Altair Email Network (1)
Title: Altair Email Network
Fandom: Inception
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Ariadne, Arthur, Cobb, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Summary: A glance at the emails and inboxes of the team during a job. Slightly cracky. Slight hints of Arthur/Cobb.
Note: This is vastly inspired by the little section in Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood where you can access the emails (as Desmond) of your team mates. At some points, lines will look very reminiscent of some in-game emails. All written in the spirit of good fun, humour, and the crack that pre-exam stress seems to evoke in me. Also, it got a bit plotty. That's the bit I wrote after the exam. Images in the graphic were bases, courtesy of ithika from hollow-art. Except the Arthur one.
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From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: Network
Sent: 10/12/2011 11:24 PM
I think I’m picking up a pattern, and this is what, the fifth time? Couldn’t you have been a little more inventive with the network names? My user icon looks simply horrendous and I have no idea where you scrounged that picture from. Please change it.
P.S. Delete the image.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Network
Sent: 10/12/2011 11:50 PM
if you don’t like it, fix it yourself. and get yourself a new sysadmin while you’re at it.
From: Ariadne
To: Arthur
Subject: What’s with the picture?
Sent: 10/12/2011 11:55 PM
What’s with my picture? How did you get it, and isn’t that the one where I tried to cover the camera? Could you please change it to something else?
-Ariadne
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: Network
Sent: 10/12/2011 11:56 PM
Attached: eames.jpg
Algenib the last time, wasn’t it? Or Markab. Funny, I can’t seem to keep the names straight in my head. If I sent you a lovely picture, would you change my icon for me? You can keep the picture.
Also, pulling a late-nighter, are we?
From: Arthur
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: What’s with the picture?
Sent: 10/12/2011 12:01 AM
busy. change it yourself. don’t have any other pictures.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Network
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:14 AM
do it yourself. you seem to have plenty of time. go to user settings and switch it out. keep the picture. don’t want it.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Network
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:27 AM
Arthur, you went and locked the system, didn’t you? I can’t change the bloody picture. It says I’m not authorised and I don’t have access or something funny like that. You wouldn’t have happened to pull something off at the last minute, did you?
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Network
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:30 AM
Oh, I see it now. Sorry, ignore the previous email. I’ve decided against changing the icon after all though. Thought you’d like to know. I think it shows off my jawline in a rather charming fashion, don’t you?
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: User ID
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:45 AM
Arthur, why do you keep using my full name for my user ID?
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: User ID
Sent: 10/13/2011 1:13 AM
eames put you up to this, didn’t he?
From: Fussy Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: User ID
Sent: 10/13/2011 2:01 AM
I saw that. Change it back.
Dom
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 9:47 AM
Attached: NextWeekSchedule.xls
Monday:
Training - Eames, Saito, Yusuf.
Eames, I need you to get Yusuf and Saito up to speed.
Training II - Arthur, Ariadne.
Arthur, I want you with Ariadne. Run her through basics until she can throw them at you in her sleep.
Supply run - Dom
Clean-up - Arthur.
Tuesday:
Training - Ariadne, you’re with me.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Yusuf, if you need a victim, take Arthur.
Wednesday:
General planning session - everyone.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Thursday:
Training run - everyone, IF Ariadne is up to it.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Friday:
Briefing - everyone.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Saturday:
Individual assignments depend on Thurs and Fri.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Sunday: Off.
We’ll need it.
Dom
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 10:07 AM
Oh, this is going to be good. What did Arthur do?
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 10:15 AM
is this about the user ids? if it is, i’m already sorry and changed it back.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 10:38 AM
There was an error in the schedule I sent all of you in the last email. The amended version is in the attached document. Please check it.
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:49 PM
Cobb, I think you forgot to attach the file. I don’t see it anywhere. And do you have a grudge against Arthur or something?
-Ariadne
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 1:12 PM
Attached: NextWeekSchedule2.xls
Sorry, I forgot to attach the schedule. It’s in this email. Please check the schedule for details.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: I LVOE YOU AN WIL B YOU R SHAMELESZ WHOR
Sent: 10/14/2011 12:53 AM
dom just wanted to say u r terrible nice an i think i m in lov w/ u + will b ur shamless whor e
love, arthur
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: I LVOE YOU AN WIL B YOU R SHAMELESZ WHOR
Sent: 10/14/2011 1:21 AM
Arthur. Get off that computer, now. And stop drinking if you can’t hold it.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: I LVOE YOU AN WIL B YOU R SHAMELESZ WHOR
Sent: 10/14/2011 1:57 AM
i may b vry drunk bt i am v. serious dom. i think i m in love w/ u and will be ur whore. and i have nice porn.
much love, arthur
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: I don’t see why I’m entertaining you right now
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:06 AM
Arthur. When I say get off that computer, I mean get off that computer. Don’t make me come round to your place and drag you to sleep.
