(no subject)
I miss people I never see anymore. I hate so many people I do see. I feel worthless every day of my life. I have no confidence whatsoever. Fuck my life.
I'm grateful for the good things that have happened in my life. But I feel like I've wasted my life. There's no sense of accomplishment for me at the end of every night. This loneliness won't fade away.
Encouragement is nice, praise is nice. But they're just temporary ego boosts before the pain comes back. I know there's people who do care about me. And I truly appreciate that. But I get upset that the people I really want to like me won't ever feel anything but thinly veiled contempt for me. It'd be so much easier if I could just play into their expectations of me.
I feel alienated from most of my family. I can barely tolerate 90% of my "friends." I can see this start to really affect me. I'm more irritable, I'm lethargic, the optimistic attitude I've had for so much of my life is fading. I want to feel good again.
I'm grateful for the good things that have happened in my life. But I feel like I've wasted my life. There's no sense of accomplishment for me at the end of every night. This loneliness won't fade away.
Encouragement is nice, praise is nice. But they're just temporary ego boosts before the pain comes back. I know there's people who do care about me. And I truly appreciate that. But I get upset that the people I really want to like me won't ever feel anything but thinly veiled contempt for me. It'd be so much easier if I could just play into their expectations of me.
I feel alienated from most of my family. I can barely tolerate 90% of my "friends." I can see this start to really affect me. I'm more irritable, I'm lethargic, the optimistic attitude I've had for so much of my life is fading. I want to feel good again.