inbetween the lines.
private.
I've decided to get it together with this journal idea. I need a place to write down my thoughts and everything that's going on so I can read these old entires in ten years and wonder what it was that made me do..whatever I plan on doing in the future. This seems like a decisive course of action. God, this is going to be so angsty and embarrassing to my older self. I tried forcing Dyl to do it but he honestly just can't be bothered anymore.
I wonder if he knows how Miley feels. Where the fuck did that come from, anyway? I want to know, but at the same time... I really don't want to know. I wonder if Miley's told Dyl anything.. I don't want -
Ugh, Cole. It's time to try and be okay with this. God, just shut up shut up.
A week and a half ago, things were moving so fast, one right on top of the other, that I couldn't keep track even when I tried. And now time keeps dragging on. It would be nice if my life were to stay at a normal pace, I guess.
It just sucks that I can't talk to him about anything. Not that I want to, but still, I can't. Our conversation isn't over yet. We only talked about New Years briefly. We didn't get to talk about the last night he was home, either, when he kissed me straight on, sober as a priest, fully knowing that she was still the number one part of his life.
And when I told him that she asked me about him... I don't know how he took it.
I don't know how he took anything. He went off to Israel without a word and now he's having the time of his life and I can't say anything. Not that I would. Not that I can. But I'm not using this time the way I should be. I should be thinking of other things and
and like pushing him out of my life because he is happier that way. Like, without things all fucked up and weird.
He'll be back just in time for his birthday. I was talking to Brenda, I missed talking to Brenda, and she said I should do something meaningful. I can always bake him some brownies..
I mean, if I felt like it. If I wanted to.
I miss him.
God. This whole situation is stupid.
Ok. I'm done for now.
//private
I really want to see Slumdog Millionaire. It felt like a movie I should have seen awhile ago, like when it came out, and now that the Golden Globes were all over it, I get that feeling even more. Has anyone seen it? I imagine it's just fantastic.
Not even two weeks into the New Year and I've already abandoned my resolution. I'll think of a new one when we wrap. This Friday! So exciting! And then Dylan will promptly be off exploring the world or falling down or embarrassing himself or something.
PS Everyone watch SL this Friday, Ashley's on it! Fun and amazing things happen, I promise.