No love, no nothing. Sleep.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: BECASE WE KNW YUO LOVE ME
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:17 AM
not even nice porn? :(
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: I am going to ignore you
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:31 AM
I am not going to repeat myself. Knock it off, Arthur.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: I FUND A PORN JUST 4 U
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:57 AM
Attached: arthursbrokenheart.jpg
dom u r breaking my heart. you r goin down a pathj i cant follow.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: USB access key
Sent: 10/14/2011 9:19 AM
Found your USB access key on the floor of the warehouse, by the entrance. You should really be more careful, Arthur. Stop letting it hang out of your coat pocket, and try taking better care of your things. What if someone who wasn’t me came by it? Citing user account security concerns, etcetera.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: USB access key
Sent: 10/14/2011 9:34 AM
noted, thank you. worry less about my things mr eames. any progress on M.?
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: USB access key
Sent: 10/14/2011 10:11 AM
eames, is there a reason why cobb is looking at me strangely today? he’s v. uncomfortable and just read me a lecture on responsible drinking. what did you do with my access key?
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: Job vacancy
Sent: 10/14/2011 1:38 PM
i saw what you did. you can find yourself a new sysadmin. and fix your user settings. by yourself. and i don’t owe you anymore favors.
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: Last night
Sent: 10/14/2011 1:42 PM
sorry, that wasn’t me. dropped my access key in the warehouse or eames acquired it and had fun playing with my account.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: Last night
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:58 PM
What last night?
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Last night
Sent: 10/14/2011 3:04 PM
thank you.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Yusuf
Subject: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 5:36 PM
Anyone up to get a couple of drinks after we end off for today?
From: Arthur
To: Ariadne, Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:00 PM
no.
From: Ariadne
To: Arthur, Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:14 PM
Sure, why not? And come on, Arthur, it’ll be fun. And why don’t you capitalise your sentences?
-Ariadne
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Eames
Subject: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:18 PM
Only if it’s good microbrew and Eames is buying. The last time was bad and he owes me money.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:22 PM
Arthur, I’ll buy. Don’t ruin the party and come along. You can get pissed for real this time.
From: Arthur
To: Ariadne, Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:41 PM
shift key’s broken. why do you sign off with your name. it says up there who sent it. no, eames, not even if you’re buying.
From: Eames
To: Arthur, Ariadne, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:46 PM
He means the shift key in his head, Ariadne. I’ve been trying to break him of that atrocious writing habit for a while. He only does it when typing on a computer. He’s perfectly capable of proper grammar when taking things down by hand. I wish you better luck than I’ve had.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
cc: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:58 PM
Someone’s testy, aren’t we?
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur, Eames
Subject: Why am I involved?
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:10 PM
Eames, do you remember what you did last night? And stop sending me these. It isn’t my fault.
Dom
From: Eames
To: Arthur, Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Yusuf
Subject: Fwd: Why am I involved?
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:14 PM
Look, our fearless leader does it too. And you don’t complain when he does it.
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur, Eames
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:10 PM
Subject: Why am I involved?
Eames, do you remember what you did last night? And stop sending me these. It isn’t my fault.
Dom
From: Yusuf
To: Arthur, Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Eames
Subject: RE: Fwd: Why am I involved?
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:20 PM
Do I even want to know what Eames did last night?
From: Ariadne
To: Arthur, Dominic Cobb, Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Fwd: Why am I involved?
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:21 PM
Eames, what did you do?
-A.
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Sent: 10/15/2011 9:19 AM
Subject: Unidentified van
just a quick heads-up. don’t tell the others. i think you haven’t lost your tail. caught sight of a white van ytd without any logo or identifying markings. small but the right size for surveillance equipment. saw it two days ago when i went to get new wiring for the pasiv. saw it ytd morning and evening after we left. keep an eye out.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:06 AM
I think you’re right. I caught sight of it across the street this morning but didn’t think it was anything important. Good work. Did they catch sight of you?
