame or hurt feelings, as he wanted everyone to be sharp and attentive to their surroundings so that they could seize any opportunity to flee.
“Look, Daniel, it’s not your fault. We just seem to have some sort of perverse gift for finding ourselves in off-the-wall situations. Right now, the only thing we need to be thinking about is how to get back to the gate. Ideas, anyone?”
Sam was the first to speak up. “Like Daniel said, this is a simple mud hut. And although it appears to be solidly built, he and Teal’c could probably dig an escape hole out the back where it wouldn’t be seen. We could then sneak off into the forest behind us and make our way back to the gate.”
“Good thinking, Carter. Teal’c, Daniel… get out your knives and start gouging hard and fast. Carter, you and I will watch for a tactical advantage. If nothing else, we could barrage them with grenades and then make a run for it.”
Daniel immediately voiced his objection.
“Just because their tribal rituals don’t fit into our social mores, that’s no reason to eradicate them.”
“What part of they intend to eat us don’t you understand, Daniel?”
“Still, if there’s a non-violent way out of this, I think we should take it.”
“Okay… we’ll use ordnance as a diversion first and as a weapon only if necessary. As far as I can tell, they’ve just got spears, but I’d rather not find out that they’re laced with poison. Just the thought makes my butt burn!”
As Jack and Sam quietly discussed tactical manoeuvres and options, Teal’c and Daniel put everything they had into chiseling through the tough wall. Meanwhile, the dance around the fire began to approach the level of frenzy.
“Guys,” Jack said with a tone that said, I think we’re about to be in deep trouble, “the situation is heating up here. How are you coming with that hole?”
“We have broken through, O’Neill, but it will take a little more time to enlarge the opening.”
“Okay, that’s a start, but dig faster. Carter, when feasible, you’re out first. If necessary, lay down cover fire while the rest of us crawl through. Teal’c, you big hunk of muscle, you’ll go last so Daniel and I can pull you out if it’s a tight squeeze. We’ll improvise after that, but the prime objective is to get to the gate together and in one piece. Understood?”
Each team member replied in their own way and all went back to their appointed tasks.
Several minutes later, the colonel whispered, “Daniel, get over here and make it snappy.”
The doctor quickly crawled over next to Jack and snuck a peek out of the hut’s flap.
“Uh oh, that’s not good.”
The leopard men were wildly clawing at the air and snarling loudly while the rest of the tribe clapped and chanted, spurring them on.
“I don’t think this part of the ritual is going to last much longer. It looks like they’re just about ready for the kill.”
The colonel responded, “So, if we’re going to get out of here, we have to go now.”
Daniel nodded in agreement, as he appeared to swallow hard at a lump in his throat.
“Teal’c, how’s it looking back there?”
“I believe that you and Captain Carter can crawl through easily, but you might have to assist Daniel Jackson and me.”
“Okay. Carter, you’ll make a one-second recon and then go if it looks doable. I’ll follow and pull Daniel through. He and I will then help the big guy. Weapons on ready, but please don’t shoot yourselves or each other on the way out. Everyone clear?”
All nodded as they clicked the safeties of their guns into the off position.
“Ready, Carter? Go!”
Sam completed a cursory assessment of the situation, and then quickly made her way out of the hut. She crouched low a few feet away, giving her the best vantage point without being seen. Next, the colonel emerged.
“How’s it look?” he asked in a hushed voice.
“I think they’re still dancing around the fire, sir.”
“Good.” As Daniel’s head appeared in the opening, the colonel said softly, but with authority, “Daniel, give me your hands.”
He complied and Jack unceremoniously yanked him through the hole, his belly scraping hard along the ground because the brilliant doctor didn’t think to flip over onto his back.
“Teal’c, feet first,” the colonel next whispered toward the hut, knowing that the broadest part of the hulking Jaffa was his shoulders.
They only had the massive warrior part of the way out of the makeshift exit when Sam said, “Sir, you had better hurry. The dance has changed again and I really think they’re ready to come for us.”
Jack and Daniel pulled hard, but Teal’s was still wedged firmly against the hole’s solid mud sides.
“Teal’c we have no choice and this might hurt,” Jack muttered more to himself than the man still encased by the hut. “Daniel, on three. One, two, three!”
With an audible grunt, the two men gave a mighty tug and, when their teammate finally popped free, they both landed hard on their derrieres. However, all three men quickly recovered and assumed fight-ready crouches.
