i saw the crescent.
some part of me is stunted and i have always been aware of it, as a teen and even as a child i was sort of uptight and behaved and had to be responsible. i never really got to act like a stupid kid or wild teenager, in a lot of ways i was always a little adult because i had a lot of responsibilities and mostly raised myself. yet at the same time somehow i have never really grown up, there is that part of me that is stunted somehow somewhere and both 16 and 23 are always right at my surface. i feel like i never really got to be a kid and there is some part of me that is still waiting for my teens and my twenties to be finished, im not gone yet i am not ready yet and i do not know how to move on yet.
all of this is not really to the point i was initially meaning to write about, i have always had a thing for nostalgia movies, i have always had a thing for coming of age movies or stories. and i have always wanted to write something, to make something that would fill those roles.
and i think about it all the time, i have so many memories of playing with my friends as a kid, i have so many memories of running around with my friends and going to concerts and clubs and parties and cruising around all night long with friends through my teens and twenties. so many summer nights hanging out, so many nights running around the fair having a blast, hundreds of nights of just driving around packed in the car listening to the music we loved so much and laughing, all the girls we had crushes on, all these endless experiences and educations. and you know what i can never remember? what the hell did we talk about, what did we say, what were the conversations we were having in all those hours of driving around and talking and joking and laughing. i can remember all these things and have all the images permanently in my head but what the hell were we talking about, what were the topics what were the words what slang were we using. i have no memory at all of the actual language. how do i ever write anything if i cannot remember what was said. i have often seen people talking about making films or tv shows and how difficult it is writing believable dialogue for teenagers, and yeah that is where i am because with all those endless memories there are no words, just feelings and visuals and lots of laughter and rage. as i said i was never really a teen or kid even when i was, and i dont remember the actual conversations when i was a teen so how the hell do i ever write what we were talking about when i try to put those scenes and memories to paper.
all of this is not really to the point i was initially meaning to write about, i have always had a thing for nostalgia movies, i have always had a thing for coming of age movies or stories. and i have always wanted to write something, to make something that would fill those roles.
and i think about it all the time, i have so many memories of playing with my friends as a kid, i have so many memories of running around with my friends and going to concerts and clubs and parties and cruising around all night long with friends through my teens and twenties. so many summer nights hanging out, so many nights running around the fair having a blast, hundreds of nights of just driving around packed in the car listening to the music we loved so much and laughing, all the girls we had crushes on, all these endless experiences and educations. and you know what i can never remember? what the hell did we talk about, what did we say, what were the conversations we were having in all those hours of driving around and talking and joking and laughing. i can remember all these things and have all the images permanently in my head but what the hell were we talking about, what were the topics what were the words what slang were we using. i have no memory at all of the actual language. how do i ever write anything if i cannot remember what was said. i have often seen people talking about making films or tv shows and how difficult it is writing believable dialogue for teenagers, and yeah that is where i am because with all those endless memories there are no words, just feelings and visuals and lots of laughter and rage. as i said i was never really a teen or kid even when i was, and i dont remember the actual conversations when i was a teen so how the hell do i ever write what we were talking about when i try to put those scenes and memories to paper.