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:22 AM
probably. doesn’t look good, does it? too little time btwn tokyo and paris to cover our tracks and you went to mombasa as well. might have picked him up there. i’ll see what i can do. don’t expect to see me in until mon or tues.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:30 AM
Understood. No unnecessary risks, Arthur. We’re too close to the job. Don’t forget there may be more than just whoever’s running the one van.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:42 AM
didn’t know you cared. stop telling me how to do my job. i wasn’t the one who got mobbed by projections on the last run and had to be rescued.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:51 AM
Get yourself killed and I will never speak to you again.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:03 AM
your concern is touching. if that happens, i think i’ll be too dead to care but ok. will be maintaining comm discipline. don’t think the network can be hacked so easily but i didn’t have time to change it thoroughly and nash had a pass. don’t expect to hear from me until then.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Cobb, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:41 PM
Alright, who reprogrammed my laptop to loop ‘Axel F’? I can’t make the bloody thing stop and it’s starting to get on my nerves. And if one of you can manage to save me from listening to repeating crazy frog doom, I will be your eternal, grateful slave, any and all favours granted, your most obedient servant, anything, etcetera.
P.S. I know it was you, Arthur.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:42 PM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:44 PM
Arthur,
I am very sorry for slipping your USB access key from you, entering your account, and using it to sexually harrass Cobb in the middle of the night. Alright, not quite sexual harrassment, but you get the point. I am absolutely contrite, and will never do it again, etcetera, etcetera. I could go on grovelling for a few more lines but I know you are a good sort at heart. Now please be a good friend and stop. The. Damn. Music.
Yours sincerely,
Eames.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:44 PM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Yusuf
Subject: Fwd: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:47 PM
Proof that Arthur can actually capitalise correctly if he gives a damn. And what the hell is he doing anyway?
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:42 PM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Fwd: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:50 PM
Honestly, Eames. Try switching off the speakers.
-A.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Fwd: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:52 PM
He’s following up on a lead.
Dom.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne
Subject: Your temporary slave
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:56 PM
It’s a temporary solution, so you get a temporary slave. The program’s still running and I can’t shut it down. The laptop hung and then started to blast the music again.
Your slightly grateful servant (for now),
Eames.
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Fwd: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:59 PM
Interesting lead. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was heading out of town. Maybe even lying low for a couple of days.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Your temporary slave
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:12 PM
Wait till Arthur gets back to you? Or try someone else? Maybe Cobb, Saito, or Yusuf?
-A.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Eames
Subject: none
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:16 PM
Why are you emailing each other when you’re sitting right across a table in the same warehouse?
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Yusuf
Subject: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:17 PM
Join the dark side. We have excellent microbrew, Yusuf. And women. Naked, lovely ladies.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:19 PM
I hope you aren’t trying to sell me, Eames. I don’t want to get involved.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Eames
Subject: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:20 PM
You clearly do not have anything beyond mass produced swill, since I have not joined you.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:21 PM
Funny, that’s what Cobb said the last time. Ariadne, I do not at all understand why you have such a bad impression of me. If naked, lovely ladies don’t appeal to you, what about charming, naked and handsome British gents? American?
Yusuf - I tried your last batch. There’s a reason why we leave it to the breweries. It had a certain…taste…that I don’t normally associate with alcohol, and I’m frankly quite certain that there were additives of dubious (read: experimental, laboratory ) origins.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:24 PM
You’re like a dog with a bone about that hash brown, and that only happened once. Drop it, Eames. There’s a good boy.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:29 PM
Eames: No. That ‘nice guy, don’t mind me, a bit of an airhead’ impression? It’s just a mask. I’m on to you, now.
Yusuf: I thought you said you liked cats?
-A.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:31 PM
My point exactly.
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: Checking in
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:51 PM
checking in. a bit too close for comfort.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:54 PM
Attached: Yusuf_data.pdf
too busy to mess with your laptop. find someone else.
p.s. see attached file for yusuf’s academic record. i didn’t scan the transcripts but they’re copied as-is.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:57 PM
What the hell are you up to?
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:57 PM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Dominic Cobb, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: none
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:12 AM
This just in: Yusuf’s cat was run over by a brick last night. Bhavya suspects a very angry British man was involved. Thank you for your cooperation, Arthur.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: none
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:13 AM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Eames
To: Yusuf
Subject: none
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:14 AM
I mean it. Fix it or I am never setting foot in your place again. And vice-versa.
-A very angry British man.
P.S. I swear I will sleep over with Bhavya, Yusuf, so help me God.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Dominic Cobb, Eames, Saito
Subject: Notice
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:26 AM
With regard to the schedule posted, I require Arthur’s presence for the next set of tests, at whenever is convenient. Reply as soon as you return.
From: Arthur
To: Yusuf
Subject: RE: Notice
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:26 AM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 10:48 AM
I’ve been searching for the MP3 player - the one used to deliver the music cue. I don’t seem to be able to locate it anywhere. Does anyone know where it is?
