Follow your heart and nothing else.
This is so long. I'm so sorry.
Sometimes I think about why people do the things they do. Sometimes I think too much about children's programming, but I think this one warrants it because there are levels of complexity that I still am wondering about.
Sometimes I just think too much, I don't know.
I don't know where this is going or where it came from, so I'm sorry that I'm writing about it now, but I happened to catch an old episode of Hey Arnold! on Nick this morning while eating breakfast. For no real reason, I just watched it. The whole episode. I felt like I was nine years old again. It was the episode where Helga dropped her pink diary, the one with her heartfelt poems and self doubt about herself and it ended up with Gerald and Arnold. Gerald read the poems aloud, and the both of them tried to figure out who the diary belonged to while Helga was a creeper and waiting in the closet for the time to strike. (If you're keeping score, this means I'm a nerd.)
Here's a tangent, but it was always fun to realize that the girls on the show said they like like you when they meant they had a crush, and that they like you when they just thought someone was cool. But Helga was beyond that like or like like stage. She knew her feelings for Arnold surpassed that childish whatever, even as a nine year old. That's deep.
Anyway, I was on my toes the entire episode, totally nervous as hell for her, wondering if Helga would ever get her book back before her name was revealed in the last page, that she was desperately in love with Arnold. I know it sounds stupid, but I wanted her to get it back. I wanted her secret to be safe.
And it made me wonder because, you know, it was the morning and I wasn't awake to the point of having rational thought yet. Why did that book mean so much to her? The answer is obvious to me now of course. It means a lot, more than I could get back then. When I watched the show when I was younger I could never understand why she couldn't just tell Arnold how she felt. It seemed weird that she wouldn't admit it, that she'd pretend she wanted to punch his football head in all the time. Why couldn't she just throw away her fears and go for it?
Arnold isn't the kind of kid to hold that against anyone, is he?
But now I feel like I understand a little bit more, that whole age and wisdom thing. The pink diary of secrets, of poems, of well versed and completely out-of-character confessions goes against Helga's entire character. She's a bully. She's loud and outspoken and harsh and a leader in the little group of friends from P.S. 118. To know that she's human like everyone else, that she is weak and holds secrets like everyone else, it would break everything about who she was. Her friends would make fun of her. The boys would treat her differently. Her little worries would multiply and she would crack.
She couldn't tell that secret, no matter how accepting Arnold was. She had to lie for the greater good. In High School Musical, it's the status quo, right? (My nerd score just doubled.)
Helga wasn't supposed to be a likeable character, I don't think. She was that bratty spoiled kid who was so cocky and so sure of herself. But you had to feel bad for her because of all these complicated feelings she was hiding...right? I feel bad for her now, where when I was young I just thought she was annoying and being weird for no reason. I guess now I understand why it's better to keep things under wraps. I guess now I've figured out that in some ways I can relate to Helga. We all can, can't we?
Still, I wish Helga could just accept herself the way she was and admit to Arnold how she felt. Maybe he would even like like her back.
He would be so good for her.
//Private.
Things are so good. Why am I so on edge, still? Chill out, Cole. Shut up.
Curry forgives me for stepping on her that one time, probably because I give her treats and let her hang out on my bed probaly. Dylan knows and doesn't care and is still the same old Dylan and makes fun of me the same old way and then I mess up his hair and it's just fine. Maya knows and is respectful and thank god because she is so sweet and even though I feel like she has other things going on, I hope she can work them out. Miley knows and doesn't care and lets me ramble about stupid things because I don't know. Even Aly is okay with me now, and that's good because I know Raviv wanted to talk to her again. She's been such a saint. I don't ever want to get on her bad side again.
And Raviv..
:)
Viv.
I like like you.
Sometimes I think about why people do the things they do. Sometimes I think too much about children's programming, but I think this one warrants it because there are levels of complexity that I still am wondering about.
Sometimes I just think too much, I don't know.
I don't know where this is going or where it came from, so I'm sorry that I'm writing about it now, but I happened to catch an old episode of Hey Arnold! on Nick this morning while eating breakfast. For no real reason, I just watched it. The whole episode. I felt like I was nine years old again. It was the episode where Helga dropped her pink diary, the one with her heartfelt poems and self doubt about herself and it ended up with Gerald and Arnold. Gerald read the poems aloud, and the both of them tried to figure out who the diary belonged to while Helga was a creeper and waiting in the closet for the time to strike. (If you're keeping score, this means I'm a nerd.)
Here's a tangent, but it was always fun to realize that the girls on the show said they like like you when they meant they had a crush, and that they like you when they just thought someone was cool. But Helga was beyond that like or like like stage. She knew her feelings for Arnold surpassed that childish whatever, even as a nine year old. That's deep.
Anyway, I was on my toes the entire episode, totally nervous as hell for her, wondering if Helga would ever get her book back before her name was revealed in the last page, that she was desperately in love with Arnold. I know it sounds stupid, but I wanted her to get it back. I wanted her secret to be safe.
And it made me wonder because, you know, it was the morning and I wasn't awake to the point of having rational thought yet. Why did that book mean so much to her? The answer is obvious to me now of course. It means a lot, more than I could get back then. When I watched the show when I was younger I could never understand why she couldn't just tell Arnold how she felt. It seemed weird that she wouldn't admit it, that she'd pretend she wanted to punch his football head in all the time. Why couldn't she just throw away her fears and go for it?
Arnold isn't the kind of kid to hold that against anyone, is he?
But now I feel like I understand a little bit more, that whole age and wisdom thing. The pink diary of secrets, of poems, of well versed and completely out-of-character confessions goes against Helga's entire character. She's a bully. She's loud and outspoken and harsh and a leader in the little group of friends from P.S. 118. To know that she's human like everyone else, that she is weak and holds secrets like everyone else, it would break everything about who she was. Her friends would make fun of her. The boys would treat her differently. Her little worries would multiply and she would crack.
She couldn't tell that secret, no matter how accepting Arnold was. She had to lie for the greater good. In High School Musical, it's the status quo, right? (My nerd score just doubled.)
Helga wasn't supposed to be a likeable character, I don't think. She was that bratty spoiled kid who was so cocky and so sure of herself. But you had to feel bad for her because of all these complicated feelings she was hiding...right? I feel bad for her now, where when I was young I just thought she was annoying and being weird for no reason. I guess now I understand why it's better to keep things under wraps. I guess now I've figured out that in some ways I can relate to Helga. We all can, can't we?
Still, I wish Helga could just accept herself the way she was and admit to Arnold how she felt. Maybe he would even like like her back.
He would be so good for her.
//Private.
Things are so good. Why am I so on edge, still? Chill out, Cole. Shut up.
Curry forgives me for stepping on her that one time, probably because I give her treats and let her hang out on my bed probaly. Dylan knows and doesn't care and is still the same old Dylan and makes fun of me the same old way and then I mess up his hair and it's just fine. Maya knows and is respectful and thank god because she is so sweet and even though I feel like she has other things going on, I hope she can work them out. Miley knows and doesn't care and lets me ramble about stupid things because I don't know. Even Aly is okay with me now, and that's good because I know Raviv wanted to talk to her again. She's been such a saint. I don't ever want to get on her bad side again.
And Raviv..
:)
Viv.
I like like you.