“Daniel, Teal’c, head for the gate. Carter and I will lay down cover fire if necessary. You know the drill. Daniel, dial home. Teal’c, make sure he gets there safely. Don’t wait for us - we’ll be right behind you. Now go!”
SG-1 took off running through the forest. Stealth wasn’t as much a concern as was quickly circling around to the trail that led to the gate. Otherwise, they would never make it there in time because the dense, bushy undergrowth was slowing their progress.
They had only just made it to the pathway and covered a few hundred yards when they heard yelling and screaming coming from the village. Evidently, the tribe had discovered that the main course of their evening meal was missing.
Although Jack wasn’t one for belief in superstition and such, the bush near the village, now alive with human leopards in pursuit, seemed to be imbued with something supernatural, a spirit which was striving to bridge the animal and the human. It gave him the creeps and heightened his sense that their only chance for survival was to be at the gate before the natives caught up with them.
“Run harder!” the colonel ordered.
He knew that it was more than a mile to the stargate and that it was unlikely that they could continue to run full out the entire way, but he hoped that knowing that their being pursued by an angry mob armed with spears might be enough to add extra speed to their flight. Unfortunately, they were only three-quarters of the way there when the first spear went whizzing by.
“Sir,” Sam yelled, as they continued to run, gasping for air with their lungs on fire.
“I know, Carter. Let’s try some weapon bursts to see if it backs them off.”
Sam and Jack both paused for a moment to shoot a quick rifle spray into the air above the natives before they took off at a run again in an effort to catch up with Daniel and Teal’c.
“That should stop them or at least slow them down. Let’s go!”
Their tactic worked at first, but it wasn’t long before another set of spears narrowly missed them.
“Carter, keep going. I’m going to lob a grenade.” Knowing that she would want to hang back to cover him, he added, “That’s an order, Captain.”
“Yes, sir.”
Jack deftly pulled the pin on the bomb, threw it behind them on the trail, and then took off running again, barely missing a beat. Evidently Sam, disobeying his command, had slowed her pace slightly because he caught up to her almost immediately.
“Okay, let’s push it!”
Although they were exhausted, they sprinted as hard as they could. By the time they reached the clearing around the gate, Daniel was already dialing amidst another hail of spears that were falling just short of their position.
All four team members crouched low behind the DHD to catch their breath while the gate burst into life. Sam then entered the GDO code.
“Daniel and Teal’c, you’re first. Then Carter. I’ll provide cover fire. Go, go, go!”
There was still a substantial distance to cover between the DHD and the blue, shimmering wormhole. Daniel and Teal’c dashed off. Jack and Sam followed while facing toward their attackers, again shooting in their general direction, but not straight at them. Just as the first two members of SG-1 neared the dais, spears began to rain down upon them. Their best chance of getting through the gate without being skewered was to make a flying leap and hurl themselves through.
The entire team crashed down upon the gate ramp in a jumbled heap, arms and legs intertwined. Several native weapons accompanied them through and landed on the grating and nearby floor with a wooden thud. Other spears could be heard pecking at the now closed iris.
Amidst their grunts and groans of pain, Teal’c said glibly, while lying atop of his teammate, “Daniel Jackson, I thought that you had assured us that these people were quite xenial.”
Although it hurt to laugh, Jack couldn’t help himself when the doctor growled breathlessly, “Shut up, Teal’c, and get off of me.”
Yep, there was nothing quite like the Jaffa’s perfect comic timing at Daniel’s expense and Jack loved it!
The End
Characters: The Four Members of SG-1
Pairing: None
Rating/Category: Teen
Spoilers: None - Around Season 3
Summary: SG-1 has a proclivity for turning an unremarkable day into an outlandish fight for their lives.
Warnings: References to a now socially unacceptable culinary practice. If you’re worried about it, ask me prior to reading.
A/N: Special thanks to letitialin, who isn’t as much of a beta as she is a co-author. You're made of WIN and I can’t thank you enough for putting up with my endless, nervous revisions. Thank goodness, you have the courage to tell me to stop before I mess it up entirely!
I also want to acknowledge that part of the idea for this story has come from reading about cnidarian's exploits as an overland truck driver and tour guide in Africa during the past year. Her enthusiasm has given me an interest in exploring African history - especially since she is thinking about doing several West African tours through potentially dangerous areas. I dedicate this story to cnidarian in honor of her adventuresome spirit and incredible work ethic. My friend, YOU ROCK!