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:13 AM
Is this essential?
S.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Saito
Subject: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:21 AM
Not particularly, no. Why?
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:29 AM
Found it.
-A.
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:32 AM
If you are unable to locate it, I would suggest you invest in a few more. It seems far more prudent.
S.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:36 AM
Where?
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Saito
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: MP3 plater
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:37 AM
It’s fine, Ariadne found it.
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:41 AM
…Cobb, I think you really don’t want to know.
-A.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:48 AM
Where is it?
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:50 AM
…Eames’ boxers. I mean, it’s wrapped in one of Eames’ boxers. At least I’m pretty sure it’s Eames’.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne
Subject: Forget I asked
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:57 AM
I don’t want to know how you found it or how you figured that out. Forget I asked. Please. Just hand it over or something.
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: Forget I asked
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:03 PM
I did tell you you didn’t want to hear it. I’ll leave it by your work desk. Sans boxers. Or do you want the boxers as well?
-A.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: Forget I asked
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:05 PM
Just the MP3 please. Thank you.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb
Subject: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:31 PM
Are either of you heading out for lunch? If you’re passing by the café, could you help me pick up a sandwich please? Anything will be fine - I’m afraid I’m persona non grata at the moment.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:40 PM
Yeah, I am. What happened this time?
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:41 PM
What did you do?
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:41 PM
Nothing major that won’t blow over in a while. Helping me?
From: Eames
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:44 PM
Sparing you the unnecessary, gory details, your favourite male co-worker exchanged a series of unnecessarily threatening gestures with a large man, probably Italian. They included grunts, words, and increasingly rude hand gestures. The overall exchange has made it quite apparent to me that he plans on murdering me on sight.
Are you getting me that sandwich?
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:49 PM
You picked a fight with the owner of the café? You asked for it, Eames. Honestly. You’re going down for lunch by yourself. If you need me to hold your hand and protect you from the big man, you just have to ask, but I’m not buying the sandwiches for you.
-A.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:53 PM
Fine. But when he tears out my heart and eats it, raw and dripping, right in front of you, you’ll be without a forger. And without my charming, urbane, and gentlemanly presence. I’m leaving you my boxers in my will. That’s all you get.
Your obedient servant,
Eames, forger extraordinare, most disappointed, etcetera.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:58 PM
Will do.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 1:14 PM
Oh, for goodness’ sake, Eames. You’re not some helpless baby or something. Keep your boxers. He’s not going to kill you.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 1:20 PM
Just whose side are you on? I’m disappointed, Ariadne.
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 4:33 PM
Was thinking of team supper or dinner or something one of these days. There’s a great Italian place nearby - stop flinching, Eames! - the pasta there is really great and all. Anyone game?
-A.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 4:50 PM
You are a very wicked girl, Ariadne. It wouldn’t happen to be the one next to the café, would it?
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Eames, Saito
Subject: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 4:53 PM
It sounds like a good idea to me. When do you have in mind?
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 4:57 PM
I was thinking maybe sometime this week? Or next week, if anyone wants to wait for Arthur.
-A.
P.S. Don’t be paranoid, Eames. I think he’s forgotten about you by now.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:10 PM
Ask Cobb.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:15 PM
Ok.
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:17 PM
Cobb, you’re supposed to work with me here.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:20 PM
No.
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:22 PM
I find your lack of concern disturbing.
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 8:03 PM
Is it customary for your team to spend a great deal of time emailing each other during work hours?
S.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Saito
Subject: RE: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 8:10 PM
Unfortunately, yes, even when they’re in the same room. Don’t worry. I can guarantee this will mostly stop by about next week, when the PASIV sessions start.
Dom
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 8:17 PM
I see no reason for concern so long as professional capacity remains unaffected. However, I would like to inquire about this network. What is it for?
S.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Saito
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 8:31 PM
It’s like any office email network. Arthur sets up and maintains a different system and user accounts for each job. There’s better network security that way, and easier for team members working separately to keep in contact.
Dom
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 9:01 PM
Thank you.
S.
Fandom: Inception
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Ariadne, Arthur, Cobb, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Summary: A glance at the emails and inboxes of the team during a job. Slightly cracky. Slight hints of Arthur/Cobb.
Note: This is vastly inspired by the little section in Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood where you can access the emails (as Desmond) of your team mates. At some points, lines will look very reminiscent of some in-game emails. All written in the spirit of good fun, humour, and the crack that pre-exam stress seems to evoke in me. Also, it got a bit plotty. That's the bit I wrote after the exam. Images in the graphic were bases, courtesy of ithika from hollow-art. Except the Arthur one.
-
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: Network
Sent: 10/12/2011 11:24 PM
I think I’m picking up a pattern, and this is what, the fifth time? Couldn’t you have been a little more inventive with the network names? My user icon looks simply horrendous and I have no idea where you scrounged that picture from. Please change it.
P.S. Delete the image.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Network
Sent: 10/12/2011 11:50 PM
if you don’t like it, fix it yourself. and get yourself a new sysadmin while you’re at it.
From: Ariadne
To: Arthur
Subject: What’s with the picture?
Sent: 10/12/2011 11:55 PM
What’s with my picture? How did you get it, and isn’t that the one where I tried to cover the camera? Could you please change it to something else?
-Ariadne
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: Network
Sent: 10/12/2011 11:56 PM
Attached: eames.jpg
Algenib the last time, wasn’t it? Or Markab. Funny, I can’t seem to keep the names straight in my head. If I sent you a lovely picture, would you change my icon for me? You can keep the picture.
Also, pulling a late-nighter, are we?
From: Arthur
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: What’s with the picture?
Sent: 10/12/2011 12:01 AM
busy. change it yourself. don’t have any other pictures.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Network
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:14 AM
do it yourself. you seem to have plenty of time. go to user settings and switch it out. keep the picture. don’t want it.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Network
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:27 AM
Arthur, you went and locked the system, didn’t you? I can’t change the bloody picture. It says I’m not authorised and I don’t have access or something funny like that. You wouldn’t have happened to pull something off at the last minute, did you?
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Network
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:30 AM
Oh, I see it now. Sorry, ignore the previous email. I’ve decided against changing the icon after all though. Thought you’d like to know. I think it shows off my jawline in a rather charming fashion, don’t you?
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: User ID
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:45 AM
Arthur, why do you keep using my full name for my user ID?
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: User ID
Sent: 10/13/2011 1:13 AM
eames put you up to this, didn’t he?
From: Fussy Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: User ID
Sent: 10/13/2011 2:01 AM
I saw that. Change it back.
Dom
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 9:47 AM
Attached: NextWeekSchedule.xls
Monday:
Training - Eames, Saito, Yusuf.
Eames, I need you to get Yusuf and Saito up to speed.
Training II - Arthur, Ariadne.
Arthur, I want you with Ariadne. Run her through basics until she can throw them at you in her sleep.
Supply run - Dom
Clean-up - Arthur.
Tuesday:
Training - Ariadne, you’re with me.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Yusuf, if you need a victim, take Arthur.
Wednesday:
General planning session - everyone.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Thursday:
Training run - everyone, IF Ariadne is up to it.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Friday:
Briefing - everyone.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Saturday:
Individual assignments depend on Thurs and Fri.
Clean-up - Arthur.
Sunday: Off.
We’ll need it.
Dom
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 10:07 AM
Oh, this is going to be good. What did Arthur do?
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 10:15 AM
is this about the user ids? if it is, i’m already sorry and changed it back.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 10:38 AM
There was an error in the schedule I sent all of you in the last email. The amended version is in the attached document. Please check it.
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 12:49 PM
Cobb, I think you forgot to attach the file. I don’t see it anywhere. And do you have a grudge against Arthur or something?
-Ariadne
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: Next week’s schedule
Sent: 10/13/2011 1:12 PM
Attached: NextWeekSchedule2.xls
Sorry, I forgot to attach the schedule. It’s in this email. Please check the schedule for details.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: I LVOE YOU AN WIL B YOU R SHAMELESZ WHOR
Sent: 10/14/2011 12:53 AM
dom just wanted to say u r terrible nice an i think i m in lov w/ u + will b ur shamless whor e
love, arthur
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: I LVOE YOU AN WIL B YOU R SHAMELESZ WHOR
Sent: 10/14/2011 1:21 AM
Arthur. Get off that computer, now. And stop drinking if you can’t hold it.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: I LVOE YOU AN WIL B YOU R SHAMELESZ WHOR
Sent: 10/14/2011 1:57 AM
i may b vry drunk bt i am v. serious dom. i think i m in love w/ u and will be ur whore. and i have nice porn.
much love, arthur
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: I don’t see why I’m entertaining you right now
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:06 AM
Arthur. When I say get off that computer, I mean get off that computer. Don’t make me come round to your place and drag you to sleep.