It goes without saying that the Alphabet Soup for Gen Fic Day wouldn't happen if it weren't for sg_fignewton. Your AWESOMENESS is beyond calculation! You can find the Gen Fic Day Round-Up on her site at http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/176383.html
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. All characters are the property of MGM/UA, Sony, Gekko, and anyone else holding a copyright to the original characters. Intended for entertainment purposes only.
X is for Xenial
The members of SG-1 had spent a rather pleasant day thus far. In fact, the only negative Jack complained about was the heat. While Daniel and Sam made nice with the natives, the colonel and Teal’c mostly stayed in the shade under the trees that lined the perimeter of the tribal encampment. Their traditional walk-around proved to be unremarkable. Come to think of it, everything about the day had been unremarkable and Jack was eager to get home in time to catch a little TV, a few beers, and some early Zs.
Given that it was already mid-afternoon and Daniel had been at it for most of the day, the colonel decided that it was time to start pulling him toward the gate. That alone could take hours if he was having a good time. Not that the team’s archaeologist was immature, because he most certainly was a dependable, grown up man, but his enthusiasm for the subject of his study sometimes made him petulant and childish when it came time to leave for home. Jack was hoping that he had learned everything there was to know about this apparently very primitive society and that getting him to say goodbye would be easy.
As Jack and Teal’c approached the village, they observed Daniel and Sam watching the tribesmen stacking wood in preparation for building a fire. Evidently a very large fire. The local women were also busy preparing native vegetables and grinding some sort of grain, most likely for making bread.
“So, did you have a good time, kids?”
“Jack!” Daniel whined in response, while Sam smirked from behind him.
The colonel knew that the eminent doctor approached his work very seriously and, although he enjoyed what he did, he was not out to merely have a “good time”. Jack had a tremendous amount of respect for the doctor’s intellect and valued him as an important team member, but he enjoyed the heck out of goading him from time to time.
Clearing his throat, Daniel started, “This tribe is not unlike those found in West Africa. It would have been a perfect place for the Goa’uld to harvest them from without being seen because the African jungle can be quite dense and sparsely populated. However, from what I can gather, the Goa’uld haven’t visited this part of the planet in centuries and the community has enjoyed a quiet existence. There are other tribes within several day’s walk, but they evidently don’t interact much.”
“That’s nice, Daniel. And did we learn anything of use?” Jack asked, turning toward the captain.
“Well, sir, this entire area seems to be remarkably similar to West Africa except that my preliminary soil and rock samples were devoid of traces of naquadah or any other valuable mineral. West Africa is rich in bauxite, titanium, gold, and even diamonds, but the ground contents here, as far as I can tell, seem to be entirely mundane. Of course, further study by a geological team might be warranted.”
“So, what you’re both telling me is that we’ve spent the day sweltering in this heat just so Daniel could enjoy a sunny afternoon conversing with the natives about loin cloths and such?”
Evidently, Daniel took offense at Jack’s remark because he folded his arms tightly against his chest, put his foot down more firmly, and scowled as he seemed to prepare to defend his work.
However, Sam, probably not wanting to witness another of the colonel’s and Daniel’s famous arguments, spoke first.
“I wouldn’t have put it quite that way, sir, but I think we know enough to say that there is little of immediate value to the SGC here… although the indigenous culture is interesting.”
“Well, then, I say we gracefully make our exit toward the gate. I hear a tepid shower and some cold beer calling my name.”
The colonel was hoping that his team members had had enough of the suffocating heat and were ready to leave. However, he could already tell by the look on Daniel’s face that he had found something that piqued his interest. Jack fully expected him to launch into one of his typical speeches that would be an attempt to justify their staying longer.
“Um… The chief of the tribe has invited us to stay for dinner. Apparently, there is some sort of ritual and a huge feast and we are to be their guests of honor. In fact, they have prepared a special hut where we can cool off and rest until it’s time for the festivities to begin.”
“Daniel, I’m dying here and I really think it’s time to go home.”
“But Jack, we have the opportunity to perhaps witness tribal rituals that haven’t been seen in centuries. What could it hurt to stay for dinner? By then, the sun will have gone down, it will be much cooler on our walk back to the gate, and you’ll have had a nap and won’t be so cranky.”
“Watch it, Daniel. I’m still your boss.”
The colonel knew that the remark was made in retaliation for his earlier insinuation that the doctor’s work lacked depth and he took no offense. In fact, he enjoyed the verbal sparring as long as it didn’t get out of hand. Besides, it seemed to amuse the troops - even if Teal’c didn’t show any outward signs of enjoyment other than an occasional subtle twitch at the corners of his mouth or a rare, terribly glib statement that made Sam giggle.