No love, no nothing. Sleep.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: BECASE WE KNW YUO LOVE ME
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:17 AM
not even nice porn? :(
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: I am going to ignore you
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:31 AM
I am not going to repeat myself. Knock it off, Arthur.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: I FUND A PORN JUST 4 U
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:57 AM
Attached: arthursbrokenheart.jpg
dom u r breaking my heart. you r goin down a pathj i cant follow.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: USB access key
Sent: 10/14/2011 9:19 AM
Found your USB access key on the floor of the warehouse, by the entrance. You should really be more careful, Arthur. Stop letting it hang out of your coat pocket, and try taking better care of your things. What if someone who wasn’t me came by it? Citing user account security concerns, etcetera.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: USB access key
Sent: 10/14/2011 9:34 AM
noted, thank you. worry less about my things mr eames. any progress on M.?
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: USB access key
Sent: 10/14/2011 10:11 AM
eames, is there a reason why cobb is looking at me strangely today? he’s v. uncomfortable and just read me a lecture on responsible drinking. what did you do with my access key?
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: Job vacancy
Sent: 10/14/2011 1:38 PM
i saw what you did. you can find yourself a new sysadmin. and fix your user settings. by yourself. and i don’t owe you anymore favors.
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: Last night
Sent: 10/14/2011 1:42 PM
sorry, that wasn’t me. dropped my access key in the warehouse or eames acquired it and had fun playing with my account.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: Last night
Sent: 10/14/2011 2:58 PM
What last night?
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Last night
Sent: 10/14/2011 3:04 PM
thank you.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Yusuf
Subject: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 5:36 PM
Anyone up to get a couple of drinks after we end off for today?
From: Arthur
To: Ariadne, Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:00 PM
no.
From: Ariadne
To: Arthur, Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:14 PM
Sure, why not? And come on, Arthur, it’ll be fun. And why don’t you capitalise your sentences?
-Ariadne
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Eames
Subject: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:18 PM
Only if it’s good microbrew and Eames is buying. The last time was bad and he owes me money.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:22 PM
Arthur, I’ll buy. Don’t ruin the party and come along. You can get pissed for real this time.
From: Arthur
To: Ariadne, Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:41 PM
shift key’s broken. why do you sign off with your name. it says up there who sent it. no, eames, not even if you’re buying.
From: Eames
To: Arthur, Ariadne, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:46 PM
He means the shift key in his head, Ariadne. I’ve been trying to break him of that atrocious writing habit for a while. He only does it when typing on a computer. He’s perfectly capable of proper grammar when taking things down by hand. I wish you better luck than I’ve had.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
cc: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Anyone up for drinks?
Sent: 10/14/2011 6:58 PM
Someone’s testy, aren’t we?
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur, Eames
Subject: Why am I involved?
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:10 PM
Eames, do you remember what you did last night? And stop sending me these. It isn’t my fault.
Dom
From: Eames
To: Arthur, Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Yusuf
Subject: Fwd: Why am I involved?
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:14 PM
Look, our fearless leader does it too. And you don’t complain when he does it.
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur, Eames
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:10 PM
Subject: Why am I involved?
Eames, do you remember what you did last night? And stop sending me these. It isn’t my fault.
Dom
From: Yusuf
To: Arthur, Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Eames
Subject: RE: Fwd: Why am I involved?
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:20 PM
Do I even want to know what Eames did last night?
From: Ariadne
To: Arthur, Dominic Cobb, Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Fwd: Why am I involved?
Sent: 10/14/2011 7:21 PM
Eames, what did you do?
-A.
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Sent: 10/15/2011 9:19 AM
Subject: Unidentified van
just a quick heads-up. don’t tell the others. i think you haven’t lost your tail. caught sight of a white van ytd without any logo or identifying markings. small but the right size for surveillance equipment. saw it two days ago when i went to get new wiring for the pasiv. saw it ytd morning and evening after we left. keep an eye out.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:06 AM
I think you’re right. I caught sight of it across the street this morning but didn’t think it was anything important. Good work. Did they catch sight of you?
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:22 AM
probably. doesn’t look good, does it? too little time btwn tokyo and paris to cover our tracks and you went to mombasa as well. might have picked him up there. i’ll see what i can do. don’t expect to see me in until mon or tues.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:30 AM
Understood. No unnecessary risks, Arthur. We’re too close to the job. Don’t forget there may be more than just whoever’s running the one van.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:42 AM
didn’t know you cared. stop telling me how to do my job. i wasn’t the one who got mobbed by projections on the last run and had to be rescued.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 10:51 AM
Get yourself killed and I will never speak to you again.
Dom
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Unidentified van
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:03 AM
your concern is touching. if that happens, i think i’ll be too dead to care but ok. will be maintaining comm discipline. don’t think the network can be hacked so easily but i didn’t have time to change it thoroughly and nash had a pass. don’t expect to hear from me until then.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Cobb, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:41 PM
Alright, who reprogrammed my laptop to loop ‘Axel F’? I can’t make the bloody thing stop and it’s starting to get on my nerves. And if one of you can manage to save me from listening to repeating crazy frog doom, I will be your eternal, grateful slave, any and all favours granted, your most obedient servant, anything, etcetera.
P.S. I know it was you, Arthur.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:42 PM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:44 PM
Arthur,
I am very sorry for slipping your USB access key from you, entering your account, and using it to sexually harrass Cobb in the middle of the night. Alright, not quite sexual harrassment, but you get the point. I am absolutely contrite, and will never do it again, etcetera, etcetera. I could go on grovelling for a few more lines but I know you are a good sort at heart. Now please be a good friend and stop. The. Damn. Music.
Yours sincerely,
Eames.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:44 PM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Yusuf
Subject: Fwd: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:47 PM
Proof that Arthur can actually capitalise correctly if he gives a damn. And what the hell is he doing anyway?
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:42 PM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Fwd: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:50 PM
Honestly, Eames. Try switching off the speakers.
-A.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Fwd: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:52 PM
He’s following up on a lead.
Dom.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne
Subject: Your temporary slave
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:56 PM
It’s a temporary solution, so you get a temporary slave. The program’s still running and I can’t shut it down. The laptop hung and then started to blast the music again.
Your slightly grateful servant (for now),
Eames.
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Fwd: RE: Arthur, I know it was you
Sent: 10/15/2011 1:59 PM
Interesting lead. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was heading out of town. Maybe even lying low for a couple of days.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Your temporary slave
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:12 PM
Wait till Arthur gets back to you? Or try someone else? Maybe Cobb, Saito, or Yusuf?
-A.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Eames
Subject: none
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:16 PM
Why are you emailing each other when you’re sitting right across a table in the same warehouse?
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Yusuf
Subject: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:17 PM
Join the dark side. We have excellent microbrew, Yusuf. And women. Naked, lovely ladies.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:19 PM
I hope you aren’t trying to sell me, Eames. I don’t want to get involved.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Eames
Subject: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:20 PM
You clearly do not have anything beyond mass produced swill, since I have not joined you.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:21 PM
Funny, that’s what Cobb said the last time. Ariadne, I do not at all understand why you have such a bad impression of me. If naked, lovely ladies don’t appeal to you, what about charming, naked and handsome British gents? American?
Yusuf - I tried your last batch. There’s a reason why we leave it to the breweries. It had a certain…taste…that I don’t normally associate with alcohol, and I’m frankly quite certain that there were additives of dubious (read: experimental, laboratory ) origins.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:24 PM
You’re like a dog with a bone about that hash brown, and that only happened once. Drop it, Eames. There’s a good boy.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:29 PM
Eames: No. That ‘nice guy, don’t mind me, a bit of an airhead’ impression? It’s just a mask. I’m on to you, now.
Yusuf: I thought you said you liked cats?
-A.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: -
Sent: 10/15/2011 2:31 PM
My point exactly.
From: Arthur
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: Checking in
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:51 PM
checking in. a bit too close for comfort.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:54 PM
Attached: Yusuf_data.pdf
too busy to mess with your laptop. find someone else.
p.s. see attached file for yusuf’s academic record. i didn’t scan the transcripts but they’re copied as-is.
From: Eames
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:57 PM
What the hell are you up to?
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Alright, I’m sorry
Sent: 10/15/2011 11:57 PM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Dominic Cobb, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: none
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:12 AM
This just in: Yusuf’s cat was run over by a brick last night. Bhavya suspects a very angry British man was involved. Thank you for your cooperation, Arthur.
From: Arthur
To: Eames
Subject: none
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:13 AM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Eames
To: Yusuf
Subject: none
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:14 AM
I mean it. Fix it or I am never setting foot in your place again. And vice-versa.
-A very angry British man.
P.S. I swear I will sleep over with Bhavya, Yusuf, so help me God.
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Arthur, Dominic Cobb, Eames, Saito
Subject: Notice
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:26 AM
With regard to the schedule posted, I require Arthur’s presence for the next set of tests, at whenever is convenient. Reply as soon as you return.
From: Arthur
To: Yusuf
Subject: RE: Notice
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:26 AM
You’ve reached Arthur. I’ll be out of contact from the 15th to the 18th or so, and will respond once I’m back. Thank you. This is an automated message.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 10:48 AM
I’ve been searching for the MP3 player - the one used to deliver the music cue. I don’t seem to be able to locate it anywhere. Does anyone know where it is?