“A nice nap and dinner, you say? Well, in that case, I suppose we could stay a little longer, but nobody’s getting drunk and that’s an order. Furthermore, Daniel, you are to make it clear to the chief that we have to leave right after the meal. No hanging around to watch the floor show.”
* * *
When the archaeologist returned from speaking with the tribal leader, they were escorted to a nearby hut. Once inside, Daniel must have felt the need to prove himself because he plunged into the possible history of their hovel.
“This appears to be similar to the typical dwellings of the tribal people in the Liberian interior. It’s called a rondavel, which is a circular, one-room mud-and-wattle thatch-roofed hut devoid of windows and having a single low door.”
“Yes, Daniel, I see that and thank you so much for the lesson in primitive architecture. Now, if you don’t mind, I think I will avail myself of one of these lovely grass mats and have a snooze. Wake me when dinner’s ready.”
With that, Jack eased himself to the ground, sprawled out on a woven pad, and covered his face with his baseball cap. After a few moments, he raised his hat and said, “I suggest that the rest of you do the same, as the heat has zapped our energy and it’s a long hike back to the gate. Teal’c, since sleep isn’t your thing, can you keep watch?”
“I can, O’Neill.”
“Then it’s settled. Nap time, kiddies.”
* * *
The colonel wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep when he was awakened by Sam. Daniel and Teal’c were peeking out of the cloth flap that served as a door to their hut.
“Uh, Jack?”
“Yes, Daniel?”
“I’m not sure I like the looks of the dinner preparations.”
Rolling over onto his side and leaning up on his elbow, Jack replied, “See… this is exactly why I don’t like overstaying our welcome. What’s wrong? You’re disturbing Carter’s beauty rest.”
Sam thought she saw the tiniest smirk cross Teal’c’s face.
“Well… um…,” the archaeologist stammered, still peering through the crack.
“For cryin’ out loud! Out with it, Daniel!”
The colonel then crawled over beside the other two members of his team and had a look outside for himself. The tribesman had moved a very large cauldron over the fire pit. Additionally, men dressed in animal skins, resembling leopard hides, were also wearing huge claws and teeth made of metal. They were dancing around the pot.
“And that means what?”
“I’m not sure how to say this tactfully, so I’m just going to be blunt.”
Jack’s stomach did a flip and he got that itchy feeling on the back of his neck because Daniel, being a skilled diplomat, was normally very careful in his choice of words.
“When the tribal chief said that he wanted to have us for dinner, I thought he was inviting us to join him for dinner. Judging by the leopard men dancing around the fire, I now believe that what he actually said was that we are to be dinner - quite literally! See that pile of stones outside of his tent? I think that represents the number of people he has eaten.”
“Oh, that gives me comfort, Daniel. Is there anything else I should know?”
Presumably because he was nervous, the archaeologist began to give a rather detailed, rambling history of cannibalistic rites based on what he was observing. The colonel let him talk, hoping he would tell them something that would reveal a tactical weakness they could exploit in order to execute their get away.
“Their practices seem to be a cross between several West African cultures. For instance, the stone pile outside of the chieftain’s hut could correspond to a ritual indigenous to some of the early Fijian tribes where each stone marked an enemy eaten by their leader. One tribal chief in Fiji is said to have consumed 872 people and to have made a pile of stones to record his achievement. In fact, the ferocity of their cannibal lifestyle deterred European sailors from going near Fijian waters and that’s how Fiji became known as the Cannibal Isles. However, in Sierra Leone, the rituals of the leopard men date back to the early 1600’s. They would wear leopard skins and fashion claws and teeth out of iron with which to shred their victims. Evidently, the prime object of the Human Leopard Society’s hunt was to secure human fat with which to anoint the Borfima - a magic elixir. Human blood and intestines were brewed to make the potion, but the potency depended upon its being frequently supplemented by human fat. It supposedly gave them superhuman powers and enabled them to transform themselves into leopards. However, since none of us is particularly overweight, I can only surmise that they intend for the older men to eat us to improve their virility. As you can see, most of the human leopards are mature and most likely past their prime. I suspect that they intend to devour our flesh in order to increase their virile powers.”
“Daniel, did I just hear you correctly?” Jack asked incredulously. “We’re supposed to become the human version of the little blue pill?”
Taking in a long breath after his nervous rant, Daniel replied, “Um… yes, Jack. I think they intend to serve us for dinner as part of a fertility rite.”