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:13 AM
Is this essential?
S.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Saito
Subject: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:21 AM
Not particularly, no. Why?
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:29 AM
Found it.
-A.
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:32 AM
If you are unable to locate it, I would suggest you invest in a few more. It seems far more prudent.
S.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:36 AM
Where?
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Saito
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: MP3 plater
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:37 AM
It’s fine, Ariadne found it.
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:41 AM
…Cobb, I think you really don’t want to know.
-A.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:48 AM
Where is it?
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: MP3 player
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:50 AM
…Eames’ boxers. I mean, it’s wrapped in one of Eames’ boxers. At least I’m pretty sure it’s Eames’.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne
Subject: Forget I asked
Sent: 10/16/2011 11:57 AM
I don’t want to know how you found it or how you figured that out. Forget I asked. Please. Just hand it over or something.
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: Forget I asked
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:03 PM
I did tell you you didn’t want to hear it. I’ll leave it by your work desk. Sans boxers. Or do you want the boxers as well?
-A.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: Forget I asked
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:05 PM
Just the MP3 please. Thank you.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb
Subject: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:31 PM
Are either of you heading out for lunch? If you’re passing by the café, could you help me pick up a sandwich please? Anything will be fine - I’m afraid I’m persona non grata at the moment.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:40 PM
Yeah, I am. What happened this time?
Dom
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:41 PM
What did you do?
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:41 PM
Nothing major that won’t blow over in a while. Helping me?
From: Eames
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:44 PM
Sparing you the unnecessary, gory details, your favourite male co-worker exchanged a series of unnecessarily threatening gestures with a large man, probably Italian. They included grunts, words, and increasingly rude hand gestures. The overall exchange has made it quite apparent to me that he plans on murdering me on sight.
Are you getting me that sandwich?
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:49 PM
You picked a fight with the owner of the café? You asked for it, Eames. Honestly. You’re going down for lunch by yourself. If you need me to hold your hand and protect you from the big man, you just have to ask, but I’m not buying the sandwiches for you.
-A.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:53 PM
Fine. But when he tears out my heart and eats it, raw and dripping, right in front of you, you’ll be without a forger. And without my charming, urbane, and gentlemanly presence. I’m leaving you my boxers in my will. That’s all you get.
Your obedient servant,
Eames, forger extraordinare, most disappointed, etcetera.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 12:58 PM
Will do.
From: Ariadne
To: Eames
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 1:14 PM
Oh, for goodness’ sake, Eames. You’re not some helpless baby or something. Keep your boxers. He’s not going to kill you.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Are you heading out for lunch?
Sent: 10/16/2011 1:20 PM
Just whose side are you on? I’m disappointed, Ariadne.
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 4:33 PM
Was thinking of team supper or dinner or something one of these days. There’s a great Italian place nearby - stop flinching, Eames! - the pasta there is really great and all. Anyone game?
-A.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 4:50 PM
You are a very wicked girl, Ariadne. It wouldn’t happen to be the one next to the café, would it?
From: Yusuf
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Eames, Saito
Subject: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 4:53 PM
It sounds like a good idea to me. When do you have in mind?
From: Ariadne
To: Dominic Cobb, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 4:57 PM
I was thinking maybe sometime this week? Or next week, if anyone wants to wait for Arthur.
-A.
P.S. Don’t be paranoid, Eames. I think he’s forgotten about you by now.
From: Eames
To: Ariadne, Dominic Cobb, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:10 PM
Ask Cobb.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Ariadne, Eames, Saito, Yusuf
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Team supper/dinner
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:15 PM
Ok.
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:17 PM
Cobb, you’re supposed to work with me here.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Eames
Subject: RE: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:20 PM
No.
From: Eames
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Sent: 10/16/2011 5:22 PM
I find your lack of concern disturbing.
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 8:03 PM
Is it customary for your team to spend a great deal of time emailing each other during work hours?
S.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Saito
Subject: RE: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 8:10 PM
Unfortunately, yes, even when they’re in the same room. Don’t worry. I can guarantee this will mostly stop by about next week, when the PASIV sessions start.
Dom
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 8:17 PM
I see no reason for concern so long as professional capacity remains unaffected. However, I would like to inquire about this network. What is it for?
S.
From: Dominic Cobb
To: Saito
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 8:31 PM
It’s like any office email network. Arthur sets up and maintains a different system and user accounts for each job. There’s better network security that way, and easier for team members working separately to keep in contact.
Dom
From: Saito
To: Dominic Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Professional Inquiry
Sent: 10/16/2011 9:01 PM
Thank you.
S.