Taking off his cap and scratching his head, the colonel responded, “That’s all very fascinating, but how does it help us escape?”
“Uh… I guess it doesn’t,” Daniel replied with a somewhat forlorn sounding tone.
“Is there no point in this happy ritual where everyone would be so busy that they wouldn’t notice us disappearing into the night?”
“O’Neill, I would imagine that the men I have observed are guards watching our hut so that their quarry does not escape.”
Before turning back to Daniel, Jack had a look for himself and he also saw at least four tribesmen armed with spears staring directly and unflinchingly at their location.
“Great, just great! Daniel?”
“Well, I haven’t really studied the fine points of the various cannibalistic rituals and, given that we are on a foreign planet rather than on earth, who is to say that they haven’t made up their own variations?”
“So, what you’re telling me is that you have no idea how this is going to play out.”
“I’m sorry that my misinterpretation of the dinner invitation got us into trouble. I never would have suggested that we stay if I’d even remotely suspected something like this would happen.”
Daniel had once again wrapped his arms tightly around his chest and was staring at his feet - a previously observed sign of his nervous contrition. The colonel knew that this wasn’t the time for accusations of blame or hurt feelings, as he wanted everyone to be sharp and attentive to their surroundings so that they could seize any opportunity to flee.
“Look, Daniel, it’s not your fault. We just seem to have some sort of perverse gift for finding ourselves in off-the-wall situations. Right now, the only thing we need to be thinking about is how to get back to the gate. Ideas, anyone?”
Sam was the first to speak up. “Like Daniel said, this is a simple mud hut. And although it appears to be solidly built, he and Teal’c could probably dig an escape hole out the back where it wouldn’t be seen. We could then sneak off into the forest behind us and make our way back to the gate.”
“Good thinking, Carter. Teal’c, Daniel… get out your knives and start gouging hard and fast. Carter, you and I will watch for a tactical advantage. If nothing else, we could barrage them with grenades and then make a run for it.”
Daniel immediately voiced his objection.
“Just because their tribal rituals don’t fit into our social mores, that’s no reason to eradicate them.”
“What part of they intend to eat us don’t you understand, Daniel?”
“Still, if there’s a non-violent way out of this, I think we should take it.”
“Okay… we’ll use ordnance as a diversion first and as a weapon only if necessary. As far as I can tell, they’ve just got spears, but I’d rather not find out that they’re laced with poison. Just the thought makes my butt burn!”
As Jack and Sam quietly discussed tactical manoeuvres and options, Teal’c and Daniel put everything they had into chiseling through the tough wall. Meanwhile, the dance around the fire began to approach the level of frenzy.
“Guys,” Jack said with a tone that said, I think we’re about to be in deep trouble, “the situation is heating up here. How are you coming with that hole?”
“We have broken through, O’Neill, but it will take a little more time to enlarge the opening.”
“Okay, that’s a start, but dig faster. Carter, when feasible, you’re out first. If necessary, lay down cover fire while the rest of us crawl through. Teal’c, you big hunk of muscle, you’ll go last so Daniel and I can pull you out if it’s a tight squeeze. We’ll improvise after that, but the prime objective is to get to the gate together and in one piece. Understood?”
Each team member replied in their own way and all went back to their appointed tasks.
Several minutes later, the colonel whispered, “Daniel, get over here and make it snappy.”
The doctor quickly crawled over next to Jack and snuck a peek out of the hut’s flap.
“Uh oh, that’s not good.”
The leopard men were wildly clawing at the air and snarling loudly while the rest of the tribe clapped and chanted, spurring them on.
“I don’t think this part of the ritual is going to last much longer. It looks like they’re just about ready for the kill.”
The colonel responded, “So, if we’re going to get out of here, we have to go now.”
Daniel nodded in agreement, as he appeared to swallow hard at a lump in his throat.
“Teal’c, how’s it looking back there?”
“I believe that you and Captain Carter can crawl through easily, but you might have to assist Daniel Jackson and me.”
“Okay. Carter, you’ll make a one-second recon and then go if it looks doable. I’ll follow and pull Daniel through. He and I will then help the big guy. Weapons on ready, but please don’t shoot yourselves or each other on the way out. Everyone clear?”
All nodded as they clicked the safeties of their guns into the off position.
“Ready, Carter? Go!”
Sam completed a cursory assessment of the situation, and then quickly made her way out of the hut. She crouched low a few feet away, giving her the best vantage point without being seen. Next, the colonel emerged.
“How’s it look?” he asked in a hushed voice.
“I think they’re still dancing around the fire, sir.”
“Good.” As Daniel’s head appeared in the opening, the colonel said softly, but with authority, “Daniel, give me your hands.”
He complied and Jack unceremoniously yanked him through the hole, his belly scraping hard along the ground because the brilliant doctor didn’t think to flip over onto his back.
“Teal’c, feet first,” the colonel next whispered toward the hut, knowing that the broadest part of the hulking Jaffa was his shoulders.
They only had the massive warrior part of the way out of the makeshift exit when Sam said, “Sir, you had better hurry. The dance has changed again and I really think they’re ready to come for us.”
Jack and Daniel pulled hard, but Teal’s was still wedged firmly against the hole’s solid mud sides.
“Teal’c we have no choice and this might hurt,” Jack muttered more to himself than the man still encased by the hut. “Daniel, on three. One, two, three!”
With an audible grunt, the two men gave a mighty tug and, when their teammate finally popped free, they both landed hard on their derrieres. However, all three men quickly recovered and assumed fight-ready crouches.
“Daniel, Teal’c, head for the gate. Carter and I will lay down cover fire if necessary. You know the drill. Daniel, dial home. Teal’c, make sure he gets there safely. Don’t wait for us - we’ll be right behind you. Now go!”
SG-1 took off running through the forest. Stealth wasn’t as much a concern as was quickly circling around to the trail that led to the gate. Otherwise, they would never make it there in time because the dense, bushy undergrowth was slowing their progress.
They had only just made it to the pathway and covered a few hundred yards when they heard yelling and screaming coming from the village. Evidently, the tribe had discovered that the main course of their evening meal was missing.
Although Jack wasn’t one for belief in superstition and such, the bush near the village, now alive with human leopards in pursuit, seemed to be imbued with something supernatural, a spirit which was striving to bridge the animal and the human. It gave him the creeps and heightened his sense that their only chance for survival was to be at the gate before the natives caught up with them.
“Run harder!” the colonel ordered.
He knew that it was more than a mile to the stargate and that it was unlikely that they could continue to run full out the entire way, but he hoped that knowing that their being pursued by an angry mob armed with spears might be enough to add extra speed to their flight. Unfortunately, they were only three-quarters of the way there when the first spear went whizzing by.
“Sir,” Sam yelled, as they continued to run, gasping for air with their lungs on fire.
“I know, Carter. Let’s try some weapon bursts to see if it backs them off.”
Sam and Jack both paused for a moment to shoot a quick rifle spray into the air above the natives before they took off at a run again in an effort to catch up with Daniel and Teal’c.
“That should stop them or at least slow them down. Let’s go!”
Their tactic worked at first, but it wasn’t long before another set of spears narrowly missed them.
“Carter, keep going. I’m going to lob a grenade.” Knowing that she would want to hang back to cover him, he added, “That’s an order, Captain.”
“Yes, sir.”
Jack deftly pulled the pin on the bomb, threw it behind them on the trail, and then took off running again, barely missing a beat. Evidently Sam, disobeying his command, had slowed her pace slightly because he caught up to her almost immediately.
“Okay, let’s push it!”
Although they were exhausted, they sprinted as hard as they could. By the time they reached the clearing around the gate, Daniel was already dialing amidst another hail of spears that were falling just short of their position.
All four team members crouched low behind the DHD to catch their breath while the gate burst into life. Sam then entered the GDO code.
“Daniel and Teal’c, you’re first. Then Carter. I’ll provide cover fire. Go, go, go!”
There was still a substantial distance to cover between the DHD and the blue, shimmering wormhole. Daniel and Teal’c dashed off. Jack and Sam followed while facing toward their attackers, again shooting in their general direction, but not straight at them. Just as the first two members of SG-1 neared the dais, spears began to rain down upon them. Their best chance of getting through the gate without being skewered was to make a flying leap and hurl themselves through.
The entire team crashed down upon the gate ramp in a jumbled heap, arms and legs intertwined. Several native weapons accompanied them through and landed on the grating and nearby floor with a wooden thud. Other spears could be heard pecking at the now closed iris.
Amidst their grunts and groans of pain, Teal’c said glibly, while lying atop of his teammate, “Daniel Jackson, I thought that you had assured us that these people were quite xenial.”
Although it hurt to laugh, Jack couldn’t help himself when the doctor growled breathlessly, “Shut up, Teal’c, and get off of me.”
Yep, there was nothing quite like the Jaffa’s perfect comic timing at Daniel’s expense and Jack loved it!
The End